Kakos: Wow, another chapter, really?
Ryou: I thought you weren't gonna continue.
Yami B: I was hoping she wasn't…
Kakos: What can I say? The people—they like me, they really like me!
Ryou and Kakos hug and some random audience goes 'Awwww!'
Yami B: Gag me with a spoon.
Ryou and Kakos: o.O
Kakos: Uh…just enjoy the fic, everyone.
Where is My Mind?
Chapter Four: This is the Way We Shop at the Mall
It's not as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's bugging me
Like nothing wants to go my way
It just ain't been my day
Nothing's coming easily
—"Up!" by Shania Twain
"Yay, we finally reached the mall!" chirped Ryou excitedly.
Bakura eyed the mall as though he were inside a diseased animal. There were too many people, the colors were too bright, the music too loud, and food court smelled questionable. "This is hell, isn't it?"
"No, it's Domino Mini Mall, duh!" Ryou led the miserable Bakura down the crowded mall, trying to keep a close eye on him as he tended to try and sneak off. Finally they reached the party store, Party Hardy, at the southern end of the monstrous mall.
Ryou stood proudly outside the shop, hands on his hips and a grin from ear to ear. "This is gonna be great, don't you think, Bakura? Bakura?"
His yami had his nose smushed up against the glass of a nearby jewelry store, his eyes glazing over at the sight of all those glittering jewels. "Wow," he murmured, "for whatever reason, I really want to put on a red robe and sneak in there and get those…"
Ryou laughed uneasily and pulled his yami away, Bakura still gazing longingly after the gold. "Uh, well, must be all that Home Shopping Network you like to watch. Come on, let's get the stuff for our party!" He dragged Bakura inside the store.
The female clerk at the counter smiled brightly at the two as they entered. "Hi, can I help you guys?"
"We're just looking for some stuff to throw a bitchin' party," said Ryou.
"Really? You guys don't look like the type to have a good time."
"What? Hey! We're party animals, I'll have you know!"
The clerk made a sour face and pointed a finger behind Ryou. He turned around to see Bakura attempting to light a container of confetti on fire.
"Hey! Cut that out, dammit! Can't I take my eyes off you for one minutes?"
Bakura shrugged.
Ryou sighed, shaking his head, and turned back to the clerk. "Look, it's really important that I throw a super, happy, fun, good time party for my yami here. Can you help an albino out?"
"Hmm. You probably want that." The girl gestured to a huge set of boxes and bags sitting on the shelf behind her. The boxes were labeled, "Super Happy Fun Good Time Party Kit—only $399.95!!!"
"Wow!" gasped Ryou. "Yeah, that'll be perfect, we'll take it."
The girl smiled back at him and rang his things up, throwing the boxes into numerous bags. Ryou picked them up and then dumped them all on Bakura.
"Hey, what are you doing?" grunted Bakura, shuffling bags from one hand to the other.
"You always used to carry bags for me."
He gave Ryou a suspicious eye. "I did?"
"Yeah, you were always so thoughtful." As soon as the words were out of his mouth Ryou felt a pang of guilt. Well, okay, not really…but you could be, right?
"Grr, well, whatever."
"Hey, while we're here, let's do some clothes shopping too…"
After several horrible hours at Belk…The two white-haired boys emerged out into the mall, the taller one's arms filled with bags and boxes, and the smaller one skipping along happily down the mall.
"I couldn't believe that sale. Two sweater vests for the price of one? Hot damn!"
Bakura rolled his eyes. "Uh, yeah, sure."
"You know, while we're here, I better pick up some groceries too. Parties need lots of food."
"I can't carry anything else."
"Well, don't worry, I'll carry these bags. Go sit on that bench; I'll be back in a sec." Ryou went skipping into the Piggly Wiggly.
Bakura practically collapsed on the bench, dropping everything and cringing as he heard something shatter, but otherwise not really caring. "Boy, this really sucks. Was I always this lame?" He looked over the railing (they're on the second floor) at the people eating in the food court below. With a devilish grin and with reasoning he didn't understand, he reached into his pocket and threw a handful of change out across the crowd. Coins plopped down in drinks, salads, and right on top of people's heads. He drew back, snickering to himself at their discomfort.
"Oh, wait, there was a quarter in there. Dammit." He ran towards the escalator, and on his way down paused, looking back at the packages left on the bench. "Hmm, should I be keeping an eye on those? Nah, who would want bags labeled Belk?" He traipsed down the escalator two steps at a time and darted around the crowd, scooping up change, regardless of value, wherever he saw it.
"Excuse me…that's my penny…hey, that's my dime…yes, thank you, my penny again…"
The people eating gave him angry looks as he thoughtlessly leafed through their belongings in search of change. After being cursed out and even swatted a few times, Bakura spied his quarter lying next to a trash bin. He went darting after it, but when he was just inches away a little hand reached out and grabbed it.
"Hey! Punk! That's my quarter!" Bakura grabbed the kid's wrist and yanked it out from behind the trash can, revealing a little black haired boy in a hideous orange shirt. Yes it was Mokuba! Cool, huh?
"Hey, let go of me!" shrieked Mokuba, trying to escape Bakura's grasp. "My brother's gonna kick your ass!"
"Your brother ain't here, is he? Give me back my quarter."
"No way, it's mine, I found it!"
