The Road Once Taken part 1 of 3
She gazed down at the empty liquor bottles littering her floor with disgust. As she saw her own brown eyes staring back at her in the wine, his voice came floating back to her like a lost memory.
"Syd, I got married..." Another drink.
"I was so in love with you. But I don't regret moving on with my life." More tears.
"Even though everything has changed, some things don't. I'm not gonna lose you twice."
At the recollection of those last words, an unbidden image flooded her mind. She was in her old apartment with Vaughn for the first time. The kisses, God she missed the kisses.
With these thoughts in mind, she stormed out in a drunken rage. She tripped, however, on her front step and didn't move. Instead, she sat there and screamed at the sky.
"What the hell did I ever do to you?! What did I do to deserve losing my friends, my lover, my mother, my life?! How can this be a part of your plan? Why did I need to lose two years of my life?!"
As expected, she got no answer, just a tidal wave of alcohol-induced sickness.
"Screw it," she said as she turned back to her house.
"Syd? You okay?"
She turned to see Eric Weiss standing by the curb.
"I heard yelling and figured maybe something was up. You okay?"
"Yeah... God, no." She felt guilty for waking Weiss, and probably the rest of the neighborhood. "Will you come in?"
The sight of Sydney Bristow crying and screaming at the heavens had decided his answer before she even asked. "Of course," he said sympathetically, and followed her inside.
Michael Vaughn tossed and turned, unable to sleep. He was a married man, but his wife was not the woman haunting his dreams. Each time he fell asleep her face loomed before him, asking the same question. He saw her as he had in Hong Kong over a month ago. Scared, confused, and lonely. Then the question came, over and over.
"Vaughn, why are you wearing that ring?"
There was, of course, the obvious answer-he was married. That wasn't what bothered him. What bothered him was the deeper question wrapped in those simple words. That was the unbearable, unanswerable question that gnawed at his heart.
Lauren stirred next to him, derailing his train of thought. He glanced over, and berated himself for feeling the disappointment of finding a blonde lying beside him instead if a brunette. Why did Sydney Bristow consume his thoughts? It had been over a month since her return from a mysterious two-year absence, and yet he missed her.
He couldn't love her still, but yet, did he? What was it about her that made him willing to do anything? "Man, I really gotta talk to Weiss," he muttered under his breath.
"Syd, have you been drinking? Not that it's any of my business, but I've never seen you like this."
She glared up at him with veiled eyes. He had never seen this lack of emotion from her. There were no more tears, no more anger, only despair.
"Weiss," she said softly.
"What do you need, Syd?"
What did she need. She needed what she couldn't have back. "You can't give it to me, Eric. You can't give me my old life. You can't give me Vaughn. But you can talk to me. I just need someone to talk to, and I figured you, since Francie is dead and Will is in Witness Protection..."
She trailed off with enough sadness in her voice for the world. "Sure, Syd. Is there something going on at work you need to talk about, or... what is it?"
There were plenty of easy answers, but the fact was it had to do with two people. A blonde British diplomat and her gorgeous husband.
"Weiss, come on. You know what this is about. He's your best friend for pity's sake!" Unwillingly, her voice rose with each word. "It's slightly depressing and unnerving to return after having no idea where I've been the past two years. I lost the man I love, Weiss. Then what do I see? My own name on that wall of agents killed in action. I've lost so much that I can't get back. It's just not fair!" She was crying now, her eyes shining with yet unspilled tears.
"Oh, God. Sydney, I-I'm so sorry." He hadn't talked to Vaughn much recently, but after this breakdown, he knew it was time.
It was hopeless. After hours of sleeplessness and confusing thoughts and memories of Sydney, Vaughn had no choice but to get out of bed. He moved slowly, as not to disturb Lauren.
"Michael?"
"It's okay, Lauren. I'm just going to take a shower."
"Oh, all right," she yawned.
As he stood in the shower, he bowed his head in hopes that the water would wash away his feelings of guilt and doubt.
