DSP: Ok I got the first chapter(s) done. Time to reply to reviews!

HJ *walks in baring reviews*: Ta-da. Now that I have just wasted thirty seconds of my life doing something you could have done without getting off your butt can I go now? Heat Guy J is on and I wanna watch.

DSP: Yea yea...wait you can't watch it in here!

HJ *ignores the Demoness while eating an abnormally huge tub of popcorn and watching the anime*: Heeeeat Guuuuy.

DSP: Ok on to reviews. Yay all of my favorite readers reviewed!
YamiMarita: Oh thank you, thank you, *holds award* You endure me, you really endure my work! *Bows forgetting she's at her computer and bangs her head against the desk.* Ouchie.

Neoen: Darn-skippy you should get to writingwait, when did I become a muse? Do I get paid for this? *Shrugs while handing over a Red plushy.* That's as close to the real thing as you can get without Harl biting your arms off.

Auroris: Ok take a deep breath and release, repeat until you are calm. Yeah I took Pinch of Cayenne down, but I'm working on it, redoing it so that everything doesn't move as quickly as it was before. I rather hated that. Same with the X-men thing I tried but that's staying down because it's a sad Mary-Sue that I come to find I have no love for. Also I have seen the New JL, and if I should ever dip into that it would have to be about Hawkgirl, only because she is an underdeveloped character in that show only used for grunt work. There isn't even an action figure for her! How sad it that? I mean look at it, the main focus on that show is Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman. I must dig deeper into that before attempting to make waves there.

Harley Quinn figurine *pops up with a plastic lightening bolt and strikes Demoness with it*: Ker-POW!

DSP: OW! What the hell was that about?

HQ: Brainstorm.

DSP: Hey you were only my tempt muse and you don't have to hit me when you give me an idea you oh I do have an idea for a New JL fic!

HJ: *throws a few kernels at the Demoness* Hush it's getting good!

DSP: Wait, are they showing Clair the new young Vampire? Cute creepy man. *Drools* Ahem, Thank you so much for the reviews it's because of you all I can do this and get better at it. Now on with the show.

My Funny Valentimes

Sitting causally on a bench placed on the outskirts of Gotham city's most visited park, a pair of eyes watched from underneath the shadow cast by the bill of a deep gray mao-cap as everyone so in love with one another stepped joyfully by oblivious to everything else but love.

Sighing deeply she leaned back resting her head draped against the bench's back, her face downcast in a look of total indifference and slight boredom. Ah Valentimes day. Lmour is in the air like two week old ranched milk. Young lovers, unaware of what trials and tribulations awaits them in the years to come, pledge vows of love carelessly through little expensive trinkets and unoriginal poetryWe should rob them.

The hand slipped from the bench to her shoulders drawing her closer to the strong body seated silently beside her. Out of habit her body relaxed, succumbing to the tender sign of affection; she sighed deeply inhaling the strong earthly smell that was his natural odor that she had come to adore. I take it you are not all that fond of Valentines Day. His deep voice rumbled from his chest.

Stretching out she pushed stray strands of curly red hair from her February winter chilled cheek. And why should I be? Originally V-day was a pagan holiday for fertility then later on the same day these two guys both by the name of Valentine gets killed for some reason or nother dealin' with marriage. One had a thing for the prison warren's daughter and sent letters to her signin' them your Valentine'. All in all it's just a day Hallmark shamelessly profits on when two poor guys were martyred.

Chris smirked wrapping his arms tightly around his partner drawing in the heat radiating from her body, his own green skin dry and near numb from the cold breezes blowing against him. Is this the result of years of never getting valentines of your own? He questioned.

For a moment Harley remained silent before letting out a breath of air in a small cloud of condensation. Yes, I deserved something more than those chalky candy hearts that once in a while had an anti-love message to them, one of the few things I adore about the day. But what bout you? Ya can't like it much, I mean think of all the poor prefect red roses and the other flowers bein' cut and sold only to wilt away in an ironic symbol of some people's love.

Are you saying you want to ruin Valentines Day, Harley? He asked with slight surprise. I'm sure your mentor would be ashamed of you.

