Chapter 8: Reptilian Ham
PRESENT: SEPTEMBER
The remainder of the summer passed quickly, and Meli was assigned another errand concerning Harry Potter: Dumbledore asked her to escort him personally from King's Cross to Hogwarts.
The day before Meli was due to depart for London, an owl arrived for her. She read the letter carefully, then burned it and went to Dumbledore.
"I'll need to leave a few hours earlier than planned," she said. "There's something I need to pick up on the way to King's Cross."
Whatever Dumbledore's thoughts on the matter, he merely nodded and wished her a safe journey—rather ironic, Meli thought, considering just what it was that she would be picking up and transporting.
She arrived at King's Cross an hour early and passed the time by reading a thoroughly tedious book Andrea had highly recommended ("Riveting story" indeed, she thought disgustedly. I don't know who's more loopy—Melville for writing it, Ishmael for agreeing to narrate it, or Andrea for reading and recommending it). She was relieved to see the Weasleys coming, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger among them. Meli tossed her book in the trash, then stood, picking up a large case from the floor. The thing was heavy and awkward, but well-adapted for what it was designed to carry.
Harry caught sight of her almost immediately, and, nudging Ron Weasley, pointed her out. She found herself the instant center of attention, though she still stood fifty or so feet away. She smiled coolly and closed the distance between herself and them.
"Hello, Harry," she said cordially. "Going to Hogwarts, I see."
He nodded, then quickly introduced her to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Fred and George, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione. She shook each hand in turn, smiling warmly at each face, then looked once more to Harry. "I'm to see you the rest of the way there," she told him quietly.
He looked to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, who nodded, Mrs. Weasley giving his arm an encouraging squeeze. They all walked together as far as Platforms 9 and 10, where Meli walked through first with Harry. She waited with him until Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and the twins joined them, then accompanied the group first to the luggage car, then to a passenger compartment. Fred and George hurried away, their manner suggesting to the Skulker in Meli that they were hatching a plot, and Ginny would have followed Harry and his friends had she not caught sight of a shy-looking boy. She left instead with him, her ears going pink as Ron gave Harry and Hermione an eloquent look.
"Those two sent owls almost every day all summer," Ron informed them. "And every time she opens her mouth, it's 'Neville this' and 'Neville that'. Fred and George swear she's the next Mrs. Longbottom."
Meli smirked. "And have you any leads on the future Mrs. Ronald Weasley?" she countered.
Ron's own ears went pink, but he drew himself up proudly. "I'm going to be a single man!" he declared, then sat down with a self-satisfied smile.
"I'm sure Fleur will be interested to know that," Hermione remarked, sitting down opposite him and liberating her pug-ugly cat from its carrier. "Which reminds me: I need to write a letter to Viktor."
Ron's entire face went red now, but he said nothing further.
Shaking her head, Meli sat between Hermione and the window, carefully setting her carrying case level on the floor under her feet—and everyone else's, for that matter. Harry sat down opposite her.
"Are you the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, then?" Hermione asked.
Meli turned to look at her, raising her eyebrows. "Yes, Miss Granger," she replied. "There's more need for that discipline than ever now; I hope I may live up to the challenge."
"Well, your choices in text books are excellent, at least," Hermione told her. "I've looked them over since I got them—they're quite thorough."
Just as Severus said, Meli thought, amused. A near-escapee from Ravenclaw, and quite vocal to boot. Aloud, she said, "I'm flattered, Miss Granger. I suppose the next few days will show if the teacher lives up to her texts."
Further conversation was cut off by someone sliding open their compartment door. Meli's stomach churned with recognition: before them stood the arrogant figure of Draco Malfoy, accompanied by his thuggish cronies. It was with an almost physical effort that she maintained her impassive mask; she had much rather beat him black and blue.
"It's Potty and Wheezy," Malfoy sneered.
Hermione, perhaps encouraged by the presence of a teacher, rolled her eyes and sighed with exasperation. "Oh, please, Malfoy," she sneered back. "You've used that greeting before. If you're going to impress us with your disdain, you'll need to broaden your repertoire a bit."
Malfoy, unfazed, now turned on Hermione. "Sorry, Mudblood—were you talking?"
Ron was on his feet, wand out, in under a second, but Meli was faster. Before anything further could be said, she'd leveled her own wand at Malfoy's mouth. "Sellus."
The spell took immediate effect. Malfoy's lips came together, then fused entirely, leaving him no mouth with which to utter the choice words he was doubtless screaming in his mind. His vocal chords were certainly getting a workout at muffled shrieking, though. Crabbe and Goyle backed away from him, as if afraid the effect was contagious. Harry, Hermione, and Ron stared first at Malfoy, then at Meli, in open-mouthed shock.
"Have a seat, Ron," she said calmly as she stood. "Mr. Malfoy," she continued in more clipped tones, regarding him coolly. "Since you apparently have no notion of appropriate timing for when not to speak, I've had to help you out a bit. Now, if you return to your seat and go the duration of this journey without any major incidents, then present yourself here when we arrive in Hogsmeade, I'll be only too happy to return your mouth to you."
