A/N: Another chapter! I found some new stories by typing random words in
the search feature. It worked pretty well, I think. So enjoy, I shall not
end the story yet. Please, if you have found anything even remotely funny,
either e-mail the name to me or, even better, leave it in a review.
Sometimes there will be lots of links to funny stuff through the favorite
stories list on the authors page.
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"Helllloooo." Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows and giving Maria a roguish wink.
Maria raised her eyebrows and shot a look at Noel. "He thinks he's a ladies' man..." Noel whispered to her friend.
Maria gave Sirius a devilish look. "Is that right?" she murmured. "Well, two can play at that game!" she nodded at Troy and Remus. "Hey, guys..." then she smiled slyly at Sirius. "Hellooo, Sirius..."
He smiled at her. "Say, Maria, haven't I seen you someplace before?"
"Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore." she returned quickly, a smirk playing across her face.
Sirius narrowed his eyes. He decided to try again. "You're so beautiful. You know, I'd go to the end of the world for you."
Maria grinned crookedly. "But would you please stay there?"
Everyone burst out laughing. Remus nudged his friend and whispered, "Sirius Black, I think you've met your match!" Troy laughed and nodded. Sirius only stared at Maria. ___________________________________________________________-
"JAMES! James, James ... guess what!" Sirius Black shouted all the way through the Great Hall. He ran over to the Gryffindor table and skidded to a halt, almost knocking over James' chair. "James..." Sirius panted, collapsing heavily beside him. James Potter gave him a most bemused look before he closed his Transfiguration book. "Whee, Black. That's my name all right. You got free tickets for the Quidditch World Cup or -" "Better. Way better!" Sirius grinned from ear to ear. "I'm staying at Hogwarts over Christmas." James made a questioning face. "And that's better? How come? Well, I know you're not keen on seeing your family but none of us stays. I don't see -" "I'm not alone." James raised his eyebrows over the rim of his glasses. "You've got a girl-" "Snape stays too." "Eww. Come again?" "Come on - think! It's the perfect opportunity for another of my", he paused for drama and lowered his voice, "special pranks." "You do remember the last one, do you? The one where you ended up kissing Snape?" Sirius' smile dropped. "We. Do. Not. Speak. Of. This." "Oh - but we found it very amusing." James grinned broadly. "Did we?" "Besides, doesn't Snape usually stay with the Malfoys over Christmas?" "Not this time." Sirius was back on the subject. "They were invited by one of those old wizarding families. And of course they won't bring a freak like Snape along." "Which old wizarding family do we speak of?" Sirius shrugged. "Mine." "Oh." "Anyway -" "I don't know, Sirius. It's Christmas after all. Why don't you stay with me over the holidays?" Sirius made a dismissive gesture and James tried again. "You'll get presents!" "Good cue - would you lend me the cloak? Please? And -" "Did you hear what I said?" "Of course he didn't," Remus Lupin's voice cut in. "He's got that look that says: I'm way beyond help, please find my brain scattered over the North Pole," he made a show of scanning Sirius expertly, "on Mars. What's up?" He took a chair on the other side of James. He didn't seem too curious, though. But before Sirius could feel properly offended by his friend's lack of interest, he jumped up. __________________________________________________________-
There was a long pause as all of Grimmauld's inhabitants tried to come up with something to do.
"We could string Kreacher up by his toes and pretend he's a piñata," Sirius offered. _______________________________________________________-
"AHH!" Padfoot cried and curled into fetal position on the floor.
"BAD MENTAL IMAGE! BAD MENTAL IMAGE!" Moony yelped and clawed at his eyes.
"Told you it was bad..." Prongs muttered.
"No!" Snape sniffed. "My Minerva... Why must you do this to me!? Why!?"
Silence.
"Uh... I'm learning too much about Snivellus than I rather would want to..." Padfoot winced as Moony nodded in illusion.
"My turn!" Prongs quipped happily. "I shall be the... PROPOSER OF DOOM! MWHAHAHAHA!"
"Uh... That's wonderful Prongsy..." Padfoot commented lightly. ________________________________________________________-
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Sirius was busy with a roll of muggle duct tape. He had physically forced Kreacher into a roasting pan and was trying to affix the lid with the tape.
"Why are you struggling?!" he hissed. "This'll be over in a minute. This hurts me more than it hurts you--well, no, okay, it'll definitely hurt you more, but I have to cook something special for Snape."
