Story Warning: Like the summary said it is a 'Will and Grace' crossover. I
don't mean anything by it. It just popped into my head one day and I went
ahead and wrote it. I apologize to any Peter fans in advance if I offend
them.
******
"He's not gay, Jack," Will told his friend as they both used the treadmills at the gym. "I believe he has a girlfriend. They were looking at dark- haired man working on a machine about a hundred feet away.
"Oh, that is such a cover," Jack replied. "If he's not gay than why does in live in firehouse with three other guys?"
"If I remember correctly there are also two women who come in and out of there on a regular basis," Will responded. "It isn't all guys."
"Will, think about this. Four men chasing things they call ghosts than coming back to a firehouse all hot and sweaty. You gotta release somehow," Jack said.
"And I'm telling you I'm sure they all have girlfriends. They aren't gay. None of them," Truman stated. He thought about it a moment. "Well, except for maybe that tall scientist, Dr. Spengler. He's kinda questionable."
"He also looks like he's stuck in the eighties with that stupid hairdo," Jack commented. "More like hairdon't."
"You've used that way to many times, Jack. You should really find something new."
"All those guys on that Bravo show are stealing my best lines." Jack looked around the gym than leaned toward Will. "I think they might be following me."
"You think everyone's following you."
"Yeah, but this time I think I'm right."
"Maybe you should sue them," Will suggested as he rolled his eyes.
"Oh, good idea. Will, help me sue the queer losers for stealing my best lines."
"No."
"Please?"
"No, Jack."
"Oh, pretty please, Will. I want to sue someone."
"Go talk to Karen. You two can go have fun with that." Jack pouted and turned off his treadmill than let it slide him back until he hit the gym floor. Will shook his head. "Honestly, Jack, do you think that will work with me?"
"Yes?"
"It hasn't before and it won't now." The lawyer looked back up to the machine where the man they had been watching was working out. The dark- haired man was starting to walk away. "Hey, Jack, he's leaving. Why don't you go talk to him?"
"Okay," Jack said happily. Will smiled to himself as his friend went off after the Ghostbuster. Jack followed him into the locker room and walked up to the man with a big smile up on his face.
"Hi, I'm Jack McFarland." The sweaty man looked at the hardly working homosexual than looked around uneasily.
"Can I help you with something, Jack?"
"You're one of them, right? One of the Ghostbusters?"
"Yeah, you got me. I'm the famous Peter Venkman," Peter told him. "You want an autograph or something?"
"Or something," Jack replied. Peter laughed nervously.
"Right," Dr. Venkman said slowly. He noticed the look Jack was giving him was the same look women had given him a few times.
"So, are you seeing anyone?" Jack inquired.
"Why do you want to know that?" Peter asked.
"Just curious."
"So, what if I am? If you're trying to set me up stop right now. I hate blind dates."
"Me too. You never know if the person is ugly or has bad breath. Or if they're rich or not," Jack listed. Peter gave the man a look.
"You know what? I'm just gonna go now. I told the guys I'd be back at the firehouse by four," Peter told him. He picked up his gym back and started to slowly back away. Jack watched him carefully. "Maybe I'll see you again sometime."
"How about tonight?" Jack asked.
"No, tonight's not good."
"Tomorrow?"
"No. I have a lot of busy nights. Being a Ghostbuster is a twenty-four hour job. No rest for the heroic."
"And sexy," Jack added.
"What?"
"You're a really good-looking man, Peter Venkman. I would like to go out with you."
"Like buddies, right? Not that I'd ever really want to be your buddy."
"No. Like a date, silly. C'mon, you and I both know you're gay. Why else would you spend all your time with three other guys?"
"Gay!?!" Peter shouted. "I'm not gay. I have never been gay. I have never had a thought that would even say I am. Except for that one time in college, but I was drunk and it was a dare." Dr. Venkman shook his head and looked back at Jack. "I'm not gay. Those guys are my friends. That's it. Friends. Egon has a girlfriend, Ray has a girlfriend, Winston has a girlfriend and I date women frequently. As a matter of fact the name of the woman I'm dating now is..." Peter looked around the locker room and saw a jersey hanging outside one of the lockers. He decided to borrow the name. "Her name is Erin. And to be extra clear I'll repeat the fact that none of us are gay."
"Are you sure?" Jack replied. He waved his fingers at the man. "I get a kinda gay vibe off at you. You're at a gym where a lot of gay guys like to hang out. So, it really makes me wonder."
"I'm not gay. I only go to this gym because I could afford the fees," Dr. Venkman said. "And there is no gay vibe. I have not now or ever intentionally given off any vibe that would indicate this."
"I don't know," Jack said in a sing-song voice. "I think maybe the whole Ghostbuster thing is just cover-up to hide what's really going on."
