Chapter 14: Unholy Smoke

PRESENT: MID-NOVEMBER

It never ceased to amaze Meli, the way in which one incident could touch off an avalanche of events that led to the acquisition of seemingly unrelated and most certainly unwanted information. These incidents were usually unexpected; the knowledge always was.

Thus, when Hogwarts' warning klaxons sounded in the middle of fifth year Gryffindor Defense Against the Dark Arts, her only immediate thought was to send her students to safety, and it never occurred to her to wonder if perhaps Zarekael had something to do with it. Dumbledore's voice, carried throughout the castle by the Sonorus charm a moment later, confirmed her immediate thought by instructing students to return to their Houses and calling the faculty and staff to a muster station. She oversaw the exit of her students, then ducked into her office just long enough to retrieve a bag of tricks before hastening to meet with the other defenders.

By the time she arrived, about half of the faculty were already gathered. She passed the time usefully, buttoning up her duster, donning her hood, and, since she'd had no time to get her Skulker mask, covering her face and hands with black grease paint she'd stowed in her bag for the purpose. Hagrid, Vector, and Sinistra watched these preparations in amusement, but they knew better than to make a crack.

The final four teachers—the Heads of Houses, who had had to see to their students' safety first—arrived just as Meli finished. All eyes turned to Dumbledore, who grimly briefed them.

The early-alert wards had picked up two groups of Death Eaters, one coming from the forest, the other from the lake; based upon their numbers and tactics, it was reasonable to conclude that their mission was to kidnap Harry Potter. They were not yet near enough to trip the Ministry-alert wards, but the teachers would need to delay the advancing groups until the Aurors could get there to help, or the castle itself might be in danger.

Meli snorted, drawing a warning look from Dumbledore. She had never yet met a helpful British Auror, and if her experience was any reliable standard, these would come just in time to get in the way—and then they would give guff to the defenders for inconveniencing them.

Nevertheless, she allowed herself to be quelled by Dumbledore's glance and fell silent. This was neither the time nor the place to air her opinions of Magical Law Enforcement.

Dumbledore finished his talk and started deploying groups of teachers to deter the invaders. Sprout and her group were dispatched to the edge of the forest, where the Herbology teacher had apparently planted a large quantity of weapons-grade tangleweed, among other things.

Next came Meli's group: Vector, Flitwick, Hagrid, and herself. Their specialty was improvising ambushes, their targets were the Death Eaters near the lake, and their orders were to divert, distract, and distress, but not to engage directly.

Meli grinned wickedly as they turned to go. The order not to engage was only a light limitation, really; without knowing it (probably), Dumbledore had given the four of them carte blanche to wreak havoc, and she was already enjoying every moment of it.

"I've got 'n idea," Hagrid said quietly, once they were out of earshot of the other faculty.

"Oh?" Vector replied. "Let's hear it."

Hagrid smiled conspiratorially. "If th' Death Eaters went a bit t' their left, they'd come across Fluffy—"

"You've penned that thing near the lake?!" Flitwick squeaked.

Hagrid shrugged defensively. "'e had to go somewhere!" he protested. "Once Dumbledore didn't need 'im on the third floor, it woulda been cruel to keep 'im in that little room! This way, 'e can 'ave fresh air, an' talk to th' squid, an'—"

"I like him already," Meli interposed. "What is he?"

"Jus' a wee pup," Hagrid mumbled sheepishly.

"A wee pup the size of an oliphaunt and with three heads besides!" Flitwick added. "Very good for chasing off unwanted guests, I will admit."

Meli stared at him. "Did you just say 'oliphaunt'?"

Flitwick nodded. "I did," he affirmed.

"And I suppose you've seen one," she said sardonically.

In answer, Flitwick looked to Hagrid, who sniffled. "'is name was Peanut," he murmured. "Died las' winter. I miss 'im terribly."

Meli blinked a few times. "Right, then!" she said. Shutting up now, she added silently. "So. Ahem. Fluffy. How do we steer the Death Eaters toward him?"

They were silent a moment before Flitwick piped up. "Rubeus," he said slyly, "do you still have any of your blast-ended skrewts?"

"Course not!" Hagrid answered, just a little too quickly. "Th' Ministry destroyed 'em all—you know that."

"The Forbidden Forest, then," Vector hazarded. "Not too near the school, of course . . . Perhaps keeping company with your arachnid friend?"

Hagrid had gone pale. "There's only one left!" he told them. "I kep' one—it can't breed, so Dumbledore made an arrangemen'—"

"Which is entirely not the point," Meli interrupted. "We're not trying to get you into trouble; we're trying to protect Harry Potter."

Vector laid an encouraging hand on Hagrid's shoulder. "Do it for Harry, Rubeus," she said emphatically.

Hagrid took a deep, shuddering breath. "Fer Harry," he repeated. "Yeh. It's fer Harry. It's jus'—you won't . . . he won't get hurt, will 'e?"

Flitwick grinned evilly. "No," he replied. "Though I can't promise he won't become a touch cranky."

"Oh, well . . . that's all righ', then. Sparky's always a bit cranky anyway."

Vector clapped a hand over her face and shook her head. "He named it Sparky," she moaned.

Meli smirked. "I like him already, too," she commented.