The lid in place, Sirius made for the stove with the howling pan.
"Stop it, Sirius," Lupin said softly but affirmatively. Sirius gave a sexy little pout, but Lupin's eyes bore into him, unrelenting. With a sigh of resignation, Black turned and shoved the pan on the counter.
"I'm bored," Sirius whined pitifully.
"Well, we can't have that," Lupin sighed, remembering all the things Black had felt compelled to do out of boredom. Setting Kreacher on fire, drinking an entire bottle of hot sauce, piercing his own nipples. . . Lupin shuddered at his friend's stupidity. There was of course the time Black had removed Snape's underpants in front of the school--that had done wonders for the rumors going around that the two were gay. Lupin mentally noted that you couldn't forget the time James and Sirius had made a seven foot tall replica of the Taj Mahal out of mashed potatoes in the Gryffindor common room or the time they had enchanted the school kitchen's house elves into performing the Nutcracker ballet. As memories of past acts of madness came roaring back to Remus, he seized Sirius by the elbow and hauled him away from the kitchen of stoves and sharp, pointy things. __________________________________________________________-
"But fireworks are so...so tame!" Sirius complained. "I think we should turn all the Slithering' food into butter and rocks just as they were about to eat it." The other three Marauders looked at him incredulously. "Butter and rocks, Sirius? Where did you come up with that?" James asked, blinking owlishly. Sirius shrugged. "Dun, just came to me. So how about it?" __________________________________________________________-
It was dark and stormy when Remus left Gryffindor Tower.
"Where ya goin', Remmie!?" Sirius said.
"I'm goin' to take my pregnancy test, Siri," Remus answered dryly, rolling his eyes.
"Oh, alright!" Sirius relaxed again. Then..."Waiiit a minute, who's the father!!?"
But Remus was gone.
Everyone laughed. Sirius was so stupid sometimes. But they really did wonder where Remus was going. It was even more surprising when Maria got up to leave, too.
"Now where are YOU going!?" Sirius asked, bewildered.
Maria grinned lightly at him. "I'm the father!" she quipped. Then she left.
Noel, Jenna, and Lily burst out laughing. So did James and Troy.
"But Maria!!" Sirius shrieked after her. "You said you would father MY baby!!" he buried his head in his arms and pretended to sob. 'But really, where did they both go?' He thought. 'I will get to the bottom of this!'
_____________________________________________________-
*Pop* Where once had stood Snuffles now stood Sirus Black a tuft of gopher hair hanging from his mouth. He took the hair and headed for Remus's desk. Finding a parchment and a quill he quickly wrote a note for Remus to find.
Remus-
Your gopher is a worthy advisary. We have battled long and hard today he and I. All I managed to recover though was some of his hair. Fear not though I shall have his head before long.
Yours Truly,
Snuffles
Sirus laughed to himself at the note and small piece of hair attached to it. Sirus yawned and decided that he'd had enough excitement. After stretching for a moment Sirius headed upstairs for his room, his bed and a well-deserved nap.
Several hours later Remus Lupin returned laden with packages from his trip to town. He sat them down looking around wondering where Sirus had gotten off too. "He had better still be in this house." Remus mumbled to himself. He walked over to his desk finding a note addressed to him.
He began laughing at his friends antics. He could almost picture Snuffle's fight with this gopher. Sirus came downstairs at the moment and seeing Remus in hysterics asked "What's so funny?" "Just you my friend." Remus replied. "Just you." he said walking past Sirus and upstairs to his room. ________________________________________________________-
"Can we go yet?"
"No."
"Can we go yet?"
"No."
"Can we go yet?"
"No."
"Can we go yet?"
"NO!" Madame Pomfrey's eye twitched. "Mr. Potter, Mr. Black. For the last time, I will TELL you when you can go, alright!?"
Still reeling from the shock, the Marauders had been placed in the Hospital Wing upon the rising of the sun, when a Hufflepuff first year had spotted their gruesome battle. James, Maria, Remus, and Sirius would all have lasting scars. Lily, Jenna, and Troy were sick, soaked to the bone with icy rain. And Noel....
"How's my baby sister?" James called, trying to see down the line of beds to Noel.
"She will survive. She's handling it well." Madame Pomfrey pressed her lips together in a thin line.
"How's Remmie!?" Sirius yelled out.
"Honestly, can't you see him yourself!?"
"No! You put him in a bed waaaaay far from mine!"
