Kakos: Woot woot, here we are with chapter six! And this is my longest story ever! Except for my novel…but whatever.
Ryou: I'm so proud of you!
::huggles again!!!::
Yami B: retches
Kakos: You're a stick in the mud.
Ryou: Get outside and play!
Kakos: Sit down to dinner with the family!
Ryou: But most importantly, read this fic!
Yami B: And call my agent!
Where is My Mind?
Chapter Six: Let's Make Sweet Mischief!
I could be mean
I could be angry…
I could be fake
I could be stupid…
I could be cold
I could be ruthless…
I could be weak
I could be senseless
You know, I could be just like you…
—"Just Like You" by Three Days Grace
Malik dragged poor confused Bakura all the way back to his own little apartment, which was pretty trashy and torn up. Bakura carefully picked his way around the garbage and sat down on Malik's couch. Hanging above said sofa was a giant picture of Elvis. Bakura eyed it warily.
"Don't mind him, he's just the king."
"Uh…right."
"All right, let's get started." Malik went to the fridge and got himself a beer, then plopped down beside Bakura and turned on the television. "All right, it's Maury!"
Bakura blinked. "Uh…didn't you want to tell me something?"
"Yeah, go get me some cheesy poofs."
"I don't remember who I am, but I'm pretty damn sure I'm not your servant!"
Malik sighed and turned off the television. "Okay, fine. Don't be all bitchy. All right, here's the truth: you are actually a thief." He smiled real big, as though this were some important revelation.
Bakura just stared at him. Then he crossed his arms and stared some more.
"But you're not just some common thief—you are a great thief. You're perhaps the greatest thief that's ever lived. You used to live in ancient Egypt—that's true, you were Egyptian—and you were a great tomb robber. But through a lot of weird shit that's happened, you're now sharing a body with this white haired freak in modern day Japan."
"Then why—"
"Convenience," snapped Malik. "Now. You're a great thief, and you're working for me, understand?"
"Who says I'm working for you?"
"Well, I just did. Where were you?"
"Right here."
"All right then. So, you were actually on a mission for me when you got your amnesia."
"So this is all your fault?"
"…Yeah, okay."
"I can completely blame you?"
"Yeah, go for it."
Bakura lunged across the couch and started strangling Malik Homer Simpson style. Malik reciprocated like Bart normally does. "You bastard!" he hissed. "I had to suffer with that annoying albino runt all because of you? I'm gonna kill you!"
"Wait!" choked out Malik, struggling. "It's—I'll let—can you—leggo!"
Bakura loosened his grip but still kept ahold of his neck. Malik regarded him with a sore eye. "What?" demanded Bakura.
"You're paying off a debt to me, that's why you're working for me. I helped you once, now you're helping me, capische? So all I want you to do is go over to the Pharaoh's house and steal these three things called the Egyptian God Cards. After you do that, your debt is paid, and you can do what you want. Okay?"
"You want me to break into the Pharaoh's house and steal three lame cards?"
"They're not lame! Because with them, I'll be able to destroy the Pharaoh once and for all! Mwahahahah!"
Bakura let go of his neck and scooted far, far away. "You're a little insane, you know?"
"No more than the rest of us. So…you'll do it for me, right? Today, while they're at the party?"
"Uh, sure. But I don't know where the Pharaoh's house is."
Malik reached into the cushions of the couch and produced a handy-dandy map to the Pharaoh's house. "Here ya go! From right here on the couch to the Pharaoh's house! Okay?"
"Why on earth do you have this?"
He stood and started pushing Bakura out the door. "So don't come back until you've got the cards. Got it?"
"Well, actually, I—"
"Great!" Malik pushed Bakura out the door, closed it, and locked it. Bakura shook his head and held up the map.
"Every day gets weirder and weirder."
Meanwhile, at Ryou's horrible party…"Man, Yami is kicking Kaiba's ass again," said Honda with a roll of his eyes.
Anzu, who was sitting on the counter flipping through a magazine, didn't bother to look up. "Yay, go Yami, we believe in you, blah-blah-blah."
Kaiba growled as he thumbed through the cards in his hand. "C'mon, I need a Blue Eyes White Dragon!"
"My brother's gonna win!" cried Mokuba, jumping up and down excitedly. "He's the best! I know he'll beat you because—"
Yami sighed and looked over at Honda, Yuugi, and Anzu, all of whom snapped to attention. "You know what to do, guys."
