Kakos: Well, here we are again, folks, with chapter two! And what a chapter it is!
Yami B: They don't know that yet, you fool!
Kakos: But they will momentarily when they read it!
Ryou: We'd like to thank all you kind people who reviewed and seem to love stupid humor.
Kakos: We'd also like to remind you to spay and neuter your pets!
Yami B: o.O You guys are nuts.
Ryou: Shut up! You're the one with the crappy soap opera-ish amnesia. Don't tell us we're nuts!
Kakos: Uh, just read the fic, people!
~ Where is My Mind? ~
Chapter Two: The Morning After
Everything you know is wrong
Black is white; up is down
And short is long
And everything you thought was just
So important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong
—"Everything You Know is Wrong" by Weird Al
Back in Yuugi's room…
Yuugi was sitting on his bed (and his feet still weren't touching the ground) playing his Gameboy. He had accidentally erased Yami's game and knew the pharaoh would be pissed, so he was hurriedly trying to get back to the same level. "Come on, Mario, just jump higher."
His yami entered the room, dusting off his hands and smiling from ear to ear. "And that's the end of that chapter," Yami Yuugi said proudly.
"Yes, that's because it's chapter two now. So did you take care of Bakura?"
"Oh yeah. I took care of Bakura all right."
Meanwhile, across town outside of a fashionable little bistro…
A certain pointy-haired psychopathic yami sat up in a dumpster.
"What the…?" Bakura rubbed at his head. "How the hell did I end up here?" The poor boy glanced around and found himself in a back alley, filled with garbage cans and cats and homeless people. You know what back alleys look like. He carefully crawled out of the dumpster, removing banana peels and milk cartoons from his hair. "Ew, this stuff is so gross…" He grimaced as a new pain shot through his head. "Owie! Oh man. What's going on? Where am I? Who am I?" The authoress would like to apologize for that, but it's standard amnesia procedure.
Bakura stumbled out of the alley and onto the sidewalk. A few people gave him looks but most continued on their way. He swayed uneasily. Where am I? What is this place? Who are all these annoying people? He was getting kinda tired of the occasional weird glances and decided to duck into the closest store, which happened to be that fashionable little bistro.
Inside crappy muzak was playing (read: Yanni) and people were huddled around small round tables drinking weird exotic coffees. Yes, it was a Starbucks. Bakura sat down at long countertop stretching through the middle of the café. Some people edged away from him, as he smelled rather like garbage.
"Anything to drink?" the man behind the counter asked him.
"Uh, no, I'm good."
"Bakura?" came a voice behind him.
Naturally, Bakura ignored it, because he didn't know he was Bakura, because he had amnesia. The authoress is not gonna tell you people that again, she's warning you!
"Bakura, hey, I thought it was you!" Someone clapped him abruptly on the back. He jumped and turned around, giving his most menacing glare at the stranger. It was some weird Egyptian guy dripping in gold jewelry. That's right, it's Malik! But Bakura doesn't know that because—well, you know. He sat down right next to Bakura, smiling broadly.
"So, hey, what's up?"
Bakura continued to glare at Malik.
"Wow, that's great. Let me tell you about my life. You know my yami had that weird problem where, when you looked at him, his face would kinda warp? Well, turns out that's some sort of tumor! Weird, huh? So now he's at the hospital getting surgery! Then…"
Bakura wished with all his might this stranger would just spontaneously explode, but it wasn't looking good.
Now we're at Ryou's house…
Ryou was just settling into a nice long bubble bath when the phone rang. Mumbling angrily, he grabbed a towel and answered the phone. "What do you want?" he asked harshly.
On the other end the speaker sounded hurt. "Hey, I'm sorry if I'm bothering you!"
"Oh, it's just you, Yuugi. Sorry. It's just, every time I get in the tub the damn phone rings. What's up?"
"I was just calling to see how Bakura's doing."
"Bakura? But he's over at your house dueling your yami for his puzzle!"
"Didn't you read the script?"
Ryou pulled his script out of somewhere (where, the authoress doesn't know, because Ryou's only wearing a towel) and skimmed through it. "Hey! Your yami hit my yami with a brick!"
"Yeah, my yami totally kicked your yami's ass."
"My yami would've done better if your yami didn't cheat."
"My yami doesn't cheat!"
Ryou kept reading through the script. "Now he's got amnesia! And he's stuck with our annoying loser friends! I better go rescue him!"
"Sounds like a plot movement to me!"
Ryou slammed the phone down on its cradle and put the script back wherever it came from. "Great, now I've got to rescue my poor yami and cure his amnesia! It's Ryou to the rescue!" And he went running off to do his rescuing and all that. Then he came running back. "Wait, I need clothing…" Or does he?
Back across town at that bistro…
"And now I've adopted a 'screw fate' philosophy because I hate having to serve some pharaoh that existed either three thousand or five thousand years ago, no one really knows for sure…"
Bakura couldn't believe how long this guy could prattle on about himself. He slipped off the stool. "Yeah, that's great, uh, whoever you are, but I've got to go…someplace, and do…something…right now…so bye." He made a swift exit. Without missing a beat Malik turned to the man behind the counter and proceeded to tell him about how he hated his Egyptian curse.