The poor nurse rolled her eyes. "He's still asleep, Mr. Black." then she muttered, " I TOLD Dumbledore that hospitalizing all eight Marauders at the same time was a bad idea!"
Marauders with issues, at that. It was surprising they hadn't gone off the deep end yet, although there was some talk about Sirius and James....Madame Pomfrey amused herself with a picture of the Marauders next to a muggle diving board and some very deep water. Going off the deep end, indeed. But they had a firm grasp on whatever sanity they had left. Each one of them was taking the whole affair very well. ________________________________________________________-
"Such a good dog." Lily replied sweetly. "Now James won't have to take you to the pound." Sirius whined slightly. James laughed softly as he watched his wife leave the room. "We'll be back soon, Padfoot. Just.....try to stay out of trouble until then." Sirius quickly transformed back to himself. "Honestly, Prongs!" He stated indignantly. "You'd think you were talking to the child instead of the babysitter." James paused as he started to leave the room. "Sometimes I'm honestly not sure which is which." He replied with a slight smile. "Funny." "Prove me wrong." "Hardly much left to worry about." Sirius stated. "All your list leaves is dog-fights and strip clubs." James just shook his head as he joined his wife at the door. "All set then?" Lily asked. "Should be." Lily leaned over and gave her son a kiss goodbye. "Now behave for Uncle Sirius, Harry." She told the baby. "And, Sirius," she added, giving him a kiss on the cheek, "don't teach my son any new words while we're gone. O.K.?" Sirius huffed. "What have I ever done that warrants you two warning me about behaving myself every time?" Lily looked somewhere between angry and amused. "Well, there was that incident with the broom, Sirius." "One thing...!" Sirius defended. "And that situation with the motorcycle." James put in helpfully. "Two things...!" "And that time with charmed carpet." "Three things....!" "And there was that table." "Four things.....!" "And I'm not even going to bring up the doormat issue." "Five things....!" "Padfoot," James stated solemnly, "are we seeing a pattern here?" "Like I said," Sirius replied, frowning, "no fun!" James shook his head. "Somehow, I'm sure you'll think of something. Just try not to make it anything I'll have to hard of a time explaining to the magic reversal squad." "You're faith in me is astounding." James patted his son's head. "Watch out after him for me, Harry. For all the trouble he gets me into with your mum, he's still my best friend." Harry happily waved bye-bye to his parents as Sirius closed the door after them. ________________________________________________________-
But the light didn't make it any better. On the contrary. James looked into the face of an utterly bewildered Sirius Black. His blue eyes were as big as saucers, his hair was greasy - of all things - and he most definitely had lost weight. "What happened here?" James grabbed Sirius by the shoulders. "What did Snape do to you?" "Do? Nothing. Yet. I didn't give him a chance to. I was on guard." James shook his head sheepishly. "Nothing? What's that supposed to mean? You look like shit!" "I laid boobytraps," Sirius replied without any sign of listening, and James suddenly got a very lively and frightening image of what Avery had been running from. "Boobytraps?" "In the common room. That's why I stopped you from entering. But don't worry. I've made a map of all my hidden devices." "Hidden devices." "Oh, come on! You know what I mean." "Frankly: no. Jesus -" But Sirius already dragged him unceremoniously out of the cupboard. "What is it now?" "Let's go down to the hall. We have to be among other people. So he can't single us out." "Perhaps we should go down to St Mungo's," James suggested. "We have to be among competent people who can deal with this." Ah, well. Not that Sirius was by any chance listening to him. ________________________________________________________-
The next morning, the Marauders were up bright and early, still sick and scarred but extremely hyper. Sirius and Troy were throwing around paper airplanes. One of them hit Lily in the head and she got mad and threw a pillow at Sirius, but it hit Maria. This started an all-out pillow fight, until Madame Pomfrey put a stop to it.
"Honestly!" she shrieked, "You are sick and scarred and need REST! Now, get in your OWN beds and be QUIET!!"
This didn't have quite the effect she had hoped for. They just laughed and asked her if they could have some more juice. When she got back, she found that, instead of getting in their own beds, they had pushed two of the beds together and were sprawled all over them. Hiding her smile, she gave them their drinks and left. __________________________________________________________-
Sirius wandered to the toad. "Hello Mister Toad." Sirius greeted him. (Sirius can be quite polite, he just doesn't want to.)
