Kakos: That last chapter was really short…sorry, guys. Couldn't drag it out without it seeming like I had, well, dragged it out.

Yami B: Damn, Kakos, you suck.

Ryou: *beats Yami B with a frying pan* DO NOT INSULT THE AUTHORESS!

Kakos: Aw, Ryou, you're a sweetie.

Ryou: Thanks to everyone who reviewed!

Kakos: Support your local Girl Scout chapter!

Yami B: *on the floor bleeding* Someone call a doctor…

~ Where is My Mind? ~

Chapter Three: Wham, Bam, Thank You Ryou!


Well, first of all, I'd like to say FUCK OFF
If you don't get it, why don't you
Go shove your head back up your ass
And don't waste my time—I don't need your opinion
'Cause you don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like to be like me
You don't know—
So keep your mouth shut!
— "You Don't Know" by Reel Big Fish

When we last left our heroes…

Bakura sat in the back of the cool three-wheeled truck, enjoying the breeze and the sun on his face. Something deep inside of him told him that he should probably be loathing such happy sunshine and pleasant weather, but for the moment he didn't see any harm in just sitting back there and enjoying life.

Just as his mind was wandering onto the subject of just who the hell he was and what he was going to do, the truck came to an abrupt stop, throwing him up against the windows.

Inside he heard Honda curse, "God damn, Jou! You almost ran over the other Bakura!"

"I's sorry! My mind's all p'occupied 'cause I dunno how ta talk!"

Bakura peered over the roofing of the truck and saw a white-haired person in an awful sweater vest standing in the middle of the road. The other kids were climbing out of the car, so Bakura hopped over the side and slinked along the passenger door to see what was going on.

"Hey, Ryou!" chirped Anzu peppily. "What's happening?"

"Yeah, why were you in the middle of the road?" asked Honda.

"No time to answer that now!" Ryou said breathlessly. "I gotta find my yami! The script says he has amnesia!"

"The script!" The three slapped their hands upon their foreheads. "Why didn't we think of reading the script? A brilliant idea!"

Jounouchi opened his mouth and then pursued his lips. Excitedly he jumped up and down and gestured to the back of the car.

"What is it, boy?" asked Ryou. "Is Uncle Milty in trouble? Timmy fall down a well? The barn on fire?"

"Is it a movie title?" guessed Anzu.

"An animal?" suggested Honda.

"How many words? Three? Four?"

"Oh fer cryin' out loud!" Jounouchi yelled, finally at the end of his rope. "I'm sayin' we got yar yami, Ryou!" He pointed to the back of the truck.

Ryou went running around the vehicle and saw his yami trying to quietly sneak away. "Yami! Good, I found you!" He ran up and hugged him tightly.
Bakura squirmed against the embrace. "Whoa, sorry, I don't think I'm gay."

Ryou immediately let go. "Yes, well, I'm not gay either. I'm just glad to see you, Yami."

"Who the hell is yami?"

Ryou sweat-dropped. "Oh no he's got amnesia!"

"But you already said that," pointed out Honda. "Actually, wasn't it, like, the first thing you even said to us?"

"Whatever! Gosh, Yami, don't you know who you are? You're the other part of me!"

"Uh, right, well, I've had a great day with all you crazy people and all, but I'm just going to go…off…someplace…" Bakura tried to weasel out of Ryou's grip on his arm, but little do most people know that Ryou works out and has a grip like a vise.

"My poor Yami has amnesia! I've got to get you home and put you to bed, or something."

"I don't want to go home with you, you're freaking me out!"

"Yeah, I can see how you'd be scared, since you have an amnesia and don't know anybody and are probably wondering why we look alike."

Bakura blinked. "We look alike?"

Ryou pointed to another conveniently placed puddle. Bakura looked in and saw their reflections side by side. "Oh my god we do look alike!"

"See? Now aren't you even more dazed and confused?"

"Yeah, actually, I am."

"So come on, let's go home so you can get some rest."

"Should we come too?" asked Anzu.

"No!" said both Bakuras quickly.

Anzu took a deep breath and opened her mouth. "Friendship—"

"RUN AWAY!" Everyone headed for the hills, Ryou dragging Bakura behind him.

Now that Bakura is safely back home…

"Now you just sit right down here on the couch," said Ryou, setting his yami down none-too-gently. He thrust the remote into the poor confused boy's hands. "Watch TV. You love TV, remember?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess…" Bakura tentatively turned the television on.

"Good. Now, can I get you anything? Anything at all?"

Bakura thought for a moment. "I got the strangest hankering for Cheez Whiz right from the can."

Ryou through his arm across his eyes dramatically. "Oh my poor yami! Woe is me! And him. Woe is us! Amnesia!" He went flouncing into the kitchen to find some Cheez Whiz. Bakura shrugged and started channel surfing.

