The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

by neomaxizoomdweebie

After tragedy at Malfoy Manor, Draco is left on his own to face the world - and his own darkness. But can Harry pull him out on time? Set two years after Hogwarts. SLASH.

7. Judas Root

Title: The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
Author: Miss T
Rating: R
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Genre: Romance/Future-fic/Horror
Notes: This story is based on one of my favourite adult-books of all time - Drawing Blood by Poppy Z Brite. The story is not exactly the same, just based around it, although some of it is very similar (lines, sort of plot, etc). I thought it was a good Harry/Draco plot, and I hope you all like it! Please please please take my recommendation of reading Drawing Blood... it really is good.
Notes 2: a special thank you to all my reviewers so far. I'm so pleased you all like my story *grins*. Without the feedback I wouldn't feel the need to continue! *dramatic pose* :D xxx WARNING: I can't stress this any further, but there is a very STRONG scene of sexual nature in this chapter. Very strong indeed.

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
Chapter Six - Judas Root

Draco sighed and stretched his back as he sat alone in the coffee shop, his fingers aching from sketching inside a notebook he found in the back of Harry's car. Several empty cups of coffee lay around him, and he was just finishing off his latest cup of black. Sifting through the pages, he noticed that Harry had already used this pad to doodle in, Hermione's Flat - 0171 432791... Remember bread and milk!... Dentist appointment 5.30 Tues...
Sipping the last of his coffee, Draco mulled over the endless list of Harry-drabbles, wondering if he encrypted their weird Muggle-code he might get to know Harry better. But he knew that no matter how hard he tried, the Muggle world would make no sense to him.
As Draco gestured the old wizard for another coffee, he turned to a new, unblemished page in his notebook, and began to write.

Facts
- It makes things appear (Bottle, lights)
- It makes us have visions (Bathroom, piano, this morning in bed)

Theories
- It really did destroy my piano to make me angry
- It made us hallucinate the pieces
- I am completely deranged and this whole thing is a figment of my imagination
- It can do whatever it wants, and is playing games with us
- It can only do a few things in order to communicate with me, in any way it can

As Draco leaned back and admired the page, Harry walked out of the bathroom and sat down next to Draco. Draco quickly closed the book. "Hi..." Harry started, leaning over the book. "... what's that? Can I see?"
Draco sighed and pushed the book over to him, opening it back to the page he was on. As Harry read through the list, he nodded, then frowned suddenly. "What did you see in bed this morning?" he asked.
"That I had ripped your heart out when we were asleep." Draco replied quietly, looking down at his hands.
"Oh." Harry replied, biting on his bottom lip and turning to face Draco. "This morning?"
"Yeah." Draco replied.
"But... but you woke up wanting to... you know."
Draco shrugged. "I know."
Harry stayed silent for a while before closing the book shut and smiling. "You want to go back to the pub for another drink? I think it's starting to get a bit busier. It'll... err, take our minds of things a little."
Draco nodded. "Yeah... yeah I'd like that. But you go on ahead. I'm going to drop this off back at the Manor, I won't be ten minutes."
Harry looked apprehensive at first before he nodded and smiled. "OK, you do that - I'll have a butterbeer waiting at the table for you." Draco smiled as Harry leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the lips before leaving the shop.

