Helena sat on the bench in the training room, a white towel around her
neck. She carefully taped up her hands, her eyes locked hard on the padding
of the far wall. She wasn't really in the mood to work out but it was a
good excuse to avoid having to talk to Barbara. Truth was, she wouldn't
even really know where to begin. Of all the things she could have imagined,
getting dumped by Reese was on the very bottom of the list. She'd never
before opened up her heart to...
Dammit. No. No.
"Stupid," she muttered, standing up. She crossed over to the punching bag and whacked it hard with her left fist. She followed it up with a chopping right.
He had met another woman.
She kicked the bag.
And to make matters that much worse, he'd been doing it behind her back. And while he'd been with her. But how? And why? He had been playing games with her but to what end?
She railed hard against the bag, ignoring it's creaking protests.
Stupid.
So fucking stupid.
The bag continued to sway under her anger.
Incredibly fucking stupid.
"Helena!"
The brunette stopped and spun around, glaring at the intrusion. "What?" she snapped.
"Look at what you're doing," Barbara insisted, pointing towards the bag. She wheeled further into the room.
Helena grimaced when she looked at the punching bag and realized that she had broken it. Sand poured from its sides, pooling into beige heaps on the ground.
"Damn," she muttered. Alfred was going to be pissed about the mess.
Deciding that it would be best to clean it up before he learned of it, she reached down and began to yank the white tape off of her hands. Barbara reached out and grabbed her wrist, twisting it just a bit. Not enough to hurt but certainly enough to stop the brunette in her tracks.
"We need to talk," Barbara said firmly.
"I don't want to talk," Helena grumbled, trying to move away. Barbara held her tight, yanking her back.
"It's important, Helena. Reese..."
"I don't want to talk about Reese," Helena growled back at her mentor. She tried to pull away again, her eyes dilating in anger. Barbara was invading her personal space, which wasn't all that unusual but right now, just a really bad idea. She was hurt and confused and she wanted to attack anything in her path.
"Helena," the redhead started, trying to explain.
"No," Helena snapped. "It's between me and Reese, that's all. No one else. I don't want to talk about it."
"Why are you yelling? I'm just trying..."
"I don't want you to try! It's my life! You are not my mother! You are nothi..." Helena clamped her mouth shut before the rest of the word could leave her lips. Instantly remorseful she just stared back at Barbara.
"Keep going. Come on," Barbara snarled at her, anger igniting her emerald green eyes. "Finish your sentence..."
"Leave me alone." Helena stammered, finally breaking away from her mentor. She knew full well that she'd done it again, allowed her anger to make her go too far.
"No, I will not leave you alone. Go ahead, finish your sentence," Barbara charged. She reached out and yanked Helena roughly towards her, catching the brunette off-balance.
"Barbara....I...."
"I'm nothing," Barbara hissed, still tightly holding Helena's arm. "That's what you meant to say."
Helena shook her head. "Barbara, no..."
"I'm nothing to you, right? I understand." She shoved Helena away from her and the girl stumbled and fell to her butt. "But I was something to Wade."
Helena froze, her eyes wide in horror.
"He could saw something that you never will: a woman, a friend... a person whom he could trust. I'm sorry that after all this years you think that I'm nothing to you... when you everything to me..." Barbara's voice broke hard. Pulling herself together she wheeled quickly towards the exit.
Helena felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. She stepped in front of Barbara, effectively halting her mentors' departure. She bent over her. "I'm sorry..."
"For what?" Barbara's glare was cold. "I'm nothing right? No big deal." She shoved back against Helena with such force that once again the brunette ended up on the mat. She spun quickly and fled the training room.
Helena watched her go, icy in her gut. She sighed when she saw Dinah leaning against the wall, watching her with apprehension. Surely the blonde had heard the entire fight. "Go away," she muttered at Dinah, turning away from her.
Dinah clapped her hands together, sarcasm dripping from the gesture. "Well, congratulations Helena, you screwed it up again. You really are the master."
Helena spun around, her eyes feral and cold. She stepped towards Dinah, stopping a few feet from her. Close enough to smell her toothpaste. "Don't fuck with me right now."