Oh no, I adore the day. It's just sowell just look at them! She cried pointing to a couple in a horse and carriage the female looking onto her lover with large doe-like eyes as he cuddled close to her speaking sweet nothings. I wanna hit them in the back of their heads with my baseball bat and knock some sense into them! I see romanticism not love.

So you do not like romanticism?

No, you ain't listenin' to me. I rather like it. As long as you are in real love. Remember last year when that guy got his girlfriend off from work lookin' her absolute worse, brought her to the ballroom of Gotham Plaza in a carriage, and proposed saying that no matter what she would always be a queen in his eyes? Now that was romantic, expensive as hell, but still romantic.

You evaded my earlier question.

I know. Only because I already did something to make the day of love a little more

Brown eyes that could be easily described as soul searing glanced sideways catching a small peek of the man beside her. You recall those limited Talking Teddies the special occasion shop was selling?

Yes. There were about one hundred and fifty made so that they could be sold at a high price. Christopher stated dryly. What did you do?

Well look out for trouble with them in the news. She giggled at her malicious Valentines Day surprise for Gotham inhabitants.

Unable to stand the sight of love struck peoples Harley stood letting the remaining brick hard crust of her city styled pizza fall onto the ground. Some stray animal would be happy for the small bite to eat.

Stretching out slightly she looked back onto the slouching man covered in a large black trench coat still sitting down. She turned placing her gloved hands over her shapely hips, I hope your butt ain't frozen to the bench, Red, I dont have my camera on me today.

The green bottom lip protruded slightly in a small pout, I'm just a little disappointed, Harl.

Disappointed? At what? She asked leaning over so that their faces were slightly leveled, green eyes staring into brown.

The pout trembled into a small smirk with the vicinity of there faces, You didn't get me any surprise for Valentines. He whined mocking his girlfriend's playful habits perfectly.

Nimble fingers reach out onto the stray tresses of braided garnet hair spilling from beneath a black mock cowboy hat, curling the braided strands of his shoulder length hair around her index fingers she drew her hands towards her smiling when his face followed with the gentle tug bringing his chapped lips onto hers.

One thing loved most about her was that she knew what a pleasure it was to have her fingers touch through his hair. Primal instincts he usually denied possessing drew his hands to rest on her hips deepening their kiss.

Slowly parting from him a wicked smile played over her kissable lips, Who said I didn't have a present for ya?

Chris chuckled softly in his throat as his pink tongue dashed over the curve of his lip, taut with lack of moisture. Strawberry lip balm, I think I liked the tropical blend better. Smirking he slouched back farther into his recline.

With her smaller hands wrapped around his wrist she pulled him onto his feet. Babe, you've been round me too long.

With arms draped lazily about each other's waist, silently stating their possessiveness and all too quick to tighten should someone eye their lover, the renowned criminals walked homewards their identity easily hidden among the many faces.

While walking with his hand buried deep into the far side pocket of his girlfriend's coat seeping in her body warmth he smirked looking about the love-struck peoples. Nearly everyone just went to the store knowing which Valentines oriented toy, clothing, or jewelry would please their loved one, bought it then left with their mission completed and their necks saved until the next commercialized holiday came about. Millions of perfect red roses were cut and many others, one great draw back to the lovely day. But for him it was different, for him it was far more difficult. He chuckled tightened his hold on her until her head came to rest against his shoulder as the memory of the day before ran through his mind.

*Flashback*

The day just before Valentines Day, the malls and all of the stores bore the same decorations of pink and white frills, chubby child faced Cupids baring their arrows of love, and many shades of red hearts. The usual music of undying love both successful and tragic played in low tones on the speakers set about the each available corner.

Nearly everyone walked about with panicked looks about their faces as they fought against the last minute rush to buy that special gift for the one the harbored great feelings for. Save those few souls who either was wise enough to shop early or did not have that significant other and was merely looking about the stores enjoying the scene of frantic shoppers imitate freshly decapitated chickens.

