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Part 17: Whumped
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O'Neill sat back in his office with a cup of coffee.
A corporal had just delivered Carter's mission reports to him.
In a neat manila folder.
The folder sat on his desk.
Unopened as of yet.
He couldn't believe that she'd finished her reports.
But, then, over the past few days she'd been awake for hours at a time and when he'd spent time visiting, he'd constantly tried to pry the details out of her. Except for a few of the other injured, he had everyone else's mission reports. He knew the basics, and even most of the details, of what had happened on all of the missions… including most of hers.
But he there were still gaps in her timeline. Details that he didn't know.
Even details from that first mission to P4X-653… where they'd undergone those 'tests'… and she'd been beaten. He knew the parts that he, Daniel and Teal'c were there for, but he didn't know her part. Not completely. Not yet.
He didn't know her details and observations of the rescue mission with SG-8 and Colonel O'Keefe.
He didn't know the details of what happened in the Beta Site infirmary.
Just what had that Captain said to her?
He'd gotten reports of her pre-flight time before the sorties on the Go'a'uld mother ships. Doctor Cooper, Captain Beckforce and Captain Wilson had provided detailed reports.
He didn't know, however, what exactly her report of the actual sortie would include. And he really wanted to read that. He'd been there… and he wanted to mesh her perspective and experiences into his. Captain Wilson had reported that she'd taken out 3 Jaffa gliders whereas another pilot had reported that she'd taken out 4 and two other pilots were convinced that she'd taken out 5.
He grinned… however many… Viper 4 had shown the rest how to rumble!
And, he really wanted to read her report from the time her ship was hit through to the rescue and then to their return to the Tokra base. No one else had the details from the time that her damaged ship had limped off until Captain Wilson's team could provide some details as they joined up with her as she headed back to the Stargate.
Then, they lost her again at the Tokra base… until they picked her up again at the staging area for that last multi-force mission. Colonel Roberts' report had indicated that Carter had been escorted to the staging area by a Tokra. But no one but she knew the details of the events she experienced between the evacuating Tokra base and the staging area for Roberts' mission.
And, he'd read the reports of that last mission from the other participants.
But he still wanted to read hers.
Details.
There were still details that had yet to be revealed to him.
Her details.
He looked at the manila folder again.
How could she have gotten all of those reports done?… She was still in the infirmary…. He'd been pestering her so much that she'd finally requested her laptop… and she'd told him that she'd send him the report as soon as she could type it up. One-handed.
He looked at the manila folder again.
It was suspiciously thin….
He reached down and opened it.
One thin page lay inside the folder.
Mission Reports for the dates of August 12-22 (or thereabouts)
Major Samantha Carter, USAF
P4X-653. Mission objective: SG-1 to undergo 'tests' and continue trade agreement discussions with the natives. Personal notes: Got whumped. Walked back to the gate. Would prefer not to do that again. For further negotiations with the natives of P4X-653, I will be busy in my lab. With something.
Returned to SGC
P5X-376. Rescue mission with SG-8. Filled in for Captain Henderson who was violently ill in the gateroom. Walked in the rain and mud for miles. Assisted with rescue of injured SG-14 members. Got a little more whumped. Walked back in the rain and dark. Whumping exacerbated.
Gated to Beta Site. Spent a night or so in the infirmary.
P4X-157. Tokra staging planet for bombing sorties on 3 Go'a'uld motherships. Ate, prepped for mission, slept, went on mission. Flew as part of the cover support for Bear One. Took out several enemy deathgliders and then a Jaffa blast severely damaged my ship. Forced to disengage from mission.
P9X-159. Managed a controlled crash landing on nearby planet with Stargate. Additional whumping, but not too bad, considering the alternatives. Evacced as quickly as possible towards the Stargate. Pursued by Jaffa. Rescued by a hastily assembled group of pilots and Tokra who came through the gate after the bombing mission was completed. Pursuing Jaffa mostly blown up or shot. Captain Wilson injured. Recommend that he gets a medal. After I finish kicking his butt all the way to the Asgard galaxy. Can't forget that.
P4X-157. Tokra base in state of evacuation. Evacced on Tokra cargo ship. Injuries tended to with Tokra healing device. Slept a little, ate a little. Ring-transported down to a planet with a Stargate.
P5X-376. Joined mission to destroy Go'a'uld factories and refineries. Shot and blew up Jaffa. Got whumped again. Repeated whumping. Blew up some buildings and …blew up everything else. Somehow survived…. can't explain that. Rescued by a group of angels.
Earth. SGC. Can hardly believe it.