The house was awkwardly empty when Draco stepped inside, stopping suddenly at the open door to the piano room. Dropping the sketchbook on the hall table, Draco slowly walked through to the room and saw his piano... completely whole...
Without thinking what he was doing, Draco reached out and slammed his fist into the keys of the piano, the sounds echoing throughout the airy room in harsh clunks of mismatched notes.
"HOW DOES IT FEEL, FATHER?!" he screamed above the noise. "HOW DO YOU LIKE SEEING YOURSELF TORN APART?! DO YOU EVEN CARE?!!"
Draco stopped pounding as his fist felt like it was ready to burst, and sat down with a thud on the hard floor. He felt a rapid wave of exhaustion wash over him. Standing up slowly, Draco backed out of the room and made his way back to the village.

~~~|~~~

At the pub, Harry sat at the counter and was beginning to get worried about Draco. The three wizards they had met earlier were still there, and were currently sitting around the raven haired boy, conversing with him.
"So, you're the Boy Who Lived, then?" Chris' husky voice said next to Harry. Harry felt the pit of his stomach drop and he turned a narrow gaze at Chris. "Yeah. So?" He retorted, not caring how rude he sounded.
Chris chuckled. "You're a little younger than me, and I don't think I'd be able to handle the crap you've been through. You're very brave." Chris' eyes shone as he edged closer to Harry.
"How old are you?" Harry asked, frowning slightly.
"Twenty-two." Chris replied, lifting his bottle to his mouth and making a show of licking the excess beer away from his lips. Harry felt a spark of frustration towards Chris. He had to admit that the boy was attractive, and he was a nice enough bloke, but he just didn't give a fuck that Harry had a boyfriend. Maybe Chris didn't pick up on the fact that Harry and Draco were together? Harry didn't know, but something inside of him was actually warming towards this strawberry blonde. And he didn't like it.
Putting some change onto the counter, Harry stood up and nodded at the other three young men. "Well I suppose I better be off then," he mumbled before stepping out of the door.
Draco had just stepped towards the entrance when Harry came stumbling towards him. "Wha-Harry?" He asked, grabbing onto Harry's sides to steady himself.
"Draco! There you are. I was starting to get worried..." Harry said, folding Draco into a hug. "Come on, let's get inside."

Two hours later, Harry and Draco were back inside the pub, drinking (well, Harry anyway) and talking with Chris, Kerid and Jason, plus a couple more wizards who were friends with the other three - a petite redheaded witch called Haley who bared such resemblance to Ginny Weasley it was scary, and a slender coffee coloured skin wizard named Jordan. After three or so drinks, Harry's bladder began to pang painfully, and he headed to the bathroom at the back of the bar.
As Harry relieved himself, he realised that he was slightly drunk, the stark light of the empty lavatory buzzing around his head and making everything look somewhat lopsided. Harry jumped as a muffled knock sounded at the door.
"Yeah?" Harry asked.
"It's Chris."
Harry chuckled to himself. How convenient Chris happens to show up when Harry is alone with his dick out. Grinning and readjusting himself, Harry walked over to the door and opened it a crack to see a flash of golden-strawberry hair and a sparkling green eye.
"Just wanted to see if you were finished. I have to go too."
Harry opened the door and let Chris in, turning to leave the toilet. Chris stepped right up to the urinal, tugged down his trousers, and whizzed away. Hmm, so he really did have to pee.
But as Harry was halfway out of the door, Chris said. "Hey, Potter?"
"Uh huh?"
"I meant what I said earlier. About you being really brave."
Harry raised his eyebrows. "Well.. err, thanks." he replied.
"Don't mention it." Chris purred, pulling up his trousers, turning around swiftly and holding Harry up against the opposite wall.
Chris slid his hands underneath Harry's thin t-shirt, running them up his chest and grazing his thumbs over Harry's nipples. Harry gasped and found himself instantly, illogically aroused. Chris lips brushed against Harry's. "Do you want this as bad as I do?" he whispered, his hot breath kissing against Harry's skin. Harry's drunk mind didn't know what to think of the situation, and that little part of him that said he did want Chris was getting bigger and bigger by the second. Amongst other things.
Chris' mouth found Harry's, sweeping his wet tongue over Harry's lip before claiming it between his teeth and nibbling softly. For a millisecond Harry didn't respond, before he felt his body grinding into the taller boys, his tongue wrestling against Chris' in careless recklessness. As Chris' erection pressed into his own, he suddenly wondered what in the hell he was playing at.
Harry's shame boiled over at this point, and he broke the kiss and pushed Chris away. He knew he didn't want this.
"Sorry." he said. "I can't."
Chris chuckled. "Of course you can." Chris tried to press himself back against Harry, but Harry held his hands up and backed away. "No. I can't. I have a boyfriend, and you knew that I did."
Chris stepped back and shrugged, but Harry could see that he was hurt. "Sorry. But I saw you... looking at me. Just wanted to show that I cared."
Harry smiled. "I know I was looking. Of course I was, you're gorgeous. But I'm with Draco, alright? We're solid. I love him."
Chris snorted. "You fall in love pretty fast, don't you?"
"Not really. It took me eight years."
"Aren't you scared he'll go all psycho and slaughter you in your sleep?"
Harry laughed. "No. If Draco chooses to kill me, he'll make sure I'm awake for it."
Chris frowned and measured Harry's words suspiciously. "Okay." He said finally. "Want to kiss me one last time?"
"Yes." Harry told him honestly. "But I won't."
Pushing past the strawberry blonde, Harry left the bathroom and made his way back to the pub.

Harry sat down back beside his boyfriend and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Hi." he whispered into Draco's ear.
Draco grinned and turned to face Harry. "Hi."
"Let's get out of here." Harry said, rubbing his nose against Draco's.
Draco let out a sigh of relief. "Yes. Thank you."