Christopher Isley, on the other hand, walked on in a hunched over fashion his hands shoved deep into his pockets so not to unwittingly touch the flesh toned makeup he had plastered across his face or anyone else. He had to keep moving before his bodily toxins took effect on the people he deemed worthless, it was not for their health that he worried but more for his own discretion and pulling off his half baked plan.

He recalled the mid morning as he walked out of the bedroom dressed in his human garb, kissed the temple of a surprised Harley, who stared at him with a slice of buttered toast hanging out of her mouth, and with an omission excuse left the house.

An opaque glass bottle appeared in his line of sight drawing his attention back to reality.

Hi handsome, how about some Wild Heart perfume for that special someone in your life? A sweet faced saleswoman asked in a honeyed voice laced with practiced seduction.

She batted her long blonde lashes while holding up the small bottle no bigger than her thumb. He observed as her finger poised to press down on the nozzle. In no mood to have the poisonous manufactured concoction follow him for the rest of the day lest Harley should come to know of his whereabouts he sneered through his teeth firmly pushing her to the size.

Why I never! Most not have anyone with that attitude. She scoffed.

Chris ignored her walking on in search for the gift that would most definitely bring that wide smile onto his lover's face.

He didn't wish to buy into the love commercialized holiday, it was one of the few things scared in the world and yet it had long ago been adulterated by greeting card companies and greedy money-mongers. But he could not go through the day of love without giving something onto the woman whose mentor considered herself the Cupid of Crime.

The first store to have caught his attention with the potential of containing something that would make a great gift was Victoria's Secret.

Some secret. Stepping within the candy cane color coordinated store he looked about suddenly feeling as though he had overstepped his bounds. A single manin a store full of women's undergarments, regardless of his attitude and reasons for being within the lingerie shop he could not help but feel all eyes were on him marring him a pervert.

I can hear mother right now.' He thought to himself wondering if by chance he could slowly back out without drawing father attention towards himself.

Is seemed the fates had just about the same sense of humor as his girlfriend. Just as he was to the large entrance a saleswoman, somewhat short but lovely in appearance caught sight of him. Are you looking for a present? She asked a large voice coming from her small figure.

If it werent for his disguising makeup he had no doubts that his entire face would have matched with his ripening tomatoes. Um yes, Im looking for somethingfor my girl friend. He quickly added.

Oh how sweet. How long have the two of you been together? She questioned.

It did not take him long to answer, Three years this May.

Her hazel brown eyes nearly popped out of her head at his answer. Three years! No doubt half of the mall heard. Shouldn't you two be engaged by now?

Chris felt somewhat shocked that in the little time he had been talking with the saleswoman she had looked him over taking in every single detail, even his marital status. Oh we're not- I mean she's not- well you see- UmI'm not sure why. He stuttered.

Okay honey; let's see if we could help you. Are you looking for something to spice up the night?

He snorted his laughter, Believe me we have enough spice in our night life. He smiled thinking of their night job.

The saleswoman smirked, her eyes flashing with amusement at his comment thinking something entirely different of his answer. Something simple then? What size does she wear?

Size? Um

Wait, you've been with her for almost three whole years and you don't know her size?

No she's a medium, with nice curves at her hips. You don't know the type of person she is. She's a depending on the weather type of dresser. He explained. When she does wear something to sleep all the things I have seen her dress in is an old Yankee's baseball jersey, a tank top, and sometimes men's satin boxers.

She smiled nodded her head. The casual type.

No she's far from casual. You should see some of the outfits she wears. He chuckled in memory.

Now I see why the two of you aren't married. She sighed, Can you at least tell me the type of material she likes to wear?

Lace, satin, mesh, net, silk, and cotton.

Umm I think I know just the thing. She turned onto a rack picking out a snow white nearly transparent number he did not know existed. He could image his Harl dressed in it, the hem just reaching below her rounded buttocks. Was all he could say.

This is our new dotted mesh baby doll nightwear. It is nicely casual yet gives just that sexy little look the both of you can enjoy.

Touching the fine fabric he thought again of his girlfriend, perhaps in a red oneholding her gun. No that was more of a gift for him, meant only for him to see his Harley in, but given who Harley was there was no doubt she would wear the scantly underwear during one of their jobs.

