A/N: Thank you for the reviews. I wasn't sure if you'd like this, I'm
glad you do.
Months later Johnny's jean jacket on the ground in the vacant lot. Steve slings it casually over his shoulder to bring to Johnny's house.
And I know, I know.
"It's..." I start but the words stick in my throat. I see Darry on the porch, when I look up across the field I know already what I'll see.
"It's what?" Steve says sharply.
Warm spring day sun shining bright but it's getting dark now. Dark.
"Look at the jacket," I say. He does and sees the dark blood on the collar. I'm sick already. I've seen this before.
Johnny's low moan and Soda reaches him first. The wide gash from his temple to his cheekbone. The scar. The white tee shirt splattered with blood. This time I know he isn't dead.
We were all there, around him like before. Twobit not laughing now and Darry, Dally swearing and I saw again the sick expression on his face. I didn't wonder this time. It made perfect sense. Dally had seen people killed in New York but he only loved Johnny. Of course.
I turned away, but the reason was my own.
"Johnny?" Soda said, and I heard his next words before he said them, reverse echo, 'hey johnnycake...'
"Hey, Johnnycake."
Huh. I couldn't quite take it. Change one thing change it all. I ran to my house.
"Ponyboy?" my mother's worried voice and worried eyes.
"You were dead before," I mumbled.
"What?"
"It's Johnny, he's hurt, he got beat up..."
Over the next four months I watched the scar heal and everytime I looked at it I knew I'd seen it all before.
Johnny told me he had the switchblade.
"I'll use it, too," he said, that look in his eyes.
"No, Johnny, no,"
"I will, Pony. They won't beat me again,"
Then the movie I saw all alone and the bright sun in my eyes and the socs, red corvair, over and over again.
I know I'll be saved. Do things differently and different things will happen.
"Are you all right, Ponyboy?" Darry shaking me, the socs all chased off. No. No. Don't let it happen again.
"I'm okay. Quit it,"
And it all flows on, the gang recites the lines as though scripted and Dally gets to his part.
"Speakin' of movies, I'm walking over to the Nightly Double tomorrow night. Anybody want to come and hunt some action?"
This time I'll stay quiet, I won't go.
"How about y'all? Two bit? Johnnycake, you and Pony wanta come?"
Quiet. No. No.
Dally nudged Johnny and he looked up through the black shaggy bangs.
"Yeah. I'll go," he said so softly. I'm not going. I'm not. No way.
At home with my parents cause Soda went on his date and Darry went to his college thing and I'm staying here.
The soft knock on the door and Johnny comes in. My mother greets him warmly and he smiles his shy smile.
"I know what you're gonna ask and I'm not going," I say. He looks at me with that wounded look and my mother looks sternly at me.
"C'mon, Pony, you know Dally might not show up,"
"Good then. Don't go,"
He shrugs and he goes and of course he has to go but I don't, I don't.
I'm not going to that movie where all the trouble started. Talking to Cherry and having the socs come after us cause Johnny chased Dally away.
Wait. Johnny did that he'll do it again and it'll all be the same...shit.
Asleep on the couch I bolt awake and wonder what time it is.
Two o'clock in the morning. I go to Darry's room and peak in, he's sleeping, it's all different now.
I run to the lot and Johnny's asleep like before and I crash into him.
"Huh? What?" he says.
"C'mon, Johnny, c'mon,"
We run to my house and it's quiet, two in the morning quiet.
"What?" he says, still half asleep.
"Did you make Dally leave the movies cause he was insulting those girls?"
"Yeah, did he tell you?"
"No, did you see the blue mustang when you were walking home and did Two bit smash the bottle and give it to you?"
"Yeah," he said slowly, and a look like fear and disbelief was on his face.
"I think it'll be o.k. if we stay here," I said, glancing toward the window, listening for the car motor.
"What will be o.k.?"
"It, it, just, shhhh," I couldn't tell him I had lived it all before but I saved him now.
"O.k., go to sleep o.k.?" I said and he layed down on the couch. I layed down on the floor but I wouldn't sleep. I had a vigil, had to stand guard over him so he'd be o.k. this time.
But the night was so quiet, no cars at all. Stillness. And I felt so tired. I could sleep now. I saved everyone. I could sleep.
My eyelids just shut on their own, I felt like I'd been running all night.
"Johnny?" I was almost asleep, but I had to check once more that it was all o.k.
"Hmmmmm,"
"Are you awake?" No answer. Boy, the floor was sure hard and I felt so cold. It must be morning, I could see the light through my closed lids. Cold.
Johnny must have known I was cold. I felt him cover me with his jean jacket.
I woke up in the late afternoon and the sweet relief flowed over me before I even opened my eyes. It's o.k. It's o.k. Johnny's jacket was still draped across me and...it was awful quiet.
Just the sound of rushing wind in the trees.
Just the sound...
It was so cold.
No.
Oh no please no.
But I knew even before I opened my eyes. The old wooden church and the stone floor. Johnny's initials in the dust.