~~~|~~~

When Harry and Draco got back inside the house, Harry noticed that the piano room door was open. Taking a quick peek inside as Draco put their cloaks on the hat rack, Harry frowned and stepped back. "Draco... did you know that your piano is-"
"Yes." Draco replied shortly.
"But that's good, isn't it?" Harry asked, stepping closer to the blonde boy.
"No. It... he's... it's fucking with us, Harry." Draco said, pursing his lips together. Harry looked down at his feet. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
Draco could still smell the alcohol from Harry's breath, and the aroma of it was intoxicating. "I wonder if there's anymore alcohol in this house." Draco mused aloud.
"What? Why?" Harry asked suddenly, frowning.
Draco shrugged. "I've never really been drunk before. It sounds like a good way of escaping."
Harry laughed. "Yeah, until you wake up in the morning with a pounding headache and vomit covered sheets."
Draco screwed up his nose. "But that doesn't happen to you when you're drunk, does it?"
Harry tilted his head and considered the question. "Not always. It depends on how much I have or what sort of mood I'm in."
"What about drugs?" Draco asked.
Harry pulled a face. "What about them?"
"Do they help you... escape?" Draco replied quietly.
"I wouldn't know, I've never really had much experience." Harry answered honestly.
"My father used to take them, up in his office. He thought I didn't know about it, until I found some in his desk drawer one day. Root of Judas, wrapped in a tiny cloth bag. Makes you hallucinate apparently. I wonder if they're still there."
Draco turned his vision to the stairwell. "Want to see?"
But before Harry could answer, Draco was already pounding up the stairs in the direction of his Father's office, so he had no choice but to follow suit.
Draco walked into the large office, scanning over the furniture in the evening darkness. He glided over to the desk and sat down at the large leather chair behind it, and Harry proceeded to sit on his knees in front of him. Draco pulled open a small drawer at the top of the desk, and laughed out loud. "I don't believe it!" He chuckled, reaching his hand inside the thin drawer and pulling out a small cloth bag. "They are still here."
Curious now, Harry sat up straighter and watched as Draco emptied the bag's contents onto the desk - four little rods that looked like white, soft cinnamon sticks.
"I wonder if they still work." Harry heard himself breathe.
"I don't know but I still want to try them." Draco said, waving his fingers above the four little roots.
"Eat them, then." Harry said.
"Are you going to eat any?"
"Well..." Harry ran a hand through his unruly hair. "What exactly happens if you do eat them?"
"Apparently you see all kinds of stuff - beautiful hallucinations, weird buzzes like if you were pleasantly drunk, and they say that you get loads of inspiration from them, too."
Harry grunted a small chuckle. "Sounds like sex."
Draco smiled shyly and looked down at Harry. "We can do that too, if you want."
Harry smiled back and moved his hand from his own hair and into Draco's, pulling him down for a wet, sated kiss.
"I was also thinking it could maybe make me see things that are always here, but I can't actually see now." Draco said.
"As in here in the Manor?" Harry asked.
Draco shrugged and nodded.
Harry's lip began to twitch worriedly, and he placed his hand on Draco's knee. "Draco... I don't think we should take these inside the house. Maybe we could go outside or something, or back down into the village. I don't know if I want to get high inside the house."
Draco glared at Harry. "What?" Harry asked.
"Keeping in mind what I came here for, what I came back to this house for, do you really think I'd consider doing it anywhere else?" Draco said.
"I suppose not." Harry replied quietly. "But Draco... it really isn't a good idea."
"What do you mean?"
"You know I'm going to have to go back home eventually. And I know you must have at least thought about leaving with me."
"Yeah, and?"
"Maybe it doesn't want you to leave, Draco."
"Well then maybe I don't want to."
Harry felt his breathing stop momentarily, the full throw of Draco's words felt like a punch in the stomach. "If you stay here," Harry stopped, taking in a deep breath as his voice cracked. "If you stay here, I might not be able to see you again. Is that what you want?"
Draco tore his gaze away from Harry and stared at the roots in frustration, his knuckles going white as he clung onto the desk. He finally looked back down at Harry, his grey eyes shimmering with tears. "No."
"Me neither." Harry whispered. Their hands found each other on the desktop and their fingers entwined. "You could eat them here, if you want. Then go outside or through to the village. I wouldn't mind being here alone." Draco said.
Harry let out a humourless laugh. "No way. You really don't want to be alone in here."
"I don't mind, Harry."
"I'm staying." Harry said softly.
"So," Harry said after a while. "How do we do it? I was never really good in Herbology. Do we just eat them?"
"I think so," Draco replied, shifting two of the roots over to Harry's side of the desk, leaving the remaining two for himself. He picked up one and chewed experimentally at the end. "They don't really taste like anything." He commented.
Harry looked down at the two white rubbery sticks on the desk, raised an eyebrow as he picked one up in a mock-toast. "Here goes." He muttered, as they both began to shovel the roots into their mouths. Draco winced and clicked his tongue at the back of his throat once he had finished swallowing. "Ugh! They were fucking horrible!" He exclaimed. Harry nodded in agreement as he felt that last rubbery shred of root fall down his throat.