A small wave of possessiveness passed over him with this knowledge, the outfit was definitely out.

Maybe something in leather or black lace? She asked him.

Drifting off into that simple stage of unconsciousness he began to image what she would look like in something of the sort. The first thing to pop into mind was the mental image of an anime-isque insane looking Harl dressed in the skimpy undergarments flogging him mercilessly with a whip. I'll teach you to get me underwear! Who's your mommy now? Hahaha! Who's your mommy?!'

Shaking his head briskly from side to side he backed away heading quickly out the door. Um, I think I should look around a bit more.

The torments he was placing onto himself just for her. Spending hours in the heavily crowded place was not the day the antisocial man had planed. It felt claustrophobic the large crowds of peoples rushing here and there just to get nowhere quickly, he was a plant, too many others around meant to struggle, to struggle for air, for light, for food, a cruel game of survival of the fittest staged in a local mall.

It didn't really help that he didn't like people either. His eyes drifted over the hoards of mammals stampeding about, catching sight of a woman shamelessly eyeing him. In his opinion most people were selfish creatures, thoughtless and wasteful. Just thinking about all those acres of rainforest lands lost made him want to cover the enclosed shopping mall with his vegetation. The only person he liked was Harley, her friends she usually visitedthey were tolerable.

Walking on with his face half hidden behind the up turned collar of his coat he eyes each store sneering at them for having just the opposite of what he needed. Build a teddy? He wondered aloud drawing curious glances from ideal by passers. No, she'd find a way to turn it into a bomb and blow me up for getting such a gift. With a sigh he walked on leaving behind a few confused mall goers.

Each store he passed he questioned possibilities and with each found the probable gifts useless for her. The chocolate shop, true if he gave her chocolates, she was happy but aloof in a blissful euphoric world until the sweets were gone. That idea was out; he rather enjoyed having her to himself.

Jewelryshe didn't really wear jewelry being the greasemonkey that she was. Motor oil and diamonds do not mix. He grumbled in a defeated tone.

Cookwarehis mother appeared before his eyes pacing back in forth ranting on sexist stereotypes and chauvinistic efforts to put the independent woman back into the kitchen. A hole will have to rust through the pots first. He shuddered in dreadful memory.

His will to go on with the day had slowly deteriorated with each unsuccessful attempt to find some menial little token of affection. Just as he felt all was for not when a sign plastered atop a large booth caught his eyes. Thank you. He said up onto the great forces above him.

Stopping in front of a booth he leaned against the table. A large man with thinning orange hair and towing a bulging beer gut turned to address him. Welcome to Customer Service, I'm Moshe, how can I help you?

You seem like a sensible mammal; perhaps you can help me with my problem. I don't know what to get my girlfriend for Valentines. He huffed out his frustrations allowing his South American accent to slip through.

Sir, this isn't what the costumer service desk is for. The man stated.

I know, but I need some advice as to what to get a woman who doesn't act like most women, who can shoot your legs from beneath you, and who can withhold allum intimate activities for weeks on end? He asked.

Ooh-kay. You need to clear your head of all the feminine wilds going about. Go to Sears and look at some of the tools and whatnot for awhile breathe in that masculine air then try again.

Wait? That's it! Thanks. He cried running off as quickly as he could.

*End flashback*

Stepping out of the banner outsides of the frozen city it was a welcoming sight to be bombarded with lush greens of exotic plants, the sweet musk of their alluring scent heavy in the humid greenhouse like air. The second they had entered their firehouse turned home Harley threw off her coat tossing it carelessly in the corner to be forgotten. Red, put the casserole in the oven then take a seat on the couch while I go change! She shouted running quickly up the stairs with an edger hyena nipping playfully at her heels.

Sitting on the navy velvet couch as commanded a thousand and one questions raced through his mind. Did she see it already? What if it isn't something she'd like? Of course she'd like it butwhat if she doesn't? Filling nothing would ease the anxiety he found solace in the form of television.

total recall due to profane phrases. Again today the few recipients of the limited Valentines Talking Teddies made a horrible discovery when they compressed the trigger many of vulgar and profound statements spewed from the sound chips.

