My hair was short and blond. Johnny's was just short but it looked
like it did at the fire and the hospital. I didn't know how to convince
him that we had to leave.
"I'm sorry I cut your hair off, Ponyboy," I glared at him, shrugged, "I don't care," I said.
We sat on the back steps, the sunlight on us, and Johnny was shivering cause he washed his hair in that freezing water from the pump.
"Johnny, we can't stay here," His teeth were chattering from the cold and he looked at me in such a way that was hard to describe. He looked at me like he was older and he was, two years older. But we were usually on equal ground, he didn't pull that older crap. Based on that look he gave me he was about to pull it now. And he also looked like he was in more trouble than me. He killed the kid, not me. Whatever would happen to us if the cops got us, it would be worse for him.
"We can't be here when Dallas shows up,"
"He said he'd be here in a few days, we have to stay here. Besides, where else are we gonna go?"
"I don't know Johnny, but if we stay here we're gonna die, I dreamt it,"
"It's just a dream," That look he was giving me, like he was older and I had no say was driving me crazy. I stood up and started pacing. The sun reflected off that cracked mirror Johnny had dragged out of the church and it reflected off the water, little sparkles in my eyes and I had to make him see.
"It's not just a dream, it's coming true, and I am telling you that we can not be here when Dally shows up. Once he does there is no going back,"
"What's coming true?" Johnny said quietly, looking up at me, shivering in Dally's jacket.
"I dreamt you bought the Gone with the Wind book and you did..."
"We have to leave because you dreamed that I bought a book?" He made it sound so crazy, and things wavered. Then I looked at the church and it was on fire. Dally said, "Johnny, get out of there! Are you crazy?" And kids screaming, high pitched little screams almost visible in the smoke and Johnny's scream...my vision cleared. It was just the church again, faded wood, white paint chips shining in the sun.
"You bought the exact book you bought in my dream!"
"You said you wanted it!" He shot back, his wet hair sticking up instead of hanging in his eyes like it usually did, and if I was right, it never would again.
"And the peroxide, the baloney!"
"Coincidence," he said with the finality of being two years older. It was his tone of, 'we're not going to discuss it anymore'. I sat down and hung my head. What could I say to him that would make him see?
I went in, left him out there. Inside was worse, the fire was all around me. I looked up and saw the beam that fell on him, ghost children in smoky corners, no sound but I could read the words on their lips, 'save me, save me,' I held onto the table, if I hadn't I would have fell.
I was angry with him for not believing me and went out, the sun flashing in my eyes. He looked at me, his big dark eyes following me as I paced.
I was so mad I wanted to shake him, just grab the collar of Dally's jacket and shake him. I couldn't, though. I could if it had been Soda, shook him or hit him to make him see that he had to see. But Johnny being hit by his father, not just hit but beaten, I couldn't touch him. But I could yell at him.
"Johnny, goddamnit, if we stay here we will die. I don't know where we can go but we gotta take off," He just looked at me, so quiet, implaccable. I knew right then that I had to convince him, had to. If I couldn't change Johnny's mind I'd have no hope with Dallas.
Then a thought occurred to me, a dark little thought that kind of slithered into my brain and nested there. Johnny said, in the lot last night Johnny said he wanted to kill himself. And it wasn't the first time he had said it, either. So that was it.
And I thought about it, thought about it hard for the first time, what his life was really like. I couldn't really imagine, my dad had been so reasonable, so understanding with us. I'd seen Johnny's dad, how he got when he was drinking. I was scared of him and he wasn't even my father. Johnny had to live with him and his mother wasn't much better. It wasn't just talk, I could see that now. Johnny honest to God wanted to kill himself. Saving him would be harder than I thought.
"Look, Johnny, I know how it is at your house but, but, you're only 16 years old..." He was looking at me funny, a guarded look in his black eyes. I didn't talk like this, we'd always just accepted his crummy home life as almost a given. What could you do? They were his parents and if they wanted to beat the shit out of him that was their right.
"It's like, you haven't been out of our neighborhood, there's more to see than this..." I closed my eyes, saw him in the hospital room, the burns, the oxygen thing in his nose, how tired he was. '16 years ain't gonna be long enough,' I heard him say it, as clear as if he'd just spoken the words into my ear.
He was still looking at me with that wounded look, and I suddenly felt overwhelmed. Since I'd known Johnny his dad beat on him and probably has his whole life. 16 years of abuse. What could I say to him to counter that? I looked over at the little pond, the sun playing over its surface in gold streaks. But what sort of a death did he want? I thought I knew. One where his parents would feel sorry they'd been so mean. But it's not the one he would get.
The headache started to beat behind my eyes. Maybe I couldn't stop it, the future set into deep grooves that were impossible to alter. Maybe Johnny was right and it was a coincidence, I was just spooked because Johnny killed someone, killed someone...God. I saw him, that soc, lying twisted in a pool of blood, and how it spread so slowly.