Once Draco and Harry had finished eating the roots, they had decided to get into Draco's bedroom. Draco felt the first little reaction from the drugs ten minutes later, when Harry was lying with his head on Draco's stomach. He could feel tiny trickles of electricity run through his veins ever so subtly as he ran a lazy hand through Harry's hair, looking up at the dark ceiling of the bedroom.
"Can you feel that?" Harry asked suddenly.
"Yes."
"Are you hallucinating?"
"I don't think so." Draco replied, continuing to stare up at the ceiling where little blue and purple swirls of mist began to appear. "Well, a little."
He then pulled Harry up towards him, running his hands through Harry's unruly hair and kissing Harry's temple. He felt Harry tremble under his touch, and leaned in to kiss his lips softly.
Harry's tongue drew lazy circles around Draco's lips, entering his mouth and gently stroking his own tongue. His hands were running gently down Draco's sides, smoothing down the flesh of Draco's chest as his tongue ran from his lips and down to his chin, moving to Draco's thin collarbone. Draco let out a long groan as Harry circled his tongue wetly around one of his nipples, nibbling with his teeth. The room was getting darker and darker, and Draco felt like he was falling into a great void of nothing. Gasping, he gripped onto Harry's shoulders and held him tightly as the purple and blue lights grew intensely on the walls, buzzing like electric, beating veins.
"It's okay," Harry said softly, "Keep holding me, you'll be okay."
"Can you... do you... " Draco had no idea what he was twittering on about, and he began to tremble.
"Draco, just relax. Look at the lights." Harry said breathily. "Everything feels amazing. I love you."
"I love you too... but it's so odd..."
"I think it's supposed to feel strange. That's what drugs are for. Just relax and let it take you."
Draco made a soft whimpering noise as Harry continued to lick at his throat and chest, circling their hips together. Harry began to make a trail of butterfly kisses along Draco's arm, stopping as he saw a group of faint white scars along the pale inner elbow. Licking his lips, Harry wondered what it would feel like to have Draco's blood running down his throat, to taste him... he sucked hard on the flesh, making Draco writhe helplessly underneath him. Before he knew what was happening, the scars began to open up under his tongue, spilling hot coppery blood into his mouth.
Draco gasped as he felt a tight throbbing sensation in his arm, beating like a dull heart. Harry lifted his head, his mouth shining red with Draco's blood. Draco looked down and saw that his old scars were opening like blooming flowers, yawning like little red mouths. Harry glared back at Draco in terror as he realised the blood was real. "Draco... what...?"
But Draco felt bizarrely calm - the cuts didn't hurt, much like they didn't hurt when he made them. "It's nearly there." He murmured.
"What?"
"Noxland."
Harry's jade coloured eyes shone in the darkness, his lips glowing with saliva and blood. Draco used his grip on Harry's shoulders to pull them face to face. He kissed Harry's bloody lips. "Don't be scared."
"But... aren't you bleeding?"
"Not for long."