Months later Johnny's jean jacket on the ground in the vacant lot. Steve slings it casually over his shoulder to bring to Johnny's house.
And I know, I know.
"It's..." I start but the words stick in my throat. I see Darry on the porch, when I look up across the field I know already what I'll see.
"It's what?" Steve says sharply.
Warm spring day sun shining bright but it's getting dark now. Dark.
"Look at the jacket," I say. He does and sees the dark blood on the collar. I'm sick already. I've seen this before.
Johnny's low moan and Soda reaches him first. The wide gash from his temple to his cheekbone. The scar. The white tee shirt splattered with blood. This time I know he isn't dead.
We were all there, around him like before. Twobit not laughing now and Darry, Dally swearing and I saw again the sick expression on his face. I didn't wonder this time. It made perfect sense. Dally had seen people killed in New York but he only loved Johnny. Of course.
I turned away, but the reason was my own.
"Johnny?" Soda said, and I heard his next words before he said them, reverse echo, 'hey johnnycake...'
"Hey, Johnnycake."
Huh. I couldn't quite take it. Change one thing change it all. I ran to my house.
"Ponyboy?" my mother's worried voice and worried eyes.
"You were dead before," I mumbled.
"What?"
"It's Johnny, he's hurt, he got beat up..."
Over the next four months I watched the scar heal and everytime I looked at it I knew I'd seen it all before.
Johnny told me he had the switchblade.
"I'll use it, too," he said, that look in his eyes.
"No, Johnny, no,"
"I will, Pony. They won't beat me again,"
Then the movie I saw all alone and the bright sun in my eyes and the socs, red corvair, over and over again.
I know I'll be saved. Do things differently and different things will happen.
"Are you all right, Ponyboy?" Darry shaking me, the socs all chased off. No. No. Don't let it happen again.
"I'm okay. Quit it,"
And it all flows on, the gang recites the lines as though scripted and Dally gets to his part.
"Speakin' of movies, I'm walking over to the Nightly Double tomorrow night. Anybody want to come and hunt some action?"
This time I'll stay quiet, I won't go.
"How about y'all? Two bit? Johnnycake, you and Pony wanta come?"
Quiet. No. No.
Dally nudged Johnny and he looked up through the black shaggy bangs.
"Yeah. I'll go," he said so softly. I'm not going. I'm not. No way.
At home with my parents cause Soda went on his date and Darry went to his college thing and I'm staying here.
The soft knock on the door and Johnny comes in. My mother greets him warmly and he smiles his shy smile.
"I know what you're gonna ask and I'm not going," I say. He looks at me with that wounded look and my mother looks sternly at me.
"C'mon, Pony, you know Dally might not show up,"
"Good then. Don't go,"
He shrugs and he goes and of course he has to go but I don't, I don't.
I'm not going to that movie where all the trouble started. Talking to Cherry and having the socs come after us cause Johnny chased Dally away.
Wait. Johnny did that he'll do it again and it'll all be the same...shit.
Asleep on the couch I bolt awake and wonder what time it is.
Two o'clock in the morning. I go to Darry's room and peak in, he's sleeping, it's all different now.
I run to the lot and Johnny's asleep like before and I crash into him.
"Huh? What?" he says.
"C'mon, Johnny, c'mon,"
We run to my house and it's quiet, two in the morning quiet.
"What?" he says, still half asleep.
"Did you make Dally leave the movies cause he was insulting those girls?"
"Yeah, did he tell you?"
"No, did you see the blue mustang when you were walking home and did Two bit smash the bottle and give it to you?"
"Yeah," he said slowly, and a look like fear and disbelief was on his face.
"I think it'll be o.k. if we stay here," I said, glancing toward the window, listening for the car motor.
"What will be o.k.?"
"It, it, just, shhhh," I couldn't tell him I had lived it all before but I saved him now.
"O.k., go to sleep o.k.?" I said and he layed down on the couch. I layed down on the floor but I wouldn't sleep. I had a vigil, had to stand guard over him so he'd be o.k. this time.
But the night was so quiet, no cars at all. Stillness. And I felt so tired. I could sleep now. I saved everyone. I could sleep.
My eyelids just shut on their own, I felt like I'd been running all night.
"Johnny?" I was almost asleep, but I had to check once more that it was all o.k.
"Hmmmmm,"
"Are you awake?" No answer. Boy, the floor was sure hard and I felt so cold. It must be morning, I could see the light through my closed lids. Cold.
Johnny must have known I was cold. I felt him cover me with his jean jacket.
I woke up in the late afternoon and the sweet relief flowed over me before I even opened my eyes. It's o.k. It's o.k. Johnny's jacket was still draped across me and...it was awful quiet.
Just the sound of rushing wind in the trees.
Just the sound...
It was so cold.
No.
Oh no please no.
But I knew even before I opened my eyes. The old wooden church and the stone floor. Johnny's initials in the dust.