Excerpt from "Chapter Fifteen – Alec's Daemon" of

THE LONELY TRAVELER – Republic of Heaven, Book One

Alec was dreaming. He was a baby, but could speak. His parents were there with him, but something was different: His mother was the age she was when she died, and his father was the same age as he was. The three of them were flying, descending into a valley, filled with lush trees and wildflowers. The three of them sped over the ground, clearing the grassy slope by just a few inches. A cat was sitting on his father's shoulders. It's that cat he saw earlier…Kirjava, he remembered.

But somehow, unlike before when he'd found his father talking with her, he was not upset by her presence.  On his mother's shoulders sat a lemur—what's a lemur doing there? And flying alongside himself is a glowing point of light, no larger than the tip of his finger. His parents looked over at him and said, "She'll have a name soon." He didn't know what to make of that, but felt excited.

He and his parents reached the floor of the valley and landed by the edge of a small brook, full of smooth stones of varying sizes, and sheltered by sagging shade trees that filtered the sunlight. His father picked him up in his arms. He felt…happy…and glad to be near in his father; not a trace of anger or bitterness. He loved him. The glowing point of light hovered among them, flitting this way and that but never straying far.

"What shall we name her?" Alec didn't know if his father was speaking to him, the cat, his mother, or the lemur.

"Why not let Alec decide, dear?" answered his mother. He looked over at her, but she wasn't there; instead of seeing her and the lemur side by side, she was now a giant lemur, and the first lemur he'd seen had now gone.

"I'm not sure…I've only just met her," Alec said. "Do I have to decide?"

"Why not?" said Will. "She's you. Usually it's not your choice to make, but this is a special occasion."

He set Alec down, who was now suddenly his current age again. His father was now an adult again, and the giant lemur was gone. The floating point of light grew bigger, to the size of a cricket ball, and stopped its happy fluttering. It hung in the air a few feet from Alec's face.

He sat staring at the light…it was brighter than anything he'd seen before, but his eyes didn't hurt at all. He stared deeper into the glowing object, and the harder the stared, the more it grew. He looked even closer and saw that it was made of thousands—no, millions—of tiny pieces of light, all buzzing and humming and wriggling against each other. And he smiled.

"I know! I'll name you—"

A large hand shook Alec. It belonged to one of the ship's security guards who'd come into to have a late-night snack. Will snapped awake.
          "What? Hmmm? I'm…I'm sorry...I was just…I know what I'll name…I'll name her…"

The guard squinted at Alec. "What's that, son?" he said. "Everything alright? You need help to your room?"

Alec blinked at the guard. He realized where he was again. "No, no, sir. I'm fine. I just…I mean, I just came in here for a…"

And on the other side of the eatery, past the security, past all the empty tables and the bored waitress, Alec saw a meerkat, perched on the edge of a jukebox.

He froze.

The guard turned to see what he was staring at, and saw only the jukebox. "You came in here for a…a song, maybe?" The guard knew something was going on, and figured Alec really wasn't interested in anything in the jukebox's selection. He just wanted to see what he'd say.

The meerkat jumped down from the jukebox and skittered across the floor toward Alec and the guard. It leapt up and perched on the edge of the opposite side of the booth.

Alec just kept staring, his mouth more open now then when he'd seen Kirjava speak. But despite his astonishment, Alec knew it would be best if he got the guard to leave him be. He took a deep breath, turned to the guard and said, "I just came in for a coffee and a croissant. Thank you very much."

This seemed to satisfy the guard, who shrugged, looked once more at the jukebox that had apparently transfixed the young man, and went about his nightly rounds.

Alec examined the perched creature, who suppressed a giggle.      "Hello, Alec," his dæmon said warmly.

*    *    *    *     *    *    *    *

Alec sat for nearly an hour at the booth, not moving. The warm feelings from his dream had been replaced by feelings of contempt. He'd stopped looking at his dæmon a while ago, which was now sitting right in front of him at the table. His dæmon did not look back, knowing he was still skeptical and distressed. Occasionally, the waitress came by and asked if she could get him anything. He absentmindedly asked for a glass of water each time she'd come by. He was now on his fourth glass.

          The dæmon, it seemed, was getting on Alec's nerves. But she spoke very gently, and with utmost sincerity.

          "I could assume another shape if you wished. I thought you'd like this one, you know? I know you how liked the meerkats on nature shows…"

          Alec sat blankly and sipped his fourth glass of water.

          "Look. I know this is all new for you. Me too. But…I am you, Alec. You know that."

