Harley J: Neoen keep ya mitts off my man! *Chases her away with her mallet*
DSP: Harl, no! You're not allowed to harm our readers!
Nightshade: *Sticks his head out of monster suit* Can I take this off now? I'm roasting in here.
DSP: No, now get your butt back into that suit and get ready for the next chapter. Harley get back here or I'll stick you in the same outfit for the rest of this series!
Harley: Ok ok. *Walks away mumbling* Ya ram horned no talented freak.
Beauty and her Beast: Final Chapter
Night had settled out onto Gotham, the numerous electronic billboards acting as a nightlight in a darkened hallway kept the shadows at bay, but it did nothing to stop the old childhood fears of 'monsters' and the 'bad things'. No, that was why he was there, patrolling the city, protecting it, in some sort of atonement for a life lost.
Batman's masked eyes scanned diligently about seeking out any signs of danger to both his relief and disappointment finding nothing.
The Batjet filled with the sound of a signal breaking before the feminine voice broke through. "Hello? Hello!"
Tapping lightly on the communicator's button Batman spoke. "Jest?" He asked in his trademark low tone.
"Helloooo?! How the hell do ya use this damn thing?" The jester's obviously frustrated voice asked of no one in particular. "Hello? Piece of crap must be from Radio Shack. Hey? Hello? Is there a machine I can talk to? Or some-" Beeeep!! "Hey King of the Road mind gettin' your head out of your ass while ya drive?! What was that? Ya better be lucky I'm busy or I'd rip that finger off and shove it in ya-"
"Harley! You already have it on, take your finger off the button." He said. Already he had grown intolerant of her behavior and she was not even within his presents to have done it.
"Oh, um hi Batman, ya told me to meet wit' ya at 9 or in case Red made an early appearance. Well um Red's on the move, I thought ya might wanna know that."
"Where is he heading?" He asked looking down on the digital map of Gotham and the quickly moving spot that was Harley.
"Um… If he keeps headin' in this direction, uptown near Grissilen Square."
"I'll meet you there. Do you think you can keep up with Nightshade?"
Some blocks away down on Wright Street Harley's eyes looked dumbfounded down at the communicator in her hand. "Keep up with him?" She looked down onto the rampaging mass of green limbs she was unwillingly riding on. "Um…no problem." She stated before stuffing the device back into her jacket pocket and took a firm grip of a vine. "Giddiup jester girl! Yeehaw!"
Regardless of how fast his jet was Batman always felt that it moved too slowly, especially when it came to him getting to someplace quickly. Though Bruce had assured him over and over again that the jet was the fastest means of transportation in all of Gotham City, and at most chances within the whole state he still felt pressed for time.
Arriving onto the destination where his radar had pinpointed Harley he brought the jet into a quick stop watching as the Beast bellowed and bucked trying to knock aside the oncoming traffic while making attempts to dislodge something off his back. Upon closer inspection his cowl turned into a disbelieving frown.
"Heehaw!" Harley cried waving one hand in the air as the creature bucked wildly beneath her. The pure look of joy imprinted on her face made her appear to be someone toppling on the edge of intoxication while riding on a mechanical bull.
The look on his face quickly change as his sights locked onto a brown limb reaching out to the nuisance attached to the back of the Beast.
"Jest! Look out!" He shouted in vain, only to be too late.
The jester shrieked in surprise when the branch wrapped around her midsection easily plucking her from her secured seat into the air.
"Just great." He mumbled watching as the struggling woman was rounded around then pitched forcefully through the empty air. Moving the jet quickly he moved within the route of her trajectory hoping her quick wit wasn't going to fail her at the moment.
He watched winching at the sight of her backside colliding with great force against the curved metal of the wing. Her body continued to flip with the momentum of the throw, he felt his breath stop within his throat before her hand instinctively grasped hold of the smooth edge her body had seconds ago brushed against.
Unaware of the concern showing on his face he waited until his most withstanding female adversary regained her poise and with shaky movements looked over towards him.
Harley's lips stretched into a wide smile reassuring him in her own way that she was fine. Mouthing a request to land she pointed downwards to the terra firma below.
Once on the ground Batman jumped from the cockpit to his adversary's side watching as she moved her skirt to rest on her curvy side revealing tattoo and bare buttock. "Owie, I think I broke my ass."
A sense of ease passed over him with the knowledge that she was not harm badly; realizing his slip of character his impassive-like scowl reappeared on his darkly masked face. "You're welcome." He said dryly already use to not getting the gratitude he so rightfully deserved. "What are you wearing?"
