DSP, HJ, and Harley Quinn figurine are sitting before the computer: *Sigh*

DSP: Harley Quinn, I must say you are my favorite villainess but ooh no one can compare to the main man. I guess you guys (Sorry, northern Yankee at heart forever regardless of how far south I move) want to see what we are talking about? My number one favorite page of the Joker.

HJ: Warning! Shameless plug and advertising on bio page! Wanna be seduced by madness?

HQ: Woohoo! The main man, my man, the clown prince of crime! Beef cake, stud muffin, god of love, sexy t-rex, and death by laughter! Gimme gimme! I want.

DSP: *Shoots her with a super soaker watergun.* Down girl, down. Harley J, you get to work. Oh yeah Auroris this might please you and the others, I have a Justice League Fic posted.

Chapter...um whatever: The Tiff

Love. It's a wonderful thing when ya have it but oddly enough it's weird. Ya want a sample? Sure I have cheese logs in the freezeroh ya meant an example. Love made my mentor and sorta surrogate mummy, Harley Quinn, devote herself to a homicidal maniac The Joker. Love made silver screen star actor Charles Boyer commit suicide after the death of his wife. And love makes people do stupid and irrational things, like spendin' huge amounts of money on gifts, gettin' married, and stalkin.

Now as a kid I couldn't believe people allowed this stuff to happen to them and I never wanted to fall in love, scared of what it would do to me. I shouldn't have been afraid

Love made me crazy.

Ain't it great?

Now if ya were walkin' down the street, easy pickin's waitin' to get mugged, and saw this cute couple walkin' by I bet ya would think they were the perfect pair, never fought, and never had an argument Yeah, I would happily shoot them in the back of their heads.

Sorry but even the perfect couple has a fight now and again. Take me and my Red for example, (No I ain't saying we're the prefect pair, we're just on a higher level of perfection than most, thank you very much.) even we get into a little fight now and again.

Wait, I'm confusing myself, let me just take you through a certain day

March 20, a lovely Saturday morning. Red was up at the crack of dawn humming and watering his babies while me and mine (my Erik), were still nestled in bed sleeping the day away like normal human beings!

Around seven fifty nine my mental alarm went off and in a groggy b-movie zombie like state I dragged my pretty ass into the living room to watch the Saturday morning cartoon line up. All in all a rather normal Saturday in my home.

Go Binky go! No no don't go in there, Master Pyan and his henchmen are gonna jump you! I cried to the cartoon pizza boy/super secret agent on the TV.

I don't see how you can watch such dribble, Harley. A smooth deep masculine voice enriched with a lovely South American accent stated.

I tried to hide the shiver I always got when he said my name, one would think of being together for nearly three years I would get use to it. Lookin' to my side I gave a super-sized toothpaste commercial smile. That was the answer in itself, if he didn't get it then too bad, it was cutting into my TV time.

Christopher Isley, my Red, my strawberry beef cake, my pistachio ice cream with a cherry on top, my man of all seasons, stood by the window with watering pail in soiled hands. My eyes drifted over his thin but strong body dressed in a simple wife beater and navy sweat pants both stained with dirt. At the moment he looked like a garden show host, a sexy garden show host.

His red shoulder length hair fell over his pale lime green shoulders, giving him this feminine attribute, made his beautiful green eyes standout. It amazes me that Poison Ivy managed to adopt a son that could pass as her mini-me.

He pushed Erik, my pet hyena, off the couch to take the seat beside me. So what are we going to do today?

I stretched to lie down across his lap. I don't know, what do ya wanna to do?

I don't know. I'll do whatever you want to do. He stated.

Poor guy, he didn't even notice the devious smile spreadin' cross my face. Can we all say Famous last words.'? I knew ya could.

~*~

Harley, can't we do something else? Red asked for about the sixteen thousandth time that evenin.

I was decked out in a plated jean micro mini skirt with solid white stockings and ankle heavy metal boots, all easily hiding my tattoos, I was gonna party! I crossed my arms over the snow white long sleeved peasant top as I glared at him, Ya said and I quote, I'll do whatever you want to do.'

He rolled those pretty greens, I did not.

