The Choice of Silence

Chapter V: Waiting.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter… And I'm sure he is extremely relieved I don't… ^.~!

AN: Again, this was not Beta'ed… I e-mailed my Beta-Reader but I still didn't receive any answer so… Please, try to bear it, until I post the other version… 

LizhowHP: thank you! Here it is… don't worry, I didn't leave a cliffhanger on this one… ^0^

Avlyn: Thanks! And I want to know your theory about Sirius death…!

princess55: Thank you! Thank you! I love compliments =)

AN2: I don't know if this will be uploaded properly… it never does… ::sighs::

~*~

"Sirius Black?" The Master asked with amusement. "From your dimension, I suppose?"

"Yes, Master," was all Harry could say. He had already stated his need, now he only had to know what the High Master would say – and hope it was something positive.

"And, tell me, Master Shinhi, why would I allow such thing? You know perfectly well that your mission is your priority, you cannot mix it with your own feelings."

Harry felt himself blush at this comment; the High Master was treating him like he was a kid! Of course he knew he couldn't give in to his emotions… and he wasn't… he was only…

He blinked. Only trying to get information. Huh hum… And Lucius Malfoy is not evil; he's only misunderstood… Ha! He knew he wanted Sirius there, it was wrong… But it could help his mission. If the High Master let him. "I know so, Master. And… I admit I wasn't only thinking about the mission when I asked this. But, the point is, it can help me to get information…"

"How?"

Harry sighed, frustrated. The Master's behaviour of using one-word phrases or else, treating him like a child was annoying him! "By entering in Dumbledore's circle. I will try, of course, but I doubt it would happen – Dumbledore is too suspicious about me. If we had someone who was already from the circle, getting information would be very much easier…" Harry trailed off; he was sure the Master wouldn't allow him… He slapped himself for now finding a more suitable reason before calling the High Master.

Now it was the Master's turn to sigh. "Look, try to enter Dumbledore's circle. If you aren't able… If you aren't able then, yes, you can summon you Godfather."

"Really? Thank you! Thank you very much!" Harry said, beaming, even though he knew it would only happen if Dumbledore didn't accept him.

The High Master chuckled. "Talk to Dumbledore, then call me. Good luck."

"Yes, Master… Thank you."

"You're welcome… Harry."

~*~

The next day went normally. Harry had classes to teach – and he wasn't so afraid of them anymore. Nothing much happened, only that he had discovered Lily and James would be staying on the castle for a few months. He hadn't talked to them… yet. He promised himself he would – even if he had to wait until he completed his mission to do so.

He stopped at the gargoyle that stood at the entrance of the Headmaster's office. With a deep breath, he told it the password ("Ice Cream", Harry could swear Dumbledore was starting to like Muggle sweets better than the Magical ones…). The Gargoyle started spinning until a staircase showed. Harry climbed it until he reached a wooden door.

He knocked and heard the Headmaster asking him to enter.

He did so and sat on a chair in front of Dumbledore's desk when the older wizard motioned him to sit.

"Hello, Luke," he opening a bar of Muggle chocolate and didn't even look at Harry. "Would you like some?"

"Hum, no, thank you, Headmaster. Actually, I came because I wanted to ask you something."

Dumbledore stopped eating the chocolate and looked at Harry. "What is it?"

Harry looked down. It was more difficult than I had thought! "I was wondering if I could join your group against the Dark Lord."

Dumbledore's eyes narrowed. "You are nineteen."

Harry blinked. "Yes… but what does that have anything to do with it?"

Dumbledore shook his head as if thinking 'so naïve'. "It means that, what can you possibly do for help? You're too young, knows nothing about the world. In the past we did accept people like that, Luke. But now, it's dangerous. One can turn easily. And besides, we have more capable people there. Let us do the hard work, Luke, worry only about your classes."

