Kakos: Wow! Chapter five! That's pretty cool. And what a long chapter it is, and funny, too. Could there actually be…plot in here?
Ryou: Good job, Kakos! they hug again 'cause it's fun
Yami B: You two sicken me, what with the compliments and the hugging and the general love. It's sick.
Kakos: You would make a good Spike on "Buffy," do you know?
Yami B: o.O Did you know you misspelled a name last chapter?
Kakos: YES! YES! And do you know why????
Yami B: Because you're a bloody idiot?
Kakos: YEEES! ::grovels at said reviewer's feet:: Here I try to please my reviewers and I still—STILL—mess things up horribly! I'm a bad person!
Ryou: Aw, don't be so hard on yourself. You fixed it now.
Kakos: I'm so sorry! I fixed it now! Yes, yes, fixed, like it was never there! T.T
Yami B: Stupid retarded idiotic Kakos.
Kakos: Enough of the coprolalia.
Ryou: Time for another fantastic chapter. And remember kiddies, always look both ways before crossing the street.
Kakos: Don't talk to strangers!
Ryou: Clean behind your ears!
Yami B: And come to my van, I've got candy! :D
Where is My Mind?
Chapter Five: We Like to Party
I've got something to tell you
I've got news for you
Gonna put some wheels in motion
Get ready 'cause I'm coming through
Hey now, hey now; here what I say now
Happiness is just around the corner
Hey now, hey now; here what I say now
We'll be there for you…
—"We Like to Party," by Venga Boys
"Bakura. Bakura! BAKURA!"
Bakura jumped in his sleep and promptly fell off the couch. Groaning, he rolled over onto his back and stared up at Ryou, who was hovering above him and grinning from ear to ear.
"What the—what time is it, you freak of nature?"
"It's daytime!"
Bakura wearily looked at the clock hanging on the wall. "9:00? In the freaking morning? You know, I'm pretty sure I'd never wake before noon."
"Sure you would," insisted Ryou, dragging his yami up to his feet. "You were a big morning person, just like me. It's scary how alike we used to be." He chuckled nervously. Wow, should it be wrong that I'm changing my evil, lazy, mean yami so much…? Nah. "So come on," he said aloud, "and get a shower and get ready. We've got to decorate everything. The guys will be here at 2:00!"
"What an early time for a party. And don't you have school?"
Ryou thought a minute. "I figure, if we have so much time for all that dueling shit, we must not have school."
"Oh. Well, whatever." And Bakura proceeded up the stairs to a delightful but uneventful stripping down and showering session. I'll leave it to your imaginations…
The evil authoress continues a few hours later…Bakura slowly walked down the stairs, staring down at his feet covered in Keds.
"Uh…why did you lay out my clothes for me?" he called to Ryou.
"Just for fun! Come in the den, lookie, I've set some stuff up!"
Bakura cautiously peeked into the den. Ryou had hung up streamers and banners and had set up colorful table decorations. He also had his stereo up and was blaring Aqua. Bakura shivered.
"Oh man, you're such a girl."
"I'm so excited! And they're gonna be here in a few hours! We still have to get up all the food and decorate the kitchen and everything!" Ryou turned to his yami and squealed when he saw him. "Aww! You look adorable."
Bakura glared down at his outfit again. A pair of clean, wrinkle free blue jeans, new white shoes, and a white sweater vest with green trim greeted him. "I want to kick my own ass."
"But you always dressed this way!" insisted Ryou. "You had such great fashion sense, just like me. Now you can help me set things up in the kitchen."
And because decorating for a party is boring…let's skip to something else.
Yami and Yuugi were walking down the street towards Ryou's house because it's almost time for this damn party.
"Why am I going again?" asked Yami.
"Because you hit him with a freakin' brick, and now you gotta pay the price."
"Whatever. Hey, I bet I can beat you to that lamppost. Ready set go!" Yami took off sprinting down the sidewalk. Yuugi rolled his eyes.
"Damn king of games," he muttered before shouting, "Not fair! I have shorter legs than you!"
Yami wasn't listening. He was happily swinging around the lamppost. Wow, now that is a spiffy image. Uh, but anyway… "Hah-ha, I won! King of Games, baby!"
