The Day the Universes Collided


Chapter Seventeen


Above the Star Fox Homeworld

Game Realm P.C.

Time: 1830 hours


Snip! Snip! Nin hummed softly as she cut the folded paper into the shape of a little boy. Below her, the world of Star Fox, StarFox64 and Star Fox Adventures burned brightly, all lives lost. She floated in space above the razed planet, legs pulled up and crossed at the ankles as if she were sitting in a chair. Snip! Snip! Nin went on carefully cutting as her brother flew in from a fly around in search of escaped characters.

"Sis, guess who's back? Back again?" Tendo sang with a laugh, flying around his older sister. Nin glanced up at him and continued snipping.

"I believe I know who it is. And it looks like he's going to be a threat. He's the only one capable of commanding the Shigeru Armada and turning them all into decent combat cruisers." she replied, "My one and only, my dearest, I do so love how he can take charge of any situation."

"News flash, Nin! We've already killed off everybody here! It's boring now! Let's go find some other planets to play with!" Tendo declared as Nin finished her paper dolls and unfolded them, a chain of Mavericks in her hands.

"I have a better idea, Tendo. Let's go play with Maverick. He must miss me so much after being gone so long. And besides, we have to make sure that nobody knows that someone can survive Nintendo's Wrath. It's our best spell." Nin replied and smiled gently at the dolls as they burst into flames, "We have to restart Nintendo again, little brother. The characters are too weak. We must be strong. The strongest!" She suddenly laughed maniacally as the dolls burned in space.....



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Zelda Homeworld

Game Realm P.C.

Time: 1900 hours


"Maverick, good to see you alive and well." Alt Link remarked over the monitor in the bridge of the Legacy. Maverick snorted a bit and folded his arms over his chest.

"Why did you summon me, Allstar Link? I received messages from Sigma and Samus. What are their conditions?" he demanded to know. Alt Link winced slightly.

"Dead. Both worlds were destroyed by the Twins. We've recently gotten a transmission from the Star Fox Planet, just before it was destroyed. Nin and Tendo were raving about purging the realm of the weak." he replied.

"Right idea, wrong way of doing it." Maverick murmured, "If all of Nintendo's characters are killed, all of the games they star in back in the Realm of Humanity will freeze just long enough for everyone to lose faith in the corporation. Nintendo Co., Ltd would not recover so quickly from such a blow."

"We have plans to stop the Twins, but we need your help. Requesting permission to board the Legacy of Links." Alt Link went on.

"Denied. I have friends on board who need to rest and have some decent food in their bellies. I can't stand the pretty boy's whining over the lack of...cheeseburgers." Maverick said the last word as if it disgusted him. Alt Link sighed.

"All right. Pull into the dock on Base Two on the world. We need to go through procedures for any and all FanFics brought planet side." he replied and the transmission ended.

"And now I'm the FanFic?! This is an insult!!" Allstar raged as soon as his counterpart was gone from the screen.

"Bro, just play along. It's not going to do us any good to say we're the Allstars. They'll just probably try to imprison us for mental issues." Dark Link told him.

"They should do that to Maverick, the necrophiliac!" Allstar snapped and jumped as the captain whirled around and jabbed the end of a silencer pistol into his belly.

"You have ten seconds to eat those words." he hissed, "One! Two! Ten!"

"WHAAAT?!!" Allstar wailed, "I can't voice my opinions anymore?! It's a free world!"

"Not on my ship." Maverick growled as he put the gun back, "You live only because you and your twin haven't exploited a figurine weakness yet...and because cleaning up the mess in the bridge would be expensive."

The ship, a sleek machine with swept back wings, landed some minutes later at a port. Maverick headed down to the platforms with the heroes following along and stepped onto terra firma. Alt Link and Alt Dark ran up to them and stopped before the group, briefly saluting Maverick, who returned it with one of his own.

"Captain Maverick, glad you could make it. We just need a few questions answered by the FanFics you brought with you." Alt Dark greeted. "For accommodating purposes...." he added as an explanation when Maverick glared at him. The little elf nodded curtly and stepped aside. The other Links blinked, what was going to happen now? Alt Link pulled out a clipboard and a pen, masking any expression he had on with a neutral look.

"Okay, let's get started. Are any of you attracted to Zelda, Princess of Hyrule and/or any other personification of said princess?" he began. Link blushed as deeply as Waker.

