Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Note: Here's the next chapter, Ryan & Marissa's wedding is finally upon us. The poem used in this chapter is one of my favorites, and it was used in my sister's wedding, so I thought it would fit this occasion. Only a few chapters left, I hope you enjoy…
Chapter 20: On Friendship
Marissa ran around the bridal saloon frantically searching for her garter. She only had a few minutes until she was supposed to walk down the aisle, and now she didn't have her something blue!
"Coop, breathe, we'll find it. It has to be somewhere around here." All the other bridesmaids rushed around, turning everything over, searching for the satin undergarment.
"Here! Here it is," Caitlyn threw the garter to her sister, "Summer, we have to line up, they're cueing the music."
"Okay, I'll be right there." She helped bustle Marissa's dress one last time looking at herself and her best friend in the mirror. Marissa looked so serene, so happy. "You look so beautiful Coop. I'm so happy for you and Ryan right now, you don't even know." She started tearing up, but Marissa stopped her.
"Summer, don't make me cry yet!"
"Sorry, I can't help it. It's like your day. We've been planning this day since like fifth grade when you and Luke started going out."
"I know, it seems like it was yesterday. A lot has changed, and now I'm an adult. I feel so old."
"You still look great," the music started playing and there was a soft knock at the door,
"Coop, I just want to tell you that you're like a sister to me. You've always been there for me no matter what, and I'll always be there for you. I love you like you were my own sister."
"I love you too Summer." The two girls hugged as Jimmy Cooper walked into the room.
"Summer, I think they're waiting for you outside."
"Bye. I'll see you out there."
"Ready to go kiddo?" Marissa nodded as her father placed the veil over her head.
---
Summer walked out to the courtyard and got in line behind the others. Seth stood stoically next to her. He didn't look at her, and she didn't look at him. The string quartet started playing Pachelbel and the first couple started walking out. Seth looked over at Summer and noticed that her eyes were glassy and teared over. She looked so sweet. He nudged her and offered his arm, which she took, but only because she had to. He pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed the side of her eyes.
"Thanks."
"No problem."
They walked arm in arm down the length of the courtyard. The smiling faces, the looks of joy. None of these people knew them. They had no idea how hard it was for Summer to be next to this man. Kirsten smiled at her son. He looked happy for the first time in a long while. The photographer paused in front of the couple and shot a picture of them walking down the aisle. Kirsten wanted everything to work out. She hoped that Seth hadn't messed up too badly. She hoped he could rectify the situation with Summer. Because no matter what had happened in the past, she had always seen a little bit of herself and Sandy in their son and Summer's relationship. Something real. Something lasting. The way Summer leaned into Seth's arm. The way Seth adjusted her bouquet. They could take care of each other. If only they could see it. All she wanted was for her two sons to be happy.
Summer was already bawling by the time the wedding march started playing. Marissa walked in on the arm of her father, and everyone gasped at how beautiful she looked. Ryan smiled and even teared a little bit. It was the most perfect moment anyone could have witnessed. The sun shone brightly in the early afternoon sky. The priest's words were jumbled in Summer's mind. She was taking in all the scenery. She looked at all the guests, their faces full of expectations and hope. The little children who were confused, but were smart enough to know that this was something important. The other groomsmen who stood on the other side of the bride and groom looked distinguished and handsome. Especially the one who had walked out with her. She couldn't believe that she was even thinking such things. He was a drunken asshole who had broken her heart countless times. And why was she even thinking of him in the same light? She couldn't love him. She wasn't supposed to be able to love him. He hurt her. But it always came back to Seth. Always. She could not let go. No matter what he did, no matter what she did. Her heart would always return to him.
"Now Ryan and Marissa have selected a special poem that will be read by the maid of honor, Summer Roberts and the best man, Seth Cohen."
Summer walked up to the microphone and stood beside Seth. She took a deep breath and started reading in a calm, unwavering voice.
On Friendship by Roy Croft
I love you, not for what you are, but what I am, when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but what you are making of me.
I love you for the part of me that you bring out.
I love you for putting your hand into my heaped up heart and passing
over all the frivolous and weak things that you cannot help seeing
there, and drawing out into the light all the beautiful and radiant
things that no one else has looked quite far enough to find.
Seth closed his eyes as Summer read her lines. He opened them and somehow found the voice to read his part. He looked out into the audience and saw his parents. He looked over at Summer and saw that she was looking right at him. For some reason, he felt as if he were reading the poem to her, trying to offer a condolence or apology.