He was still shivering, his hair soaking wet. We still had days until Dally would show, we still had time. I put my arm around him to warm him up.
"I'm sorry I cut your hair off, Ponyboy," I glared at him, shrugged, "I don't care," I said.
We sat on the back steps, the sunlight on us, and Johnny was shivering cause he washed his hair in that freezing water from the pump.
"Johnny, we can't stay here," His teeth were chattering from the cold and he looked at me in such a way that was hard to describe. He looked at me like he was older and he was, two years older. But we were usually on equal ground, he didn't pull that older crap. Based on that look he gave me he was about to pull it now. And he also looked like he was in more trouble than me. He killed the kid, not me. Whatever would happen to us if the cops got us, it would be worse for him.
"We can't be here when Dallas shows up,"
"He said he'd be here in a few days, we have to stay here. Besides, where else are we gonna go?"
"I don't know Johnny, but if we stay here we're gonna die, I dreamt it,"
"It's just a dream," That look he was giving me, like he was older and I had no say was driving me crazy. I stood up and started pacing. The sun reflected off that cracked mirror Johnny had dragged out of the church and it reflected off the water, little sparkles in my eyes and I had to make him see.
"It's not just a dream, it's coming true, and I am telling you that we can not be here when Dally shows up. Once he does there is no going back,"
"What's coming true?" Johnny said quietly, looking up at me, shivering in Dally's jacket.
"I dreamt you bought the Gone with the Wind book and you did..."
"We have to leave because you dreamed that I bought a book?" He made it sound so crazy, and things wavered. Then I looked at the church and it was on fire. Dally said, "Johnny, get out of there! Are you crazy?" And kids screaming, high pitched little screams almost visible in the smoke and Johnny's scream...my vision cleared. It was just the church again, faded wood, white paint chips shining in the sun.
"You bought the exact book you bought in my dream!"
"You said you wanted it!" He shot back, his wet hair sticking up instead of hanging in his eyes like it usually did, and if I was right, it never would again.
"And the peroxide, the baloney!"
"Coincidence," he said with the finality of being two years older. It was his tone of, 'we're not going to discuss it anymore'. I sat down and hung my head. What could I say to him that would make him see?
I went in, left him out there. Inside was worse, the fire was all around me. I looked up and saw the beam that fell on him, ghost children in smoky corners, no sound but I could read the words on their lips, 'save me, save me,' I held onto the table, if I hadn't I would have fell.
I was angry with him for not believing me and went out, the sun flashing in my eyes. He looked at me, his big dark eyes following me as I paced.
I was so mad I wanted to shake him, just grab the collar of Dally's jacket and shake him. I couldn't, though. I could if it had been Soda, shook him or hit him to make him see that he had to see. But Johnny being hit by his father, not just hit but beaten, I couldn't touch him. But I could yell at him.
"Johnny, goddamnit, if we stay here we will die. I don't know where we can go but we gotta take off," He just looked at me, so quiet, implaccable. I knew right then that I had to convince him, had to. If I couldn't change Johnny's mind I'd have no hope with Dallas.
Then a thought occurred to me, a dark little thought that kind of slithered into my brain and nested there. Johnny said, in the lot last night Johnny said he wanted to kill himself. And it wasn't the first time he had said it, either. So that was it.
And I thought about it, thought about it hard for the first time, what his life was really like. I couldn't really imagine, my dad had been so reasonable, so understanding with us. I'd seen Johnny's dad, how he got when he was drinking. I was scared of him and he wasn't even my father. Johnny had to live with him and his mother wasn't much better. It wasn't just talk, I could see that now. Johnny honest to God wanted to kill himself. Saving him would be harder than I thought.
"Look, Johnny, I know how it is at your house but, but, you're only 16 years old..." He was looking at me funny, a guarded look in his black eyes. I didn't talk like this, we'd always just accepted his crummy home life as almost a given. What could you do? They were his parents and if they wanted to beat the shit out of him that was their right.
"It's like, you haven't been out of our neighborhood, there's more to see than this..." I closed my eyes, saw him in the hospital room, the burns, the oxygen thing in his nose, how tired he was. '16 years ain't gonna be long enough,' I heard him say it, as clear as if he'd just spoken the words into my ear.
He was still looking at me with that wounded look, and I suddenly felt overwhelmed. Since I'd known Johnny his dad beat on him and probably has his whole life. 16 years of abuse. What could I say to him to counter that? I looked over at the little pond, the sun playing over its surface in gold streaks. But what sort of a death did he want? I thought I knew. One where his parents would feel sorry they'd been so mean. But it's not the one he would get.
The headache started to beat behind my eyes. Maybe I couldn't stop it, the future set into deep grooves that were impossible to alter. Maybe Johnny was right and it was a coincidence, I was just spooked because Johnny killed someone, killed someone...God. I saw him, that soc, lying twisted in a pool of blood, and how it spread so slowly.
He was still shivering, his hair soaking wet. We still had days until Dally would show, we still had time. I put my arm around him to warm him up.