Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings.
A/N: Oh, come on guys, that was weak. One review. ONE! I expect you to do better, or I shall not continue.
With their unfortunate problem of being unable to do their jobs, Frodo and Sam were enjoying helping Pippin do his job—"testing" all the pipeweed within a twenty mile radius of headquarters.
Pippin had given up following Merry on his mission to terminate the humans. He came to this decision as Merry was throwing himself against the outer wall of Boromir's office in an attempt to get in and terminate Boromir.
So currently Pippin, Sam, and Frodo were leaning out of the large, open window in Pippin's office, pipes in hand, blowing large smoke rings out in the dusk. They felt very peaceful...which is, of course, a dead giveaway that something bad was about to happen.
Suddenly there was a high-pitched scream (are we surprised?) and a yell of anger that sounded human. Pippin lazily walked to the door and looked out.
Merry was being held by his ankles by Aragorn, who was dangling the halfing out the hall window...twelve stories off the ground (he would have gone higher, but he didn't really want to kill Merry—just seriously injure him). Merry was screeching for all he was worth: "I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!"
"Terminate me, huh? I'll show you terminate..." Aragorn was muttering, a crazed look in his eyes. The entire management of Gondor team (some of them looking rather tattered from a fight and others sporting hobbit-sized bite marks) was chuckling behind him.
Sam joined Pippin in watching the commotion. He took a huff on his pipe and called out to the crowd in the hallway "Hey! Did you guys hear about the Mary-Sue and fangirl registration?" Behind him, Frodo's jaw dropped in a silent scream, Faramir squeaked with terror, and Aragorn dropped Merry in surprise.
As the hobbit fell, a yell could be heard as he became more and more distant: "I'LLLLL BEEE BAAAAAAAACKKK!"
Legolas watched in terror from his window as an army of signs bearing phrases such as "give me my hot blonde hunk of elf" and "we want Rangers!" approached. He was deeply disturbed. Behind him, Aragorn paced, Faramir whimpered, and Frodo sat pale-faced on the rug.
"Why don't they stop for the night?" Frodo whispered. He got no answer. Instead, Legolas said "We have to do something. Re-form the fellowship or ask Gandalf or run and hide or..." he trailed off.
"I'm going to find Gandalf," said Aragorn. He left the room and Gimli walked in.
"Legolas, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean for this to happen...I was just trying to help you since you were having so much trouble but it wasn't supposed to go this far—"
"What are you talking about, dwarf?" asked Faramir. But Legolas was looking very hard at his friend.
"I—I—I was trying to help Legolas find all the fangirls and Mary-Sues so that he could get rid of them so I thought I'd get them all in one place..." Gimli began.
"What!" Legolas exploded. "That was the worst thing you could do!"
Gimli looked up with his saddest expression and best puppy-dog eyes. He truly was sorry, and besides, who could resist that look?
"But I...I suppose it will be all right. We'll just have to work through it," Legolas continued.
Gimli nodded miserably and left, leaving a jealous Frodo staring after him. How dare the dwarf steal his trademark expression!
Merry woke in a trash bin under the window he had been dropped from. He was angry, and he was thinking clearly, the combination making him very dangerous.
"Fine," he thought, "from now on, all other humans will be safe. Now, my sole target is Aragorn!" He struck at theatrical pose, somewhat ruined by the banana peal on his head, and clambered out of the garbage can and off into the night.
A/N: PLEASE review! Or I won't keep writing. All right, so that's an idol threat, but I'd really, really appreciate it.