I love you for ignoring the possibilities of the fool in me, and forlaying hold of the possibilities of good in me.
I love you for closing your eyes to the discords in me, and adding
to the music in me by worshipful listening...
You have done it without a touch, without a sign.
You have done it by being yourself.
"Thank you." Seth and Summer retook their places as the priest continued with the ceremony.
"Ryan Atwood, do you take the Marissa Cooper as your wife to love and to cherish for as long as both of you shall live?"
"I do." Ryan smiled as he placed the ring on his bride's finger.
"Marissa Cooper, do you take the Ryan Atwood as your husband to love and to cherish for as long as both of you shall live?"
"I do." She put the ring on his finger and squeezed his hand.
"With the power invested in me, I hereby pronounce you man and wife." Their friends and family started clapping as Ryan and Marissa smiled at each other.
"You may now kiss the bride." He lifted her veil and kissed his wife. The woman he would be spending the rest of his life with. The woman he loved and could not do without.
The music started up again and the guests all rose to their feet. Ryan grabbed Marissa's hand and led her down the aisle, as a newly married couple. Rose petals were tossed in every which way and direction as the wedding party walked back out towards the reception hall. Summer stayed behind. She waited for all the others to leave first. It was finally done. Marissa was a married woman. She married the love of her life. And it was beautiful.
"Are you coming to go to the reception?"
She looked over at Seth, who was waiting with his arm stretched. "Yeah, I'm coming."
"Okay good."
Seth looked over at Summer. She was spaced out, thinking. He really did love her. He had a funny way of showing it, but he loved her with every ounce of his being.
She made him ache.
But when he was around her, he wanted to ache, as long as she didn't have to be the one in pain. Maybe things could turn out right between them. Maybe he could learn to swallow his pride and ask her for another chance. He didn't deserve it, but he wanted it so badly. It was time to step up and admit his feelings. He had to win her back. It was the only way he was going to change his life. It was the only way he was going to survive.
---
Summer fixed the wreath of flowers that sat on a flower girl's hair as the little girl told Summer all about her favorite teddy bear. Seth looked on at the scene adoringly. Summer fussed and brushed some dirt off of the child's dress. She looked so motherly and endearing. This was definitely not the Summer he knew. She smoothed the girl's chestnut colored hair as the she looked up admiringly at the lady who was patiently listening to her talk.
"My daddy says when I get older and become a better rider, I can get a horsey!"
"Really? Wow, how long have you been riding?"
"For 3 months," she held up four fingers as Summer laughed and fixed her mistake.
"Wow, you are an experienced rider then. You know, when I was a kid, I used to ride horses too. I love horses."
"Really?" her eyes got wide as she realized that she shared something in common with her new friend.
"Yep. I used to ride in competitions when I was a little bit older than you."
"Wow, were you good?"
"I was pretty good, but I'm sure you'll be better." The little girl smiled and Seth melted. He slowly walked over to the exchange and leaned down to the preschooler's height.
"Hi, Suzy? Your mom is looking for you over there," he pointed at her mother, who looked relieved to find her.
"Bye Summer!"
"Bye Suzy, I'll see you later." Suzy flounced off towards her mother, who waved back at them.
"That was cute."
"Whatever."
"So, the stone cold Summer has a place in her heart for children. I always thought you hated kids."
"People change, Cohen."
"Yeah, they do." He looked into her eyes, but she turned away, finding something very interesting to look at in her compact mirror.
"Can I have this dance?" Summer looked up from her mirror at him.
"I guess." Seth took her hand and wrapped his around her waist and looked at her. "What, Cohen."
"Nothing. I just wanted to say that you look really nice tonight."
"Thanks, you look decent also."
"Summer, do you think we could maybe talk sometime? Like afterwards or something?"
"We have nothing to talk about."
"Well, I wanted to thank you for helping me out in Vegas, and apologize for being a complete douche bag to you."
"You are so eloquent, you should be a writer. Oh wait. You are."
"I mean it."
"Well, I'm not ready to talk. There's nothing we need to talk about, you're welcome."
"Okay, if you want it to be like this for the rest of our lives."
"There's no such thing as "our" lives, we lost that chance a long time ago."
"Summer, swallow your pride and stop being a bitch."
"Me, swallow my pride. Okay, that makes a whole lot of sense coming from you. Look, I do not want to cause a scene here. This is Coop's big day, and I want her to be happy. And I want to be happy."
"Hey, here's the best man and the maid of honor, smile for the camera, kids." The photographer snapped several pictures as Summer and Seth put on their party faces.