Harry was outraged. "Young? What do you mean by that? Just because I'm nineteen it doesn't mean I will turn to V-You-Know-Who's side." For a moment he had almost said the Dark Lord's name; he couldn't do so, he reminded himself, it would only raise more suspicion to him.

"I'm not saying that, Luke! I'm saying that you'd be more impressionable; young people are ambitious – they like power. And Voldemort offers power –"

"—You are talking as if everyone was the same! I don't know about the others, I know that I would never turn to the Dark Lord's side."

The Headmaster smiled almost bitterly. "And how would I know that, Luke? How?"

Harry sighed. He knew Dumbledore was wrong but he knew also the Headmaster couldn't help it. He had been living hard, dark times; he was only doing what he needed to survive. It was shameful the old wizard had been driven to a point that he just couldn't trust anyone. "You will just stop trusting people then? Like that? Are you just giving up your right to trust someone?"

Dumbledore snapped at him. "It's not like that, Luke! Things are not so simple! I can't—"

"You know what? If this is what the rest of this… group think… if that's what they think I don't really want to be a part of it anymore."

The Headmaster's eyes flashed in anger. "You won't be a part of that, Professor Knight. Leave the hard job to us." Dumbledore then turned back to his chocolate. "Go now, I believe you have classes to teach."

A lie.

Both knew Harry didn't have any classes until noon. It was a polite way to say: "Go away!" and Harry did so gladly.

For the positive side, Harry thought before leaving the Office. I get to see Sirius!

~*~

The night was dark. He couldn't see anything for everything was misty. He continued walking aimlessly. There was a bright light.

He followed it.

It was too bright… it hurt to look. But he continued walking – he couldn't stop if he wanted. Something was leading him, something more powerful than him. He didn't know what.

He walked through the light. Someone was waiting for him. He tried to get closer. He was almost there… But that person only looked at him, smiling in amusement. He had green eyes. He thought it looked just like His. He only stared back.

"Who are you?" He tried to ask the stranger.

But, the Stranger only shook his head. He heard lightning. It started to rain. He heard it once more, suddenly feeling as if he had been pushed to somewhere else.

Before blacking out he heard the Stranger say, "soon."

~*~

Sirius woke up with a start. He had a strange dream but somehow he couldn't remember any of it.

Shaking his head, he walked to the bathroom. He looked at the mirror. His reflection was looking back at him, almost mockingly. He looked terrible, he noticed. He hadn't been sleeping well, hadn't been eating much. He was getting depressed… He missed Harry dearly. And James too. He knew it was selfish for him to think like that, but he felt as if he preferred much more when James had been dead than now that the two of them weren't speaking to each other.

Before, he always knew James had gone not because he wanted it – he had been supposedly killed. Now, James wasn't talking to Sirius (would that be, Sirius wasn't talking to James?) and it was all his free will.

He shook his head once more to try to erase these thoughts from his mind. No use thinking like that, all will be well soon enough.

Soon.

That word had been hanging in his head. That dream… The Stranger with Harry's eyes had said so, what could it possibly mean? Sirius had his suspicions but he was afraid to even think about them. He didn't want to let his hopes up. Mostly because if it wasn't true, he knew he wouldn't be able to bear it.

He, after all, only remained alive because it was Harry's wish. Harry had died – he had sacrificed – his own life to protect those whom he loved.

And Sirius hoped he was included on that group.

~*~

"But he didn't let me!" Harry tried to explain to the High Master his situation. It wasn't working so far – the Master was thinking he hadn't tried hard enough.

"Tell me exactly what he said."

Harry sighed, annoyed. "He said," he mimicked, "young people like power and Voldemort offers power."

"He said so?"

"Yes, Master. He did."

The Master was in deep thought. "That's strange of him. Your Dumbledore is more… open minded, is he not?"

Harry rolled his eyes; of course his Dumbledore was better. "Yes, Master. It is probably because in my dimension Voldemort's power was stopped for fourteen years."