"Ribbit." Ribbited the toad.
"Why're you so sad, mister Toad?" Sirius asked.
"Ribbit."
"Oh, so your girlfriend was kidnapped by an evil witch and turned you into a helpless little froggy?"
"Ribbit."
"And you want to help her and save her and marry her?"
"Ribbit."
"Alright, not marry her, but er, have 'fun' with her."
"Ribbit."
"Hmm, too bad you're not a superhero then, 'cause superheroes always save the day, the girl and manage to disguise themselves using only a pair of glasses." Sirius had a thought. "You know! I can help you!"
"Ribbit."
"Sure I can, you see, I'm not just any ol' dog, I'm also." A fanfare played in the background while Sirius started to strike a superhero pose. "Dogman!" He said, pointing at the sky.
"Ribbit?"
"Yeah, yeah, so 'Dogman' isn't that great, but do you know any better names?" Sirius asked, looking a bit insulted.
"Ribbit."
"No, I don't think 'The Amazingly Cool Black Dog of Glory and Stuff' is quite catchy. Bit lengthy."
"Ribbit."
"No! I won't be called TACBDOGAS, 'cause then everyone'll ask what it stands for." Sirius sighed. Being a superhero wasn't as cool as he thought. "Don't you know any better name? How about 'Superdog'?"
"Ribbit."
"Yeah, that is a bit stealing, isn't it." Sirius thought some more. "Hey, I've got it! I can be Superdogman!" He looked around. The frog was gone. An empty bottle of soda was left behind. "Yuck, Lucozade." Sirius said and wandered off, back to his cave and Buckbeak. _____________________________________________________________-
Segments from;
Sirius Black, You've Met Your Match by kid majere
A Hogwarts Paranoia by Mi
The Noble and Most Ancient House of Boredom by meg kenobi
Stuck in Idiotville by Lady Stone
Only Time by Rynne Lupin
Sirius is Bored by Jayly
Siriusly Bored by P.A.R
The little bored doggy who was bored. By fluffikins _______________________________________________________-
A/N: Happy? Most of the stories I found by typing 'Bored' into fanfiction's search engine, cuz I was bored. See what great things are accomplished when you are bored? Oh, and I'm mad at fanfiction because they changed it so the chapter titles can only be so long! They cut off all my chapter names! Meanies! Ok, never mind, my mind is slipping into 2-year old mode. Better go, please review!
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"Helllloooo." Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows and giving Maria a roguish wink.
Maria raised her eyebrows and shot a look at Noel. "He thinks he's a ladies' man..." Noel whispered to her friend.
Maria gave Sirius a devilish look. "Is that right?" she murmured. "Well, two can play at that game!" she nodded at Troy and Remus. "Hey, guys..." then she smiled slyly at Sirius. "Hellooo, Sirius..."
He smiled at her. "Say, Maria, haven't I seen you someplace before?"
"Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore." she returned quickly, a smirk playing across her face.
Sirius narrowed his eyes. He decided to try again. "You're so beautiful. You know, I'd go to the end of the world for you."
Maria grinned crookedly. "But would you please stay there?"
Everyone burst out laughing. Remus nudged his friend and whispered, "Sirius Black, I think you've met your match!" Troy laughed and nodded. Sirius only stared at Maria. ___________________________________________________________-
"JAMES! James, James ... guess what!" Sirius Black shouted all the way through the Great Hall. He ran over to the Gryffindor table and skidded to a halt, almost knocking over James' chair. "James..." Sirius panted, collapsing heavily beside him. James Potter gave him a most bemused look before he closed his Transfiguration book. "Whee, Black. That's my name all right. You got free tickets for the Quidditch World Cup or -" "Better. Way better!" Sirius grinned from ear to ear. "I'm staying at Hogwarts over Christmas." James made a questioning face. "And that's better? How come? Well, I know you're not keen on seeing your family but none of us stays. I don't see -" "I'm not alone." James raised his eyebrows over the rim of his glasses. "You've got a girl-" "Snape stays too." "Eww. Come again?" "Come on - think! It's the perfect opportunity for another of my", he paused for drama and lowered his voice, "special pranks." "You do remember the last one, do you? The one where you ended up kissing Snape?" Sirius' smile dropped. "We. Do. Not. Speak. Of. This." "Oh - but we found it very amusing." James grinned broadly. "Did we?" "Besides, doesn't Snape usually stay with the Malfoys over Christmas?" "Not this time." Sirius was back on the subject. "They were invited by one of those old wizarding families. And of course they won't bring a freak like Snape along." "Which old wizarding family do we speak of?" Sirius shrugged. "Mine." "Oh." "Anyway -" "I don't know, Sirius. It's Christmas after all. Why don't you stay with me over the holidays?" Sirius made a dismissive gesture and James tried again. "You'll get presents!" "Good cue - would you lend me the cloak? Please? And -" "Did you hear what I said?" "Of course he didn't," Remus Lupin's voice cut in. "He's got that look that says: I'm way beyond help, please find my brain scattered over the North Pole," he made a show of scanning Sirius expertly, "on Mars. What's up?" He took a chair on the other side of James. He didn't seem too curious, though. But before Sirius could feel properly offended by his friend's lack of interest, he jumped up. __________________________________________________________-
There was a long pause as all of Grimmauld's inhabitants tried to come up with something to do.