"Why not? You "fuck" with all of us all the time."
"Shut up, just shut up." Helena growled, jabbing a finger at Dinah.
"No! I'm not going to shut up! I'm tired of shutting up every time you are in bad mood! Apparently we're just supposed to tolerate your temper tantrums and ignore your insults..."
Helena snapped around and strode towards the broken punching bag. She rested her hands against the broken leather. Dinah, using the wooden crutches that Barbara had given her, limped after her.
"You were cruel to her, Helena," Dinah said, coming up behind her. "Like always she's worried about you and like always you don't care."
"Dinah," Helena warned. "Shut up."
"I don't get you, you're so damn ungrateful. She took you in when no one else cared, when she was going through her own hell. Now she's going through it again because of Wade and you're still hurting her..."
Helena pushed out, anger clouding her vision. Dinah lifted up into the air and slammed back against the mat, grunting in pain. Immediately the brunette raced to her friends' side, eyes wide in horror.
"Dinah..."
The blond girl pushed her back. "Yeah, Helena, you're stronger than all of us. You can kick the shit out of all of us. You broke my ankle and you ..." she stopped, taking a deep breath. "Why are you so blind? Barbara's worried about you. She's worried about Reese. She thinks maybe he's in trouble. Something about Harley."
Helena blinked. "What?"
"God!, you're such an idiot," Dinah snapped, pushing herself to her feet. Helena offered down a hand to assist but the blonde pushed her roughly away.
"I didn't know..."
"Maybe that's because you never let anyone finish a sentence. You think you've got it all figured out but you keep screwing everything up." She shook her head in anger. "You know, she loves you more than you know, probably more than she knows. Definitely more than herself. And you...nevermind, you're not listening anyways." She turned her back and began to limp from the room.
"Reese broke up with me," Helena said quietly.
Dinah turned slowly, eyes wide.
"He broke up with me last night...said there was another woman..." Helena started. She swallowed hard. "Oh God..."
Shaking her head in frustration, she pushed past Dinah and fled the training room.
* * *
Barbara sat at the kitchen table, staring down at the cold plate of scrambled eggs. She had tried to finish the breakfast that Alfred had prepared for her earlier but had quickly found that her appetite had long since disappeared. She used her napkin to dab at the tears in her eyes.
"You know she didn't mean that," Alfred insisted from behind her.
"I know," Barbara replied. "She always does that though..."
"Sometimes it is the person who loves us the most who can hurt us the most," Alfred informed her, taking a seat opposite her. He placed his hand over hers and squeezed.
Barbara nodded slightly. "I know."
"She is reckless, impulsive... she never thinks before she acts."
"That's the problem, she never thinks." Barbara sighed.
Alfred glanced up towards the doorway and saw Helena standing there, looking awkward. She shifted nervously, the shame clear on her face. He smiled and stood up.
"Let her have a chance," Alfred whispered into Barbara's ear as he crossed behind her. He touched Helena lightly on the shoulder and then exited, leaving the two women alone.
Almost a minute passed before Helena finally moved towards her mentor. It was hard. Harder than she'd ever imagined possible. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Barbara didn't seem to hear her, so lost in her own thoughts.
"He kissed me...he said it wasn't worth it...he said I was a fucking loon..." she stammered out, everything rushing forward.
The brunette slid into the chair opposite her and took a breath. "He broke up with me Barbara, that's what happened."
Barbara lifted her head slowly, meeting Helena's distraught blue eyes. She could see the internal fight Helena was having with herself as she tried to put her emotions into words.
"He said that there was someone else. Another woman. Someone different," Helena warbled, feeling her throat constrict tightly. She dropped her eyes and stared down at her palms, noticing a small scar at the base of one. She pressed at it with her thumb.
The redhead turned in her chair and looked at Helena with naked shock in her eyes. "Oh Helena..."
"It's hard," she stammered. "He wants someone else..."
She pressed her nail into her hand, angry at her inability to say what she wanted to say, to verbalize her pain. "I...I...I didn't think...I got dumped..."
Barbara watched her in silence, trying to give her young friend the space she needed to explain.