Happy Valentimes day! Harley shouted pouncing down on the couch next to him.

Smiling at her genuine merriment he pulled her towards him for a small peck on the lips. You made the talking teddy bears say bad things. He stated.

Her eyes falling open with surprise her pigtailed head snapped towards the television. They already reported on the toys? Man I thought it was going to report tomorrow morning! She pouted, Now I have to wait for the ten o'clock repeat.

He ran his rough hand over the exposed thigh spilling from a pair of cut off jean shorts. She had yet to adjust fully to living in a greenhouse. Maybe by then they'll have something more to report. Now I have-

Me first! Harley shouted placing a parcel wrapped in burlap cloth on the cushion between them. She slowly opened the package pulling away the rough clothe fold by fold, I got these for you.

He looked down at the small palm sized glass case centered in all of the wrapping, inside were at least eight raisin sized yellow seeds with small brown blotches. No way. He stated his mouth going slack.

She smirked nodding her head sheepishly. Yeah, the ultra rare Jupiter flower-thingy seeds, of is it Venus? I dont know its named after a planet. They were going to be on display uptown but I figured you would do a hell of a lot better job with these than everyone else just letting them sit in that case all day.

A large smile slowly spread across his lips stretching from ear to ear as he took in the gift she had bestowed upon him in her token of love, You are He complimented bringing her towards him until she was comfortably straddling his lap.

Harley's lips curled into a mischievous grin as the flats of her lover's palms pressed her towards him closing what little space existed between the pair. She chuckled slightly, a sound that came out a soft purr, before closing the space between them so that his soft lips were massaged by her own.

She loved the slight tingle she felt from his body toxins when their lips met, she could never get enough of it, she could never really get enough of him Her hands found their rest on his strong jaw line spreading out so that her fingers brushed just ever-so lightly against his hair in the back of his head.

Relaxing into the well known flow of things Chris trailed his hands from the curve of her back to rest contently on her shapely hips deepening the kiss. As much as he didn't wish to he pulled away before things got out of hand. I got a gift for you also. He managed through labored breathes.

The confused look donning Harley's face made him snicker as he stood leading her into the garage built to fit two full sized emergency fire trucks. Motioning for her to stay in her place he traveled within one of the deep closets, I looked all over Gotham trying to figure out what to get you. And well here it is.

Backing out of the closet he carefully pulled along with him a bright cherry red Craftsman eight drawer roll away tool tower.

You got me a new tool tower? She asked clapping her hands while bouncing on her toes with glee.

Yeah, do you like it? He asked his accent once again slipping.

Before he had time to let further insecurity settle in she squealed jumping into his arms so that her legs could wrap easily around his midsection. Her lips smashed roughly against his own in a fierce kiss of passion and devotion. OH I love it! I love you! She cried emphasizing her words with quick sloppy kisses planted all over his face. But you know you didn't have to get me anything.

So if I didn't have to get you anything that means I can take the Craftsman back and get a refund?

She giggled sweetly tapping his nose with the tip of her finger with affection. In a cutesy sing-song voice she squeaked, You touch that tool tower and I'll break your damn arms in three separate places.

End Funny Valentimes

DSP *Looking over her work* Hmm...not very fond of this. I could have done much better albeit void of action.

NS *Storms in*: Wait, wait, wait one moment. Why am I being targeted lately?

DSP: What do you mean?

NS: Last time I was this huge plant destroying the city.

HJ *Looks away from Heat Guy J*: A Godzilla knock off, if you ask me.

NS: And you made me eat meat!

DSP: It was just a few people, besides you weren't thinking rationally at the time.

HJ: Thank goodness that's over; we need at least one rational thinker in our relationship.

NS: Then you had me running around a mall looking for a Valentines gift when Valentines is over!

DSP: To answer your questions, one I am seriously slack! Two I do it because I can dammit! We need to get more of your POV on things so just accept it! You are my bitches, I am your mistress, you will do as I say and give into my whims!

NS *He and Harley slowly back out of the room.*: Don't make any sudden movements; we don't want to get her attention.

HJ: Every man for himself! *Runs out of the room*