Harley looked down on her Spaghetti Western jezebel motif costume: A limp-shouldered red blouse cut with a low neckline. The black corset pressed in her stomach and elevated her breast, giving the onlooker a decent eyeful. On her hips rested a very short black and red layered wrap around skirt that completely exposed her right thigh revealing tattoos and a gun hoister. She saw absolutely nothing wrong with her choice of clothing except for the black and red thigh-highs that were ripped from riding on the unwilling Nightshade's back.
Placing her hands on her hips her brown eyes narrowed angrily at him. "Hey! I'm not the one runnin' around dressed like a frickin' winged rat! Did you find a cure?"
He removed two small dart-like projectiles from his belt presenting them to her with a look of smug pride. "We only have these two so we have to make them count."
Harley plucked a dart from his hand inspecting it carefully. "How do ya know that it'll work?"
The familiar inhuman screech the pair had come to know all too well bellowed down the street shattering glass with their sonic force.
Slowly removing his hands from his ears Batman regarded the jester who was doing the same. "It's as good a time as any to find out."
Harley rubbed her ringing ears furiously, "Do you have any plans of how we're going to give him the shot?"
Looking onto her his impassive face slipped into a small smirk that almost went undetected. "As much as I hate to say this we'll have to do as you usually do. Go head on and think on our toes."
She pitched her head backwards in a haughty laugh that echoed throughout the chaotic scene. "You've been 'round me too much, Batsy. I think I'm rubbin' off on ya!" She clapped him roughly against his back.
"Do what you have to, just distract him." He said regretting his words instantly as the jester took off obviously without a plan in her head.
Removing the trick-flag gun from her thigh holster Harley quickly paraded to the creature's backside. "Okay, Baby, I got three fully loaded guns, freedom to cause all the damage I want," She aimed carefully squinting with one eye. "And I've only had four hours of sleep…let's get it on!"
The projectile whistled as it flew into the air in a spiraling arch into the sky. The whistling noise soon stopped as the objected exploded into a circled of white fireworks. "Dammit, I was promised a heart not a halo."
The creature turned towards the source of its disruption, the cocky looking jester standing twenty or so feet below it. Growling with irritation of the mammal creature that dared to get in its path every chance it had it turned its full attention onto her. The leaves rustled together in a long hissing like sound. Setting its head towards her the vines baring barbs the size of nine inch knives, coiled about its body slowly unraveled in a serpentine motion poising ready to attack like a hooded cobra ready to strike.
With no motions hinting towards its movements the vine struck cracking downwards to the jester in lightening fast speed. When the vine cracked down on the sidewalk, splitting the cement in half, the jester no longer stood in her place rather a foot away balanced upside down on one hand.
"C'mon ya know ya gotta work for it." Her voice haughty baiting with her confidence and merriment.
An additional three vines joined in striking towards the jester who easily tumbled out of harms way as if it were mere child's play.
The quick paced scene went on for only a few minutes, neither villain aware of the dark knight slipping undetected beneath the massive creature's belly. All that was heard was the sound of the dart flying through the air a short distance into the soft underbelly.
If the creature had any visible eyes one could be sure that it was popped wide with shock and pain. Growling it reared onto the branches that acted as its hind legs thrashing his head roughly from side to side, the dark forest green leaves all shuttered together making an endless rustling noise revealing the long dark red barbs beneath.
Harley could do nothing more than stand frozen in her spot watching as the massive man turned plant creature slowly came back down in a green wave that would most definitely crush her small body. "The crap is about to be scared out of me." She whispered willing her body to move but her feet had yet to move an inch.
The rocketing roar of Batman's boots filled Harley's ears, the blur of deep green quickly turned to black as she found herself bent over Batman's shoulder in a fireman's carry, her rear sticking high in the air with his arms holding her down in the back of her knees.
She looked back at the bucking creature watching in shock as the long spiny vines shot randomly from its back and sides.
"Ah! Left left go left! Now right! Right again!" Batman jumped towards the side dodging the vine as it landed roughly in the street's asphalt. "Comin' up the rear!" Batman leapt high into the air landing none so gracefully with a hallowed 'umph'. All the while he wondered to himself if it was all worth it, being Batman hated by some for protecting those the law could not. Being wanted for bringing justice and peace onto the much needing city.
"I ain't a scientist or anythin' but should he be convulsin' like that?" She wondered looking behind them as Batman rushed them to safety.
Dodging behind an abandoned pickup truck he slid the woman from his shoulder. "It should have begun reversing the effects by now."
Curled into her cover with her round backside protruding slightly, Harley thought over all possible mishaps before finally coming to one single answer. "Ya idiot!" She shouted grabbing him by his shoulders and shaking him carelessly. "Ya made the same damn mistake English did! Red ain't really a human mammal anymore!"
Batman shook himself out of his momentary shock; did she just call him an idiot?
"Your damn cures are useless now." she shrieked waving her hands into the air as she walked away from him.