"I gave him everything I had. I thought...I thought we were okay...I thought it was good...I thought maybe for once I had something that I hadn't screwed up..." She looked up at Barbara and was relieved to see the familiar empathy in her mentors' eyes. Maybe there was a chance of forgiveness. Maybe...
"I've never loved anyone like I do him. I never thought I would. It's not how I do things. I didn't want to fall for him," Helena gasped out, nearly choking on her own words. She felt Barbara touch her hand and then engulf it within her own. "It hurts...this hurts...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She locked eyes with Barbara. "You're all I have...I didn't mean..."
Barbara pressed a finger against her lips and then pulled her close, wrapping her into a tight motherly embrace. Helena cried silently for a few moments, allowing herself to be a young girl for just a second or two.
"I wasn't trying to pry," Barbara insisted. "I'm just concerned about Reese. Something's not right. Helena, I think it's possible that maybe Harley has him under her control."
Helena moved back. "What?"
"I was suspicious before but now I'm certain. When I talked to him two days ago, both he and McNally were heading out to search for Harley. And now this...it's too strange..."
"No..."
"Think about it Helena. He is not acting like himself..."
"I thought the reports we got from Arkham said that her power had been neutralized," Helena stated, blatantly confused.
Barbara shrugged, "It's not like they haven't been wrong before. And she's fairly adept at knowing exactly how to get people to do what she wants them to do and thinks however she wants them to think. I'd say there's a good chance she still has the hypnotic ability."
Helena felt something rising inside of her. If she'd been a schoolgirl and someone who used quaint phrases, she would have called it hope. "You think? I mean, really? I should find him..."
"No... no... wait, first we need to investigate a bit more." Barbara said, holding up a hand. "I'm not sending you in without knowing more. It's too dangerous."
"That bitch could kill him," Helena growled, all the girly rushing away from her and instead being replaced by her killer instinct.
"That bitch could kill you," Barbara corrected. She shook her head. "No, she's just using him. Just like she did Wade. And if she wanted him dead, just like Wade, he would be right now. He still has use for her."
Helena dropped her head, the guilt unbearable once more. "Right," she muttered.
Barbara slipped a finger under her chin and lifted her head. "Hey, don't worry, we will figure this out. We will." She paused. "Harley's not beating us this time."
Helena smiled slightly. "Okay then, tell me what to do."
* * *
Dammit. No. No.
"Stupid," she muttered, standing up. She crossed over to the punching bag and whacked it hard with her left fist. She followed it up with a chopping right.
He had met another woman.
She kicked the bag.
And to make matters that much worse, he'd been doing it behind her back. And while he'd been with her. But how? And why? He had been playing games with her but to what end?
She railed hard against the bag, ignoring it's creaking protests.
Stupid.
So fucking stupid.
The bag continued to sway under her anger.
Incredibly fucking stupid.
"Helena!"
The brunette stopped and spun around, glaring at the intrusion. "What?" she snapped.
"Look at what you're doing," Barbara insisted, pointing towards the bag. She wheeled further into the room.
Helena grimaced when she looked at the punching bag and realized that she had broken it. Sand poured from its sides, pooling into beige heaps on the ground.
"Damn," she muttered. Alfred was going to be pissed about the mess.
Deciding that it would be best to clean it up before he learned of it, she reached down and began to yank the white tape off of her hands. Barbara reached out and grabbed her wrist, twisting it just a bit. Not enough to hurt but certainly enough to stop the brunette in her tracks.
"We need to talk," Barbara said firmly.
"I don't want to talk," Helena grumbled, trying to move away. Barbara held her tight, yanking her back.
"It's important, Helena. Reese..."
"I don't want to talk about Reese," Helena growled back at her mentor. She tried to pull away again, her eyes dilating in anger. Barbara was invading her personal space, which wasn't all that unusual but right now, just a really bad idea. She was hurt and confused and she wanted to attack anything in her path.
"Helena," the redhead started, trying to explain.
"No," Helena snapped. "It's between me and Reese, that's all. No one else. I don't want to talk about it."
"Why are you yelling? I'm just trying..."
"I don't want you to try! It's my life! You are not my mother! You are nothi..." Helena clamped her mouth shut before the rest of the word could leave her lips. Instantly remorseful she just stared back at Barbara.