"Well, I threw it!"
"Finders keepers!"
Just as the catfight was really exploding Ryou appeared by his abandoned packages and, finding no yami in sight, proceeded to look over the railing and see the event. "Hey! Yami!" he screamed down at the food court. Both Bakura and Mokuba looked up. "Stop terrorizing little kids and get up here! You've got packages to carry!"
"Fine, goddammit." He gave Mokuba an evil (and sexy!) glare. "But you're coming with me until I get my quarter back, jerk."
Mokuba stuck his tongue out at Bakura.
"I swear to god I'll bite it off."
The tongue retracted and Bakura pulled Mokuba up the escalator over to where Ryou was impatiently tapping a foot.
"Yami, I can't have you going around bothering random people—hey, aren't you Kaiba's brother?"
"That's right!" Mokuba finally wormed his way out of Bakura's grip and stood with his chin up and hands on his hips. "I'm the one and only Mokuba Kaiba, and when my brother hears about this, you guys are so dead." He pouted at each boy in turn before his smug grin vanished. "Wait…you guys look kinda familiar. Aren't you that little white-haired British freak who hangs out with Yuugi?" he asked Ryou, pointing at him.
Ryou blushed. "Uh, in so many words, I guess yeah. But I'm really not British—it's just dub gone horribly, horribly wrong."
"Then that makes you the freak who wanted my body!" cried Mokuba, staring at Bakura in disbelief.
Bakura frowned. "What? Your body?" He looked at Ryou in horror. "I'm not a pervert, am I?"
"No, no!" hurried Ryou. "You—it's complicated—but never you mind that—just, uh, just go stand with our packages." Ryou pushed Mokuba a few feet away and knelt down beside him. "Haven't you been reading the script?"
"Why should I? I only read my parts."
"Well, dammit, my yami has amnesia and I'm trying to reshape his mind and make him nice. So please, don't remind him of all the crappy things he's done in the past, okay?"
"Don't see any reason to."
"I'll beat your ass."
"Okay, okay, fine. I'm leaving you weirdos."
"Hey, wait! I'm having a party tomorrow for my yami. Why don't you ask Seto to come? Ya know, just so I can actually have more than a few people and add tension and all that stuff."
"Why should he come?"
"Because Yuugi will be there."
"All right! Then my brother can finally show that pink haired freak who's the best duelist!"
Ryou rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that…"
"What?"
"Nothing. So go on and try to get your brother to come, okay?"
"Yeah, okay." Ryou gave him a gentle little shove and Mokuba, cautiously looking over his shoulder, hurried away.
Ryou rejoined Bakura, who was slouching on the bench, and picked up a few of the bags. "Okay, Yami, let's go home! We've got a lot of work ahead of us."
Grumbling, Bakura gathered up as much as he could in his arms and stumbled after his companion, who he was beginning to think was a bit light in the loafers, if you catch my drift.
Now let's join Mokuba because there aren't enough scene things in this chapterMokuba was moving quickly through the crowd of people at the mall, picking pockets when he felt like it, when he suddenly bumped into a tall, blonde, purple-shirt-wearing freak.
"Eek! Malik!" he squealed, stumbling back.
"Oh, it's one of those little Kaiba punks."
"Don't send me to the Shadow Realm! You're dangerous!"
Malik smiled, which is quite creepy, especially if you're a young boy. "Oh, yeah, that was my yami. Yeah, he's away at the hospital now. It's a tumor, you know."
"Well, that's very interesting, but I've got to go home and tell my brother about the party…" Mokuba turned around to run, but a tanned hand grabbed his shoulder.
"What party?" asked Malik with a smile.
"Uh…Ryou's throwing a party for his yami, because he has amnesia, which, if you think about it, doesn't make much sense."
"Hmm, hmm, uh-huh, right, okay, I see," babbled Malik, nodding occasionally, eyes glazed over.
Mokuba waited until the freak had apparently finished. "Okay, I'm gonna go now—"
"Don't you think they want me to come to their party?"
"No, probably not. Bakura always hated rivals for his fangirls, and, well, you know how he took care of Honda."
"Oh yeah, reducing his part to that of a lame cheerleader like Anzu. Devilish character, ain't he? Well, when's this party?"
"Uh…tomorrow."
"Great, I'll be there."
"Seriously, I'm not sure they really want you there."
"You know me, I love to be in medias res."
Mokuba glared at him. "You're Egyptian, you don't know any Latin."
"Whatever. So they're throwing a party, are they? Well, Malik's gonna stop by for a little fun." He broke off cackling madly.
Mokuba slowly took a step backwards. "Hmm, well, okay, you do that…" And then he took off running.
Yami B: Another excruciating chapter over with.
Ryou: Yay! That means another one is coming up later!
Yami B: Why can't you just kill me? I don't want to live in this torture…Why must I suffer so???
Ryou: Hope this lived up to what it's been so far, if it's really that much to live up to.
Kakos: Oh, yeah, they said we weren't supposed to have script things like this, even in author's notes…Well, I like it, and you don't have to read it, so bug off!
Yami B: Yes, let's kill them!
Kakos: No one said anything about killing anyone…
Ryou: Coming up next: We Like To Party. I'm so excited!
Yami B: Oh, suck—
Kakos, Ryou, Seto, and huo shi long: QUIET YOU!