"She's beautiful, but I have my heart set on Malon." Link murmured. Waker looked bashful.

"Zelda's nice. I...I like her a lot." he mumbled.

"My boss? My wife'll kill me if she so much as dreams I have an affair with my boss." Elfin growled.

"Don't look at me. I'm married too! Dark Zelda may be a FanFic character, but Advance Link created her for me." Dark Link exclaimed, then covered his mouth, "Oops."

"Same as me. Your Author must be extremely gifted to create such a close to true FanFic character. My compliments to him." Alt Dark remarked with a surprised look.

"She's my girlfriend, but I'm holding off on popping any questions. My bank account won't be able to handle it. Not to mention my accountant would have a stroke....again." Allstar griped.

"Okay, next question. Are any of you attracted to Sheik, regardless of sex and/or association with the aforementioned princess?" Alt Link went on, looking down at the clipboard briefly, then watching the heroes' expression.

"WHAT?!" Link cried, taken aback. "No! He...she...whatever...Sheik was my greatest ally during the time I spent awakening the Sages!"

"Who's Sheik?" Waker asked, scratching his head.

"Eh, this is disturbing." Allstar muttered, "Sheik is Zelda in that little getup of hers. So I guess, yeah, I like Sheik, but only 'cause I know it's Zelda trying to be kinky again."

"I try not to hit on my bro's girlfriend, no matter her outfits." Dark Link muttered.

"Who the hell is Sheik?" Elfin wondered aloud.

"Are any of you attracted to any of the female Sages, including Saria and Ruto?" Alt Link went on.

"I don't remember ever having things like this to clear FanFics back at the base." Allstar whispered to his brother, "I think this Allstar is a little off in the old noggin."

"Hey! Saria's one of my best friends! And Ruto is a good friend, but that's all they are! I said I was courting Malon!" Link shouted angrily, "How dare you think I would run around behind her back!"

"Saria is nice, but I don't think Hero would like it if I tried to date a Sage. Especially since they're his friends." Waker murmured, "Oh, so that's Sheik.... Ewie."

"Do I look like a pedophile to you?" Allstar demanded, "And what would I want with Ms. Aquaman, anyway?!"

"Don't think about it. What would I do with them? I have Zel." Dark Link growled.

"Are any of you attracted to my brother, Dark Link?" Alt Link suddenly asked. The heroes fell silent in shock. Maverick grinned. This was going to be good for a laugh.

"ARE YOU INSANE?!?!" the group screamed in outrage.

"You think I'm gay or something?!" Elfin shrieked, "I have my world's version of a Dark Link, Mirror Link, sealed up in a jar back in the forensics lab of my world! What in the hell are you people on?!"

"That is the sickest thing I've ever heard! He nearly killed me in my world! Why would I have any feelings towards that shadow monster?!" Link raged.

"How dare you accuse me of something like that?! I don't have any Dark Links in my world!!!" Waker yelled, waving his arms madly.

"Why the hell would I do my own twin brother?! You're on drugs or something! That's the most disgusting thing anyone's ever asked me!" Allstar fumed as his twin retched. Maverick only laughed at them, still not a nice sound. The heroes glared at him.

"Haven't you read some of the FanFics out there?" Alt Dark asked the group, "I've met a few from them. I don't enjoy being groped by someone designed to look like my twin."

"All right. Last one." Alt Link grumbled, "Geez, FanFics these days are so twitchy. This is just for safety and regulation." He flipped through the papers on the clipboard, finished marking off some things. "Okay, now. Would any of you, if given the chance and opportunity, and assuming your Author has come up with a sufficient enough plot-hole to create the situation and maintain its stability...." Alt Link stopped and cleared his throat, then stared directly at the group, "be attracted to me as Hero of Time?"

"Double ewie." Waker muttered, cringing and stepping back, "Nasty Hero."

"I was wrong earlier. That's the sickest thing I've ever heard." Link hissed, folding his arms over his chest as Maverick laughed harder.

"Oookay, you have issues." Elfin answered, raising his hands, "Um, tempting, but no. I would not like to do a copy of myself."

"That's like a reverse of the other question; no, I wouldn't be attracted to my twin like that." Dark Link grumbled. Allstar turned bright red and ground his teeth at the question. Then he got a shrewd grin on his face. "Eh, Bro? What are you doing?" Dark Link asked softly, looking a little worried about the blonde Allstar's expression.