Malfoy's eyes narrowed in anger, and he turned the backs of his first two fingers to her. He's stupider than Flint ever was, she thought, surprised at his temerity. She sighed. "I really wish you hadn't done that," she told him. "Not only will you be unable to enjoy the feast tonight, but in addition, for that last little stunt of yours, Slytherin House begins the year with a fifty point deficit." She brandished her wand again. "Now, I suggest you three gentlemen remove yourselves immediately, or I shall employ a very creative way of removing you myself."
To her partial disappointment, they saw fit to remove themselves unassisted, leaving Meli to slide the door shut again in their wake and calmly resume her seat. She was well aware of the awed looks the three remaining students leveled at her, but she chose to ignore them while she casually put away her wand and straightened her sleeves. After a moment, she looked up and raised her eyebrows. "What?"
Ron found his voice first. "That was so wicked!" he all but whispered.
"Thank you, Mr. Weasley," Meli said dryly. "I'll take that in the spirit it was intended."
"Is that . . . allowed?" Hermione asked.
Meli looked mildly at her. "It's not as though I turned him into a ferret, is it?"
"He's had that done to him, too," Ron informed her.
"Hm." Meli furrowed her brow in mock-concern. "I'll have to broaden my own repertoire, then." She shook her head regretfully. "Alas, poor Slytherin," she sighed. "What a tragedy that this should be your face."
Harry raised his eyebrows. "Were you a Slytherin, then?" he asked, apparently surprised at the prospect.
"A narrow miss, I assure you," Meli replied. "No, I was a Gryffindor, but I had two very good friends in Slytherin." She shrugged. "I've been told I have enough deviousness in me to qualify as an honorary Slytherin, though."
None of the trio seemed quite willing to explore that point. Meli grinned inwardly; as Collum had taught her, properly worded candor was ever the best killer of idle chatter.
The ensuing silence bothered Ron first. He cleared his throat a few times, then his eyes fell on Meli's carrying case.
Oh, dear. Here it comes—
"Are you bringing a pet to Hogwarts?" he asked.
Brazen, even for a Gryffindor. "Yes," she said aloud. "I've just picked him up from a friend's house this morning."
"What sort of pet is he?" Hermione inquired, scratching her own pet behind the ears.
"Er . . . solitary," Meli replied. "Other animals generally don't like him." A thump sounded from inside the case, indicating that the pet in question was listening to every word.
"So there's no chance of us meeting him?" Ron seemed disappointed.
There was another thump, followed by a voice. "Oh, by all means let me out! He's not very careful what he wishes for, is he?"
Meli kicked sharply at the case, then gave Harry a warning look before he could say anything. "Actually," she said coolly, "Monty's very interested in meeting you. But I don't think Miss Granger's cat or either of the owls would much like to meet him."
"Is he . . . safe?" Harry asked cautiously, gauging the case and obviously running size calculations in his head.
"As long as I'm around, yes."
Hermione blithely shoved her cat back into its carrier, and Ron tossed his work robe over his owl's cage. Harry did the same for his owl, but far more slowly; he knew, or at least strongly suspected, what it was Meli had brought with her.
"Let me at 'em!" Monty uttered, then followed the words with his version of maniacal laughter. To Ron and Hermione's ears, it probably sounded a great deal like a rodent having an asthma attack.
Meli sighed, then picked up the case and propped it, door-upwards, against the side of the compartment. She carefully opened the door, then dangled her arm through the opening, and Monty made a very majestic entrance winding around it.
Ron and Hermione's eyes and mouths were opened to full capacity, and even Harry was rather surprised.
"Thank you, thank you," Monty hissed, bowing his head to each one in turn. "Please hold your applause 'til the end. I'm here until Tuesday. Try the Cauldron Cakes—they're tasty!"
Meli rolled her eyes, and Harry burst out laughing. Hermione just shook her head in wonder at something completely different: "You've got a python named Monty?!"
"What else would you name a python?" Meli countered.
Monty drew himself up on her shoulder. "It's a perfectly beautiful name, with a time-honored tradition!" he sniffed, with an air of wounded pride.
Meli had great difficulty keeping a straight face; Harry didn't even try.
"What's so weird about a python named Monty?" Ron asked, confused.
"Exactly my point!" Monty declared, with a bow to Ron. "Thank you, sir."
Meli cleared her throat. "It might interest you to know," she said, by way of changing the subject, "that Monty was preceded by a viper named Dodge, a boa constrictor named Feather—"
"Neither of whom was half so good looking as me," Monty added helpfully.
"And a prairie rattlesnake named Casita."
"And she was very ugly, I shouldn't doubt," Monty put in. "Of course, she's even uglier now, since she's dead!"
Meli gave him a withering look. "Will you kindly shut up?" she said, being careful to address him in English.
"Alas and alack!" the python hissed melodramatically. "Whether 'tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows—"
"All right, that does it!" To the wondering eyes of all, Meli caught the twelve-foot snake in a powerful grip and shoved him back into his cage, closing the door behind him.
There was a brief pause, then Monty's voice emerged again, sounding rather weepy. "Out, out, brief candle!" he sniffled. "Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more!"
Meli sighed and rolled her eyes, then re-situated the case on the floor. "I should never have let him near Shakespeare," she grumbled.
Harry grinned. "Is he always like that?"
"Only when he has an appreciative audience," she replied.
Hermione and Ron exchanged opaque looks. "I think we missed something," Ron said.
Hermione's return smile showed that she understood the reason. "Evidently so," was her only reply, however.