Reflections

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adult or adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

Author's note: I'm being lazy again with my Japanese I didn't feel like translating so anything considered spoken in Japanese will appear in brackets ( like this) . All that is left after this is a short epilogue, which still needs to be written for now enjoy this. R.

Part Nine

I found Sensei as I expected spending some quality time with his family and asked to speak with him privately while at the same time begging Aunt Karena's forgiveness for taking her husband away from her.

Sensei must have sensed the urgency to my request for he nodded agreement before excusing himself and gesturing me towards the dojo. Soon as we entered the dojo and I turned to face him I dropped easily to my knees and lowered my upper body until my forehead was almost touching the mats under me.

("Forgive my transgressions Jonin, for I have lost the clan much honor and I am an unworthy kunoichi. I thought I was right but I learned through meditation only how wrong I really was"). I apologized,(" A great honor was bestowed on me and I found no honor in it. If you would see fit to train me for this honor I promise that I will give my all to the lessons and do my best to be a proper kunoichi and restore the honor I have lost.")

("You have meditated and found your answers so soon?") He asked arching an eye ridge.

("I meditated only to learn how wrong I was. How I was not acting or behaving in the true ninja way.") I paused and snuck a look at him, I could tell by his stance that he was still waiting for something. I took a deep breath(" I accept that I went against the clan's decision shaming both myself, and my clan. I regret my choice deeply.") I insisted wincing slightly for I was still embarrassed by my behaviour. I took a controlled breath before continuing ("I acted and behaved as if I was above the elders in this clan, who have brought the clan great honor through their deeds. I set a bad example for others by walking my own path") I concluded.

Sensei's face was blank, no sign of having heard me though I knew he was fully aware of every word I had spoken. He had listened as I named my crimes and thus accepted responsibility for them.

I tried my best not to squirm under his cold, hard, unreadable penetrating stare. I knew I had to stay submissive it was not an easy posture to maintain and yet I had to prove that I was contrite and willing to make amends, if he would only permit me to do so.

("Is it wrong to want to walk your own path Ramiela?") Sensei asked calmly betraying nothing with his words.

("For me in this instance yes, and I suppose possibly for any ninja,") I admitted hesitantly wondering uneasily what he was getting at.

("Why?")

I scowled at the simple but definitely loaded question ("If we all followed our own path there would be no clan. A ninja may walk his own path to achieve an assignment but he cannot chose, which assignments he will be given") I guessed.

I had no idea if I was right or not. Or if this was one of those questions that could have many right and wrong answers to it. I could only hope that Sensei would approve of the answer I gave.

("So you are saying it is wrong to follow your own path?") Sensei countered.

I bit my lip, he was after something I just knew it but I had no idea what it was!

("Perhaps not wrong but it didn't suit me in this situation I realized the path I was on was causing me to make too many mistakes and that which I feared most, might end up being inevitable if I continued on it") I explained,(" I have gone astray from the ninja way and I wish to return to it and learn from my mistake.")

("Ah, I begin to understand you have made a mistake and wish to learn from it.") He echoed still showing nothing to betray what he wanted or expected.

("Yes") I agreed, hadn't I been saying that? I licked my lips suddenly wondering what he was planning or what his intentions were because I had a feeling that he had a reason for all of this.

I have said it before and I will continue to maintain that Sensei has a reason for almost everything he does, it is just that I am unable to understand his reasons all of the time. It usually takes me a good deal of thought to figure it out.

Sensei smiled a bit ("If you learn from your mistake is it then wrong?") he hinted.

("No it is learning and all learning is knowledge and valuable. But if I went the true ninja way I would have practiced kyo mon from the start.")

Sensei smile broadened ("Sometimes Ramiela one can be told but the young will not heed until they learn themselves.') He said tenderly " Rise Kunoichi I am fully aware of the responsibility you must now face and deal with. I know it is a big step and often a scary one for I was once there."

" Only you have been leading for a longer time and were younger when you started. Weren't you afraid Sensei?" I wondered as I rose easily to my feet.

" Yes, I was," he admitted " But I trusted Splinter to teach me what I needed, due to my youth I did have a tendency to go overboard in my authority causing problems."

I grinned a bit " With Uncle Raphael?"

" Mostly" he said a rueful grin on his face.

"I didn't seem to trust you or the Master at all and I should have" I said, " maybe you did better after all."

" Perhaps and maybe we might have to wait and see what sort of leader you become before we fully determine that. After all you are at the age where you are more apt to rebel and that combined with the changes to clan hierarchy was perhaps overwhelming?" he suggested.

" Suffocating" I corrected, " or it seemed that way."

" So tell me Ramiela are you still afraid to fail?"

" Yes" I confessed easily to that fear knowing he would sense the truth even if I tried to hide it. " But standing in one place isn't doing a thing for me. I cannot allow fear to root me to the spot."

I sensed his silent approval to my words and knew that I had pleased him. I had to keep a huge sigh of relief from surfacing.

Sensei turned to face me his blue eyes locked on mine " Do you think you are going to fail?" he demanded quickly.

" I want to do everything I am capable of doing in hopes that I won't fail. If I learn well and follow the dictates of kyo mon and trust in you and the training you give I am prepared then for the challenges that face me."

" What if you do everything in your power and you still fail?" He countered.

I sighed, " Then I guess all I can do then is try to learn from it." I replied uncertain if that was the right answer.

Sometimes Sensei could be very confusing. He had a way of speaking in riddles at times a habit he had learned from the Master.