"Alright team, here's what we've got." Director Dixon looked around the conference room until his gaze settled on Sydney. It had been well over two years since she freed him from SD-6, but yet, it only seemed like a few months to her. The utter sadness and confusion that pooled in her deep brown eyes was too much for him. He cleared his throat and began again. "We've intercepted possible plans for a Covenant terrorist attack in Paris. At the same time the terrorist strikes, one of their operatives will be initiating a 10 million-dollar bank theft. Along with the money is this painting. Look familiar," Dixon asked as the painting appeared on everyone's individual monitor. "I assume you are all familiar with the workings of Milo Rambaldi?" He looked around once more to see the nods of agreement. "Agents Bristow and Vaughn, you will be going to the art show. Backup will be provided, of course. Your plane leaves in six hours. Mission details will be given upon arrival. Understood?"
Without looking at each other they nodded their individual consent. Why did he choose us? Sydney wondered to herself. As if he could read her thoughts, Dixon answered. "Given your skills and history, I figured you two would be the best suited for the job." More nods.
"Um, excuse me, Director sir? 'Cause you're the new director and...oh! Right! I um, need to go over some of the, uh, technological aspects of the mission with Sydney and Vaughn, if that is alright." Marshall looked around at the stone faced group and waved.
"Of course, Marshall. The rest of you are free to go."
"Thanks, sir. Uh, okay. Well, uh, you two are going to be posing as a wealthy French couple interested in buying some artwork. Sounds simple, right? Well, here comes the cool part. Okay, now, Syd, see this pretty little diamond ring? Inside it is a video camera complete with audio. I'm sure you can guess the purpose of that. Now, this little tube of lipstick is not something you're gonna wanna put on. Inside this cherry red tube is a vial containing a very strong sleeping drug to go with Mr. Vaughn's needles. See, um, Mr. Vaughn, welcome back by the way, it's great to work with you again, especially after-"
"Marshall!"
"Wha-oh, right. Sorry, Syd. Anyhow, I figured you could carry around an apparent brandy bottle. If you open it, however, there are three needles and syringes. 'Nuff said about that. Now in this here watch is a regular digital camera for you to use when you and Syd aren't together, this little baby can record 60 seconds at a time, if need be. Well, that's it, besides the typical audio equipment, so, uh, good luck!" Marshall looked at them with growing anticipation.
Sydney smiled at him approvingly. "Marshall, it's great."
They arrived in Paris without a hitch, save for the slight turbulence that occurred on the plane ride.
To complete the cover, Vaughn and Syd were staying in the same hotel suite posing as James and Mischa Decroix. This proved to be awkward when mission time rolled around.
"Syd," Vaughn said tentatively. She stirred, aroused form deep thoughts and old memories.
"Hmm? Oh, sorry. Yeah?"
"It's six o'clock, and we gotta be at the show by eight."
When she looked into those beautiful grey-green pools of emotion, she saw something unrecognizable. Was it sympathy? As she looked and reminisced about times past, she was startled to realize it was the same look he wore after their take down of SD-6. That couldn't possibly be-he was married. But yet...
"Vaughn?"
Realizing he was staring into Syd's eyes again, he cut her off with, "We really have to get ready, Sydney."
She nodded in silent agreement. He was right, there was a matter of National Security at hand.
An hour later, Sydney emerged from the second bathroom only to stop dead in her tracks at the sight of Vaughn. He looked basically the same, sporting a five o'clock shadow and a tailored blue Oxford, but he was still gorgeous. She, on the other hand, looked quite different. She had new ice blue eyes, a choppy red wig, and a form fitting, knee length black dress. To top it all off, she was wearing strappy 3 inch heels.
Vaughn looked up from his nervous pace and smiled.
"It's good to see you back in the field, Sydney.'
She saw that smile. The smile that could melt anyone into a mere puddle. The smile that caused his amazing dimples to appear more amazing than ever. The smile that extended all the way to his beautiful green eyes. Overcoming her desire to kiss him again she returned the smile. "You too, Vaughn." A thought crossed her mind. "Are you sure Lauren is okay with this...with us...with me?"
He looked at her, alarmed. "With you? What do you mean with you? She thinks you're great! She thinks you are-"
"Trying to steal you away. I've seen how she looks at me, Michael. Like I'm something that just washed ashore. I just want you and her to know I never wanted to drive a wedge into your marriage."
Vaughn was surprised at the use of his first name, and hesitated to answer. "We've gotta go. You ready?"
The mission went perfectly. The CIA stopped the Covenant form getting the painting, the money, and from killing innocent civilians. However, due to the weather and events, Syd and Vaughn must stay in France longer than expected.
