The Choice of Silence

Chapter VI: Raw Emotions.

Toria: Read and see! ^-^

pricess55: I'm glad you understand me… It's scary sometimes, you know ::hides in fear:: It happened again… ::sighs::

lizhowHP: It's another dimension, Harry died killing Voldemort, he trained in the Afterlife and now is on a mission on another dimension, it's confusing, I know… ^^-

insanechildfanfic: Liked your penname! ^^ and Thanx!

Avlyn: Thanx! I loved your new chapter ^-^ are you going to update soon?

Hermione06560: Thank you!

AN: First of all, I'm really sorry for the delay. It wasn't that I didn't have time, I just couldn't write it! I wrote the first scene and the second one easily, but I couldn't seem to write the end of the chapter. I would look at the screen and have no idea what to write – better, I had the idea, I just couldn't write. I tried to force myself to do so, but it ended up terrible… I really think this was the most difficult chapter I ever wrote…

AN2: My Beta is still not answering my e-mails or IMs… If someone wants to beta-read my stories, would you please e-mail to lmiss_mel@hotmail.com? I really NEED a beta!

::blinks:: What are you doing still reading author notes, anyway? Go and read the chapter! And REVIEW! ^-^

~*~

The walk hadn't helped much. Harry was worried about the mission, until now, he hadn't done anything useful! He really wished the High Master had said when Sirius would come – Harry knew it was wrong to thing so, but he was starting to think the Master had lied to him when he said he allowed Sirius to come… After all, if not, why was Sirius taking so long?

Harry was in his classroom now, grading some paper and planning his lessons. He sighed remembering his class with the Sixth Years. They are impossible! He still didn't understand why, though. He was, after all, seventeen – even though they all thought he was nineteen – he should be close to these students. The Seventh Years weren't so much of a problem – then, why the Sixth Years were?

And, worst of all, Dumbledore was still giving him a hard time. It was not a 'glare' anymore – no… it was even worse! He was looking at Harry with some kind of pity! As if in, I-forgive-you-for-your-naiveté pity. It was terrible, frustrating! He, Harry Potter, Master of Lómë being pitied by an old wizard? It was humiliating… Then again, the sane part of his mind thought, Dumbledore was old – but definitely not weak. He could, if he wanted to, pity anyone… And—

BOOM!

There was a big crashing noise, just like the pop from Apparating – only much louder.

Harry looked up. Wand in hand, he stood up and carefully walked to the door, without making any noise. He was near it. Almost there…

It opened.

There was someone there; he was familiar – everything from this dimension looked familiar. 

But this man knew him.

The fact person looked at him as shocked as him proved that. Harry noted, uneasily, there were tears that the man was holding back. The man shook his head in disbelief and pronounced a name Harry hadn't heard since the first time he called the High Master.

"Harry," the man had said.

Harry couldn't move. Could he be… he didn't dare to hope. "H-how do you know my name?"

The man blinked confused by the question. "What? How could I not know you name? And… how can you not be," he chocked on the word, "dead?"

No... "Si-Sirius?"

"That's me." Sirius tried to hold back his tears with no use. "That's me…"

It can't be… so soon… He closed his eyes trying to control his flooding emotions. He gave up, it was no use. Forgetting dignity for a moment, he rushed to his Godfather, hugging him desperately, not even trying to hold back his tears anymore.

Sirius was shocked for a moment at Harry's reaction but relaxed and hugged him back tightly, whispering how much he missed him. "I thought I'd never see you again…"

Harry closed his eyes and broke the embrace. "I'm sorry," he said, not wanting to meet Sirius' eyes. I caused everyone so much pain…

Sirius shook his head.

Is he mad at me? Harry thought when he saw this. He fell to his knees, not bearing the thought.

Idly, he felt Sirius kneeling before him and tilting his chin upward, forcing him to meet Sirius' eyes, "never," his voice was fierce, though not angry, but his eyes… his eyes, Harry could not believe they could hold so much love for him, so much care… "I'd never be mad at you, Harry. You did what you thought was right."

Harry was surprised at the answer, had he asked it out loud? "How…" he tried to ask, not above a whisper.

Sirius smiled gently as he spoke softly, "you are not as emotionless as you think…"

Harry smiled slightly at this.

"But…" Sirius continued, his face twisting in confusion, "how are you alive?"

Harry looked down. "I am not alive, Sirius."

"But, how—"

Harry sighed and looked at his Godfather. "I'll try to explain to you now the resumed story but," he bit his lip nervously, "I need you to do something for me – it was the condition to see you again—"

"Condition?"

"—Then, I'll explain everything to you in details, okay?"

Sirius blinked for a moment. "Do I have a choice?"

Harry grinned at him despite the seriousness of the moment. "No."

"I guess so… What's the story then?

Harry took a deep breath, without knowing where to start. The cynical part of his mind whispered, the beginning to him, knowing fully well he didn't exactly know where the beginning was. "As you know, I'm dead—" he raised his hand to stop Sirius from speaking. "—Death is not exactly as you think it is, there is a… some kind of reign called Afterlife—" to Sirius' disbelieving look he added, "I know, not much creative….

"Anyway, there's a place called Afterlife, where everyone who dies go. The is also an Academy – that many believes to be a legend – that trains people in Martial Arts, Sword fighting, Archery and Magic things like Rune Duelling and stuff. Well, those who train there and pass its Trials become Masters of Lómë,"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Harry ignored Sirius. "I joined that Academy, passed the Trials and am a Master of Lómë. The point is, that some Masters are asked to join the Silcála Order – who is much alike the Order of the Phoenix—"   arrWHa

"How do you know about the Order of the Phoenix?"

