Summary: Jess's thoughts after "Last Week Fights, This Week Tights" based on the Ben Folds song "Wandering"
Disclaimer: As much as I wish Jess were all mine? He's not. sigh I wish I had a Jess...
Big thankees to Erin and Lydia for their input.
Wandering
Serves me right for letting her in the first time.
I should have known better.
This whole thing... This wandering... it's gotten me nothing.
I felt like I'd come full circle. Left a year ago and now I'm back... back here, and I feel as if it's all been for nothing.
Nothing.
She never really knew what she wanted anyways. Dean. Me. Dean. Somebody else. Who knows. I don't. She probably never will, either.
I wouldn't be too surprised to open the door one day in a month or so to find her there.
I won't.
I know I won't. She doesn't know where I live.
Hell, I don't know where the hell I'll be in a few months.
I was so sure...
I thought...
No.
I needed to believe that she could still love me.
She doesn't.
She really doesn't.
Huh.
Serves me right.
I should have called or written. I should have explained myself... said goodbye. I should have stayed in touch.
I just...
I couldn't.
I didn't know how.
I don't need her anyways.
I've got...
Nothing.
That's not true. Don't be a shithead.
I've got friends back home. Back in New York. That's home. That's always been home. Not Stars Hollow. Not California. Manhattan. I have people there who care about me. I've got Liz. And I still talk to Jimmy and Sasha and Lily. I've got them. I've got Luke.
And Dean was with her. God damn one track mind. I need a cigarette.
Still and all... Dean? He's married. What the hell?
Why should I care, anyways?
You love her, idiot.
I'll get over it.
I will.
Oh fuck.