6. Speak No Evil
By the time Seifer and Zell finished packing up the tent and eased a sleeping Squall back into his t-shirt and stray glove (on Zell's insistance), the sun had fully passed the horizon. To Zell's surprise, Seifer offered to carry him again, reasoning aloud that Zell would end up dragging his head in the sand because of his height-- technically his lack thereof. Zell grumbled but didn't outwardly disagree, hands shoved in his pockets as they started to walk. Neither of them spoke until the middle of the day.
"Hey, Seif... uh, where are we going, anyway? I mean, is there a plan?"
"Where do you think? Winhill's the only town within a five day hike, unless you feel like crossing the continent."
"Sounds good."
"Of course, we might not have to walk that long. Our Garden friends know something's gone wrong. Those trucks send out signals when they get wrecked."
"Yeah, I know that.... But you know they're tied up fixing Trabia. They won't interrupt all that just to pick up three people."
"They'd interrupt it to pick up their commander. Squall's a precious commodity." Seifer grinned and patted one of the sleep-limp legs that draped over his shoulder. "Didn't you know?"
Zell flushed unexpectedly. "Yeah... I know."
Suddenly, the aforementioned precious commodity began to wiggle. It began as small shifts that could have been blamed on a dream, which Seifer ignored until a sharp whack met his lower back. "What the hell? Dammit..." He flipped Squall over and placed him in the burning sand. "What's wrong now?"
Squall stood up indignantly and held out his hand. Despite the scowl on his face, he was feeling better, physically, than he had since before he had awoken in D-District.
"I think he wants to try walking on his own." Zell observed. Squall nodded sharply.
"Fuck that. He'll exhaust himself and pass out." Seifer was already quite tired from carrying him, however, and the prospect sounded like a very good one.
"Shut up, Squall knows his limits. He's not stupid." Zell ignored Seifer's reply --a scoff-- and plucked the canteen from his waist and handed it to Squall, who took it and drank eagerly. "You really think you can handle it, though?"
Squall wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and gave back the canteen, responding with another nod.
"Alright... lemme know if you get too tired, though." Zell adjusted his backpack, took his hand and gave it a supportive squeeze. "I'll lead. Let's go."
Squall stumbled only twice that afternoon. The first time was because of another bout of discomfot-- and he could call it that easily now. The duration of the poison-attacks were shortening with more time between them. It seemed the Regen that battled them was finally winning, and the relief it brought him was invigorating. Seifer's Sleep spell had done his body more good than he could have hoped for-- he felt full of energy, hardly ever falling out of step with the others. The sun beat down hard and the sand seemed to be melting its way through his boots, but a part of him didn't feel it, because he could look forward to resting that evening and to getting back home in a few days. His breakdown had given him a much needed way to vent his frustrations, and although he was ashamed of his childish actions, he was partly thankful for it. He felt as though his system had been flushed of an entirely different poison than that which ailed him physically.
Thinking of that botched suicide attempt-- he blamed such motivation on temporary insanity and tried hard to fluff it off -- brought him inevitably to pondering Seifer's surprising response. A tingle spread through back of his neck as he remembered the strong hand against his scalp that forced him to subdue to a comfort he couldn't have asked for himself. He had broken, giving the man the perfect opportunity to kick him while at his weakest and forever have the upper hand in their constant state of competition. Yet, he didn't take it, choosing instead to show a weakness of his own. Seifer had exposed a caring shard of himself that Squall had never seen. He had learned much about Seifer that morning with one simple gesture, and the thought brought an unidentifiable (but definitely not uncomfortable) twinge to his stomach.
That twinge reminded him of another like it, one that Zell had stirred within him. So, -- he hid a tiny smile at the thought -- the little blond admired him for more than his leadership skills. Even without the comfort (that was the most provocative word he could use for it, as he attempted to keep from arousing himself) he had recieved the night before, the current unfaltering grip on his hand and intermittent light squeezes would have told him so.
His second stumble came when the sun was just beginning to set, due to exhaustion and triggered by his paying too much attention to one of Zell and Seifer's uneventful bickering matches. His face would have met the sand had Zell not lunged forward and grabbed him around the waist.
"We're stopping now," Zell commanded as soon as Squall was properly re-balanced on his feet.
Seifer shrugged in passive agreement, throwing the pack to the ground with a heavy thud. "No argument here, I'm fucking tired. We should have slept all day and walked at night. We probably would have traveled twice as far."