"You have an ego problem, you know that?" Yuugi grabbed his yami by the sleeve and pulled him down the street.
As they started up the walk to Ryou's house Yuugi thrust a random bouquet of flowers into Yami's hands. "Here, take these."
"Aww, Aibou…"
"Not like that, you horny freak. I mean, to give to Ryou."
"But—"
"Still not like that! As another apology for giving his yami amnesia and causing this damn story!"
"Oh. Man, you hit one tomb robber with a brick and you're paying for it for the rest of your life."
Yuugi knocked on the door, shifting his weight from foot to foot anxiously. The door finally opened. It was Ryou, wearing a ridiculous party hat and decked out in colorful beads.
"Yami! Yuugi! Yay!"
The pair exchanged glances. "This is for you," muttered Yami, thrusting out the flowers.
Ryou reluctantly took them. "Eh, but I don't—"
"For Ra's sake, as another damn apology!"
"Oh. They're beautiful! I'll get a vase!" Ryou went flouncing away, the two Mutou punks stepping into the house.
"This is really gonna suck," said Yami.
"I know. Just…just grin and bear it." They walked into the den together and saw an even more frightening sight then Ryou in a party hat and beads. It was Bakura in a party hat and beads.
Yuugi squealed and leapt into his yami's arms. "Ahh! Scary!"
Yami snickered as he struggled to hold onto his aibou. "Heh-he-he…"
Bakura glared at the pair. Who but Bakura could have on such a sour puss when he's wearing a party hat? "Please tell me I wasn't always like this," he demanded.
Yami grinned wide and said through his teeth, "It's good to see you back to the way you were."
Now let's get this horrible party in full swing so we can get this chapter over with…Now that Anzu, Jounouchi, and Honda had arrived, everything was set in order, and Ryou was trying to entertain his guests in the kitchen.
"How come Bakura is just sitting in the den pouting?" asked Anzu, leaning back from the table in order to see Bakura in the den. "I don't understand how anyone's unhappy when they're wearing a party hat."
"I don't think he's enjoying himself…" said Ryou sadly.
"Would you? This party sucks asp," said Yami.
Yuugi hurriedly swatted him. "YAMI! APOLOGIZE!"
"Ra, stop." Yami shuddered. "Seriously, though, Ryou, this isn't the best party I've ever been to."
"I didn't think a 3000 year old spirit had much of a social life."
"Hey! I have friends! Lots of friends!"
Ryou sighed and stood up, going over to the counter. "Well, fine, I was hoping my party would be a success without this, but…" He pulled a sheet off a giant circular thing. "Ta-da!"
Everyone's mouth dropped. "Wow, a keg," said Honda. "I'm impressed."
Yami hurriedly rushed over to the keg and turned the tap. "What a shame, you're all under age, only I can drink!"
The rest of the gang groaned. Yuugi looked up at his yami with those large, puppy dog pleading eyes. You know the ones. "Yami, please don't drink…you always get so super drunk at these things."
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, Aibou," said Yami, sipping his beer, "but shortys can never hurt me."
Yuugi, face beet red, grabbed a frying pan up out of the sink and held it in a batter's stance. Jounouchi reached out and grabbed his arm.
"Hey, hey, da violence neva solved nothin'," he chastised.
Yuugi sighed. "You're right." And then he promptly hit Jounouchi with the frying pan. Poor Jounouchi fell straight to the floor, and everyone applauded.
Suddenly there came the loud sound of a helicopter out in the street!
"Oh man," groaned Honda. "Is that—"
Ryou stood peering out the window. "It's the Kaiba brothers!" he announced cheerily.
Yami spat out his beer, spraying it all over Yuugi and the unconscious Jounouchi. "Whaaaa?"
"I invited them as a plot movement!" Ryou went running through the den to the front door, with the whole gang following him, except for Bakura, who sat pouting on the couch some more. Ah, he's so sexy (and evil!) when he pouts.
Ryou opened the door, where Seto and Mokuba were already on the stoop. "Hey, you guys made it!"
"Yeah!" screeched Mokuba. "And now my brother's here to show Yuugi who's the best duelist!"
