Y'all know the dilly yo, that I don't own these characters, marvel or anything else. Sometimes I wish I did, but wishing ain't having… oh well. Y'all know the drill.. blah blah blah.
This story doesn't really fit in with the X-Men Evolution timeline at all nor would I try to make it to. However, in this story, Gambit was an acolyte, and Magneto disappeared. Oh yes, and the first meeting with Gambit and Rogue and the card and the whole media thing still happened. Oh, and Evan doesn't exist in this story or he's off with the morlocks because I don't really need a whole bunch of characters to incorporate into the story, since this is really a ROMY story. Everything else is all A/U but in a beautiful way. Enjoy!
Author's Note: This story is pissing me off. I HATE IT! Okay… fine I don't hate it because so many of you seem to really enjoy this story for some odd reason. Y'all are on crack… just kidding. I really appreciate those who have stuck by me through this ugly mess. Curse ff.net to eternal flaming hell…. Read and review s'il vous plait!
On with the story…
Somewhere I Belong
Her fingers touched the keys lightly as she stared at the numbers. She had been standing there for the past ten minutes. This was a part of her routine now. Every day before work, she would stand here. Every day after work, she would stand here. And every day, she would leave without doing what she had intended to do. She stared at the keys and pressed one of them lightly. Then she pressed another button and then another. But when she reached the fourth necessary number, she froze. She usually didn't get farther than three numbers pressed.
And today it would be no different as she hung up the phone in defeat and shame. Suddenly a loud bang made her jump as she turned around to face an angry impatient man in a dark suit.
"Ya plan to use the phone or ya gonna stand in there all day?" He asked rudely.
Rogue's eyes turned brown immediately and with incredible strength, she grabbed the man by the collar of his shirt and slammed him to the side of the door. "Look Bub, I ain't done in here." She growled but within a split second her eyes turned green again and she quickly dropped the man to the ground.
Her normal green eyes widened with shock as she exited the booth rapidly while the man cursed violently after her. As soon as she turned the corner, her nerves calmed down once more. It had happened again, but she wasn't surprised for it usually happened at least ten times a day. Her hands still shook as she zipped up her jacket and looked up at the dark gloomy grey clouds. She bent her head down and began walking back.
Her hands were securely in the pockets of her jackets and she made sure she was covered from head to toe in clothing. She was an awkward sight, but in the big apple, nobody seemed to notice and she was glad for that. She certainly didn't need to draw any attention to herself and she had been able to remain low key for the past two months.
She walked quickly as the sun was beginning to set. One thing that she definitely didn't want was to be walking around this side of town in the dark. There were a lot of criminal activities that occurred and she had witnessed a few and did not want to be a target for anyone, especially with her inability to use her mutant power to defend herself. Ever since that fateful night, she hadn't been able to even consider putting her mutation to use even if it meant defending herself.
Her mind was a complete mess at this point and from time to time, another psyche would take over although their period of control was usually not for long. Nonetheless, it made her entire physical being, weary and weak. Yet, she knew it was nothing compared to what Remy was going through.
Her eyes became watery as her guilt overcame her once more. She knew that maybe it was foolish to have left him. She knew it was cruel that she didn't call once to check how he was and if he had wakened yet. But she knew that it was for the best. He didn't need her in his life, not when he was in constant jeopardy because of her mutation. There was too much of a risk and the next time a disaster happened, she couldn't ensure that he wouldn't be killed in the accident.
It was as simple as day when it came down to it; she loved him too much to ever put his life in danger and when he was around her that was what his life was; it was in danger.
She had reached the building by this point and she walked up the stairs to get to her room. Once there, her hand turned the doorknob to reveal an old rusty small room with a single bed and a tiny bathroom off to the side. This wasn't home, but it was the closest thing she would ever have to one.
-xoxo-
He downed the shot of vodka as he signaled the bartender to fill the glass again. The bartender grumbled but did as he was requested. The man gulped the vodka down quickly and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. His actions were definitely not what the doctor ordered, but it was apparent that he could care less.
It had been a week since he had fled the Institute and he had wound up in a seedy bar on the darker side of the Big Apple. This side of town was actually what he preferred since he received less attention for his unusual eyes. He still hadn't found her but he wasn't really expecting to find her anytime soon, if ever at all. For all he really knew, Rogue could be halfway across the country by now but his intuitions did say otherwise from time to time.