"You want we should take care of this?" asked Yuugi with a feral look.
"As long as you stop talking like a stereotypical Italian mobster."
"Okay!" As a group the three lunged and grabbed Mokuba, hurriedly tying him up and gagging him with an old disgusting sweaty gym socks.
"No! Not the pharaoh's socks!" wailed Kaiba.
Yami played one last card. "There. Tee-hee, I win."
Kaiba leapt to his feet and thrust a finger in Yami's face. "You've disgraced me for the last time, dammit! I AM the best duelist and I—"
"Excuse me!" squealed Anzu so loudly and annoyingly that she couldn't help but be heard. Somewhere, glass shattered. Everyone looked at her with less than shocked expressions. "We are here for Ryou's party! Not for your stupid duel! Everyone should pay attention to Ryou!"
At this, everyone looked around for the albino in question, only to find him sitting up against a tea tray (hey, he is supposed to be British in the dub, so why not?) quietly sipping a beer. Upon seeing their eyes on him, Ryou quickly tossed it over his shoulder. "Ge-wuh?"
"Are you enjoying your party?" asked Anzu with enough saccharine to choke a cat.
"Oh, uh, well, this is really for my yami, you know."
"Is he enjoying it, then?"
"I dunno. Yami!"
Silence.
"YAMI!"
More silence.
Ryou hopped off the tray and peered into the den. "Oh, shit, he's gone!"
"Hey, so is Malik!" pointed out Honda.
Ryou slapped his forehead. "Oh man, I know they're off to make trouble. Great."
Yami jumped up from his chair dramatically. "Man, when I find that damn thief, I'm gonna be on him like white on rice!"
Everyone stared at him.
"You know—I'm gonna pound his ass."
And at this, everyone paled considerably.
"You perverts! I'm just going to beat him up! You know, punch, kick, destroy?"
The others relaxed and started chatting amongst themselves. "Oh, yes, of course, uh-huh, gotcha…"
"But how are you going to find him?" asked Ryou fearfully.
The pharaoh frowned. "Oh, shit. I dunno." He sat back down and chewed thoughtfully on his lip. The others stood and waited and waited until finally Honda took a lamp and held it over Yami's head.
"Oh, wait, I've got it now!" The pharaoh was back on his feet, jumping so high he knocked Honda backwards. "I know! Bakura went with Malik. Malik wants the god cards. They're at my house. Malik has a map to my house, because I drew him one. Therefore—"
"Two and two IS five!" screamed out Yuugi suddenly. "Of course! It all makes sense now!"
"Uh, no, aibou. Therefore, Malik must have sent the tomb robber to my house to get the god cards. To the pharaoh mobile!" And Yami leapt right out the window.
The group looked over at Yuugi, who shrugged. "I don't know why he's going off to find it. It's only a tricycle, and we left it at home."
"Well, we better go watch him," sighed Anzu. "He seemed a little buzzed."
"Yeah, it's pretty awful when he gets like this."
"But what about Jounouchi?" asked Honda, tapping his prostrate friend with his foot. "Don't you think he's been unconscious long enough? Maybe we should take him to the hospital."
Kaiba glared down at the poor boy. "Oh, don't worry. I'll take care of dog-boy down there."
"Seto, you promised no more kinky boy love!" whined Mokuba, tears in his little eyes. "You promised after what happened with poor Mr. Jackson."
"Oh, right. Well, I guess I will take him to the hospital then."
"I'm not trusting you. Honda and I will go with you to the hospital. Hopefully we'll be able to meet Ryou and the Motous at their house in time to see Yami kill Bakura," said Anzu.
"What?" cried Ryou. "Kill Bakura???"
"Whoops, I meant, find him and not kill him. Yeah, definitely, not kill him. Ready?" They put their hands in the middle and the shouted together,
"BREAK!"
Kakos: Yay! End of chapter six! Sorry it was so long updating—reality bytes, ya know?
Yami B: Oh gods, puns now. End this torture. Have me hit by a bus.
Ryou: Now why would she do that? You're her muse.
Yami B: Lucky me.
Kakos: Who knows when the next chapter is coming? Not even I! For though school has ended, I do nothing, and my novel is going so slow, and frankly, I'm too depressed to do much.
Yami B: Cry me a river and drown in it.
Kakos, Ryou, Seto, huo shi long, Noa, and Pippin (my other muse): QUIET, YOU!