"Keep going. Come on," Barbara snarled at her, anger igniting her emerald green eyes. "Finish your sentence..."
"Leave me alone." Helena stammered, finally breaking away from her mentor. She knew full well that she'd done it again, allowed her anger to make her go too far.
"No, I will not leave you alone. Go ahead, finish your sentence," Barbara charged. She reached out and yanked Helena roughly towards her, catching the brunette off-balance.
"Barbara....I...."
"I'm nothing," Barbara hissed, still tightly holding Helena's arm. "That's what you meant to say."
Helena shook her head. "Barbara, no..."
"I'm nothing to you, right? I understand." She shoved Helena away from her and the girl stumbled and fell to her butt. "But I was something to Wade."
Helena froze, her eyes wide in horror.
"He could saw something that you never will: a woman, a friend... a person whom he could trust. I'm sorry that after all this years you think that I'm nothing to you... when you everything to me..." Barbara's voice broke hard. Pulling herself together she wheeled quickly towards the exit.
Helena felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. She stepped in front of Barbara, effectively halting her mentors' departure. She bent over her. "I'm sorry..."
"For what?" Barbara's glare was cold. "I'm nothing right? No big deal." She shoved back against Helena with such force that once again the brunette ended up on the mat. She spun quickly and fled the training room.
Helena watched her go, icy in her gut. She sighed when she saw Dinah leaning against the wall, watching her with apprehension. Surely the blonde had heard the entire fight. "Go away," she muttered at Dinah, turning away from her.
Dinah clapped her hands together, sarcasm dripping from the gesture. "Well, congratulations Helena, you screwed it up again. You really are the master."
Helena spun around, her eyes feral and cold. She stepped towards Dinah, stopping a few feet from her. Close enough to smell her toothpaste. "Don't fuck with me right now."
"Why not? You "fuck" with all of us all the time."
"Shut up, just shut up." Helena growled, jabbing a finger at Dinah.
"No! I'm not going to shut up! I'm tired of shutting up every time you are in bad mood! Apparently we're just supposed to tolerate your temper tantrums and ignore your insults..."
Helena snapped around and strode towards the broken punching bag. She rested her hands against the broken leather. Dinah, using the wooden crutches that Barbara had given her, limped after her.
"You were cruel to her, Helena," Dinah said, coming up behind her. "Like always she's worried about you and like always you don't care."
"Dinah," Helena warned. "Shut up."
"I don't get you, you're so damn ungrateful. She took you in when no one else cared, when she was going through her own hell. Now she's going through it again because of Wade and you're still hurting her..."
Helena pushed out, anger clouding her vision. Dinah lifted up into the air and slammed back against the mat, grunting in pain. Immediately the brunette raced to her friends' side, eyes wide in horror.
"Dinah..."
The blond girl pushed her back. "Yeah, Helena, you're stronger than all of us. You can kick the shit out of all of us. You broke my ankle and you ..." she stopped, taking a deep breath. "Why are you so blind? Barbara's worried about you. She's worried about Reese. She thinks maybe he's in trouble. Something about Harley."
Helena blinked. "What?"
"God!, you're such an idiot," Dinah snapped, pushing herself to her feet. Helena offered down a hand to assist but the blonde pushed her roughly away.
"I didn't know..."
"Maybe that's because you never let anyone finish a sentence. You think you've got it all figured out but you keep screwing everything up." She shook her head in anger. "You know, she loves you more than you know, probably more than she knows. Definitely more than herself. And you...nevermind, you're not listening anyways." She turned her back and began to limp from the room.
"Reese broke up with me," Helena said quietly.
Dinah turned slowly, eyes wide.
"He broke up with me last night...said there was another woman..." Helena started. She swallowed hard. "Oh God..."
Shaking her head in frustration, she pushed past Dinah and fled the training room.
* * *
Barbara sat at the kitchen table, staring down at the cold plate of scrambled eggs. She had tried to finish the breakfast that Alfred had prepared for her earlier but had quickly found that her appetite had long since disappeared. She used her napkin to dab at the tears in her eyes.