There were just instances that he felt she was near as if she was right behind him, but every time he turned around she was of course not there. It agitated him extremely every time he turned around and she wasn't there. He learned not to turn around anymore.
He looked down at his empty glass and contemplated whether or not he should have another but the one look at the bartender's irritated face, he thought otherwise. He threw some bills onto the counter and left the smoky bar.
As soon as he stepped outside, he propped up the collar of his trench coat and stuck his hand into the pockets. He blended in with the shadows as he walked swiftly. He didn't quite know where he was going but he figured anywhere would be better than standing around in the cold. Not that the cold would affect him anyhow, he couldn't exactly feel anything except for the pain that burned within his body and ran through his veins from the betrayal he felt.
A part of him was still in denial that she had left him at all. Some days, he could even convince himself that he never lived at the Institute and that he had never met her. Most days, however, he would wallow in his own self-pity and wonder why she would leave him the way she did. He had sworn she had felt their connection and dared he wonder, love.
But it was foolish to think she had loved him because if she really had, she wouldn't have left. People simply don't leave others when they loved and needed them. If he could only say the same though; if only he could say that he didn't love her.
Yet, through all this anguish that she had caused him, he still loved her. Perhaps the only thing he was relieved about was the fact he never said those three words. For if he had, then reality would be more real than it was at the moment, and words could never be taken back. At least this way, he could claim that he was not foolish enough to fall in love again or stupid enough to ever declare it.
Suddenly a drip of water hit his head, and then another, and then the sky began pouring. He walked faster and was practically running to get out of the rain. But he stopped in his tracks after only a few steps.
Before him was a telephone booth and it was occupied by an auburn haired with two distinctive white stripes beauty.
He had found her.
-xoxo-
The raindrops hit the booth hard from all around as she picked up the phone again. Her green eyes stared at the numbers as her gloved hand boldly pressed three keys immediately, one after another without hesitation. But when she got to the fourth number, she froze again.
It was always the fourth number that threw her off.
Suddenly she felt the rain hit against her back as the door opened behind her.
"Excuse me, but Ah'm using the phone!" She exclaimed loudly.
"Don' look like dat to me, chere." The intruder replied.
As soon as he spoke, Rogue knew he was behind her. Remy was awake and she didn't know whether to jump for joy and hug him or push him aside and run. She didn't do either as she simply turned around to face a soaked Remy with a hand on either side of the door way, to ensure that she would not leave him again. One look at him, Rogue just wanted to wrap her arms around him and feel the warmth and security that he always provided with his embraces. But she could not do it for she was scared that she would hurt him like she had did so last time.
For Remy, one look into her scared unsure beautiful pools of green, he just wanted to hold her and feel the peace and serenity that she always provided. He wanted to touch her again, to feel her, to love her. But he couldn't for she had left him and that meant she didn't love him, and he would be damned before he was foolish enough to declare his love for another woman again when clearly she didn't feel the same way.
The two of them stood in silence for a few moments, both unsure of what to do. Finally, she said, "Hi."
"Hi." He murmured back.
"Ah'm glad ya are okay, Remy." She whispered.
Remy inhaled deeply as he relished at how she pronounced his name. He had forgotten how every time she said his name it constantly reassured him of knowing who he really was. She gave meaning to the name, and she simply gave meaning to his life. But he still resented her because how could this woman who defined his life, so easily take it away by deserting him as if he hadn't meant a single thing to her.
"Y' know Remy always bounces back. Never down for too long." He commented offhandedly.
"Ah…okay." She said although it was clear that she had intended to say something else.
"Where y' been, chere?" He asked her boldly although a part of him didn't want to hear her answer.
Her eyes cast down to the ground as she mumbled, "Been here."
"Why?" He asked plainly.
"Because… ah don't know Remy. Ah'm glad that ya're okay, but ah have to go. Please let me leave." She requested and brought her tear-filled eyes to meet his hurt ruby orbs. The way she requested to leave him once more only stabbed the knife further into his heart. He didn't make a move to get out of her way and so she forced her way out of the telephone booth.
She began running down the street but he caught up with her in matter of seconds and grabbed her wrist to stop her. She looked down at his hand around her wrist and pulled her arm back instinctively. "Don't touch me. Please don't touch me." She said in a desperate scared tone.