"We bust ghosts you idiot!" Peter shouted. "We aren't hiding anything."
"And you're positive about this?" The flamboyant man inquired.
"Stop talking right now or I'll sue your ass for sexual harassment," Dr. Venkman told him. Jack grinned again.
"Do you like my ass?" Jack asked. Peter opened his mouth to object once more, but couldn't think of anything else to possibly say. This man was driving him crazy and probably wouldn't let up. The psychologist turned around and stormed out of the locker room. "I'll call you!"
******
Dr. Venkman ran into the firehouse and skirted hitting the back bumper of Ecto-1. He went up to Janine's desk completely out of breath. The red- headed woman sitting at the desk looked at him.
"Are you okay, Dr. V.?" Janine inquired.
"I...am...not...gay," Peter panted.
"Okay," Melnitz said with a slow nod. "Why would you even think that?" Dr. Venkman just shook his head as he continued to pant. "I know you aren't. I see you with women all the time. I even see how you are with Dani. There's nothing that indicates you could possibly be gay." Peter took in a few more deep breaths than began to breathe normally.
"What about living with the guys?"
"Nothing wrong with it," Janine responded. "People do that all the time."
"Going to the gym?"
"Depends," the secretary said. "Do you go constantly or just occasionally?"
"Occasionally," Peter answered.
"Oh, well, than you're okay," Janine said. "Nothing to worry about. You aren't gay."
"Good. I had this guy hitting on me today that really had me kinda scared," the Ghostbuster told her. Janine laughed. "It's not funny. Stop laughing." The woman didn't let up. "Janine, stop it."
"What's so funny?" Janine looked up to see Ray coming down the stairs. He reached the bottom floor and joined his friends at the desk.
"Dr. V. got hit on by a guy today and he questioned his sexuality," Janine told him in laughter. Ray looked at his friend and covered his mouth, but the psychologist could see the laughter in his eyes.
"Yes, that's right. Let's all make fun of Uncle Peter. Get your chuckles out." Dr. Stantz's hand fell and he cracked up as well.
"What's going on here?" Winston inquired as he and Egon came up from the basement.
"Peter thought he was gay for a moment," Ray answered trying to control his laugher. Peter looked at Zeddemore and Spengler who both wore serious expressions for a moment before they followed suit as well.
"You all are going to pay," Peter warned them as his friends as they laughed loudly. "Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but when you least expect it you all will pay."
******
"He's not gay, Jack," Will told his friend as they both used the treadmills at the gym. "I believe he has a girlfriend. They were looking at dark- haired man working on a machine about a hundred feet away.
"Oh, that is such a cover," Jack replied. "If he's not gay than why does in live in firehouse with three other guys?"
"If I remember correctly there are also two women who come in and out of there on a regular basis," Will responded. "It isn't all guys."
"Will, think about this. Four men chasing things they call ghosts than coming back to a firehouse all hot and sweaty. You gotta release somehow," Jack said.
"And I'm telling you I'm sure they all have girlfriends. They aren't gay. None of them," Truman stated. He thought about it a moment. "Well, except for maybe that tall scientist, Dr. Spengler. He's kinda questionable."
"He also looks like he's stuck in the eighties with that stupid hairdo," Jack commented. "More like hairdon't."
"You've used that way to many times, Jack. You should really find something new."
"All those guys on that Bravo show are stealing my best lines." Jack looked around the gym than leaned toward Will. "I think they might be following me."
"You think everyone's following you."
"Yeah, but this time I think I'm right."
"Maybe you should sue them," Will suggested as he rolled his eyes.
"Oh, good idea. Will, help me sue the queer losers for stealing my best lines."
"No."
"Please?"
"No, Jack."
"Oh, pretty please, Will. I want to sue someone."
"Go talk to Karen. You two can go have fun with that." Jack pouted and turned off his treadmill than let it slide him back until he hit the gym floor. Will shook his head. "Honestly, Jack, do you think that will work with me?"
"Yes?"
"It hasn't before and it won't now." The lawyer looked back up to the machine where the man they had been watching was working out. The dark- haired man was starting to walk away. "Hey, Jack, he's leaving. Why don't you go talk to him?"
"Okay," Jack said happily. Will smiled to himself as his friend went off after the Ghostbuster. Jack followed him into the locker room and walked up to the man with a big smile up on his face.
"Hi, I'm Jack McFarland." The sweaty man looked at the hardly working homosexual than looked around uneasily.
"Can I help you with something, Jack?"
"You're one of them, right? One of the Ghostbusters?"
"Yeah, you got me. I'm the famous Peter Venkman," Peter told him. "You want an autograph or something?"