" That is good because trust me Ramiela there will be times that you will feel that you failed somebody it is inevitable when you are a jonin."

Though his tone was gentle and reassuring I got little comfort from his words.

" I do promise on my word of honor that I will do my best and live up to the ninja code" I vowed fervently and meant it.

" Then you ought to do all right." Sensei replied casually.

A thought came suddenly to my mind and I glanced up at him " Sensei I know this might not be my place to ask this but I was wondering if…well, it sort of just occurred to me…" I took a deep breath.

Sensei gave me a look that said clearly spit it out all ready.

" Could I perhaps take on the duties of chunin?"

Sensei scowled and I detected a quick flow of shock from him, proving my question had caught him off of his guard he hadn't really been expecting it. Truthfully I didn't know if I was really expecting it either but it felt right to me.

" Why ask for that responsibility Ramiela when you will have enough to do with the responsibility you have, to learn to be jonin?" he inquired mystified by my request.

" I realize it is more responsibility but when you taught me to fight you didn't just tell me or show me what to do, you had me do it" I began hoping I could fully explain what was going on in my mind. " When you sent me out on patrols you didn't just throw me into it. You let me grow into it while being under supervision."

Sensei nodded " Go on" he urged.

" If I could do the chunin work even some of it, it might help me grow into a better jonin. You were Splinter's chunin and learned from him" I hastened on not quite sure if I was overstepping my bounds on this and knowing that I was. " I would learn not only from seeing and hearing but by doing." I finished and winced inwardly expecting him to tell me it wasn't my place to make such decisions as of yet. Instead Sensei seemed to be actually considering it.

" You really want to do this?" He finally asked.

" You know me Sensei when I really want to do something just try and stop me" I replied in a half joking way.

Sensei laughed, " Ah Ramiela, Splinter was so right to pick you."

I shrugged slightly " I don't get it. Course I don't know why I was picked any ways" I grumbled a bit, " But if the Master picked me he did so for a reason and that is enough."

" It is different things about you that had you picked, your stubbornness being one of those traits." Sensei stated, " your dedication especially when you fail. You become more determined to achieve your goal. You are quick and eager and very intelligent but no one can make you do something you have no intention of doing."

" I thought that was a bad thing. Geesh, I got in enough trouble for it when I misbehaved in school for Uncle Donatello." I had suffered numerous punishments just for that!

" Yes Ramiela and yet we haven't broken you of it so you might as well put it to some use" Sensei mocked his eyes seeming to dance.

" I'd have to use it as a jonin?"

" In some situations yes. A leader must sometimes make a very difficult choice between doing something very dishonourable or maintaining honour at all costs."

" That is easy honour is everything so of course maintain honour." I grinned at the simplicity of that.

" Yes, but what if there are innocent people who might die if you do not do the dishonourable thing?"

" You are talking blackmail that is dishonourable" I grouched.

Sensei gave a wry grin " I'm sure you are fully aware not everyone is honourable."

I nodded grimly " I guess that makes it even more difficult" I admitted, " to allow them to be killed would be dishonourable but to do the deed is also dishonourable. I suppose it all depends on what you are asked to do."

" Then it gets trickier because if these people have no honour how can you be sure they will obey the agreement after all, once they see you are willing to give in to them they have gained power over you." Sensei explained.

I groaned for something that had seemed so simple it had now grown into something that was confusing. It had grown into a situation where no matter what you did you couldn't win or at least it seemed that way to me.

" So what am I suppose to do in those situations then Sensei?"

" That you will learn and when you do learn you might realize you have more options open and available to you then what you can think of at this moment" he assured me.

" It will be up to me though to decide which options to use." I declared.

" True enough, but your training ought to be able to show you what option is best for the circumstances at hand.

There is a balance Ramiela and you will learn about it more. You will also learn the fine art of negotiation and much more" Sensei said.

It seemed like an awful lot to learn and a big responsibility on top of that but I was ready to put my faith in sensei's teachings knowing he had not failed me yet.

" So can I be chunin?" I asked a bit hesitantly

" Let me think on it Ramiela. You all ready have quite a few responsibilities. I need time to consider before letting you know."

" All right Sensei."

Sensei reached out pulling me into a hug and kissed my forehead " You are going to do all right and I am very proud of you Ramiela" he told me sincerely.

I believed him.

TBC

Kyo Mon – Is the word ninja use for lessons that can't be learned from a book. They are life experiences that might help a ninja in a dangerous situation that he might find himself in; this was quite common when one realizes that ninja were often sent to unfamiliar places on assignment.

So the ninja used word of mouth passed on from generation to generation to enhance these valuable life lessons.

Pretender: As you can see by the definition of Kyo mon there are different types of wisdom and knowledge. Also Rama while living in New York has been raised with a lot of Eastern society ways and beliefs. The Japanese and Chinese people and many other Eastern cultures hold their seniors in great respect and believe that the elders have great wisdom to impart to the younger generations. They are less likely to put their Seniors in a home or ignore or neglect them in the way many people in our society tend to do.

Lenni: If you can't tell me why you liked it I can't help you. However I'm glad you did enjoy it.

Reinbeauchaser: far too true I know a certain singer once said in one of her songs " That sometimes standing still is the best move you can make." Well sometimes the opposite is also true as Ramiela has learned and with learning comes growth.

Danceingfae: Rama is learning and growing but she has much to learn before she becomes jonin.