"Why did y' leave me, Rogue? Didn't I mean anyt'ing to y'? Didn't y' cared?" He asked angrily, as the rain covered the tears that had slid down his cheeks.
"Ah'm sorry, Remy. Ah do care 'bout ya, that's why ah left." She answered.
"Dat's bullshit, and y' know it." He stated bitterly as his eyes began burning an intense scarlet.
Rogue's eyes also burned with intensity, but this time her eyes tuned yellow as she snarled, "Don't you ever give up, you pathetic piece of shit? Do you really want me to end this? Then come here and give me a little kiss, why don't you?"
Remy's eyes widened with surprise, as he couldn't understand why Rogue had suddenly turned so malicious. He jumped back while Rogue tried to grab him, but she immediately stopped and her eyes turned green once more. Her head dropped in defeat as she stared at her own hands with a fear he had never seen in anyone before, and this was a fear of her own self.
"Rogue, what's wrong?" He asked cautiously and contemplated whether or not he should move any closer to her.
Her hands started to shake as she stuttered, "Ah'm so sorry, Remy. Ah'm so sorry for everything. Now, do ya see why ah had t'leave? Ah lost control of my powers and ah'm still losing it… don't ya get that ah can't lose ya too?" She brought her scared teary green eyes to look into his confused but still resentful ruby orbs.
The resentment he still felt was evident with his words as he questioned angrily, "Isn't dat what y' doing by leaving, chere?"
Again, Rogue's eyes turned a different colour, but this time they were a deep crimson red. "Why are you messing with her like this, Gambit? Hasn't she been through enough? She has hurt you once, do you need to be dead before you get that you have to leave her alone? If you really want to die, I'll be happy to finish the job…" She taunted in a deep low voice that sounded exactly like Cyclops.
Now, Remy knew something was definitely wrong and he was angry. His anger wasn't directed at her though, it was directed at himself for he didn't know how to help her. He didn't know what he could do to make her stop losing control. He was as helpless as her.
Then, as soon as those words spilled out of her mouth, Rogue tightened up her hands into small fists and she screamed out in pain as she closed her eyes and looked up at the sky. Her eyes flashed open once more and Remy was relieved to see that they were green again. She collapsed to the ground in a puddle of water as rain continued to pour down hard.
He walked cautiously to her and once he was within arm's length, he placed a hand on her shoulder. She pulled her shoulder away and his arm snapped back. He observed her from behind as she finally turned around and looked into his eyes with her beaten emerald ones.
"Do ya get it now? Do ya get that ah can't control myself anymore and fine, ah don' care if ah'm the one to get hurt, but not ya, Remy. Never ya. Do ya finally know what ah mean know? Do ya finally understand why ah had t'leave?" She asked in a pleading tone, as if she was willing him to understand. Still, he couldn't fully comprehend her words though. He knew that her powers were getting out of control, but why couldn't she have gotten help from the Professor. If she had then she could have stayed. If she really cared about him as she claimed, she would have stayed. There were always other ways to get help, but she chose to leave him because she didn't love him nor cared about him.
"Oui, Remy knows what y' mean. Y'mean y' just too selfish t'deal with the consequence of taking de risk to be wit' me." He answered coldly.
"Ah took that risk, Remy and ah dealt with the consequence. Don't ya understand that ah left because ah didn't want to risk it anymore. Putting ya into a coma once was enough to make me realize that YOU shouldn't have t' deal with my problems and that no matter what, we'll never be happy, Remy. And ah cannot stand around and gamble with this relationship of ours when your life is at stake and I'm not going to risk it. Not again." She explained as the rain intertwined with her tears.
"What about me, chere? Don' I get a say in what I want? Did it ever occur to y' dat maybe I wanna take dis risk? Dat I wanna be wit' y'?" He asked angrily.
Rogue's eyes squeezed shut again as she let out another agonizing scream. Remy jumped back as he watched her eyes snap open to reveal the unmistakably amber eyes of Sabretooth. She leapt back onto her feet as she circled Remy. "Shut the hell up, ya runt. You always think everything is 'bout you, don't ya, you incompetent sissy asshole? You wanna take the risk, eh? Come over here and we'll see how much of a risk taker you are." She growled at him and tried to pounce on him with which Remy dodged out of the way just in time.
"Rogue, get a hold of y'self!" Remy yelled but her eyes remained the same murderous amber colour as she continued to attack him.
