It was the longest drive to Degrassi, that next morning. No one said
anything. I had won the front seat over Toby, but for some reason, he
hadn't put up much of a fuss. Why should he? I thought. He'll have the
front seat every day, when I'm gone.
As the neighborhood slid by, I watched it all. Even though I had memorized it a long time ago, today it felt new. My dad didn't live in this area, and I'd probably transfer schools, meaning I'd probably never hang out in this area again.
As we pulled in front of Degrassi, I saw the daily buzz that never seemed to change. Kids were hanging around the steps, some flocking towards the double doors. They were all carrying on as if nothing had happened. I felt very small in comparison to the world at that moment.
Toby's door closing brought me back to attention. Mom was looking at me. Ever since she told me the news, she had been looking at me like she wanted to say something, was afraid of breaking me. To bad I was already broken, but she would never realize that. She couldn't even see it.
I unfastened seatbelt and collected my books before pushing the door open. I stepped out and looked up into the sky. Grey clouds were moving overhead, all congregating over Degrassi.
"Have a good day, Ash!" Mom called to me, cheerful like nothing was wrong.
I looked over at my shoulder at her. She gave me a hopeful smile, one that made my insides turn sour. I shut the door and turned to walk up the steps, not even bothering to watch her drive off.
My feet felt like they weighed a thousand pounds each as I trudged up the stairs. Each step was harder then the last, and it would have been so easy to just give up there. I reached the top and looked over, seeing Ellie had magically appeared at my side. She was beaming at me, and she grasped my arm.
"Ashley! You're here!" Her eyes searched my face for a moment. "What is it?"
I opened my mouth, to let everything spill out, but the bell overhead rang. I looked up and then shrugged helplessly to her. We had to get to homeroom. The two of us walked side by side towards our classroom. Up ahead I saw Paige and Spinner lingering in the hallway, talking about something. As we approached them, Ellie said nothing. It was almost like a silent understanding. Paige and I were friends, not Ellie and Paige. I had once been in this popular circle group, but I wasn't anymore, but we still said hi to each other for good social standing. Ellie never seemed to care about any of that, but she let me play my social games all the same.
"Hey Paige," I said lightly. "How were your holidays?"
She turned and gave me a quick fake grin. "Oh, they were great. Mom and dad put out for Spin and I to go skiing."
I nodded, trying to pretend like I was interested. "That must have been great."
Paige's face fell and she turned from us. "Yeah, great." She walked off and entered the classroom without looking back. Ellie and I looked to Spinner, utterly confused.
Spinner moved aside and motioned for me. I took a step foreword, waiting for him to explain her odd behavior.
"We saw Dean," he whispered. "He was at the ski lodge, with some girl. Paige went nuts."
My mouth dropped a little. Sure, Paige wasn't always the nicest of girls, but she didn't deserve what had happened to her a few months back. Dean had victimized her in the worst way, and she was still haunted by it, even though she talked to the school counselor almost every day. I nodded my head, feeling sympathetic towards her. I turned to look at Ellie, but she was gone. My brow furrowed in curiosity, but I made my way into homeroom, just as the final bell rang.
As I walked towards my seat, I watched Ellie and Paige talking. They both looked so serious, like something terrible had happened. I walked over and dropped into my seat, just watching them. When they finally noticed me staring, Paige rolled her eyes and made her way to the other side of the classroom towards her seat. Ellie glanced at me, then looked away embarrassed as she sat down and opened a book. I raised an eyebrow in curiosity. It was highly strange for my new best friend to be on speaking terms with my old best friend. It had to mean something was going on. I cleared my throat noisily, waiting for Ellie to speak up.
"What?" She didn't bother to even look at me.
"You, Paige? The whole talking thing." I turned in my seat towards her, getting the feeling this was something I should be included in on. "What was all that about?"
"I'm free to talk to whoever I want," Ellie snapped back, defensively.
I was taken aback. I turned in my seat slightly, before whispering, "I didn't mean that. I meant, why Paige?"
Ellie gave a defeated sigh before looking at me. "We have something in common."
I stared at her, before grinning sarcastically. "What could you and Paige have in common?"
Ellie shook her head and turned to the front of the classroom, to see the teacher enter. I just slumped in my seat, wondering how my world could be so rocked in one day. First, I'm kicked out of my house, and now my best friend is telling me she has something in common with a complete witch like Paige.
---
Lunchtime was a buzz of students. I sat at the table, waiting for Ellie to get through the lunch line. I looked around at all of the different clicks of high school students. Some were laughing with friends. Others were quiet and poking at food. I felt like I was set aside from everyone. I was the only one who could see it all from the outside. My eyes shifted and they caught with two familiar eyes. Craig's head was up as our eyes connected. I felt a jump in my heart. He made a small face, before looking over and saying something to Jimmy. I shook my head. He was the one who ruined my life.