Back at the hotel room Vaughn attempts to begin working things out with Syd. "This might seem presumptuous, but who cares anymore. You looked really great tonight, Sydney."
Appalled, she turned to look at him. "Vaughn...Lauren..."
"Look, forget about Lauren for a minute, okay? I need to get this off my chest." He waited for a reaction, but got only one, and thought it was rather unlikely.
"Can I, um, change first?" she asked, tugging at the fiery wig that fit onto her skull so seamlessly.
He smiled and nodded his approval.
"Syd, that day I saw you alive again in Hong Kong was the happiest day of my life."
Through her silence, he explained how he dreamed of her nightly, how she consumed his thoughts.
"Syd, I love Lauren. But I'm still in love with you."
Those simple words that carried so much weight. Tears welled in Sydney's eyes, and she was surprised to see the same for Vaughn.
"Your turn," he whispered.
"Vaughn, I..." So many confessions were just waiting to burst forth. "I can't. If I did, there would be nothing to stop me kissing you. And if I did kiss you, I wouldn't be able to let go." With this, she began to weep softly.
"So don't stop. Syd, I need to hear this. From you, not from your father or Weiss. Tell me you love me, Sydney."
She smiled weakly and nodded. She had been dreaming of a moment like this for over a month. He said it. He told her what she had been aching to hear. She nodded again. "Okay. Vaughn...Michael...I never stopped loving you. Even after I met Lauren. As strange as it seems-I guess-I have loved you for four years now. Even though I have no clue what happened while I was Julia, I know I couldn't have stopped loving you. Michael, you were-are-my life. I miss getting to go home with you. I miss going to the ice rink just to watch the zamboni with you."
It was as if they were magnetic. In three strides, Vaughn crossed the room and sat on the bed next to her. He turned her head to look into his eyes. He put his hand on the back of her neck. Their lips met, slowly, cautiously, but sweeter than ever. She ran her fingers through his hair, once again remembering his smell-soap, aftershave, and light cologne. As he moved nearer, the kiss deepened, tongues exploring places they hadn't been in over two years.
He pulled back, eyes glinting with joy at what had just happened. But something Sydney had rarely seen before was there also. "Vaughn, is everything alright?"
He sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Lauren is pregnant." He opened his eyes to see shock and hurt flit across Sydney's face before it settled onto false joy.
The information hit her like a kick in the stomach. "She... congratulations. I-I'm happy for you."
Vaughn shook his head slowly, his green eyes filled with sorrow. "Sydney, you don't understand. The baby can't possibly be mine. The last time we were...intimate... was over a month before you came back. She only just found out last week. I know it seems like a long time, but with work-"
"Vaughn," Sydney interjected, "I'm so sorry. Does she know that you know it's not yours?"
Again he shook his head, more violently this time. "Syd, I just need someone-need you-right now. I can't feel betrayed anymore. I need you to be my security. I love you, more than I could ever love Lauren, and I need to feel it. After you died, I just started walking one day. I found myself on a bridge, and realized what I was doing. I thought I was going after you. You had left without me, and I was ready to follow. But as I was standing on that bridge, I had another revelation. You wouldn't have wanted me to go like that. You would've wanted me to move on."
Was he saying what she thought he was? He had contemplated suicide?
"What I realize now, is I didn't really move on. I couldn't. You were always there, and I knew that I may love someone else, but never how I love you."
"Michael, I love you, too."
As he reached for her again, his phone rang. It was Lauren. Sydney gave him a questioning look as he rose from the bed.
"Hello?"
"Oh, Michael, you're safe! I thought you were going to be home tonight!"
"I was, but things came up." The words came out sharp.
"Are you okay?" Her voice darkened. "Is Agent Bristow with you?"
"Yes, Sydney is with me."
"Well, just come home safe. I love you."
"Yeah," Vaughn grunted as he hung up. He looked over at Sydney, who was now dozing peacefully, and felt his breath catch in his chest. She looked so serene wearing a tight black tank top and tiny plaid shorts. Her long brown hair was down now, tousled from being towel dried. He smiled and crept over to where she lay. He would talk to Lauren tomorrow if he could.