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Sorry, Colonel, I know that this isn't up to my usual report standards…that there aren't more details in here yet. I did warn you that this would only be a rough draft. As I read back through it, though, I'm pretty sure that it's complete… :)…although… I think that someone's influence on me is showing… either that, or it's the latest batch of drugs that they just gave me….
P.S. Am still fuzzy on the dates… will have to get them from other reports…and will work on the bullet lists later. ;)
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He stared at the paper in disbelief.
Carter -always- prepared beautiful reports.
Complete… with bullet lists and all facts and details.
He couldn't keep the grin off of his face, though.
This… report… was very well done… in its own way….
He shook his head as he laid the paper down and let his eyes scan the page.
Succinct.
He was always telling her to cut the technobabble…
…to leave out the details and to just give him the bottom line…
And that's what he'd gotten here.
The bottom line.
Succinct.
'Got whumped!' Where had she gotten that term from?
But, he had to admit… it was -so- succinct.
He didn't get any of the details that he was looking for…
…and he knew that she knew that….
…so… she was probably lying in the infirmary with a grin of her own right now.
A well deserved grin. He had to give her that.
And he shook his head again.
And, he loved her turn of phrase….
'Would prefer not to do that again.'
'For further negotiations with the natives of P4X-653,….
… I will be busy in my lab. With something.'
'Pursuing Jaffa mostly blown up or shot.'
'After I finish kicking his butt all the way to the Asgard galaxy.
…Can't forget that.'
'Shot and blew up Jaffa.'
'Blew up some buildings.'
'Blew up everything else.'
Yes, these were not her typical words. These were his kinds of words. This was how he would like to write reports… but never could… because none of the bureaucrats above him would appreciate the humor… or the clarity.
And, he knew what was behind these types of words. Deflection. Diffusion. Misdirection. Use humor to move the spotlight to something else. At least for now.
She never promoted her own actions. She always simply let them speak for themselves. Sometimes, her shyness caused her to bury her exploits in verbiage that turned everything clinical and removed the emotion… removed the truth. Professional, clinical and complete. Those were her typical reports.
This report… was for him. Written differently… just for him. She was one of the few who usually -got- his humor… and she'd show it with grins or covered laughs. Although a very different style and tenor from her typical reports, it was still typically bereft of any self-aggrandizing. He knew that after she was out of the infirmary, she would take a few days and then present him with complete, typical reports.
He let his eyes scan the page again and skip across a few of the phrases…
'Got whumped.'
'Got a little more whumped.'
'Whumping exacerbated.'
'Additional whumping, but not too bad, considering the alternatives.'
'Got whumped again.'
'Repeated whumping.'
He closed his eyes… they were so lucky that she was still alive. Her words here underplayed the seriousness of her injuries. They were so lucky… -He- was so lucky that she was still alive. And he sat quietly and took in the moment… she was alive… and he just allowed himself to think about that.
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He picked up the 'report' and walked to the infirmary to have a chat with his 2IC.
When he reached the infirmary, he nodded and greeted the other patients. Every bed was still full and they were still using annexed adjacent rooms for the excess injured personnel. Doctors and nurses were tending to patients and equipment throughout the room.
He made his way to the end of the row, where she lay sleeping. Teal'c was Kel-nor-reeming on a small mat on the floor against the wall. Jack quietly slipped into the chair next to her bed and the Jaffa opened his eyes and nodded in acknowledgement of his presence.
"Hey, T," Jack said in a low voice, "How is she?"
"She has been sleeping quietly for several hours, O'Neill," the Jaffa informed him as he looked over at the sleeping woman. "The drugs appear to be reducing the pain to tolerable levels while she sleeps now."
Jack looked over at her face. She looked tired. And frail. Not like his normal Carter. But, then, most people aren't real spunky after nearly dying, he thought to himself.
"Here, Teal'c," he handed the Jaffa her report, "Carter sent me her report of the past week or so."
The Jaffa accepted the paper solemnly and quickly read the terse summary. "This is not MajorCarter's typical style for a written report, O'Neill."
"Ya think?" Jack sent back with a smirk.
"However, I do believe that your continued questions were annoying her… and this does appear to be a distillation of the facts…," the Jaffa commented and then continued, "Therefore, I believe that you should not press Samantha for any more of the details until she has been cleared for duty… at which time, she will no doubt provide you with more details than you actually wish to read."
Jack studied the Jaffa's face for a moment. It was soooo difficult to tell when Teal'c was making a joke. And, he was pretty sure, that the Jaffa was expressing his own subtle humor… at Jack's expense. "Mmmmhhmmm….," he limited himself to a non-committal response.
"Hey… what are you guys whispering about?" She was looking at them through sleep-filled eyes.