"Draco! Don't pull this supernatural crap on me!" Harry pounded his fist into the mattress. "Don't you dare die! I swear to Merlin if you do die I'll come after you and haunt you!"
"I'm not dying, Harry. Come here, hold me." Draco wrapped his arms around Harry's slender body, felt his blood trickle down Harry's back.
"You're my anchor." Draco whispered, knowing that Harry didn't hear him.
Draco wasn't really sure where he was going, or even how. He knew it had to be Noxland, the land deep within his father's heart. It was a place of wounds that have never healed, and he needed to know why.
"Just don't leave me here." Harry murmured into Draco's neck.
"I won't." Draco replied distantly. He then looked deep into Harry's eyes and pressed their chests together, wrapping his legs around Harry's skinny hips. "I want you to fuck me." he said.
"What?" Harry gasped, his eyes widening. "Now?"
"Yes. Now."
Flashes of emotion skidded past Harry's features; puzzlement, sorrow, anxiety, frustration, arousal. Draco could feel Harry's erection grow hard against his own. Thumbing his fingers underneath Harry's boxers, Draco yanked them down to Harry's ankles before pulling down his own underneath him. Harry gasped. "Are you sure?" He breathed.
Draco locked his gaze with Harry's eyes and took Harry's hand, dipping his fingers into his mouth and sucking hard. Harry's breath came out in pants as he allowed Draco to wet his fingers before he careful slid them into the other boy, waiting until Draco relaxed fully before entering.
Draco reached up and captured Harry's mouth, sucking forcefully at the raven haired boy's tongue, finding himself having to break away from Harry's lips to let out a blood curdling yelp as Harry sank deeper inside him. Harry moaned painfully against Draco's neck and bit down lightly on his flesh. "Does it hurt?" He murmured into Draco's blonde hair.
"Yes." Draco replied breathily. "But you can fuck me hard. You can open me up."
Harry frowned and lifted his head up, nearly coming at the sight before him; Draco's head was tilted back against the pillow, his pupils dilated in desire, his lips red and swollen from kissing. Harry felt a sudden sweep of exhilaration wash over him. "Yeah?" Harry asked, tilting his body upwards and pushing his hands down onto the mattress above Draco's head. He began to move in and out of Draco, feeling his eyelids flutter open and shut.
Draco groaned and bucked his hips into Harry's. "... ahh... harder... " Draco growled, groping for Harry's hand and putting it on his erection. Harry closed his hands around it as his other hand squeezed tightly onto Draco's.
"Draco I don't want to hurt you..."
"Harder!" Draco sobbed. "I have to get there!"
"WHERE?!" Harry grabbed hold of Draco's face and tilted his chin towards him, forcing Draco to look into Harry's face. He continued to pound in and out of him but his eyes were round and huge with worry. "WHAT ARE YOU MAKING ME DO TO YOU?!"
Draco felt the effects of the drugs and pleasure pound together, the light from the whirlpool above his head get bigger and bigger. He knew that if he went to Noxland, he would find out all of the answers, and it was now or never.
Draco let himself go.

~~~|~~~

to be continued...