Bakura burst out onto the street, relieved to have finally escaped the horribly annoying spazzy Egyptian person. But now he was faced with another problem: he had no idea who he was, where he was, or where he needed to go. So just like any other person with amnesia he decided to just wander around until he bumped into someone else who knew him and who was preferably not that same Egyptian guy.
Unfortunately, some people who knew him were on their way!
Bakura was just about to cross the street when one of those awesome three-wheeled Japanese trucks you see in animes came screeching insanely fast up the street. It nearly hit poor Bakura, who leapt out of the way just in time, but was unfortunately splashed by muddy water as the truck rolled through a puddle. The truck came to a halt, leaving skid marks on the road. Three heads popped up—Honda, Jounouchi, and Anzu!
"Dammit, Jou," cursed Honda, "you almost hit someone!"
"Ah, shuddup! I don't even knows if I'm allowed ta drive a cah!"
"Hey guys, look!" cried Anzu in her annoying happy way. "It's Bakura!"
Bakura glared up at the trio in the truck. Something inside of him knew instinctively to hate these people; he just couldn't put his finger on why. "I'm all wet, you fools," he murmured, shaking himself.
The group jumped out of the truck. "Hey, wat's up wit ya?" asked Jounouchi. "Youse all covered in da garbage."
"Why are you talking like that?" asked Honda. "The authoress is using the Japanese names and all—why do you have that stupid Brooklyn accent?"
Jounouchi took a moment to ponder this. "Huh. I dunno."
Bakura scowled at Honda. "I have the overwhelming urge to throw you into a forest," he said tightly. Honda drew back, half-hiding behind Anzu.
"Hey, can't we just let bygones be bygones and all that?"
"No, not really…"
"Hey, why do you have a separate body?" asked Anzu.
"For convenience," Bakura returned immediately. "Wait, how do I know that?"
"Gee, Bakura, you don't look so good," said Honda. "Almost like you got hit on the head with a brick and got amnesia or something."
"Honda, that's stupid," said Anzu.
Jounouchi opened his mouth as if to say something, but since he couldn't figure out if he should speak with a Brooklyn accent or not, he quickly closed it again.
Bakura rubbed at the back of his head and winced in pain. "Ouch! There's like, a lump or something back here."
"Lemme see!" Anzu bounded over to him. Bakura growled lowly (and sexily!) at her, since for some reason unbeknownst to him, he really did not want to be around this girl. She lifted up his hair. "Wow! There really IS a lump back here. Maybe we should take you to a hospital or something."
Bakura shoved her off. "Uh, no, that's all right…I think I'd rather just keep walking around and stuff…"
"Maybe he's delirious," suggested Honda.
Jounouchi tried to speak again but decided not to.
"Yeah, we better get you to a doctor. Get in the car, Bakura," ordered Anzu.
"No, really, I'm absolutely fine—"
Anzu took a deep breath. The boys all sighed.
"Look, you guys," she began. "We're friends. And friends need to stick up for one another. With friendship, we can overcome anything…"
Ten minutes later…
"It's when things look their darkest that you need the shining light of friendship to get you through. We've been through a lot together, and we should always be there for one another, because we don't need to stand alone…"
Thirty minutes later…
"Remember that time Yuugi was afraid to duel because he felt his other self would go too far? He needed us then, and we were there for him. And we're here for you now. Why, I remember the time…"
One hour later…yawn…
"It's one for all, and all for one, and—"
"All right, I'll right!" cried Bakura, pulling at his hair. "I can't take it anymore! I'll get in your damn truck! Just…for the love of Ra…stop talking!"
Anzu stopped in mid-sentence and blinked. "Oh, really? Cool. Well, get in the truck then."
Bakura climbed up into the back of the truck. Anzu kicked Honda and Jounouchi, who had fallen asleep right there on the sidewalk, and pushed them into the driver's part of the car. Just as it was starting up Malik came out of the Starbucks.
"Hey, Bakura!" he called, waving.
Bakura beat furiously on the truck window. "DRIVE ALREADY!"
The car started. Malik started. Running after them, that is. "Wait, guys, don't leave me behind!" He tried to jump onto the back bumper but tripped and rolled head over heels along the street.
Bakura cackled. "I don't know why, but seeing that makes me feel all warm inside."
Kakos: Is Ryou gonna get to Bakura in time? How's Yami Malik's surgery going? Will Anzu ever die?
Yami B: Who are you asking?
Kakos: Wow, I dunno…
Ryou: Shouldn't my yami not be here or something? He's got amnesia.
Yami B: Yeah, I pretty much hate you for doing that to me, Kakos. Am I gonna get better?
Kakos: Is Yami Bakura ever gonna get better? Stay tuned for the next installment, Wham, Bam, Thank You Ryou!
Ryou: That's the most disgusting chapter title I've ever heard.
Kakos and Yami B: QUIET YOU!