"We could string Kreacher up by his toes and pretend he's a piñata," Sirius offered. _______________________________________________________-
"AHH!" Padfoot cried and curled into fetal position on the floor.
"BAD MENTAL IMAGE! BAD MENTAL IMAGE!" Moony yelped and clawed at his eyes.
"Told you it was bad..." Prongs muttered.
"No!" Snape sniffed. "My Minerva... Why must you do this to me!? Why!?"
Silence.
"Uh... I'm learning too much about Snivellus than I rather would want to..." Padfoot winced as Moony nodded in illusion.
"My turn!" Prongs quipped happily. "I shall be the... PROPOSER OF DOOM! MWHAHAHAHA!"
"Uh... That's wonderful Prongsy..." Padfoot commented lightly. ________________________________________________________-
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Sirius was busy with a roll of muggle duct tape. He had physically forced Kreacher into a roasting pan and was trying to affix the lid with the tape.
"Why are you struggling?!" he hissed. "This'll be over in a minute. This hurts me more than it hurts you--well, no, okay, it'll definitely hurt you more, but I have to cook something special for Snape."
The lid in place, Sirius made for the stove with the howling pan.
"Stop it, Sirius," Lupin said softly but affirmatively. Sirius gave a sexy little pout, but Lupin's eyes bore into him, unrelenting. With a sigh of resignation, Black turned and shoved the pan on the counter.
"I'm bored," Sirius whined pitifully.
"Well, we can't have that," Lupin sighed, remembering all the things Black had felt compelled to do out of boredom. Setting Kreacher on fire, drinking an entire bottle of hot sauce, piercing his own nipples. . . Lupin shuddered at his friend's stupidity. There was of course the time Black had removed Snape's underpants in front of the school--that had done wonders for the rumors going around that the two were gay. Lupin mentally noted that you couldn't forget the time James and Sirius had made a seven foot tall replica of the Taj Mahal out of mashed potatoes in the Gryffindor common room or the time they had enchanted the school kitchen's house elves into performing the Nutcracker ballet. As memories of past acts of madness came roaring back to Remus, he seized Sirius by the elbow and hauled him away from the kitchen of stoves and sharp, pointy things. __________________________________________________________-
"But fireworks are so...so tame!" Sirius complained. "I think we should turn all the Slithering' food into butter and rocks just as they were about to eat it." The other three Marauders looked at him incredulously. "Butter and rocks, Sirius? Where did you come up with that?" James asked, blinking owlishly. Sirius shrugged. "Dun, just came to me. So how about it?" __________________________________________________________-
It was dark and stormy when Remus left Gryffindor Tower.
"Where ya goin', Remmie!?" Sirius said.
"I'm goin' to take my pregnancy test, Siri," Remus answered dryly, rolling his eyes.
"Oh, alright!" Sirius relaxed again. Then..."Waiiit a minute, who's the father!!?"
But Remus was gone.
Everyone laughed. Sirius was so stupid sometimes. But they really did wonder where Remus was going. It was even more surprising when Maria got up to leave, too.
"Now where are YOU going!?" Sirius asked, bewildered.
Maria grinned lightly at him. "I'm the father!" she quipped. Then she left.
Noel, Jenna, and Lily burst out laughing. So did James and Troy.
"But Maria!!" Sirius shrieked after her. "You said you would father MY baby!!" he buried his head in his arms and pretended to sob. 'But really, where did they both go?' He thought. 'I will get to the bottom of this!'