Sydney woke up in the morning to find Vaughn's muscled arm draped over her in a protective embrace. She snuggled closer, guilt creeping up on her. What about Lauren? The phone rang, causing both of them to jump. Vaughn answered.
"Hello?"
"Mister Decroix? This is the front desk. You have a call from the airport."
"Put them through."
A click, followed by another voice.
"Hello?"
"Don't worry, Agent Vaughn. This line is secure."
"Jack, is that you?"
"Yes. Is Sydney with you?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Good. We have a private plane waiting for you that leaves in three hours. Sorry for the delay."
Another click, this time followed by the dial tone.
Sydney was watching him with questioning eyes. "Was that my dad?"
Vaughn nodded. "They got a plane for us. It leaves in three hours."
"I'm gonna go take a shower. Get me if someone calls me." She smiled shyly, eyes darting to the floor.
"God," Vaughn thought to himself. "What have I gotten myself into?"
Back in L.A., Sydney slowly walked to her front door. It was lonely, coming home and not having Will or Francie waiting for her. Instead, the house was cold and dark, much like her heart nowadays. She kicked off her shoes, flipped on a light, and plopped onto her couch. As she looked around her living room, her gaze fell upon one of the things that the fire had spared. It was a photo taken long ago of her, Will, and Francie. Those days had been so carefree and innocent, free form the viselike grip of SD-6 and the CIA. As she got up to go to her room, she saw the framed snapshot of her and Vaughn that Weiss had given her. Feeling the telltale prick of tears behind her eyes, she turned the picture over and hurried to the cool darkness of her room.
"Well, I'm home," Vaughn called. As Lauren appeared from the kitchen, he pushed his thoughts of Sydney to the back of his mind.
"Oh, good. I was getting lonely."
"Uh, yeah." Vaughn caught himself staring at her stomach and moved his eyes upward. "Look, I think we need to talk. Maybe you underestimate my intelligence, I don't know. But I do know that the baby isn't mine. It's impossible, Lauren, and I need and explanation."
She looked up at him with dull, grey eyes. "This has something to do with Sydney, doesn't it?"
Vaughn looked back at her, unmoving, and saying nothing.
"Do you still love her, Michael? Do you miss her, even though you're with me?!" Panic and anger rose in her voice with every syllable. Her hands were shaking now, balled into fists.
"So what if I do?!" Vaughn spat. His grey-green eyes were flashing menacingly. "You have been nothing but cruel to her since you met her. You have no idea, NO IDEA, what it's like to lose someone you love that much. I do, and she does, too. You can't just stop loving someone like that!" with that, he turned and left Lauren standing in the kitchen.
He got into his car, heart pounding furiously. After that episode, there were only three places he wanted to go: Weiss's, the bar (maybe with Weiss), or Sydney's. He jammed his keys into the ignition, wondering where he would end up.
Sydney was lying awake but unmoving on her bed when she heard the car door slam. She got up slowly and purposefully, her spy senses in full gear. When she cracked the door open, she was surprised to see piercing green eyes filled with longing and sadness looking back at her. The door creaked open slowly, confusion growing in Sydney's mind.
"Vaughn?"
He smiled weakly before asking, "Can I come in?"
She nodded, wide eyed, and stepped back to let him through. "Is everything alright?"
Vaughn shook his head sadly. "Things aren't going so well with Lauren. Do you mind if I crash here? I would go to Weiss's place, but I don't feel like getting drunk and ending up with another tattoo."
"Yeah, sure. You hungry?"
He smiled as she brushed past him and into the kitchen. As she walked by, he impulsively grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him. She looked at him and smiled.
"I love you, Michael Vaughn."
"I love you, Sydney Bristow. Look, I have something I want to show you." He interlaced his fingers with hers and walked over to the couch. "First off, I'm going to talk to Lauren about getting a divorce. Second," he pulled a small box from his jacket pocket, "open it."
Sydney opened the box to find the most beautiful diamond ring she had ever seen. "Michael..."
"I was going to give this to you on our vacation to Santa Barbara. I was going to propose to you, Sydney. You were, and still are, the only woman I want to spend the rest of my life with."
She looked at him, her eyes brimming with tears. Instinctively, Vaughn pulled her into his muscled arms and kissed her. Pure, soulful, and eternal.
END CHAPTER 1