Marissa made her way over to the 'happy' couple as Summer looked like she was going to hit Seth. "Oh, no you don't Sum. Can I borrow her for a second?" Seth conceded and left to get a drink.
"Sum, you guys were looking friendly out there."
"I was going to hit him."
"That's why I came over. He's not that bad, what happened in the past should stay there. It was a long time ago. Maybe he deserves a second chance."
"He deserves? What about me? He never gave me one."
"Yeah, but that was high school. We were all stupid. Ryan tells me that he's miserable. And that he wants to change back to the way he was."
"And…don't pull your therapy stuff on me now Coop. Just because you are a psychologist…"
"Sum, you could be a catalyst for the change. Just give him another try. I'm not saying you have to date him or anything, just be friends again. That can be my wedding present."
"I got you 4 settings of your china from Bloomie's already."
"Come on, Sum."
"Okay. I'll try, but only because it's your day today."
"Thanks. Good luck." Marissa squeezed Summer's arm reassuringly. She was going to need all the support she could get.
Summer walked outside and peeled her shoes off her feet. Standing in stiletto heels all day was not fun. She saw him staring out at the beach from the deck.
"Seth, you wanted to talk?"
"Hey. It's beautiful here isn't it? I've forgotten how great this place is sometimes."
"Yeah." He turned to look at her.
"I'm sorry Summer. I should've given you a chance way back when."
"It was a long time ago. We both did things that we regretted."
"I never regretted being with you, you know that. And I never meant to intentionally hurt you, it's just that I couldn't deal with you not being there, so I built up this arsenal inside, all the things I would say and do when I saw you again."
"Seth, it's okay. We don't have to talk about this. It's a truce."
He didn't say anything for a few seconds. "You know I've always had feelings for you."
"Yes, I believe you made that clear when you rejected me."
Seth walked up behind her and brushed away the tears that flew from his eyes. "I'm sorry, Summer. I didn't mean that--I don't know what was going on in my head. I just thought. I thought that if I hurt you like you hurt me, it would help mend my heart a little bit faster, but it didn't. It only tore the wound open again. The last thing I would ever want is to hurt you. And I understand if you hate me, because right now I hate myself for not getting over my pride and just admitting that I wanted to be with you all these years. I'm sorry." He stepped closer to her, but Summer had had enough.
"Whatever." She did not want to deal with this, now.
"Thanks for taking care of me in Vegas, you didn't have to."
"You were in trouble, I had to do it. It's what any friend would do."
"What if I wanted to be more than friends."
"Aren't you going a bit quick?"
"No, this would be going a bit quick," he reached over and kissed her, grabbing the nape of her neck and pulling her into him. She pushed him away quickly. She had had enough confusion.
"What are you doing!"
"Summer, I can't deny you. I never could." He moved closer to her, and she felt her walls slowly crumbling to the ground.
"Seth, I can't do this now. Just a few minutes ago, I wanted to rip out your aorta. We can't go back to the beginning and pretend that nothing happened. We have a history."
"So what, you want to wait and be alone for the rest of your life," he was starting to get angry. Why couldn't she just give in and forgive him? Why couldn't she love him like he loved her?
"I don't want to be alone, Seth! I don't! But you're not really giving me any choice. Every
time I'm with you I want to cry. You hurt me so much, you don't even know. Sometimes I think I hate you, but I can't. Because I love you too much. And that scares me. It scares me because I know that you will hurt me. Because you don't love me."
"Summer…I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I've loved you since the 3rd grade. I was stupid, I fucked up, what else do you want me to say? It's not like you've been perfect this whole time either. Do you know how it feels to be rejected by the person you love because they aren't popular enough for you? Because they don't wear the right clothes or do the right things? Do you know how it feels to hate yourself because you know you can never be good enough?"
"I didn't hate you because you weren't popular. I don't fuckin care about that stuff. I don't care what the Julie Coopers of the world think about me?"
"Then why did you hurt me over and over again."
"I was scared. And that scares me. Summer Roberts is supposed to be cold and strong. She isn't scared of anything. It scares me because I know that you will hurt me. Because you don't love me and because I don't deserve to be with you. I've gotta go." Summer could not face her problems, so she did the only thing she knew how to do. She ran. She ran off towards the bridal salon, hoping that Marissa would not notice her sudden disappearance.
Seth cursed at himself. This was not the way it was supposed to happen. Everything was so complicated. He wasn't sure that things could ever be the same ever again.
Poem: On Friendship by Roy Croft