_____________________________________________________-
*Pop* Where once had stood Snuffles now stood Sirus Black a tuft of gopher hair hanging from his mouth. He took the hair and headed for Remus's desk. Finding a parchment and a quill he quickly wrote a note for Remus to find.
Remus-
Your gopher is a worthy advisary. We have battled long and hard today he and I. All I managed to recover though was some of his hair. Fear not though I shall have his head before long.
Yours Truly,
Snuffles
Sirus laughed to himself at the note and small piece of hair attached to it. Sirus yawned and decided that he'd had enough excitement. After stretching for a moment Sirius headed upstairs for his room, his bed and a well-deserved nap.
Several hours later Remus Lupin returned laden with packages from his trip to town. He sat them down looking around wondering where Sirus had gotten off too. "He had better still be in this house." Remus mumbled to himself. He walked over to his desk finding a note addressed to him.
He began laughing at his friends antics. He could almost picture Snuffle's fight with this gopher. Sirus came downstairs at the moment and seeing Remus in hysterics asked "What's so funny?" "Just you my friend." Remus replied. "Just you." he said walking past Sirus and upstairs to his room. ________________________________________________________-
"Can we go yet?"
"No."
"Can we go yet?"
"No."
"Can we go yet?"
"No."
"Can we go yet?"
"NO!" Madame Pomfrey's eye twitched. "Mr. Potter, Mr. Black. For the last time, I will TELL you when you can go, alright!?"
Still reeling from the shock, the Marauders had been placed in the Hospital Wing upon the rising of the sun, when a Hufflepuff first year had spotted their gruesome battle. James, Maria, Remus, and Sirius would all have lasting scars. Lily, Jenna, and Troy were sick, soaked to the bone with icy rain. And Noel....
"How's my baby sister?" James called, trying to see down the line of beds to Noel.
"She will survive. She's handling it well." Madame Pomfrey pressed her lips together in a thin line.
"How's Remmie!?" Sirius yelled out.
"Honestly, can't you see him yourself!?"
"No! You put him in a bed waaaaay far from mine!"
The poor nurse rolled her eyes. "He's still asleep, Mr. Black." then she muttered, " I TOLD Dumbledore that hospitalizing all eight Marauders at the same time was a bad idea!"
Marauders with issues, at that. It was surprising they hadn't gone off the deep end yet, although there was some talk about Sirius and James....Madame Pomfrey amused herself with a picture of the Marauders next to a muggle diving board and some very deep water. Going off the deep end, indeed. But they had a firm grasp on whatever sanity they had left. Each one of them was taking the whole affair very well. ________________________________________________________-
"Such a good dog." Lily replied sweetly. "Now James won't have to take you to the pound." Sirius whined slightly. James laughed softly as he watched his wife leave the room. "We'll be back soon, Padfoot. Just.....try to stay out of trouble until then." Sirius quickly transformed back to himself. "Honestly, Prongs!" He stated indignantly. "You'd think you were talking to the child instead of the babysitter." James paused as he started to leave the room. "Sometimes I'm honestly not sure which is which." He replied with a slight smile. "Funny." "Prove me wrong." "Hardly much left to worry about." Sirius stated. "All your list leaves is dog-fights and strip clubs." James just shook his head as he joined his wife at the door. "All set then?" Lily asked. "Should be." Lily leaned over and gave her son a kiss goodbye. "Now behave for Uncle Sirius, Harry." She told the baby. "And, Sirius," she added, giving him a kiss on the cheek, "don't teach my son any new words while we're gone. O.K.?" Sirius huffed. "What have I ever done that warrants you two warning me about behaving myself every time?" Lily looked somewhere between angry and amused. "Well, there was that incident with the broom, Sirius." "One thing...!" Sirius defended. "And that situation with the motorcycle." James put in helpfully. "Two things...!" "And that time with charmed carpet." "Three things....!" "And there was that table." "Four things.....!" "And I'm not even going to bring up the doormat issue." "Five things....!" "Padfoot," James stated solemnly, "are we seeing a pattern here?" "Like I said," Sirius replied, frowning, "no fun!" James shook his head. "Somehow, I'm sure you'll think of something. Just try not to make it anything I'll have to hard of a time explaining to the magic reversal squad." "You're faith in me is astounding." James patted his son's head. "Watch out after him for me, Harry. For all the trouble he gets me into with your mum, he's still my best friend." Harry happily waved bye-bye to his parents as Sirius closed the door after them. ________________________________________________________-