          Alec said nothing, sitting defiantly, as if he were trying to win a staring contest. He hoped somehow, deep down, he'd make this thing go away by sheer will. Despite everything he'd seen, and everything his father had told him, he wasn't ready to give in completely just yet. What occurred to him, though, was his dæmon was very likely his equal when it came to stubbornness. Alec sighed through his nostrils and bowed his head. His dæmon held still, waiting for him to say something.

"I don't want a demon," he said quietly. The dæmon blinked at him.

"I know," she said. "And I'm sorry it happened this way."

"It wouldn't have mattered," he said. "I know my father wanted to tell me properly, but it wouldn't have mattered."

"You don't really think that, Alec."

He didn't argue this point. Maybe was more angry at his father than anything else…but no, he didn't want this thing, this burden following him around, talking to him for the rest of his life, and maybe even beyond…

"You can't just…disappear, or something?"

          His dæmon gave a little laugh. "No. Well, in a manner of speaking, I can, but only when you die. And only those who could see me…"

She trailed off. Alec wasn't listening; his attention had drifted to an older couple sitting on two stools at the eatery's counter.

"Those two over there. They have dæmons?"

"Them. Everyone," she said.

"Why can't I see them?"

His dæmon sat hopefully, encouraged by his inquisitiveness.

"It's for them to see, at least in this world. If they can't see them, you can't either."

Alec turned to his dæmon. "How do you know so much?"

"Because you do," she countered.

This gave him pause. It was fully dawning on him that this conversation he was having, every word that was spoken by him and this dæmon—he was talking to himself. Debating with himself. Not wanting to hear what he had to say. Until that point, he'd put some mental distance between he and she. But it finally hit home; he knew his dæmon represented "the voice in his head," that part of him that helps him make a tough choice, warns him against danger, even decides what to have for breakfast. But he'd always considered that to be his mind doing the "talking," not his soul. And now that he could see his dæmon, every decision he had to make, every emotion he had, would be held up to him like a mirror he could never shy away from.

And he didn't like that one bit.

So he thought for a moment more, turned to his dæmon, and replied.

"I was just now having a dream," he said, "And I'm figuring it was to do with you. I was about to name you, I think, just before I woke up. And I'm going to name you now."

His dæmon's eyes sparkled with anticipation.

"What's that, Alec?"

He paused. In his dream, he had chosen a name for his dæmon. Just before the guard roused him, he was about to say "Kelly," which was the name of his favorite pet dog as a boy. In his dream, he was feeling nothing by joy and the love of family, and to him, Kelly would be the perfect name for his dæmon. But he was awake now, and he had nothing but spite for this creature.

"Your name will be: Bugger."

His dæmon, now unceremoniously named Bugger, gasped. She blinked at him with disappointed eyes. Alec smiled to himself and took another sip from the glass. Take that, voice in my head, he thought. Bugger could feel hot tears beginning to well up.

She lowered her head and stared at the table. Then, after a moment, she looked into his eyes with a fierce dignity few dæmons had ever had to muster against their humans. If Alec didn't know any better, she was smiling.

"I see, she said. Well, there are a few things I should tell you. First off, that will be my name forever. Once a dæmon is named, it can't be renamed."

Alec knew that; his father had told him as much.

"Second…you've had quite a lot of water to drink, haven't you?"

Alec froze. He knew what was coming.

She continued. "I know you won't like the thought of this, but I feel I should remind you that, even in your most private, embarrassing moments, I'll be there, nearby, with you."

He hadn't considered that. No, he hadn't considered that at all.

"And finally," she said, "Any time when you are in danger, whenever you need a friend or someone to talk to, and you really need me—and you can bet your life, you will need me—that it is in these moments that you will always be reminded of this day, and the exact moment who you chose to name me because of misplaced feelings."

Alec was floored. He felt as if he'd just been punched in the stomach. What in the world had he just done?

"But know this, too, Alec," she went on, "I will never leave you, just as I won't leave you know. I can't. I don't think there are many people who've been at odds with their dæmons, but then again, no one in this world can see theirs, save your father, Mary, and yourself. So maybe this is a normal reaction you're having." Alec remembered that his father told him about Mary seeing her dæmon, but that fact barely registered at the moment.

"So I understand why you did this, and I can't say I'm pleased, but it doesn't matter. Like it or not…" she said as she touched his hand with her paw, "I'm hear to stay."

Alec was indeed a very conflicted young man.

He drew his hand away, and stood up. He grabbed his jacket and headed for his and Will's room. He opened the door, which was unlocked, and climbed into bed. Will heard him enter, but said nothing.

And from that point on, Alec, with dæmon in tow, was silent the rest of the way home.