"Yeah," Zell crouched and began drawing the rolled tent from the pack, "but then we'd be waking up now, and we'd still have to walk for eight more hours, and that would suck." He pulled out his sleeping bag and unrolled it. "Here, Squall, you lay down while we set up."
Squall wanted to tell him he was fine-- he was queasy and his legs quivered as he tried to hold himself up, but he really wanted to help pitch the tent. He lowered to the ground anyway, letting Zell guide him downward with a hand on eash side of his waist, and reminded himself that he would have just gotten in the way. He cursed his helplessness as his cheek hit the cool fabric-- he was so damn tired of lacking control. He was tired of being carried, of being led, of needing help with everything he did aside from breathe. And when he wanted to scream with frustration, he couldn't do that either. An energy was building within him, one he didn't know how to relieve. Walking all afternoon sure hadn't relieved it, though his limbs felt like jelly with exertion. He yawned, the act revealing just how dry and sticky his mouth was. He reached out an arm for the pack and grabbed onto the first strap he touched.
"What's up Squall, you need something?" Within three seconds, Zell had come over to kneel beside him. Seifer cussed as the tent fell in his absence, but Zell ignored him. "You hungry? Thirsty?"
Squall nodded, a response to both options. His stomach growled loudly at the mention of food-- he hadn't eaten in... what, two days? Maybe longer. Now that he was in the mood to keep something down, he couldn't ignore it.
"Okay, here..." Zell took the canteen from the pack's front pocket and handed it to him. With lightly shaking fingers, he carefully reached out and stroked Squall's hair as he drank.
Squall closed his eyes at the touch, sending him silent thanks. Maybe -- he took a final gulp and handed it back -- maybe Zell would try to distract him from the situation again that night. If he didn't, maybe Squall himself would have to take the initiative. He shuddered pleasantly, only half-angry at the way his mind allowed itself to wander.
"Hey, Seif," Zell called over his shoulder, "think you can finish the tent yourself?"
"Yeah, sure, no problem," Seifer growled, "Now that you dropped the poles and tangled it up, it should be a piece of fucking cake."
"Good," Zell replied lightheartedly, unfazed by the sarcasm, "I'm gonna try actually cooking the food tonight." He rustled through the pack, throwing the other two sleeping bags to the side.
"And how the hell are you going to do that? We don't have anything to use for fuel."
"I have a plan, don't you worry." Zell fished three wrinkly foil packets from the bottom of the bag and tossed them onto the sand twelve feet away. "Watch this. Fire." He grinned as flames engulfed the silver raisins for a split second, then hopped his way over to them. He hissed loudly as he tried to pick one up and, having learned his lesson, kicked them the rest of the way over to rest beside Squall.
"Those things should have exploded," Seifer remarked, surprised.
"Yeah... I think they almost did," Zell replied as a buildup of steam forced open a corner of one of the packets at his feet. "Good thing I did it from far away." He dropped into a sitting position and opened it the rest of the way, grinning widely as steam enveloped his face. "Wow, that smells so effing good. You better get over here, or I'll end up eating 'em all myself." The threat was far from exaggerated.
Seifer managed to hook the final pole in place before kneeling by the others. Carefully opening his own, he waited for it to cool. Zell handed Squall the one he had already opened, warning with a "careful," to keep him from burning himself, then took to the third.
The slippery hotdog burned his fingers, but Squall didn't wait. He stuffed it into his mouth and chewed only a few times before swallowing. Despite the numbing burn to his tongue and throat, he did the same with the second and third that the package contained.
Seifer and Zell stared incredulously at one another. "I didn't even start, and you're finished," Zell observed, his jaw slack.
Squall just wiped his palms on his pants and smugly fell back down onto the sleeping bag. He had eaten three hotdogs faster than Zell. It felt good to have broken his record.
"Do you want more?" Zell asked around the food in his mouth, "I could--"
"It doesn't matter how hungry he is; we have to ration." Seifer reminded sternly as he finished the second third of his own meal.
Zell hung his head. "Yeah..." he took a deep breath, "Here." The word came out a lot more reluctantly than it should have as he thrust his fist forward, nudging Squall in the shoulder. Squall shook his head. "Take it before I change my mind. It's my last one."