"What are you so afraid, you prick? Thought ya be the gambler here…" She taunted as she tried to grab Remy and plant a kiss on him, but Remy managed to escape her attempts.
"You wanted the risk, runt… I'm giving you the chance here. Prove what you got." Rogue continued to snarl as she pounced on him, but he sidestepped her yet again which caused her to fall to the ground. He flipped over her and as soon as she regained her composure and turned around, he took the risk.
With one hand, he encircled her waist and brought it close against his body while his other hand pressed the side of her face into his chest in order to prevent any skin on skin contact. She struggled within his hold on her for a bit but again, in another dramatic change; she immediately subsided and started sobbing into his already soaked chest.
Because of his touch, he immediately helped dispelled all the psyches away, and the longer he held her, the clearer her mind became. Her sobs eventually became deep uneven breaths as her mind felt clearer than ever before. No other psyches were trying to take control. It was as if she was the only one in the body, as it should be. He held on to her tight but after a few minutes of standing in the drenching rain, she found her strength again and pushed him away. His eyes became alert as he scanned to see if her eyes were still green, and a breath of relief escaped his mouth when he saw that they were.
"Ah'm so sorry, Remy. Ah'm so sorry for hurting ya, but ya have to see it now why ah left. Ya have to see that if ah didn't, ah would have killed ya eventually and that's something ah would never want. Ah would rather die myself than to hurt ya. That's why ah had t'leave. Please believe me…" She begged for his understanding.
"Dere could have been ot'er options if ya really care 'bout me. Ya could have gotten help from de Professor. Y' could have stayed and we could still be t'geter. Ah want t'be wit' y', why don' y' want t' be wit' me?" He asked her
"Ya don't want to be wit' me, Remy. Not when all ah ever do is hurt ya. That's all ah ever do. Don't ya get it? Ah told ya that all ah'm ever meant to do in life is hurt people and that's what ah did to ya." She reasoned as her voice quivered. With an immense desperation, she stared into his eyes and hoped to find some sort of understanding and perhaps forgiveness, but his ruby orbs were burning too intensely to show any signs of discernment and exculpation.
"DAMMIT ROGUE! Don't you get it? Don't y' get it all? Y' didn't hurt me by kissing me, y' hurt me by leaving me! Y' could put me in a coma a hundred times and I won' care as long as I know dat y' are by my side and dat y'll be dere when I wake up. Did y know how much it hurt when I woke up and y' weren't dere? Dat y' left me when I needed y' de most? Did y' know how much dat tore me up inside? I thought I meant more to you than dat, but I guess not." He stated bitterly as he gazed into her eyes with expectations that she was going to agree although, he gravely hoped that she wouldn't. Rogue stared straight back into his eyes as the cold was finally affecting her. Her hands shook and her teeth chattered, but her eyes held a determination that he had never seen in her before.
"Don't ya dare stand there and assume what I feel. Did ya think it was easy for me to leave, Remy? Did ya think I just got up one day and thought, 'hmm..maybe ah oughta leave the one man ah love with all my heart'? Don't ya dare stand there and assume that it was an easy decision because it wasn't. Ah didn't want to leave ya but how can ah stay knowing that ah could kill ya one day? Maybe ah don't know much about love, but what ah do know is that people are supposed to protect the ones they love, and that's what ah did, ah protected ya from me." Rogue explained as her hands continued to shake.
Upon hearing her mouth articulate the word 'love' his eyes immediately softened. He looked at her with almost disbelief but she had mistaken it for disgust. Thus, her head bowed down as she attempted to keep her crying to a minimal but of course that was impossible for the emotions ran too high now, and this time it would be him that left, or so she believed. Remy continued to observe her but the echo of her southern sweet voice declaring her love for him was all that he could hear. There was no more hesitation, no more resentment, and no more anger as he walked towards her. He stretched out his hand to touch her damp cheek and gently lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes to determine whether her words held any truth to it.
One simple gaze into her emerald pools, he knew that she meant her words, but he still couldn't help asking, "Y' love me?"
"If ah didn't, ah wouldn't have left. Please believe me when ah say that ah'm sorry ah'd hurt ya. Ah just didn't want to hurt ya even more." Rogue said in between her sobs. It took only a second before Remy had both his arms around her. He held her as she continued to cry.
"I love y' too, Rogue." He whispered ever so softly but she had heard it. She grasped onto him securely as her tears of remorse turned into joy. Never had she expected anyone to love her, especially not such an incredible man like Remy.