"Yes… that could be it…" He paused then smiled innocently (though Harry couldn't see it) "What are you going to do now?"

Harry glared at him. "What do you mean? You said I could ask for Sirius' help!"

The Master was still smiling innocently. "I did so? When?"

"Oh… shut up, okay? You know you did so! I can almost see you smiling."

The Master mock-pouted. "You got me then."

Harry laughed, slightly. "I did… hum… so…

Can I still call him?"

~*~

Harry was not looking forward lunch; Dumbledore wasn't speaking to him – he had never spoken like Harry did with his Dumbledore before but the way the Headmaster glared at him now was unnerving! He shook his head, briefly wondering why he was doing this so much lately. He wished he could eat in his chamber but the House-Elves had said Dumbledore didn't want anyone to do that nowadays. Dumbledore probably just made it up now… so I have to go to lunch…

He knew, of course, it was only his sulking-self thinking. Dumbledore had no reason to do so only to frustrate him – but, obviously, he would never admit that. Better get this over with, then, he thought and, with a deep breath, he opened the doors.

No one even noticed him when he entered the Great Hall – not even while he was heading towards the Head Table. He sat down next to Professor Winston, smiling slightly as the other Professor looked at him.

"So, how were your lessons?" The Professor asked with a smile.

"They weren't bad, actually… I'm not looking forward to the next lesson, however… It's Gryffindor and Slytherin's sixth years… I heard they were supposed to be hard to teach…"

Winston nodded. "They are… but I heard that the students liked you, though. And they are about sixteen… you are, excuse me for asking but how old are you? Well, you are young so there's not much problem asking, is there?" He grinned.

Harry shook his head, smiling. "No there's not. I'm nineteen."

"Nineteen?" He asked surprised. "My, my, you're young, aren't you? Well, as I was saying, you are nineteen and they are sixteen. You can, at least, understand them better than an old men like me."

"But you don't look old yourself! You look like… thirty or something!"

Winston smiled. "Thirty-four."

"See? You aren't old either, Professor."

Winston mock-glared at him. "Professor? You said I can call you by your name, I don't see with you can't call me Lance. You, after all, are not a student, now, are you?"

Harry grinned at him. "You're right, I'm not. Lance, it is!"

He smiled at Lance, and started eating, not talking much – keeping only a polite conversation. He looked suddenly to his watch, "I got to go now, if I want to be in time for my class… wish me luck!"

Lance grinned back. "Good luck!"

~*~

"Now, tell me what is the different between Dark and Light Curses?"

Harry was teaching the oh-so-dreaded class of Gryffindors and Slytherins six years. It didn't seem like Lance had been right, though. The fact he was only about three years older than the students didn't help anything at all. In fact, it had worsened his situation. The students had seemed to think that, as he was nineteen, he wouldn't punish them – something that had been proved wrong the second a cocky Slytherin made some clever comments about him.

This, however, had made the Gryffindors think he was favouring the Gryffindor House and that they could get away with anything. A Gryffindor said a nasty comment to a Slytherin girl. Harry saw this, of course, and gave the Gryffindor a detention.

And now the class was silently looking at him while he spoke. Harry didn't know if he was being paranoid, but he could swear he saw the students plot evil plans to get revenge on him with their eyes. This, of course, he reminded himself later, was only the work of his ironic mind and that, even if the student were doing so, he was perfectly capable of fighting a few teenagers. And, the same ironic side of his mind thought sarcastically, he was dead anyway – nothing could possibly harm him.

"I asked you a question: what is the difference between Dark and Light Curses?" Harry asked them a bit forcefully.

A Gryffindor girl answered, raising her hand slowly as if he was a tiger ready to bite her if she did any harsh movements. "It's the intention, sir. Dark Curses are for evil purposes and Light Curses for good ones."

Harry sighed. "You're wrong."

The girl looked up startled. "But, Professor, that's what the book say!"