"Or something," Jack replied. Peter laughed nervously.
"Right," Dr. Venkman said slowly. He noticed the look Jack was giving him was the same look women had given him a few times.
"So, are you seeing anyone?" Jack inquired.
"Why do you want to know that?" Peter asked.
"Just curious."
"So, what if I am? If you're trying to set me up stop right now. I hate blind dates."
"Me too. You never know if the person is ugly or has bad breath. Or if they're rich or not," Jack listed. Peter gave the man a look.
"You know what? I'm just gonna go now. I told the guys I'd be back at the firehouse by four," Peter told him. He picked up his gym back and started to slowly back away. Jack watched him carefully. "Maybe I'll see you again sometime."
"How about tonight?" Jack asked.
"No, tonight's not good."
"Tomorrow?"
"No. I have a lot of busy nights. Being a Ghostbuster is a twenty-four hour job. No rest for the heroic."
"And sexy," Jack added.
"What?"
"You're a really good-looking man, Peter Venkman. I would like to go out with you."
"Like buddies, right? Not that I'd ever really want to be your buddy."
"No. Like a date, silly. C'mon, you and I both know you're gay. Why else would you spend all your time with three other guys?"
"Gay!?!" Peter shouted. "I'm not gay. I have never been gay. I have never had a thought that would even say I am. Except for that one time in college, but I was drunk and it was a dare." Dr. Venkman shook his head and looked back at Jack. "I'm not gay. Those guys are my friends. That's it. Friends. Egon has a girlfriend, Ray has a girlfriend, Winston has a girlfriend and I date women frequently. As a matter of fact the name of the woman I'm dating now is..." Peter looked around the locker room and saw a jersey hanging outside one of the lockers. He decided to borrow the name. "Her name is Erin. And to be extra clear I'll repeat the fact that none of us are gay."
"Are you sure?" Jack replied. He waved his fingers at the man. "I get a kinda gay vibe off at you. You're at a gym where a lot of gay guys like to hang out. So, it really makes me wonder."
"I'm not gay. I only go to this gym because I could afford the fees," Dr. Venkman said. "And there is no gay vibe. I have not now or ever intentionally given off any vibe that would indicate this."
"I don't know," Jack said in a sing-song voice. "I think maybe the whole Ghostbuster thing is just cover-up to hide what's really going on."
"We bust ghosts you idiot!" Peter shouted. "We aren't hiding anything."
"And you're positive about this?" The flamboyant man inquired.
"Stop talking right now or I'll sue your ass for sexual harassment," Dr. Venkman told him. Jack grinned again.
"Do you like my ass?" Jack asked. Peter opened his mouth to object once more, but couldn't think of anything else to possibly say. This man was driving him crazy and probably wouldn't let up. The psychologist turned around and stormed out of the locker room. "I'll call you!"
******
Dr. Venkman ran into the firehouse and skirted hitting the back bumper of Ecto-1. He went up to Janine's desk completely out of breath. The red- headed woman sitting at the desk looked at him.
"Are you okay, Dr. V.?" Janine inquired.
"I...am...not...gay," Peter panted.
"Okay," Melnitz said with a slow nod. "Why would you even think that?" Dr. Venkman just shook his head as he continued to pant. "I know you aren't. I see you with women all the time. I even see how you are with Dani. There's nothing that indicates you could possibly be gay." Peter took in a few more deep breaths than began to breathe normally.
"What about living with the guys?"
"Nothing wrong with it," Janine responded. "People do that all the time."
"Going to the gym?"
"Depends," the secretary said. "Do you go constantly or just occasionally?"
"Occasionally," Peter answered.
"Oh, well, than you're okay," Janine said. "Nothing to worry about. You aren't gay."
"Good. I had this guy hitting on me today that really had me kinda scared," the Ghostbuster told her. Janine laughed. "It's not funny. Stop laughing." The woman didn't let up. "Janine, stop it."
"What's so funny?" Janine looked up to see Ray coming down the stairs. He reached the bottom floor and joined his friends at the desk.
"Dr. V. got hit on by a guy today and he questioned his sexuality," Janine told him in laughter. Ray looked at his friend and covered his mouth, but the psychologist could see the laughter in his eyes.
"Yes, that's right. Let's all make fun of Uncle Peter. Get your chuckles out." Dr. Stantz's hand fell and he cracked up as well.
"What's going on here?" Winston inquired as he and Egon came up from the basement.
"Peter thought he was gay for a moment," Ray answered trying to control his laugher. Peter looked at Zeddemore and Spengler who both wore serious expressions for a moment before they followed suit as well.
"You all are going to pay," Peter warned them as his friends as they laughed loudly. "Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but when you least expect it you all will pay."