"Quiet, Mokuba," ordered Seto. He glowered at Yuugi. "Now, Mutou, we're going to see who's really the best duelist when I finally crush you once and for all."
"Don't you have anything else to do with your life? Any mergers to plan? A girlfriend? Something?"
"I am the king of games. Ever since you beat me, Yuugi, I—"
"Yeah, yeah, there's no depth to your character, stop trying to add some. So come on in, let's get this over with."
Mokuba and Seto entered the house, and Ryou was about to close the door, when a sandy-haired Egyptian put his foot in the way.
"Hey! Ryou! Buddy!"
"Ack, it's Malik!" squealed Ryou. Everyone turned around to look at him.
"Malik? Why are you here?" asked Anzu.
"Well, you guys are having a party, so naturally I assumed I was invited. How can you have a party for Bakura if you don't invite his partner in—I mean his best friend?"
Ryou looked at the others skeptically, but they only shrugged.
"He's already in the house," said Yami, "so who cares?"
"Yeah, and his yami's in the hospital," added Honda. "We're not in any danger."
"They gave him a lobotomy now. They let him keep the little part of his brain they cut out, and he named it Bob." Malik grinned from ear to ear. "He's showing responsibility."
"Eh, whatever. Now come on, we're going to go duel in the kitchen."
Now as one huge group they crossed the den, everyone ignoring Bakura except for Malik, who eyed him carefully. Suddenly Seto stopped.
"Wait. There are two of you."
"Where have you been for the last four chapters?" groaned Ryou.
"Just duel me," said the pharaoh. "I'll kick your ass once and for all."
"Oh. Okay." They continued their trek except for Malik, who stopped in the doorway. Bakura was sitting on the couch, leafing through a magazine and looking somewhat annoyed by the whole situation. Maybe he's more like his old self than we first gave him credit for…thought Malik.
"Hey, Kura!" he said happily, plopping down hard beside his friend. Bakura glared at him over the top of the magazine. "What'cha reading?"
He held up the cover.
"Cosmo?" Malik paled. "Uh, you know, that's not exactly your reading material."
"There's nothing else in this house. It must've been."
"No, no. But luckily, I've got something more interesting." He fished around in his back pocket and came up with another magazine, which he quickly pushed into his friend's hands. "See? Dominate the World Monthly."
"Who's that on the cover?"
"George W. Bush. Trust me, that's what you used to like. Hell, we used to read it together, remember?"
Bakura eyed him suspiciously. "I guess…"
"Ryou's really trying to help you get back to the way you were, before the amnesia and all."
"Uh-huh."
"But he can only tell you so much, you see. Only remind you of the you he knew. And maybe that's not really the you who you really were. See?"
Bakura blinked. "No."
"It's like, he only knows one side of the coin, his yami, right? But there's always more to a person than what one other person says. So that means there's more to you than Ryou knew. Like you had a secret double life that Ryou has no idea about, but I know. You know?"
"Please say we weren't lovers."
Malik chuckled a little too loudly for comfort. "Oh, no, no, no. Please, never." Dammit! "What I mean to say is—"
Ryou suddenly poked his head in the den for the purposes of interrupting this conversation. "Hey, guys, what're you doing? Yami and Kaiba are dueling!"
"What else is new," muttered Malik.
"I just thought I'd let you know!" And he promptly disappeared.
"What were you saying?" asked Bakura.
"Uh…you know what, let's blow this Popsicle stand and then I can talk to you mono a mono."
"….Popsicles?"
"Just come on."
Kakos: I kinda miss the old Yami B…he was so deliciously evil and sexy.
Yami B: Yes! Thank you! Finally someone who sees what a wimp I've turned into these last few chapters! Bring back the Bakura from chapter one!
Ryou: But she's trying to show a dramatic change in character—
Kakos: Don't kid yourself, it's not that deep.
Ryou: Oh.
Kakos: What was up with that political joke? Man, I almost snuck political commentary into a humor fic. Go me, go me!
Ryou: Well, stay tuned for the next chapter, Let's Make Sweet Mischief!
Yami B: Gross, Ryou, just gross.
Kakos, Ryou, Seto, huo shi long, and Noa (cause he needs loving too): QUIET YOU!
Kakos: See, I got it right this time! Go me, go me!