Just as he was about to stop her retreat the sound of something speeding between them whizzed in their ears as a small hole appeared in the brick wall beside them about three inches from Harley's face. "What was that?" Harley asked waving away the small cloud of dust particles.
"Up there!" Batman pointed upwards to a building top at three figures armed with long ranged firearms. "It's English."
"That bastard shot at me! I cannot believe this." She shouted standing out in the open.
Unbelieving of her reaction Batman quickly tackled the angered woman until the rough sidewalk out of sight of the gunmen.
"Owie, I think I landed on a soda can." She whined.
Having quickly recovered Batman survived their situation trying to calculate the perfect plan of action. "I think that's the least of your problems."
"Oh yeah you're right. Red's trying to impale me, English's trying to put a bullet in my head, and I'm on Gotham's wanted list. Thanks for making me realize the glass is half full, Batsy."
"We have to think of something." He growled at her, her lack of concern towards the entire life threatening situation testing his nerves.
"Click-click, light bulb! Listen I'll deal with the gunners, you take care of Red." She said standing all too prepared to rush across the street.
"But the serum doesn't work!" He shouted jerking her back into the safety of their makeshift cover.
Harley's usually soothing brown eyes stared maliciously into the white pools of the mask. "Well come up with something." She growled, "'Cause I ain't 'bout to have him killed off even if it means lettin' him tear this miserable city down and sacrificing everyone in it."
The flames of determination dancing in her soul searing eyes made her words ring with the absolute truth, the little furrow in her brow and the deep scowl on her face wouldn't let him doubt for one moment that she would make good on her vow should they fail. "Why?" He asked in a soft voice. "Why risk everything and everyone for him?"
The dark look faded as she blinked curiously at him, as if considering him worthy of hearing the answer. "Because I'm a Harley and I have to, that's why. Good luck!" She beamed before rushing away.
Atop the building roof English and his two henchmen fire down on their targets, the rampaging beast and his devout girlfriend.
A hard faced goon with the structure of a nightclub bouncer raked his high-powered scoop across the chaos reaped grounds below. "Hey the daffy bitch disappeared." He announced rolled from his stomach onto his side.
English removed his eyes from the scope looking down onto the ground where the beast was thrashing around, his brows furrowed with slight concern at his failed experiment's new abnormal behavior. "Just keep a look out for her. If we don't kill her, her boyfriend might do the job for us." He said going back to the task of shooting vainly at the creature along with Batman dodging below.
Rolling his eyes the thug looked back towards his assigned mark only to find himself looking between a pair of ripped stocking legs. He looked up the elongated legs to the gun barrel. "I know what you're askin' yourself right now." She smiled darkly cocking her gun. "And no these ain't Bugle Boy jeans I'm wearing."
"I ask that you don't kill my minions." A rich voice spoke beside her. "Between you and your freak of a boyfriend you've killed what…four of my men?"
"More like seven." When Harley looked up a fast moving foot kicked her from beneath her chin forcing her head to snap back and her body to tumble with the surprise. The additional force of a gun's handle jobbed roughly into her abdomen sent her body toppling over the edge in an uncontrollable fall.
Batman watched helplessly from far as the jester fell towards the pavement. "Harley!"
What had happened next made everyone pause in surprise, a thick branch reached out catching the falling body with ease. Rolling onto her back Harley looked upwards towards the mass of greenery staring down onto her. Shuddering in fear she watched a limb race towards her body. "Red, please!" She cried closing her eyes in fear.
Slowly opening her eyes, half expecting to see the plant limb embedded deep within her shaking chest, Harley looked down she saw nothing out of the ordinary sticking out of her body. Breathing a sigh of relief she looked upwards to see the green limb posed a foot away from her like a poisonous serpent ready to strike.
The mass of twisted limbs she sat upon hoisted her close so that her noise was just inches away from the awaiting limb.
"R-red." She breathed from trembling lips. The tentacle slowly traced across her cheek as the body trembled beneath her.
'What is he doing? Why isn't he attackin' me?' She wondered to herself second before realization settled on her, he was treating her just like the honey suckle curtains did. 'I-is he purring?' She carefully ran her hand delicately across the rough bark like surface observing as the rumbling beneath her grew stronger. "You are purring." A small smile graced her face as the branching vine pulled away from her presenting a fresh bloomed flower she did not know the name of.
From beneath them the dark knight made his presents known. "Jest, what's going on?"
Leaning over just so she yelled down, "Red's back in his right mind!"
A bullet whizzed by Harley's shoulder grazing her lightly. "Eep! Why that mother humping illegitimate son of a Teletubby!" From beneath her the limbs rumbled with the low growl. "I think it's time for a little pay back. Babe, are ya still hungry?"
