For reasons undisclosed I will not be parody-ing General, Humour, Suspense, Fantasy, or Spiritual. Those genres suck.
-----
Yeah… I know no one has really been on the edge of his or her seat for this one… POETRY!
Poem no. 1: Pre-Hogwarts
Her hair shone like a glassy lake,
Her eyes were bluer than sapphire.
She lived her days a happy girl,
Never knowing what would transpire.
She transferred from the U.S.A.,
Where nothing much really happened,
But if someone tried to take her man
You'd know that she'd just slap 'em.
She was Miss Popularity,
The chicks wanted to be her.
But the guys, they were different, they only wished
For a minute chance to see her.
But out of her league, they all were,
And didn't they just know it.
Because of this fact, inside they cried,
But outside they'd never dare show it.
All this beauty is of course a curse,
We pity her beautiful face,
Us lucky ones get to go through life
With acne and no grace.
Poem no. 2: On the train
She sits alone staring into space
When the Potter boy sees his love.
She's a total bitch face but
He reckons she's from above.
Ron comes in; he's lovestruck too
He gapes and he stares,
Hermione, the normal one,
Reckons its no fair.
"Why does she get everything?
The look, the charm, the brains?
When I work my butt off here
She's just playing games.
She doesn't really love Ron, or Harry,
Her true desire is that mofo,
That evil bitch, the freakin' tool,
My god! She'll end up with Draco!"
Poem no. 3: The Sorting
She steps up to the podium
The crowd, they do wonder,
Her appearance is so striking
It's like lightning and thunder!
How does she get those curls?
That inhuman double D?
Is she a freak of nature,
To be shunned by society?
Everybody loves her!
How can this be right?
I thought to fit in you had to be same
But for her only there is light.
The glamour of her walk,
She stands out like a thorn,
Between Gryffindor and Slytherin
The sorting hat is torn.
"You have the bravery, it seems,
To be a Gryffindor,
But your ambitiousness makes it that
Slytherin you will adore.
I can't decide! What will I do?
I'll randomly pick Slytherin,
Of course the one you truly love
Is there, the house of sin."
Draco welcomes her,
Makes it clear he's gone for gold,
But she plays hard to get
Because this plot is old as mould.
"Let me show you your bed…
And maybe my bed too."
"But I have to get up early!
Maybe tomorrow, toodle-doo!"
Poem no. 4: The get together
So many wasted chapters
Showing them grow closer
So now they are inseparable
Like Inspector Rex and Moser. (For all you people living under rocks, Inspector Rex is a foreign TV show with a dog called Rex and a police dude called Moser.)
After a moment of lust,
They decide that they're true love
And clinch the deal over one short night
As they fit each other like gloves. (BAD IMAGE!)
Poem no. 5: Happily ever after.
They lived happily ever after. The end.
-----
I'm very sorry to say this will be the last chapter in this series… Yes, it was cut extremely short… but I have a kind of policy not to have more than 2 fics running at the same time, so I don't get overloaded. Stay tuned, for coming soon to Amerikus' user lookup: PAIRINGS FROM A HAT! CHAPTER ONE: SNAPE/MILLICENT! There will also be other madcap pairings, such as Peter/Umbridge and Winky/Charlie. Oh, and let's not forget Harry/Hedwig!