"Yeah, me! I'd do ya in a heartbeat, pretty boy!" Allstar declared jokingly. The other heroes stared at him, dumbfounded.

"Okay, thanks for the warning." Alt Link remarked brightly...then brought out a gun and fired it on Allstar. The heroes continued to stare as Allstar looked down in shock at the dart buried in his right arm.

"What the hell?" he asked just before grinning stupidly and collapsing in a heap. Dark Link blinked, then mirrored the grin.

"Ooh, nice..." he slurred and fell over as well.

"What the hell was that?!" Elfin yelled at Alt Link as Maverick cracked up again.

"Tranquilizer. He should be out for just long enough for us to temporarily rewrite his Authored program to prevent him from grabbing me and shoving me into the first broom closet he finds." Alt Link replied calmly as he holstered the gun to his belt.

"He was kidding! Can't you people take a joke?!" Elfin shrieked as Link and Waker knelt down next to Allstar and took turns poking at his arm, ignoring his snoring and drooling.

"No." Alt Dark answered and turned with his twin as they began to walk away, "Follow us to your rooms. We'll need to speak with Maverick once everyone is situated." Elfin sighed and hefted up Allstar onto his back as Link carried Dark Link. Maverick continued laughing as he followed the heroes into the Zelda Home Base.



********


En Route to Zelda Homeworld

Game Realm P.C.

Time: 1915 hours


Nin and Tendo flew on, happily, laughing as various small chunks of debris from escape pods littered the space. The Sonic Adventure Homeworld was on the same route and, as Nin said brightly, it burned lovely colors in space.

The delay to destroy another of their worlds cost them time, but it didn't matter to them. The madness held them fast, whispering ideas of death and destruction to them in such a way that it all seemed like a fun game.

The game took a darker turn as the X Twins suddenly teleported before them. Nin and Tendo came to a halt and grinned at them. X, a copy of Nin with a more seductive outfit and lime green hair, smiled back. Baux, whose dominant color was black and wore only that color when he could help it, mirrored the smile.

"Greeting, Nin and Tendo. Normally, we'd try to destroy you, but this time, we have a proposition for you." X murmured in a dark, sultry voice. The Nintendo Twins weaved among themselves in front of their rivals, giggling. "We've come to notice that Nintendo worlds are being destroyed. That pleases us, but we're not the ones doing it. Apparently, you're the cause of all those deaths. We applaud you."

"We're curious to know what made you change your minds about the Power of Good. You still have it, but you're using it for destructive purposes." Baux added, licking his lips as he watched Tendo spin slowly in space, still giggling. "Not that we're complaining...."

"Because it's fun!" Tendo laughed, "We like things that are fun! Blowing stuff up is fun! Burning stuff down is fun!"

"For shits and giggles!" Nin threw in with a laugh and the two giggled even more.

"Nin, you said a bad word!" Tendo teased and laughed insanely. X and Baux looked at each other and smiled, nodding. Things were going well, for them.

"We have a deal for you. Destroy every world you've ever created, we'll send ships to help you. We'll keep you fully stocked with 'toys' to use to 'play' with your children." X remarked, "And in return, we will give you each a lollipop."

"Kill everyone for a piece of candy?" Nin asked and smiled brightly, "Okay! Candy! Yay!" The twins twirled in space, giggling and laughing, hand in hand. They suddenly flew off, a streak of blue and pink disappearing with the same childlike giggles. "Candy! Candy! Yay! Yay!" X and Baux watched them leave and smiled at each other.

"You're going to poison the candy, right?" Baux asked his sister.

"Of course." X replied with a grin, "Once they've destroyed Nintendo, we'll finish them off and the Realm of Games will be ours again to do with as we please. The Players of Humanity will have no choice but to buy Xboxes if they wish to play any video games."

"What about Sony and her Playstation?" Baux pointed out.

"They will fall quickly enough without Nintendo to back them up. Sega is about to die herself. The Realms, both of them, will soon be ours. We'll have a monopoly in Humanity and a kingdom here in Games." X answered smoothly.

"Brilliant plan, Sister. Just promise me one thing." Baux murmured as he watched the two colorful streaks of light fade, still licking his lips, "Let me enjoy myself with the Nintendo Twins before we kill them. Let me steal their innocence before they burn in their own personal hell....."