Rating: PG-13 to R for mature situation
Disclaimer: I do not own the OC or anything else for that matter.
Note: Thanks for the reviews: I tried my best to make this chapter longer since that's what most of you commented on (sorry, I'm usually pretty succinct in writing). To answer another question, I am not an English major/writing major--I'm actually going to become a physician, but thanks for thinking that. I'm on Spring Break at home in Orange County now, so I will not be updating for a week or so…thanks for reading and keep those reviews coming!
One
Chapter 11: Lost and lonely…
Summer was scared. What had she done? She had had the most wonderfully romantic night of her life, and now she was doing what she learned to do best; she was running away. No one had never told her that he loved her, and meant it. But she knew this time was different, she knew Seth meant it. And that terrified her. Summer was not the type of girl that was loved. She was the type of girl you lusted after and fooled around with, but she would not allow anyone to love her. No one. She couldn't think. Thoughts were rushing every which way in her head. She couldn't stand it! She hated thinking about feelings and shit. She was the most superficial person she knew, and that was saying something. Her cell phone rang and she hesitated before picking up.
"Hello?"
"Hey beautiful. How are you? You kind of ran off quickly when I dropped you off."
"Umm, yeah sorry. My dad, he's got these strict rules about being out late."
Her voice sounded distant and icy. She was not the Summer he had shared the most intimate feeling with. She was once again Summer the social queen. Summer with the façade hiding the frightened little girl. His head started to hurt. This was not going to happen to him.
"Do you want to do something today?"
"I have to finish my calculus homework."
"How about tonight?"
"I can't. I've got other plans." Her voice was curt and it sliced through him, hurting him like a rusty, dull knife would.
"Oh, okay then. I guess I'll see you around then."
"Bye." She hung up the phone. Her eyes were already cloudy and she knew she had made a gigantic mistake. She was pushing the only person who had ever cared about her miles away. But that was what she had been programmed to do all her life. Never let anyone in too close, Summer. They'll only hurt you when they leave you. And they will leave you because no one could ever care about you for a long time. Your father didn't care. Your mother didn't care. No one will.
It had to be done. She had learned never to get attached to anyone, from all of the different wives and girlfriends her father had over the years. She would not do it. She was not going to get attached to the best person who had ever graced her life.
***
Seth had opened the oversized black envelope with the beautiful cardinal and gold writing on the bottom corner last night. USC. He was accepted. One part of him felt insanely happy. He was going to go his dream school and become a writer/director/producer. The other part of him was angry and sad that Summer was brushing him off again. He would never understand her. He stood at his locker, haphazardly shoving books into the space. She walked towards him, talking with some other girl from the posse.
"Summer, I need to talk to you."
"Make it quick, Cohen," both girls looked seriously annoyed.
"Can we talk about what happened?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Summer laughed nervously as the other girl's eyes bore holes into her back.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about." He grabbed her, and kissed her hard. It was a bold move. Something very un-Seth like, but it was completely necessary.
She pushed him off her, "Ew, Cohen get off me!" She recognized the look of hurt and rejection in his eyes, but felt it justified when she saw Hayley's lips curl into a cruel smile. Seth noticed this also. This was the moment that his heart froze over.
"What the hell is your problem? You think you can just run over anyone you want with your stupid little games? I don't think so Summer. You can't deny that what we have isn't real because it is. I know you feel the sparks too. You feel it," he started to whine. He hated that feature of his voice. She looked at him blankly, her face devoid of emotion.
"You are sooo delusional. Whatevs, I have things to do, get out of my way."
He didn't stop her. He had run out of things to say. Seth, the ever rambling kid, was rendered speechless. For once in his life, he did not overly concern himself with her problems. His life was changing for the better and if she didn't want to be apart of that equation, then he was going to have to accept that. He was finally letting go and he had no idea why. For the last eight years, he had pined for her and now that he had her, he was letting go? It didn't make sense. This was a turning point for Seth Cohen. But not in a good way. This is the first step in creating the desensitized man that lived today. The Seth Cohen that did not care; the Seth Cohen that had no feeling. The Seth Cohen that was scared of rejection, of being hurt.
Summer walked off with her friend. She glanced back at the boy she had left for dead. She sniffed back a tear and then left him behind.
"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"
Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"
You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream
Just like a dream
Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for a day
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me
You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven
***
She lifted her cup to her lips and took another shot of Bacardi 151. The shit burned. She had re-assimilated herself into the party scene. She had successfully ignored him for about two weeks now. But she didn't notice the growing looks of anger across the cafeteria or parking lot. She didn't notice the bitterness sweep his face whenever she would walk into a room. Or maybe she did. But she just told herself that she didn't care about him.
He was at the party, drinking far more than he should have. Ryan looked at him in disgust. His friend had not been the same since Winter Formal. He was moody, angry, snappy. The same goofy, friendly Seth was gone. Summer had killed that part of him. Now he was a bitter, drunken mess. Surprisingly though, he still was fairly alert to his surroundings. He saw her. She was still the only thing he saw; she haunted him. But his adoration had quickly turned to disgust and hatred. He took another drink and then another. He would drown his sorrows out yet.
***
She was gone, completely wasted way before anyone else was. She felt his eyes on her. She suddenly felt extremely brave. She walked out to him and pulled him over to her.
"Everyone, this is Seth Cohen. He has liked me since the third grade!" People laughed. What the hell are you doing? Stop Summer. Stop now. "And you know what? I treat him like shit, but he still likes me. Don't you Seth." He drunkenly stood next to her, still painfully aware of every word she was uttering. "That's right. He can't get enough of me. And he'll always be there for me, like a stupid little puppy." Ryan clenched his fists, but was stopped by Marissa. "But, I've been spending a lot of time thinking lately and I've decided that I love him." She looked him in the eyes and he knew that she was not as much drunk as was acting drunk. "That's right Sethy, I LOVE YOU. And I want to be with you," her voiced trailed off into a whisper. And that's when everyone knew she was being serious.
He looked at her. She jumped a little. In the place of the boy she cared so much for was something that she had never seen before. His steely stare penetrated her heart and twisted and squeezed it until she could feel no more. What have I done? Her eyes watered, as she knew that he did not care for her anymore.
"You say that you love me. That's a lie. You can't love anyone," his voice was filled with pain, but it was harshly unwavering, "I won't wait for you. I'm not going to be your sick little puppy dog that's going to follow you around for the rest of your life. I'm not going to be your rock. I'm sick of your games and I'm sick of you."
He walked out of the party, leaving shocked guests in the wake of the most dramatic thing they had ever seen. Summer stared at his back, wanting something to say, but she had no strength left to say anything. It's all your fault. You let him in and now you're hurt again. You are a bitch. She ignored the voice and broke down into Marissa's arms, letting her friend lead her out of the house and out of Newport society.
Just Like Heaven by the Cure