But the light didn't make it any better. On the contrary. James looked into the face of an utterly bewildered Sirius Black. His blue eyes were as big as saucers, his hair was greasy - of all things - and he most definitely had lost weight. "What happened here?" James grabbed Sirius by the shoulders. "What did Snape do to you?" "Do? Nothing. Yet. I didn't give him a chance to. I was on guard." James shook his head sheepishly. "Nothing? What's that supposed to mean? You look like shit!" "I laid boobytraps," Sirius replied without any sign of listening, and James suddenly got a very lively and frightening image of what Avery had been running from. "Boobytraps?" "In the common room. That's why I stopped you from entering. But don't worry. I've made a map of all my hidden devices." "Hidden devices." "Oh, come on! You know what I mean." "Frankly: no. Jesus -" But Sirius already dragged him unceremoniously out of the cupboard. "What is it now?" "Let's go down to the hall. We have to be among other people. So he can't single us out." "Perhaps we should go down to St Mungo's," James suggested. "We have to be among competent people who can deal with this." Ah, well. Not that Sirius was by any chance listening to him. ________________________________________________________-
The next morning, the Marauders were up bright and early, still sick and scarred but extremely hyper. Sirius and Troy were throwing around paper airplanes. One of them hit Lily in the head and she got mad and threw a pillow at Sirius, but it hit Maria. This started an all-out pillow fight, until Madame Pomfrey put a stop to it.
"Honestly!" she shrieked, "You are sick and scarred and need REST! Now, get in your OWN beds and be QUIET!!"
This didn't have quite the effect she had hoped for. They just laughed and asked her if they could have some more juice. When she got back, she found that, instead of getting in their own beds, they had pushed two of the beds together and were sprawled all over them. Hiding her smile, she gave them their drinks and left. __________________________________________________________-
Sirius wandered to the toad. "Hello Mister Toad." Sirius greeted him. (Sirius can be quite polite, he just doesn't want to.)
"Ribbit." Ribbited the toad.
"Why're you so sad, mister Toad?" Sirius asked.
"Ribbit."
"Oh, so your girlfriend was kidnapped by an evil witch and turned you into a helpless little froggy?"
"Ribbit."
"And you want to help her and save her and marry her?"
"Ribbit."
"Alright, not marry her, but er, have 'fun' with her."
"Ribbit."
"Hmm, too bad you're not a superhero then, 'cause superheroes always save the day, the girl and manage to disguise themselves using only a pair of glasses." Sirius had a thought. "You know! I can help you!"
"Ribbit."
"Sure I can, you see, I'm not just any ol' dog, I'm also." A fanfare played in the background while Sirius started to strike a superhero pose. "Dogman!" He said, pointing at the sky.
"Ribbit?"
"Yeah, yeah, so 'Dogman' isn't that great, but do you know any better names?" Sirius asked, looking a bit insulted.
"Ribbit."
"No, I don't think 'The Amazingly Cool Black Dog of Glory and Stuff' is quite catchy. Bit lengthy."
"Ribbit."
"No! I won't be called TACBDOGAS, 'cause then everyone'll ask what it stands for." Sirius sighed. Being a superhero wasn't as cool as he thought. "Don't you know any better name? How about 'Superdog'?"
"Ribbit."
"Yeah, that is a bit stealing, isn't it." Sirius thought some more. "Hey, I've got it! I can be Superdogman!" He looked around. The frog was gone. An empty bottle of soda was left behind. "Yuck, Lucozade." Sirius said and wandered off, back to his cave and Buckbeak. _____________________________________________________________-
Segments from;
Sirius Black, You've Met Your Match by kid majere
A Hogwarts Paranoia by Mi
The Noble and Most Ancient House of Boredom by meg kenobi
Stuck in Idiotville by Lady Stone
Only Time by Rynne Lupin
Sirius is Bored by Jayly
Siriusly Bored by P.A.R
The little bored doggy who was bored. By fluffikins _______________________________________________________-
A/N: Happy? Most of the stories I found by typing 'Bored' into fanfiction's search engine, cuz I was bored. See what great things are accomplished when you are bored? Oh, and I'm mad at fanfiction because they changed it so the chapter titles can only be so long! They cut off all my chapter names! Meanies! Ok, never mind, my mind is slipping into 2-year old mode. Better go, please review!