"—Only it helps also others dimensions. We are on a parallel dimension to ours. It's a mission I have from the Order – and yes, I've joined it."

Sirius looked at Harry, surprise written on all his face. "Let me get this straight! You died, joined a strange Order and now are on a mission on a parallel dimension to ours… and yet you speak as if it was nothing?" He looked thoughtful, "but then again, you were always strange…"

Harry grinned and punched Sirius' arm, playfully. "Hey!"

They both grinned at each other until Harry looked at Sirius eyes with an odd expression. "Do you have any problem with this? Will you help me?"

Sirius smiled at Harry. "No, I don't mind… And, obviously I'll help you, you don't need to doubt that, Harry. But you didn't tell me in what you need help."

Harry felt himself blush, he had forgotten! "This dimension is like ours, only I'm dead and Voldemort was never stopped. I need to help destroying him, but to do so I have to be from the Order of the Phoenix and Dumbledore…"

"Let me guess, Dumbledore didn't let you join it?" Sirius said with a bit of sarcasm.

"Exactly. Can you believe he implied I was going to join Voldemort because I am young?"

Sirius rolled his eyes (earning an "hey!" from Harry). "What must I do, then?"

~*~

"What?" Dumbledore whispered in awe, "how?"

Sirius sighed, he understood why his Godson had asked him to lie but it still wasn't easy – Dumbledore was, after all, someone he respected very much. "Headmaster," he hesitated for a second, praying to Merlin that this would work, "I'm an Animagus." He waited a bit, to make sure he hadn't blown up his cover.

He hadn't. Dumbledore seemed to know that already. With a somewhat relieved sigh that he hoped Dumbledore hadn't notice, he continued, "I transformed and ran away while a Death Eater unlocking the cell to give me food," then, he added, "I was lucky…"

Dumbledore just nodded and Sirius could swear he saw a frown on the Headmaster's face but he discarded the idea later – he must have had imagined it. "I'm glad you were, Sirius," he paused, in thought, "I presume you'd rather stay here for a while, a House-Elf will prepare a room for you."

Sirius only nodded, not knowing what to say. One wrong word, he figured, and the cover was over.

"Though," he continued, "we now have a new Defence Against the Dark Arts' teacher as we weren't sure what happened to you. You may stay at Hogwarts for the rest of the term, if you wish. Next year, don't worry, you will be able to teach again."

Sirius, again, only nodded. "I'm glad. Hum, if you don't mind, Headmaster, I'll retire."

Dumbledore nodded, "good night."

"Good night."

~*~

Sirius sat still at Harry's quarters, the light of the fire making shadows to his face. He still didn't understand many things, the reason why Harry didn't explain the situation to Dumbledore – for Sirius was sure the older wizard would understand him – was one of the things. Harry must have his motives, he knew, obviously. He just longed to know them, somehow, after everything, he felt himself getting distant and distant from his godson.

He heard the door move but made no movements to turn around. He knew already who was entering – he did not need to see to know it.

"Sirius…"

Only then he turned to the hesitant calling of his godson. He wanted to say so much… wanted to ask so much… "Why…"

 Why did you leave? Why am I here? Is it only for your mission? Why did you leave me alone?

So many questions… though, only a why was he able to speak. He was sure Harry understood him, for he looked down, turning away.

"I… was afraid. First of all, I was afraid. I didn't want that responsibility! Everything was happening so fast… my father being alive, discovering what I was, discovering what I had to do… suddenly, everything I held as true… shattered. As a simple glass under a strong grip. My friends turned away from me, telling me I was keeping secrets from them – and I was powerless to stop them as I was indeed doing so. It was not my fault, I admit it, I couldn't do anything about it… but one can only take so much. Dieing would be the best solution… but I couldn't afford that – if I died, then what would be of the world?" He gave a bitter laugh at this, "so the wisest choice I had was, killing myself with the process of killing Voldemort. And that I did."

He was still looking away, not wishing to see whatever was in Sirius' eyes. Sympathy, he could deal with it. Pity, he could deal with. But love… no; love was not something he would be able to deal with. Not love, when he felt himself unworthy of it.

Sirius would have none of that, though. He knew Harry had his reasons about his mission and, frankly, he didn't care as long as his godson was happy – and he could tell he wasn't.

He stood up, quickly, walked to where Harry was sitting, closer the fire and sat next to him. "Harry…" he whispered sadly, shaking his head slightly. With his thumb and index finger, he raised Harry's chin, so to meet his eyes, "I don't blame you. You killed yourself, there's no denying but… you are human. And, as you said, one can take much… I'm not saying what you did was right, only…" he sighed, frustrated, that wasn't what he wanted to say! "What I mean is… I love you, Harry, no matter what you do, there's no need to be ashamed."

There were hint of tears in Harry's eyes, tears Sirius knew he refused to let fall. "I love you too."

They didn't say anything else – there was no need. Sirius drew Harry in his embrace, holding him tightly as if to mean he would never let he go again. Ever.

~*~

AN: Can you see now why I had trouble with that last scene? It still isn't how I wish it wasn't… but two months of no update was too much… maybe I'll rewrite it sometime later…

So… what did you think?