Reachin' into my Mary Poppins carpet bag and searchin' through the many items I removed and then put back: a rubber duck, rubber chicken, my headphones, a brick, exploding grenade gum, super bouncing balls, rocket gun, pop gun, flag gun, launching gun, real gun, boomerang horse shoe, fake id, fake id, another fake id, coupon for a Quiznos sub, can-o-beans stink bomb, lips stick, on and on and on until finally I removed a small recorder. Pressin' the play back button mine and Red's voice poured into the air, do you want to do?' I don't know. I'll do whatever you want to do.'

He watched in amazement as I put my toy back into my bag. When did you start carrying that around?

When I need to prove a point or black mail. Now I wanna go dancin' and I wanna dance with you!

So you are probably wondering why I want to dance with someone who doesn't like to dance, and more reason as to why I carry around the tape recorder. Well that's because whenever I wanna to do somethin' with him he always says no'.

Let's go to the movies? No. Can I do your hair? No. Can I we feed Chihuahuas to you meat eating plants? No. Can we mug the Girl Scout? No. Can I dress you up like a girl and take you out so that some guy can try and pick you up? No! No, no, always no.

Sometimes I wonder what I see in him. All in all he could be quiet borin. But I see it is my duty, no my destiny, to change that!

Takin' him by his arm I pulled him into the world of the late night dance club, a place of loud pulsating music, alternating and flashing lights, a place filled with people dancing together getting hot and sticky as they moved together.

Ah, paradise!

Thirty minutes later Chris was bein' kindly escorted out by way of the club's bouncer, Jackknife, an ex-marine. Don't e'er let me catch yer face round here He bellowed as he pushed Chris out the door.

Lucky me I was able to finish my drink before walkin' out on my freewill. See ya later, Harley. Jackknife managed through his deep baritone voice as we crossed paths.

Yeah, sorry bout this. I called over my shoulder before goin' to stand beside the fallen man who was already back on his feet and marching off in a lil macho pissed off march.

I was angry, we both were, the vibe was so strong the pigeons on the lampposts flew off. I can't believe ya got jealous over a lil' dance! I stated as we walked towards the metro.

Chris was rubbin' his tender knuckles, a bit red from the fight he had gotten into earlier. I don't mind you dancing; you're wonderful when it comes to dancing. It's just that I don't appreciate other men dancing with you. He stated very weakly in his defense.

I wanted to sock him so badly with my spring punching glove. Didn't ya momma teach ya better than this? Gettin' jealous and takin' me off the dance floor like that. And worse ya just had to start a fight! What? Did ya feel like ya had to show everyone who I belonged to? Like some typical male! I had spoken before I even realized what I was sayin'.

Oh that pissed him off. He stopped to look me dead in the eye with those beautiful entrancin' emerald green eyes that seemed to always be switching in shades (sigh). Hell, if my mother would say anything about it then she would say you shouldn't have been dancing with other men with their hands all over you!

We were just dancin'! I growled with clenched teeth while inside my head I counted, Mississippi-one. Mississippi-two. Mississippi-'

You call that dancing? I swear in nine months you'll have some guys kid! Then he dropped his bomb. Not to mention the way youre dressed.

Okay screw the Mississippi's I was mad, no not upset, I was blood boiling, seein' red, slashin' tires, and throwin' bricks into windows and/or heads type of mad. Ok you stupid twit! I pulled my pop-gun and pressed it, gently mind you, against his cheek. Now, as much as I just looove listenin' to ya this conversation is borin'. Now if you are implyin' that I'm dressed like a slut then say so, I'll happily blow your fu- what's that?

We both looked upwards to see a large projectile movin' towards us. It looked like someone had put a bird on fire. Waitno it was a Molotov cocktail?

Chris shouted tacklin' me to the ground as the bottle flew past my head crashin' onto the sidewalk a few feet away from us. About ten seconds after the liquid and flames had spread a small explosion erupted from the fire knocking both Chris and me off our feet just after we had pulled ourselves up.

It would have been nice if it were a normal little attack on our lives. You know through the bottle scare us for a moment, we run, they pursue, we kick their asses, and it'd be done. We'd be home in time for dessert and coffee. But no, ooh no, we would just happen to catch the eye of some bounty hunter wannabes who never heard of overkill! Or rather they had a strong belief in it. Which ever one it is they wanted us badly.

The things were flying at us from everywhere all fallin' in a line coming closer and closer towards us as we ducked away.

BOOM! BOOM! Boom-Boom-BOOM! Crashing my back against the wall with my legs falling over my head, giving everyone a good look at my pink elephant print panties. I groaned, I think they're trying to kill us.