I looked back to Ellie who was making her way over with her lunch tray. She watched me in return as she set her tray down and took a seat. "Who were you looking at?" She asked curiously.
"Craig." I gritted my teeth. "He's ruined my life."
Ellie took a sip of her milk and looked at me disbelievingly. "Ruined your life? Come on, Ash. That's a bit strong, don't you think?"
"No. I don't." I pushed my chair back from the table and stood up. "And I'm going to tell him so."
I felt my heart speed up with each step that I took closer to Craig. Jimmy noticed first. He looked up at me questioningly. Craig followed suit. He looked nervous. "Hey, Ash." He ran a hand through his hair and watched me.
I felt like an animal. I wanted to lunge at him and grab him by the throat and just kick and hit and scream. I wanted to make him hurt. I wanted him to feel upside down and blown apart for what he did to me. Him just sitting their feeling like a jerk wasn't enough. I opened my mouth to tell him so, when I saw Manny walk up and put her arms around Craig from behind. "Are we still on for tonight, sweetie?" Her eyes never left mine.
I was shocked. She knew about him and I, and was STILL dating him? I looked to him. He looked fearful. Manny's arms tightened around him as she looked at me evilly, before leaning down and kissing his cheek. "Great, pick me up at 7." She was slow to release him before she turned. She tossed me a venomous stare in my direction before sauntering off.
I snapped. I could feel an actual click within my body. All at once I was flushed. There were loud screaming sounds coming from my ears and mouth. I realized I was screaming. I was yelling at the top of my lungs, without any control. I lunged foreword and grabbed a hold of Craig's tray and threw it off the table. "You've ruined everything! I hate you! I hate you!"
His eyes widened as he backed his chair up in fear. He stood and tried to lean over to grab me. "Ash! Ash! It's okay--"
"Don't touch me!" My hand reacted before I could. It sailed up and across his cheek. The slapping sound on his cheek reverberated through my hand. I could hear the slow motion echo only.
Finally, it was if my eyes were clear. I stood breathing heavily, just watching Craig's head slowly turn back as he grabbed his face. From the corners of my eyes I could see everyone else frozen in their seats, just staring at the two of us.
"What's your problem!?" Craig yelled. He angrily shoved his chair out of the way, and the flimsy piece of plastic flew backwards onto the ground.
I glared. How dare HE be angry with ME? He was the one who ruined everything!
"You're my problem." I snapped, before turning and marching away.
I couldn't take this anymore. All of it was too much. Something had to be done.
As the neighborhood slid by, I watched it all. Even though I had memorized it a long time ago, today it felt new. My dad didn't live in this area, and I'd probably transfer schools, meaning I'd probably never hang out in this area again.
As we pulled in front of Degrassi, I saw the daily buzz that never seemed to change. Kids were hanging around the steps, some flocking towards the double doors. They were all carrying on as if nothing had happened. I felt very small in comparison to the world at that moment.
Toby's door closing brought me back to attention. Mom was looking at me. Ever since she told me the news, she had been looking at me like she wanted to say something, was afraid of breaking me. To bad I was already broken, but she would never realize that. She couldn't even see it.
I unfastened seatbelt and collected my books before pushing the door open. I stepped out and looked up into the sky. Grey clouds were moving overhead, all congregating over Degrassi.
"Have a good day, Ash!" Mom called to me, cheerful like nothing was wrong.
I looked over at my shoulder at her. She gave me a hopeful smile, one that made my insides turn sour. I shut the door and turned to walk up the steps, not even bothering to watch her drive off.
My feet felt like they weighed a thousand pounds each as I trudged up the stairs. Each step was harder then the last, and it would have been so easy to just give up there. I reached the top and looked over, seeing Ellie had magically appeared at my side. She was beaming at me, and she grasped my arm.
"Ashley! You're here!" Her eyes searched my face for a moment. "What is it?"
I opened my mouth, to let everything spill out, but the bell overhead rang. I looked up and then shrugged helplessly to her. We had to get to homeroom. The two of us walked side by side towards our classroom. Up ahead I saw Paige and Spinner lingering in the hallway, talking about something. As we approached them, Ellie said nothing. It was almost like a silent understanding. Paige and I were friends, not Ellie and Paige. I had once been in this popular circle group, but I wasn't anymore, but we still said hi to each other for good social standing. Ellie never seemed to care about any of that, but she let me play my social games all the same.
"Hey Paige," I said lightly. "How were your holidays?"
She turned and gave me a quick fake grin. "Oh, they were great. Mom and dad put out for Spin and I to go skiing."
I nodded, trying to pretend like I was interested. "That must have been great."
Paige's face fell and she turned from us. "Yeah, great." She walked off and entered the classroom without looking back. Ellie and I looked to Spinner, utterly confused.