Both men grinned at her. Well, most people wouldn't have recognized Teal'c's grin as such, but the other two members of SG-1 knew what it was.
"Hey sleepyhead," Jack responded. "Samantha," Teal'c intoned.
"So… Carter… I was just reading… your report…?" and he paused and looked at her.
"Yes, sir?" she looked at him with innocent blue eyes… but he thought he could see a twinkle in them.
"Not your usual style…this report…," he paused again.
"Um… well… I was inspired by my CO, sir… thought it might be appropriate…?" she was grinning now.
"Mmmmm…," he cocked an eyebrow at her, "Sentence fragments… informal language…. "
She just smiled at him innocently. "I thought it was kind of… poetic, sir."
"Poetic?" he asked.
"Yes, sir… the use, or misuse, of grammar and punctuation to explore the written language beyond the normal accepted constrictions…," she suggested… still smiling. "Sort of… artistic, sir…"
"Ah….," and he gave her a skeptical look of amusement and waited a few seconds before continuing. "Well, I have to tell you Carter, that I really, really like your style…," and he looked her in the eyes. "This new style of report, I find it refreshing and I wish that I could get the USAF to allow this style of report for official reports."
"Yes, sir, thank you, sir… thought you might appreciate it," and she glanced over at Teal'c with amusement.
"Now… I know that you are going to bury me with extremely complete, militarily precise, professionally written reports when you are cleared for duty…," and he saw her grin widen and he shook his head. "In the meantime, I just have a few questions - and a few comments."
"Yes, sir?" she let the grin fade and she looked at him more seriously.
"First, when you are cleared for duty, we are going to talk in length about those 'tests' on P4X-653," and he said the word 'tests' with disgust.
"Yes, sir," she said quietly.
"Carter, you should have never had to go through anything like that for any reason – especially not for trade negotiations," he couldn't help himself from starting some of the 'talk' now.
"Yes, sir," she responded quietly again and he saw her wince and she wasn't looking him in the eyes anymore.
"Look… we'll talk about this later," he tried again, "but I want you to know that I'm sorry… it shouldn't have happened."
"Sir!" and she had a frustrated look on her face, "this was -not- your fault. You could not have known what was going to happen. None of us could. Although... I might like to speak privately with the teams who did the preliminary surveys and negotiations," she said with a glint in her eye.
"You and me both, Carter," he muttered.
"In the meantime, sir, I think we have to chalk it up to interplanetary misunderstandings…?" she proposed.
"Perhaps…," he stubbornly refused to agree right at this moment. But they both knew that he would have to eventually. It was part of the price of doing their kind of business.
"OK, changing topics… for now," he looked at her again and she waited expectantly. "Whumping?" he asked and played up the incredulity.
He earned the grin that he was aiming for and her cheeks reddened. "Thought you might appreciate that turn of phrase, sir."
"Appreciate it? I love it! It's a great term. So succinct… and lacking in all gory details," he stated knowingly and saw her cheeks redden more, "I just wish that -I'd- been the first one to include it in a report!" He earned a small smug smile for his efforts. "This is -so- not a typical Carter word… whumping… where did you come across it? Is it from Daniel and one of his obscure dialects?"
"Errrm…no, actually, it's a term that I heard a couple of the SF's use when referring to the numerous and frequent injuries commonly obtained by one Doctor Jackson and one Colonel O'Neill," she flashed a smile and jumped her eyebrows up and down at him.
"Whumping…this wonderful term… is a term that you learned from base gossip?" he asked with disbelief.
"Well… that and the internet, sir," she elaborated.
"The internet?" he repeated.
"Yes, sir, I read a lot of scientific journals… and science fiction… on the internet, sir." she admitted with a grin.
"Whumping…," he muttered and shook his head at her.
"So, do you think that Daniel would know what I meant if I threatened to whump him the next time that he approaches unknown aliens with open arms?" he asked her mischievously.
"Well, Daniel is a linguist… and he's very good at languages… but I doubt that he's heard this slang term before…," she thought outloud, "Unfortunately, sir, the word is too onomatopoetic… and I think that it's meaning is obvious… Daniel would figure it out even if you didn't use it in context."
"Right…," he said with widened eyes, "you lost me right around that awno-mono thingy…," and she rolled her eyes at him, but he saw another glint in her eyes and he was pretty sure that she'd said what she did… the way that she did… very, very deliberately… kind of the way that Teal'c showed his humor…. Mmmmmhmmmm….
"Mmmmmmmhmmm…, it's still a great word, Carter," he praised her with a musing tone and tried to let her see his mental gears plotting on his future uses of 'whumping.'