"Then, the book is wrong." Harry looked at them, intensely. "What do you tell me, then, about the Light Curses that the Ministry uses on interrogations? They aren't used for 'good' things. Torturing people is evil. Why are they still called Light Curses then?"

The girl looked at him as if he was speaking another language. "What do you mean, Professor? The Ministry doesn't torture—"

"Yes they do." Harry said, and, while he looked around the classroom, he saw some people knew that also. Most of them Slytherins but there were some Gryffindors too. "We are in war. The Ministry torture the ones they think that are Death Eaters. The Death Eaters torture those they are ordered to. What I'm trying to say is, is there a difference between Light and Dark? Yes. But things are not as simple as you said, Miss Moon. There are not only Good and Evil; there are in-betweens in the middle.

"I'm saying that one is never all dark. As no one is totally pure. It's impossible, and extremely boring, I have to say," a few students laughed, "you may have heard this before, and are probably tired of hearing it, but things are never black and white. There are shades of grey between everything. One cannot classify the curses as Light and Dark, it's foolish. After all, even a simple Petrificus Totalus can be turned into a dark curse if cast to stop someone from moving so the person is killed by, say, a dagger."

He smiled at their incredulous faces as he continued. "I know I'm overreacting on this one but you've got the idea. Humm… Now, it seems as if we've gotten carried away, why don't you all open your books to page…"

~*~

Harry sighed and sat on his desk, not caring to sit on his chair. He didn't know what made him do this… this discussion on Dark and Light Magic. He didn't know why he did so.

He knew, though, that there was something very wrong there.  These students… They sounded almost naïve… It was strange because that last day Harry had been surprised the third year was quite advanced on its studies! They were wonderful in theories but they failed to understand things like corruption… they looked over things in a superficial manner. This Hogwarts taught things in a superficial manner.

Only those who probably had any personal experience knew about the corruption of the Ministry. The others looked at him as if he was from another planet when he said about the interrogations. It was almost if they wanted to believe the Ministry wasn't corrupt. As if they had to.

And they did.

If they didn't believe in the Ministry, whom would they believe in? It was like on his dimension. When he had defeated Voldemort for the first time while he was a baby, everyone believed Voldemort had gone forever even when, deep down, everyone knew he would be back sooner or later. It was the way the human being thought, they fought the truth until they were not able to lie to themselves anymore.

They just didn't want to believe the truth.

Sometime, Harry knew, the lie was simply much easier to bear – to understand – then the truth. Lies were more convenient; they were exactly what one wanted to hear – to know. The truth, however, was terrible, it brought pain – and normally, people seemed to forget that pain – as much masochistic as it sounded – was necessary for living.

Pain, after all, matured people.

It was horrible. Having to live in a world where the humanity itself brought its own destruction. Not many realized that, blaming it only on the Ministry and on the Dark Wizards. But, it happened on daily basis, when a fellow student come and tease another. When someone argue with the other – Harry wondered sometimes why did people do so; why did they like to bring pain to another, why couldn't everyone – not only wizards – be satisfied with their own happiness – and not try to take it away from someone who has it more?

It was sad. Again, Harry was disgusted by the way the things worked not only there but also everywhere… Times like these he was sure he was really meant to join the Silcála Order – to, not only, do good but help the others to do so.

He sighed once again knowing he was thinking too much. He decided to go for a walk to clear his troubled mind.

He couldn't, after all, concentrate on his mission with all these thoughts in his head, could he?

~*~

Okay, I don't know what happened to me, I was patiently re-reading the chapter (as Moaning Myrtle would say, minding my own business) so I could post it and suddenly this last page came on me and I swear I didn't know what was going on, my fingers started writing – I couldn't control myself!

¬¬ Alright, I wasn't exactly like this. But I still don't know where this last Harry-musing came from… I happened all of sudden… Just like the whole Light and Dark thingy did yesterday… ::sighs:: what's happening to me?