Spinner moved aside and motioned for me. I took a step foreword, waiting for him to explain her odd behavior.
"We saw Dean," he whispered. "He was at the ski lodge, with some girl. Paige went nuts."
My mouth dropped a little. Sure, Paige wasn't always the nicest of girls, but she didn't deserve what had happened to her a few months back. Dean had victimized her in the worst way, and she was still haunted by it, even though she talked to the school counselor almost every day. I nodded my head, feeling sympathetic towards her. I turned to look at Ellie, but she was gone. My brow furrowed in curiosity, but I made my way into homeroom, just as the final bell rang.
As I walked towards my seat, I watched Ellie and Paige talking. They both looked so serious, like something terrible had happened. I walked over and dropped into my seat, just watching them. When they finally noticed me staring, Paige rolled her eyes and made her way to the other side of the classroom towards her seat. Ellie glanced at me, then looked away embarrassed as she sat down and opened a book. I raised an eyebrow in curiosity. It was highly strange for my new best friend to be on speaking terms with my old best friend. It had to mean something was going on. I cleared my throat noisily, waiting for Ellie to speak up.
"What?" She didn't bother to even look at me.
"You, Paige? The whole talking thing." I turned in my seat towards her, getting the feeling this was something I should be included in on. "What was all that about?"
"I'm free to talk to whoever I want," Ellie snapped back, defensively.
I was taken aback. I turned in my seat slightly, before whispering, "I didn't mean that. I meant, why Paige?"
Ellie gave a defeated sigh before looking at me. "We have something in common."
I stared at her, before grinning sarcastically. "What could you and Paige have in common?"
Ellie shook her head and turned to the front of the classroom, to see the teacher enter. I just slumped in my seat, wondering how my world could be so rocked in one day. First, I'm kicked out of my house, and now my best friend is telling me she has something in common with a complete witch like Paige.
---
Lunchtime was a buzz of students. I sat at the table, waiting for Ellie to get through the lunch line. I looked around at all of the different clicks of high school students. Some were laughing with friends. Others were quiet and poking at food. I felt like I was set aside from everyone. I was the only one who could see it all from the outside. My eyes shifted and they caught with two familiar eyes. Craig's head was up as our eyes connected. I felt a jump in my heart. He made a small face, before looking over and saying something to Jimmy. I shook my head. He was the one who ruined my life.
I looked back to Ellie who was making her way over with her lunch tray. She watched me in return as she set her tray down and took a seat. "Who were you looking at?" She asked curiously.
"Craig." I gritted my teeth. "He's ruined my life."
Ellie took a sip of her milk and looked at me disbelievingly. "Ruined your life? Come on, Ash. That's a bit strong, don't you think?"
"No. I don't." I pushed my chair back from the table and stood up. "And I'm going to tell him so."
I felt my heart speed up with each step that I took closer to Craig. Jimmy noticed first. He looked up at me questioningly. Craig followed suit. He looked nervous. "Hey, Ash." He ran a hand through his hair and watched me.
I felt like an animal. I wanted to lunge at him and grab him by the throat and just kick and hit and scream. I wanted to make him hurt. I wanted him to feel upside down and blown apart for what he did to me. Him just sitting their feeling like a jerk wasn't enough. I opened my mouth to tell him so, when I saw Manny walk up and put her arms around Craig from behind. "Are we still on for tonight, sweetie?" Her eyes never left mine.
I was shocked. She knew about him and I, and was STILL dating him? I looked to him. He looked fearful. Manny's arms tightened around him as she looked at me evilly, before leaning down and kissing his cheek. "Great, pick me up at 7." She was slow to release him before she turned. She tossed me a venomous stare in my direction before sauntering off.
I snapped. I could feel an actual click within my body. All at once I was flushed. There were loud screaming sounds coming from my ears and mouth. I realized I was screaming. I was yelling at the top of my lungs, without any control. I lunged foreword and grabbed a hold of Craig's tray and threw it off the table. "You've ruined everything! I hate you! I hate you!"
His eyes widened as he backed his chair up in fear. He stood and tried to lean over to grab me. "Ash! Ash! It's okay--"
"Don't touch me!" My hand reacted before I could. It sailed up and across his cheek. The slapping sound on his cheek reverberated through my hand. I could hear the slow motion echo only.
Finally, it was if my eyes were clear. I stood breathing heavily, just watching Craig's head slowly turn back as he grabbed his face. From the corners of my eyes I could see everyone else frozen in their seats, just staring at the two of us.
"What's your problem!?" Craig yelled. He angrily shoved his chair out of the way, and the flimsy piece of plastic flew backwards onto the ground.
I glared. How dare HE be angry with ME? He was the one who ruined everything!
"You're my problem." I snapped, before turning and marching away.
I couldn't take this anymore. All of it was too much. Something had to be done.