When did it happen?" Justin feared to ask as tears began to fill his eyelids.
"About a year ago...at first I didn't tell anyone. Not even Mikey. But, he started to notice more and more when I stopped going to Babylon with them. I looked sick all the time. I would go everywhere and feel exhausted, even if I had over slept. Finally, he confronted me and made me tell him..." Brian kept on trying to explain himself as tears start falling from his eyes.
"I don't even know who it was who gave it to me. Some random trick, I guess. One week, I just went in for my monthly check up, you know. And...I came out positive. Scared the shit outta me..." That's all Brian could say. Tears started streaming from his eyes and Justin watched helplessly. He took Brian's hand and squeezed it for support. Brian just kept on crying, he couldn't stop himself.
"I'm real sorry, Brian." Justin tried to continue but Brian stopped him. One, he didn't want to cry more and two; He didn't want sympathy from anyone else, especially Justin.
"Look Justin, I don't want anymore sympathy. I've gotten so much over the last year, especially from Michael. I'm sick of it. It just makes me feel worse. It reminds me, ya know? I have been living my life just as normal; minus a few things...I just have this...thing inside my body. Just don't. I'm not dead yet." That last sentence hit a sore spot in Justin's heart. But, he only nodded. He understood what Brian wanted and he was going to listen to him. Justin reached into his coat and pulled out another cigarette. Flicked his lighter and puffed away. They sat in silence for some time. Nothing disturbed the scene, only the smoke moving in and out of Justin's mouth. Brian looked from the stars to his hands, as if he was wishing for something.
"I'm just shaken up from Ben's death. He was perfectly fine and then...just knowing that I'm gonna go down that road too..." Brian said, staring at his hands. Not daring to look up and see what Justin was going to say. Justin exhaled smoke from his mouth and looked back over at Brian. Trying not to look sympathetic. The last thing Justin wanted was for Brian to die. Justin thought for some time and decided to try and steer the conversation away from HIV.
"Ya know...after high school, after I moved to New York. I stopped getting into relationships. After the last kiss you gave me...that was my last kiss..." Justin confessed. Brian looked up and stared him in the eye. Surprised. He started to go into a fantasy. Looking into Justin's eyes like that was really a blast from the past for him. He got broken back into reality and looked back down at his hands.
"Yeah...mine too..." Brian said in almost a whisper. Justin looked at him in shock.
"Brian Kinney! That was five years ago...are you telling me that you haven't kissed anyone for five years?" Justin said with a sly smile playing on his lips.
"Yes. You were my last kiss. I...wanted to keep it that way. I never kissed anyone else because I wanted you to be my last..." Brian said with a small smile on his face.
"You still got that same old charm..." Justin laughed. Brian smiled awkwardly to Justin. Justin took a puff of his cigarette and looked back over to Brian.
"You know...you had me at a surprise right then...I didn't know I meant that much to you..." Justin said as some of his golden locks fell over his eyes. His eyes sparkled with tears, yet a slight smile was on his mouth.
"You have no...fucking...idea." Brian said. Justin smiled wider and Brian laughed a little.
"After I got diagnosed, I never got into another relationship. I think because out of all my relationships, you were the one that I kept going back to...and that meant something to me...but-"Brian staled and felt hot tears leek from his eyes. He covered his eyes with his hands and turned away from Justin. Justin felt helpless just watching him cry.
"A few years back..." Justin started, talking softly. Brian kept his hands over his eyes, but listened to what Justin was going to say.
"I had this thought of leaving my New York life behind and moving back to Pittsburg..." Brian looked up. Tears stained his cheeks and his eyes were slightly red. He looked into Justin's eyes with a hopeful gleam in his glazed eyes.
"I don't know why I started thinking about it...It's just...New York doesn't have Liberty Diner...or Woody's. Or Deb's house, ya know? I grew up here, my life started here...I didn't want to be away anymore..." Justin finished. Brian smiled to him.
"You forgot Babylon." Brian said with a devilish smile. Justin laughed out loud; it made Brian happy to hear his smile again.
"I'm too old for Babylon. Good memories but nothing more..." Justin said. Remembering some good times with the gang at Babylon.
"I went to Babylon until I was thirty-three years old..." Brian said. Trying to make Justin feel somewhat guilty for saying he was too old to go at twenty-three.
"You were an exception. I'm sure at thirty-three you probably still looked twenty-three." Justin exclaimed.
"I'll give you that. But...age has started to catch up to me." Brian said as his smile faded.
"Stay young forever...right?" Brian said sarcastically to Justin. Justin looks suddenly sad. Brian had always been happy with his aging process, now, it was bitter to have age catch up to him.
"I think you still look as beautiful as ever..." Justin stated as he ran his free hand through Brian's brown hair.
"Maybe even more so..." Justin said and it made Brian smile. He leaned into Justin's roaming hand as it traveled down to his cheek.
"Those laugh lines...it showed that you learned to laugh more after I left..." Justin said as Brian giggled a little bit.
"I had a lot of good times..." Brian said as he reminisced some in his head.
"I learned to laugh a lot more, and to take a joke. I had some memorable times with Mikey and Emmett..." Brian smiled to himself. Justin was happy that he had a smile on his face, he didn't feel helpless. Brian stopped thinking of the past and looked back into Justin's eyes