Ryou was digging through the cabinet when someone knocked on the door. "Come in, it's open!"

Yuugi and his yami appeared in the kitchen. "Hi, Ryou," said Yuugi. "Uh…how's Bakura?"

"Well, how do you think he is? What with his freakin' amnesia and all!"

Yuugi elbowed his yami in the stomach. "Yami? Don't you have something to say?"

The pharaoh hung his head and muttered something.

"MAKE IT AUDIBLE!" screeched Yuugi.

"I said I was sorry for hitting Bakura with a brick," Yami Yuugi said quickly, cheeks flustering.

Ryou gave him a sad smile. "Aw. Thanks for forcing him to apologize, Yuugi. That is so thoughtful."

"No problem."

"But this is a great opportunity!" continued the pharaoh quickly. "Since that stupid tomb robber has amnesia and can't remember anything about himself—"

"Come to think of it, this amnesia thing is kinda like what's happening in the series," muttered Yuugi.

"—he probably won't be evil," Yami Yuugi continued. "So if you just convince him that he used to be nice, he'll turn out a much better person, and he won't beat you."

"The anime and manga have no evidence of my yami ever physically abusing me," said Ryou bitterly.

"Uh, he won't rape you?"

"They don't suggest that either."

"He won't make fun of your sweater vests?"

Tears swelled up in Ryou's eyes. "I just love these sweater vests so much…and he hates them and it just crushes my heart!"

"Well, there you go! All you have to do is mold him into a civil, normal, compassionate human being, and then you can lead a pretty much normal life!"

At this moment a flaming cat came dashing into the kitchen, yowling and howling angrily. He burst through the closed window, sending shards of glass everywhere, and ran up the street until he disappeared over the horizon.

Everyone blinked slowly. "Ryou, your cat is on fire," said Yuugi.

"We don't own a cat."

Then Bakura came running into the kitchen with a lighter in one hand and lighter fluid in the other. When he caught sight of everyone staring at him he came to an abrupt halt. "Hey, did a flaming cat just come in here?"

The other three exchanged glances before Ryou said, "No…"

"Oh. Well, dammit, I lost it already."

Yami Yuugi went up to him and tentatively patted him on the back. "You know, Bakura—you see, that's what we call you—you never used to like lighting cats on fire."

"I didn't?" asked Bakura skeptically.

"No, you love life. You'd never light any living thing on fire."

"But it sure seemed like a lot of fun."

"No, it wasn't fun," stressed Yami Yuugi. "It's bad to set anything on fire—especially cats. You should know that, being Egyptian and all."

Bakura looked down at himself. "I'm Egyptian?"

"Well, you used to be Egyptian before you died and got reincarnated in the form of that little white-haired wimp over there."

Bakura looked as though he were going to be sick.

Ryou grabbed Yami Yuugi by the cuff of his collar and started dragging him to the door, little Yuugi hesitantly following. "Well, thanks for coming over and everything, guys, but I think I can handle it from here, so if you'll just be on your way—"

"Remember what I said!" insisted the pharaoh. "Make him think he's a good person!"

"Yes, thank you!" Ryou shoved them out on the stoop and quickly shut the door. He turned around to face his yami and took a deep breath. "So."

Bakura eyed him. "I don't like that guy."

Ryou muttered, "Yeah, you never did."

"What?"

"Nothing. So, um…got any questions?"

"Lots. But I really don't want to talk to you."

"Oh, that's pleasant."

"I'm just gonna go watch TV now…" Bakura started to slink away.

Ryou rubbed thoughtfully at his chin. Hmm…maybe Yami Yuugi has a point… "Oh, wait, Bakura!" The other boy hesitantly looked over his shoulder. "I've got an idea. Let's—let's have a party for our friends."

"Are you referring to those stupid people in the truck?"

"Yeah."

"Let's not have a party."

"No, come on, it'll be great. You, uh, you used to love parties!"

"I don't think I'm the type to love anything," Bakura sneered.

"No, you really do! We'll have lots of fun! Let's—let's go get some stuff for the party right now."

"Honestly I think I hate this idea—"

"To the party story!" squealed Ryou, grabbing his yami by the hand and running out the door.

DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUUH!

Ryou: Aw, poor Bakura-kun is going through hell this chapter.

Kakos: We're gonna have a party, we're gonna have a party!

Yami B: You have no idea where this fic is going, do you?

Kakos: …No…

Ryou: Well, a party seems like a good place to go.

Kakos: Will Bakura enjoy the party? What sort of party stuff are they gonna get? Whose cat was that?

Ryou: That question thing actually is kinda annoying…

Kakos, Yami B, and Seto: QUIET YOU!

Ryou: Where the hell did Seto come from?