Standing down on the pavement below Batman watched in horror as three vines sprout from the back side of the creature racing upwards onto the building where English and his men had been shooting from. The three men's frightened cries echoed sharply throughout the night fading quickly with the cackling fires around them and the sounds of far off sirens most likely heading towards their direction. The vines coiled tightly around the three bodies closing in tighter and tighter until the sickening sounds of bone crushing underneath the pressure resonated through the night.
When the three had creased to move and the blood dribbled form their mouths and noses the vines released them to drop mercilessly onto the ground below with a heavy thud. "Oh Red," Harley sighed, "Must you play with your food?"
With the danger gone Batman stood before Harley as she lovingly stroked the branching limbs of her transformed lover, explaining to her what had happened.
"Ok ok ok, let me see if I got this straight. Ya mean to tell me Red's naturally immunity couldn't stop what English did but it could stop the cure? Ok this makes no sense; this is like…like a bad fan fiction void of plot!" Harley cried tossing her hands up into the air.
Batman sighed crossing his arms over his chest as he tried once again explaining what had happened. "As he is now his immunity is heightened two times than it was before. The serum worked, just partially enough to allow him to regain rational thought but as for his form...his immunity stopped the cure before anymore could be done. We need for immunity cells to be present in the serum already to…well trick the rest of his body into allowing the cure to work. But with him as he is-"
"Blah blah blah! Anymore talkin' and my head's gonna explode. Here gimme the dart." Without even waiting for him to present it to her she snatched it from his hand. Using a blade edged playing card she cut into her thumb. "Red gave me some nasty stuff that lets me hang around him 24/7 without dieing. A nice trade off with a few side effects." Drop by drop her blood spilled into the opened dart mixing with the liquid within.
"Side effects?"
"If I don't get the right amount of a certain vitamin or something I get this really bad fever before my body shuts down for a few hours, what bodily functions that happens during that time…ya don't wanna know." She rubbed the limb closest to her before jabbing the dart into the bloodstream. "Thank you, my strawberry short cake, for be a universal recipient."
Stepping away from the creature both watched with baited breaths as it laid down, suddenly tired, the vines, branches and leaves steadily retreated within themselves, bit by bit taking away from the creature's size until at long last nothing remained but the limp form of Christopher Isely.
"Red!" Harley cried rushing to the side of the still figure laid out in the nude on the asphalt.
Batman gazed on completely awestruck at the queerly dressed jester with her face completely contorted into a look of pure concern. "How is he?" Batman asked watching as she lifted the man off the cool ground to lean against her chest for support.
After a moment of pressing her hand against the green man's neck she let a joyful laugh before planting loving kisses to the man's dirty cheek. "He's ok, he's gonna be fine!" She squealed pulling his body securely against her own.
From behind them the sounds of blaring police cars turned their attention to the arriving authorities quickly approaching the scene.
"Thanks Batsy, ya ain't so useless after all." Harley's voice whispered from behind him.
Batman turned back to the criminal couple. "I hope you do kno-" He stopped short; the spot where the two had once been seated on the moist pavement was barren of all peoples. He couldn't help but smirk dryly at himself for being so forgetful as to whom he was dealing with, a woman in love. Making a mental note to himself he too took off before the police came to put an end to his vigilante days. 'Never turn your back on those two.'
Seated on the cold and unforgiving faux wooden floor of an empty apartment Harley smiled lovingly down on the unconscious face of her lover resting contently on her lap. With gentle care she laid her jacket atop his bare frame the best she could. "Welcome back, Red." She smiled adoringly down at the man on her lap her fingerless gloved hand tracing over the squared line of his jaw re-memorizing his strong face into her mind.
Pressing her lips faded of their lipstick to his brow for the hundredth time that night she too settled down to rest Batman's question and her answer recurring in her mind.
'Why risk everything and everyone for him?' 'Because I'm a Harley and I have to, that's why.'
Being a Harley Quinn like figure was more than just going about causing havoc and making jokes. It wasn't about being truly, madly, in love with the Joker as some may say. And it wasn't as easy as some of those discreditable Jokerz made it out to be. It was smiling at all times, in happiness, in sadness, in bliss, and in pain. It was to love with great devotion and to love unconditionally until it hurt, sometimes to the point a delusion was forced onto the mind to make it all seem better (even then she always had to smile), and having the inner strength to endure it all. To put it simply what it means to be a Harley is just to love without limits.
End Beauty and her Beast.
NS: Finally, I'm out of that horrible thing!
DSP: Oh quit it and do the preview.
NS: Make Harl do it, I need a shower.
HJ: Well the Demoness is always late on everything but that doesn't stop her. Next time Red's in more torment in My Funny Valentimes.
DSP: Valentines Harley.
HJ: Whatever.