"Just please don' leave me again. Don' ever do dat again." He requested and tightened his grip on her as if he never wanted to let her go again. She relished in his embrace for a few more seconds before she pushed him back. "Ah can't promise ya that, Remy. Ah just can't." She told him regretfully, yet she knew it was the right thing to do because she knew that she would only cause him pain, figuratively and literally speaking. That was what her mutation was about and she couldn't see herself ever overcoming that. It might be okay for her to suffer a life of misery, but her reasoning was that he didn't deserve the same fate as her and if she could prevent that from happening, she would, simply because she loved him.
Remy stared at her with confusion for he couldn't comprehend why love just doesn't seem to be enough with the two of them. "Why? Why can't y' stay wit' me? Don' y' want to be wit' me? We love each ot'er, Rogue. Dat's enough. Dat's all we need." He stated in a new desperation he had never felt before. The only thing he really knew at the moment was that without her in his life, there wouldn't be much of a life for him. She was his world and she completed him in a way he had never thought possible since he was a rabid pick-pocketing orphan from the streets of New Orleans. He never wanted to be alone like that again, he never wanted to question where he stood in the world, and he never wanted to search for his place in the universe again, because he had found it all in her. The stakes were too high, and he didn't even bother to cover his desperation anymore for this was one gamble he was determined to win.
"Ah told ya, Remy. Ah love ya that's why ah can't be with ya. My mutation, it's getting out of control and ya'll be the one who gets hurt. Ah can't put ya in danger like that." She explained as she looked away from him. It was unbearable for her to keep pushing him away. There was no doubt that she wanted to be with him, but as much as she wanted him, she knew that that was not what he needed. It wasn't a matter of desires for her anymore. It was simply a matter of necessity and safety, and he didn't need a girlfriend who possessed a tremendous chance of killing him accidentally. Her whole life, she had never known what love was for nobody ever truly loved her. Yet, she did know that when one loves someone, she must do all that she could to protect him even if it means that she would have to give up her own happiness in the end.
Suddenly she felt a hand grip her on both of her shoulders. "Look at me, Rogue." He ordered and she brought her eyes to meet his. "I'm not scared. I have never been scared. Dere are too many things t'be when around y' but scared ain't one of dem."
"But ah'm scared, Remy." She whispered.
"I know, chere, but don' y' understand dat I would rather be dead than not have y' in my life? Dere's nothing more scary than a life wit'out y', chere." He told her.
"Remy… we just can't be together. Ah'm not meant to be with anyone." She tried to reason with him.
"Y' know dat's not true. All my life, I've been searching for my place in dis world, for my purpose in life and I know y've been doing de same too. And we did it, chere. We found where we belong, Rogue. We found it in each ot'er. So, don't tell me dat y' aren't meant to be wit' anyone, because y' are meant to be with me and I am meant to be with y'. Simple as dat." He explained as he stared into her insecure green eyes.
"Remy… ah don't wanna hurt ya…." She began.
"Den don't. Don't end dis and y' won't hurt me." He plainly stated.
"But my mutation… ah won't ever be able to touch…"
"Dammit! Dis is deeper t'an touch and y' know it. Look, chere, I'm not afraid." He said and proved his point by wrapping both his arms around her and not indicating any signs that he would let go any time soon.
"If y' wanna touch, we can work on it. We'll figure out a way to touch but if for de rest of my life, dis is all dis Cajun will get, he'll be just as happy than if y' can touch. Believe dat, believe me." He requested he kissed the top of her head.
And yes, for Rogue it was still a matter of necessity and security but she finally realized that he needed her and she needed him. It was necessary for them to be together because when they weren't, there was simply no reason to exist anymore. And she finally understood this; she finally understood that their souls were so intertwined that there was no escape from it. Without him, she would continue to walk the path of life in the dark and so would he. They were each other's light; they were each other's purpose; they simply completed one another. This was why she relented and wrapped her arms around him with no more intentions of letting go again.
"Ah love ya, Remy. Ah promise ah won't ever leave again." She murmured into his chest.
"I love y' too, Rogue. Mon coeur est ton coeur toujours." He said as he held onto her tight.
The two of them remained in an embrace while the rain continued to pour down on them. It was getting darker, wetter, and colder, but the two didn't notice it for all they could feel was the love they had for each other.
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