Chris was the first to climb onto his feet, takin' me by my hands he practically hoisted me over his shoulder and began runnin. Sometimes I forget he could do that.

This way! Chris cried carryin' me into an alleywayan enclosed dead-end alleyway.

Realizing his mistake the look on his face could easily be read in one word, .

Way to go Houdini. I mocked crudely crossing my hands over my chest.

Harl, I am five seconds from-

Uh-oh me apple strudel was mad at me, I couldnt have that now could I? Thinking quickly I draped my arms around him walking my index and middle fingers over his shoulder.

Save it, my strawberry love muffin, we have to deal with these toddlers first, then we can rip each others heads off or kiss and make up. I stated kissing him on his Adam's apple to emphasize my pointand to make him a lil' more frustrated.

Despite his bad mood his hand dripped to bring my thigh to rest on his hip as he brought me closer. I guess he wanted to kiss and make up sooner than planned.

Sadly it was then that I realized I had a series of large bloody holes in my stockings, Dammit, they made me rip my stockings! I shirked...in my darling snuggle bunny's ears.

Harl, we have more important things to worry about. He said moving away from me as he remembered that we were fighting.

But I just got these! I protested crossin' my hands over my chest and poutin.

I wish my attention span wasn't so short and I wish I could remember the important things at hand, because if I did then I wouldn't have been so loud.

Here they are! Hey you two freeze! Put your hands over your heads and don't move! A gruff voice shouted with a heapin' pile of false bravado.

Well that was a bit redundant. Chris stated crossin' his arms over his chest.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance at our interruption, couldnt they see that we were havin' a very important argument? They've been watchin' too many cop shows. Is it a law that the crazy crooks have to get the whacked up bounty punks? I asked.

I think it's your animal magnetism. He stated the words just oozing' with sarcasm.

I said freeze! The guy shouted as his camouflage clad form and that of three others began to creep into the alleyway perhaps in hopes of blockin' us...I marvel at some people's optimism. They got points for tryin' but they didn't really know who they were messin' with. Besides forest green and brown camouflage in the city? Out of the four of them I think they shared at most half a brain.

My hand crept towards my purse, to my trusty handy dandy pop-gun! Not so fast! Number two shouted in a cracking voice, po boy he must have finally hit puberty, or someone hit him in the throat with a hammer.

I don't think I can move any slower. I stated in my defense my hand still moving.

Funny, bitch. The third male rasped out. I don't get why everyone calls me that. Before either one of us could respond a canister, something like a police smoke bomb, flew from a launcher rollin' to a stop at Chris's feet.

Before we could respond a white stream of smoke began to fog up towards our faces. Another point to the good guys, they knew they couldn't get too close. But I believe it's because they were cowards.

It wasn't tear or knock-out gas, it didn't sting my nose like they usually did. As the cloud grew the stench got stronger, so bad that I had to place my hands over my nose, I knew that smell from someplace...the green roombut for what?

From behind me Chris coughed as he began to lean forwards somewhat weakened. Weed killer. He managed through deep labored huffs dropping to his knees.

I pulled my pop-gun from my purse and loaded a dark blue cartridge, Suck on this, Bozos! I cried dropping to one knee lowering myself below the smoke and firing.

Within seconds those twits were crying out in pain as my lovely concoction got into their unprotected eyes. Haha! No one can withstand a pink cloud of doom! Waitpink?

Aw crude I must have put my pink mist dye smoke bomb in the wrong colored shell, that must mean there was a pepper bomb in a pink shell someplace. Oh well dye in the eyes hurt like hell too, propose served!

Oh I have special shells all over the place and all color coded, my explosives were red, smoke bombs depending on purpose all a gray shade, surprises were rainbow colored, I even have kryptonite, well something I made at home with glitter and green decorative sugar, but I doubt I'd be meeting Superman anytime soon.I hope.

Oops off subject um back to the alley.

I ran to Chris's side helping him onto his feet. We have to hide until yare betta. I said giving him support by being his human crutch. Yeah I could have taken those pansies on but I had him to worry about fighting or not.

I know of a place. He mumbled as his head lolled to rest on my head.

A church. Of all the places he chose he chose a church.

Um I've gotta go get something to eat. I'll tell ya the rest later! TBC baby!