Memories
Sydney had no idea where to go. She had no one, no home, and everybody that she cared about believed that she was dead. Vaughn had seen her twice and he still didn't believe. Why couldn't he see that it was her? What was holding him back? Did he love Lauren Reed? Sydney didn't think that the last was possible. It had only been nine months since she supposedly died. Vaughn couldn't move on that quickly. Would he? The first time they meet they had both felt it, that connection that had helped them work so well together and eventually lead them to love. What if Vaughn felt that with Lauren so he could move on?
Sydney needed to go somewhere and think. But where? She didn't want to go to the Observatory. The Palisades or the Bluffs didn't seem like options either. The train station would be too crowded and noisy for her to really think. She wasn't ready for the warehouse. That left just one place, the Pier. Syd remembered that night quite vividly. It was the first time that they had begun to trust one another. He said that she could call him whenever she was at her lowest. Well, right now she was lower than she had ever been and she couldn't call him.
After what seemed like ages, Sydney reached the Pier. She got out of her car and walked to that same spot. She touched the railing and tried to connect with the past. Their conversation echoed through her head:
SYDNEY: (sobbing) I'm sorry to call you, I just didn't know who else to call.
Vaughn was there for her and he would be many other times, but not anymore.
My father and I were supposed to have dinner tonight. The first time since I was a kid. I can't even remember the last time. (sobs) He just didn't show. He said he had work. He didn't have work. This isn't just about my dad. When I was in Morocco, the man who died... he was a friend of mine. He was a good man, who thought he was fighting for the right side, that he was working for the C.I.A.! He was lied to, and now he's dead. I had his blood on my hands!
VAUGHN: Sydney...
SYDNEY: I feel like I'm losing my mind! Like I don't even know who I am anymore, or what I'm doing, or why I'm doing it!
(Her pager suddenly beeps. Sydney grabs it, and throws it in the water below them. It splashes.)
VAUGHN: You just threw your beeper in the Pacific.
Syd got a kick out of that the first time and it brought a smile to her face now, the first one in a long time.
SYDNEY: (laughs through tears) I know...
VAUGHN: Okay, listen to me. There's something you need to know. When you first walked into my office with that stupid Bozo hair, I thought you were crazy. I thought you might actually be a crazy person.
I was so angry with everyone, especially Sloane.
But I watched you, and I read your statement, and I've seen... I've seen how you think, I've seen how you work, I've seen how you are in this job. In this job, you see darkness. You see the worst in people and though the jobs are different and the missions change, and the enemies have a thousand names, the one crucial thing, the one real responsibility you have is to not let your rage, and your resentment, and your disgust, darken you. When you're at your absolute lowest, at your most depressed, just remember that you can always... you know. You got my number.
She wished she could use his number right now and call him, but she couldn't, not yet.
(A few seconds pass. Sydney grabs Vaughn's hand, and holds on tight.)
Sydney had no idea where to go. She had no one, no home, and everybody that she cared about believed that she was dead. Vaughn had seen her twice and he still didn't believe. Why couldn't he see that it was her? What was holding him back? Did he love Lauren Reed? Sydney didn't think that the last was possible. It had only been nine months since she supposedly died. Vaughn couldn't move on that quickly. Would he? The first time they meet they had both felt it, that connection that had helped them work so well together and eventually lead them to love. What if Vaughn felt that with Lauren so he could move on?
Sydney needed to go somewhere and think. But where? She didn't want to go to the Observatory. The Palisades or the Bluffs didn't seem like options either. The train station would be too crowded and noisy for her to really think. She wasn't ready for the warehouse. That left just one place, the Pier. Syd remembered that night quite vividly. It was the first time that they had begun to trust one another. He said that she could call him whenever she was at her lowest. Well, right now she was lower than she had ever been and she couldn't call him.
After what seemed like ages, Sydney reached the Pier. She got out of her car and walked to that same spot. She touched the railing and tried to connect with the past. Their conversation echoed through her head:
SYDNEY: (sobbing) I'm sorry to call you, I just didn't know who else to call.
Vaughn was there for her and he would be many other times, but not anymore.
My father and I were supposed to have dinner tonight. The first time since I was a kid. I can't even remember the last time. (sobs) He just didn't show. He said he had work. He didn't have work. This isn't just about my dad. When I was in Morocco, the man who died... he was a friend of mine. He was a good man, who thought he was fighting for the right side, that he was working for the C.I.A.! He was lied to, and now he's dead. I had his blood on my hands!
VAUGHN: Sydney...
SYDNEY: I feel like I'm losing my mind! Like I don't even know who I am anymore, or what I'm doing, or why I'm doing it!
(Her pager suddenly beeps. Sydney grabs it, and throws it in the water below them. It splashes.)
VAUGHN: You just threw your beeper in the Pacific.
Syd got a kick out of that the first time and it brought a smile to her face now, the first one in a long time.
SYDNEY: (laughs through tears) I know...
VAUGHN: Okay, listen to me. There's something you need to know. When you first walked into my office with that stupid Bozo hair, I thought you were crazy. I thought you might actually be a crazy person.
I was so angry with everyone, especially Sloane.
But I watched you, and I read your statement, and I've seen... I've seen how you think, I've seen how you work, I've seen how you are in this job. In this job, you see darkness. You see the worst in people and though the jobs are different and the missions change, and the enemies have a thousand names, the one crucial thing, the one real responsibility you have is to not let your rage, and your resentment, and your disgust, darken you. When you're at your absolute lowest, at your most depressed, just remember that you can always... you know. You got my number.
She wished she could use his number right now and call him, but she couldn't, not yet.
(A few seconds pass. Sydney grabs Vaughn's hand, and holds on tight.)