Squall shrugged and finally let Zell drop the plump tubesteak into his hand. He ate more slowly, his famished state mostly satiated. Once all the food had disappeared, the trio sat in silence for a few minutes, Zell and Seifer watching the sun complete its disappearance while Squall just lay and relaxed, enjoying his full belly. Seifer was the first to move-- he got up and spread out the other two sleeping bags in the tent, leaving room between them for the third. Looking around, he realized that it would be cramped with all three of them inside it. He removed his coat, goosebumps drawing on his arms as they met the rapidly cooling air, and folded it to use as a pillow. He lay down, stretching with his arms behind his head. "You guys had better get in here soon. We'll be walking just as long tomorrow, of not longer. I'll only kick you twice before I throw you out and leave without you."
"Okay," Zell called, rolling his eyes. "He's so damn bossy," he grumbled with a lowered voice, "Pisses me off." After a long pause, he said, "Look, Squall, I've gotta talk to you." Squall turned his head toward him to display that he was listening. "I, uhh..." He swallowed, suddenly nervous, as if he didn't have a right to say what he was about to. "I missed what happened this morning... but Seifer told me. And--" He cut himself off as Squall's expression tightened. "No, listen."
In spite of his pleas, Squall rolled over and put his back to him. He didn't want to hear this. The fact that Zell knew about it brought a new wave of regret and embarassment over him-- but then, what could he have expected? Seifer wouldn't make up a story so he could save face; that was hoping for too much.
Zell continued as if fueled by the rejection, shifting forward so his knees brushed Squall's back. His voice became a near whisper as he leaned over him. "Whatever made you want to do that... I don't need to know. But... but you need to know that, well, you were wrong."
Zell, I know, I fucking know already, I was being stupid... No matter how much Squall's thoughts raged, he knew they wouldn't stop him.
"And people would really miss you. And... and," Zell rested a hand on Squall's shoulder, squeezing lightly as he tried to control his stuttering. "And I would really, really miss you." His heart thundered as he waited for a response. Recieving none (although he could have sworn Squall's pulse jumped beneath his hand), he continued. "I mean, Seif told me about it, and I didn't believe him right away... He'd be more likey to do that than you would, so it took a while to realize that he hadn't done it. I was so surprised." His head fell forward. "You... Squall, you scared the shit out of me. I mean... I mean--"
Stop. Squall rolled to lay on his back again, Zell's hand remaining on his shoulder so that the movement brought their faces within a few inches of one another. He found the location of Zell's lips when the blond's breath brushed over his own, and closed the distance in an instant. Yep, this shut him up alright. Zell made a muffled, high-pitched sound in his surprise as Squall's hands slid around the back of his neck, bringing him closer so he could tip back onto the sleeping bag without breaking the kiss.
After his initial shock subsided, Zell braced his elbows on either side of Squall's head and took it upon himself to deepen the kiss, running the tip of his tongue across the seam of Squall's lips. They parted right away beneath the silent request, but didn't allow him to enter. Squall tackled Zell's tongue with his own until the blond gave in, allowing Squall to hungrily explore his mouth. Zell was dazed; he couldn't believe Squall would want this, and then initiate it-- it was just too perfect. He breathed deeply, taking in Squall's scent, and eased back until the kiss broke. Although he knew Squall couldn't see him, he ducked his head reflexively, limp bangs brushing Squall's cheek. "I should have been there for you," he whispered, "I should have been awake to stop you."
Squall leaned up and trailed kisses from the corner of his mouth to his ear, the only concievable way he could think of to assure him that it didn't matter. He then trailed a hand down to the hem of Zell's pants and along it to the front button, where he stopped. Zell gasped at the blunt move. "What, you wanna do this out here? Seif'll hear us."
Let him, Squall wanted to say. The deprivation of his sight had left his senses frustrated, and now a taste of sensation had awoken a hunger he could barely control. It didn't matter who heard. He didn't care.
"Actually, he'd just hear me," Zell corrected himself. "But you... you really want... this?" Squall assured him with a tug, undoing the button, and Zell shivered. "It's getting cold out here," he observed. "Let's just... let's get this part over with quick and get in that sleeping bag." He sat up and rubbed his arms, then removed his torn tank top after catching Squall's agreeing nod.
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I kinda hate doing this, but, I gotta cut it off now. To finish chapter 6 and continue on through chapters 7-13 (which are so full of sex that I won't bother trying to cut pieces out), click:
EDIT: Okay, so the link won't show up. I link to my AFF user page in my info if you want to go there, or copy, paste and fix this:
adultfan(dot)nexcess(dot)net(slash)aff(slash)story.php?no=21875&chapter=6Sorry about all the trouble.
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