She was grinning widely now.
Mission accomplished.
She looked so alive now.
So different from when they'd found her in that cave.
So different from how she'd looked as they'd carrier her back to the gate.
Or how she'd looked for the first week here in the SGC infirmary.
He was looking at her seriously now… like she was going to disappear… away from right in front of him. Her smile faded and she looked at him with concern. "Sir?"
"Carter…, you are hereby under orders to ensure that this term is not applied to you very often in the future. Understood?"
She grinned and shrugged, "Not looking for any more of it to be honest, sir."
"Carter… the rest of us can't handle it when you get… whumped…," he said softly.
"Sorry sir," she replied quietly.
Trying to lighten the mood, he stood up, "Well, I have to go and get this report to my CO, who's anxiously waiting for it."
"Sirrr…," she rolled her eyes at him, "General Hammond would not appreciate -that- report."
"Are you sure about that, Carter?" he threatened with a gleam in his eyes.
"Yes, sir," she responded, "but if you feel that it's necessary…?" and she called his bluff because they both knew that the General would never believe that Carter had written it… no… Hammond would believe that O'Neill had written it. Which Carter knew full well.
"Allright, Major Smartass," he acceded, "Just remember what I said. You are hereby ordered to avoid further whumping…," he finished with a mock-threatening tone.
"Yes, sir," she grinned and gave him a poor salute from her prone position on the infirmary bed.
"You need to work on that salute, airman," he evaluated with a light grin.
"Yes, sir," she smiled back, "I'll get right on that."
O'Neill turned to depart and, "Oh, look Carter, a fellow whumpee," he grinned as Captain Wilson crutched in to visit her.
"What's that, Jack?" Daniel had just entered behind the Captain.
"Ahhh… a whumpee favorite… perfect, join the party," Jack gleefully applied his new word.
"Sorry, Daniel," Sam apologized in recognition of the quizzical looks on the archeologist's and Captain's faces. "I'm afraid that I taught the Colonel a new word," and Jack smirked.
"Awwww… Sam… what have I told you about that?" Daniel mock-whined, "He's already armed and dangerous, you don't need to provide him with fresh ammunition," the archeologist admonished her.
"Sorry, Daniel… I'll have to blame it on the drugs," and she gestured to the IV line and shrugged.
"I heard that, Daniel," Jack sent back over his shoulder as he walked down the hallway.
Daniel turned and grinned widely at Sam and Teal'c. "So, how ya feeling, Sam?"
"Better," she answered truthfully.
After a few more minutes of small talk, Teal'c departed and left Daniel and Captain Wilson with the mending patient.
"So, how are -you- doing, Captain?" she asked Wilson.
"Better and better, ma'am," he replied.
"You know, I meant what I said about kicking your butt to the Asgard galaxy, young man," she reminded him.
"Yes, ma'am…," and he grinned at her, "But, to be honest ma'am, I'm pretty sure that I can run faster than you right now…"
She cocked her eyebrows at him, "Only a matter of time, only a matter of time…"
"Yes, ma'am," he replied, "And when they clear you for active duty, Major, my squad would like to extend an open invitation for you to join us on flight maneuvers."
Keeping her face expressionless, she asked, "Are you trying to bribe me… so that you can avoid that galaxy-wide ass-kicking, Captain?"
"Yes, ma'am!" he replied with a wide grin.
"Mmmmm… well… we'll have to see… but that… might be acceptable…," and she grinned at him and shook her head.
"Yes!" he replied, and then "Major… ma'am…"
"And, Captain?" she asked.
"Yes, Major?"
"Thanks, I owe you."
"My pleasure ma'am. You saved my butt more than once in that Jaffa furball," he returned.
"Then I guess we're even," she sent back with a smile.
"Not quite, ma'am, not quite," the Captain looked at her shyly. "Well, Major, Doctor, I have to go to a physical therapy appointment," and he grimaced.
"Thanks for stopping by Captain," she sent after him.
"Sam, I think that that young Captain has a bit of hero-worship going on there," Daniel evaluated and grinned at her.
She sighed, "He's the hero in my book, Daniel. A foolish, disobedient hero… but a hero nonetheless."
He grinned knowingly at her and then they spent the next few hours chatting about some of his latest translations from some artifacts uncovered by SG-4 a few months ago.
Later, as she was dropping off to sleep again, Daniel spoke softly to her, "That whumping thing that Jack was referring to, Sam? I really wish you'd stay away from it."
"I will if you will, Daniel," she murmured in reply and a small smile flitted across her face as she drifted off to sleep again.
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====o0o==== End Part 17 ====o0o====
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