"You know she didn't mean that," Alfred insisted from behind her.
"I know," Barbara replied. "She always does that though..."
"Sometimes it is the person who loves us the most who can hurt us the most," Alfred informed her, taking a seat opposite her. He placed his hand over hers and squeezed.
Barbara nodded slightly. "I know."
"She is reckless, impulsive... she never thinks before she acts."
"That's the problem, she never thinks." Barbara sighed.
Alfred glanced up towards the doorway and saw Helena standing there, looking awkward. She shifted nervously, the shame clear on her face. He smiled and stood up.
"Let her have a chance," Alfred whispered into Barbara's ear as he crossed behind her. He touched Helena lightly on the shoulder and then exited, leaving the two women alone.
Almost a minute passed before Helena finally moved towards her mentor. It was hard. Harder than she'd ever imagined possible. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Barbara didn't seem to hear her, so lost in her own thoughts.
"He kissed me...he said it wasn't worth it...he said I was a fucking loon..." she stammered out, everything rushing forward.
The brunette slid into the chair opposite her and took a breath. "He broke up with me Barbara, that's what happened."
Barbara lifted her head slowly, meeting Helena's distraught blue eyes. She could see the internal fight Helena was having with herself as she tried to put her emotions into words.
"He said that there was someone else. Another woman. Someone different," Helena warbled, feeling her throat constrict tightly. She dropped her eyes and stared down at her palms, noticing a small scar at the base of one. She pressed at it with her thumb.
The redhead turned in her chair and looked at Helena with naked shock in her eyes. "Oh Helena..."
"It's hard," she stammered. "He wants someone else..."
She pressed her nail into her hand, angry at her inability to say what she wanted to say, to verbalize her pain. "I...I...I didn't think...I got dumped..."
Barbara watched her in silence, trying to give her young friend the space she needed to explain.
"I gave him everything I had. I thought...I thought we were okay...I thought it was good...I thought maybe for once I had something that I hadn't screwed up..." She looked up at Barbara and was relieved to see the familiar empathy in her mentors' eyes. Maybe there was a chance of forgiveness. Maybe...
"I've never loved anyone like I do him. I never thought I would. It's not how I do things. I didn't want to fall for him," Helena gasped out, nearly choking on her own words. She felt Barbara touch her hand and then engulf it within her own. "It hurts...this hurts...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She locked eyes with Barbara. "You're all I have...I didn't mean..."
Barbara pressed a finger against her lips and then pulled her close, wrapping her into a tight motherly embrace. Helena cried silently for a few moments, allowing herself to be a young girl for just a second or two.
"I wasn't trying to pry," Barbara insisted. "I'm just concerned about Reese. Something's not right. Helena, I think it's possible that maybe Harley has him under her control."
Helena moved back. "What?"
"I was suspicious before but now I'm certain. When I talked to him two days ago, both he and McNally were heading out to search for Harley. And now this...it's too strange..."
"No..."
"Think about it Helena. He is not acting like himself..."
"I thought the reports we got from Arkham said that her power had been neutralized," Helena stated, blatantly confused.
Barbara shrugged, "It's not like they haven't been wrong before. And she's fairly adept at knowing exactly how to get people to do what she wants them to do and thinks however she wants them to think. I'd say there's a good chance she still has the hypnotic ability."
Helena felt something rising inside of her. If she'd been a schoolgirl and someone who used quaint phrases, she would have called it hope. "You think? I mean, really? I should find him..."
"No... no... wait, first we need to investigate a bit more." Barbara said, holding up a hand. "I'm not sending you in without knowing more. It's too dangerous."
"That bitch could kill him," Helena growled, all the girly rushing away from her and instead being replaced by her killer instinct.
"That bitch could kill you," Barbara corrected. She shook her head. "No, she's just using him. Just like she did Wade. And if she wanted him dead, just like Wade, he would be right now. He still has use for her."
Helena dropped her head, the guilt unbearable once more. "Right," she muttered.
Barbara slipped a finger under her chin and lifted her head. "Hey, don't worry, we will figure this out. We will." She paused. "Harley's not beating us this time."
Helena smiled slightly. "Okay then, tell me what to do."
* * *