Flitwick smiled serenely and looked up at her. "Just how many dung bombs do you happen to have in that bag of yours?" he inquired casually.

She glanced sidewise down at him. "I'm that obvious, am I?"

The answer came from all three simultaneously. "Yes!"

"I see." She smirked, then blinked as they stepped outside. "Bloody sunlight. Last time I took inventory, I believe it was about fifty dung bombs, plus some other little goodies. How many do you need?"

"Fifty should be more than adequate," Flitwick answered in a gloating voice. "Particularly if we make use of our other resources."

Vector raised an amused eyebrow. "And those resources would be . . . ?"

Flitwick grinned outright. "Meli's bag of tricks, Rubeus' pets, my brains, and your strategical genius." His grin turned carnivorous. "And our entire team's intrepidity at . . ." He trailed off.

Meli tilted her head expectantly, and Hagrid cleared his throat a few times. Finally, Vector let out an exasperated hiss. "Our intrepidity at what?"

Meli was sure she saw a tarnished halo attempting to shine purely above the Charms teacher's pate. "At heckling!" he finished, with a triumphant bow that very nearly became a somersault.

Vector looked at Meli, who looked straight back at her without blinking. "They're doomed," the arithmancer pronounced matter-of-factly. "Even Albus couldn't withstand such an assault."

By now they had arrived at Hagrid's cottage, where that gentleman temporarily left the company, returning a fair time later with one of the ugliest living confabulations Meli had ever seen.

Well, she thought, he was right about one thing, anyway—the thing already looks pissed. I wonder what happens when it gets pissed off.

Hagrid seemed entirely oblivious to his pet's irritable state; he was chattering animatedly at it about the last quidditch game while the skrewt kept a baleful eye on the crossbow swinging from the gamekeeper's shoulder.

"All righ', Sparky, here we are," Hagrid at last concluded. "I'd like ye t' meet Professors Vector, Ebony, and Flitwick."

The skrewt glared at each of them but made no other sign of acknowledgment.
"So now that we have both of Rubeus' necessary pets," Vector said, turning to Flitwick, "I'm curious to know what precisely we'll be doing with them."

Flitwick smirked. "We're going to herd some Death Eaters, of course," was the only immediate reply he made.

He did enlighten them, but it was on the run, and his master plan required a frenzied ten minutes of hasty set-up. Hagrid was dispatched to Fluffy's pen to open and conceal the gate, while Meli placed smoke bombs and tripwires in several strategic places and the others established a perimeter with dung bombs. At Flitwick's urging, one smoke bomb and two dozen dung bombs were kept in reserve. These were then tossed into Hagrid's vest, which he reluctantly volunteered, and the whole package was thoroughly bound up with Spello-tape and then fastened solidly over the skrewt's . . . well, blast-end.

Sparky was less than thrilled with the whole arrangement, especially when Flitwick levitated him into the middle of what was soon to become a battleground.

"He's go'n' to leave a nasty mess," Hagrid observed dubiously.

"Then I suppose it's just as well that we won't have to be anywhere nearby," Meli countered.

Hagrid shook his head. "As cranky as 'e is even now, I'd be s'prised if th' castle doesn' take some splash."

There was the sound of a small explosion, and Flitwick beckoned them frantically. "That was the perimeter!" he squealed. "Let's go!"

Several more dung bombs went off as the teachers bolted and went to ground, but there was no doubt of the precise moment that a Death Eater hit one of Meli's tripwires and fell directly on top of Sparky. The skrewt's delicate temper finally snapped, and the resulting gout of flame not only barbecued the Death Eater but also spectacularly set off the bomb package in an explosion that shook the ground and sent an unbelievably foul mushroom cloud into the air. Further confusion resulted when other Death Eaters set off the smoke bombs, and the entire area was full of obscenely disgusting smoke and debris. Utter pandemonium resulted, leaving the Death Eaters as unknowing sheep just waiting for thoroughly eager shepherds to direct them to a pen.

Somewhere in all of that mess the Aurors arrived, though the teachers didn't realize it until much later. First contact came when one apparated in directly on top of a dung bomb.

"Holy crap!" he shrieked.

Meli leapt out from her cover, laughing maniacally. "Well, you're half right!" she shouted gleefully, then pranced off.

She was not the only one to commence with the heckling, and the Death Eaters who had survived the skrewt were successfully steered nearer and nearer to the water and steadily closer to Fluffy. Meli heard Vector hollering something about a random Death Eater's mother wearing combat boots (though in all of the din it sounded like "wombat poops"), while Flitwick settled for shouting, "Here, pigs! Su-ey! Piggy-piggy-piggy!" What Hagrid was yelling was really anyone's guess, but his gruff voice was enough to make wise Death Eaters flee.

The lake shore appeared gradually through the putrid haze, and Meli, as well as the Death Eaters she was chasing, had a nasty shock: The merpeople were restless.

The Death Eaters literally skidded to a halt a few feet short of several dozen leveled tridents. By this time the Aurors had caught up to the teachers and closed ranks behind the herd, so while the Death Eaters couldn't go forward, they also couldn't go back. The only direction in which they could go was through the sudden gauntlet—and straight into Fluffy's pen. Hagrid slammed the gate behind them, and the out-of-breath defenders had the joyful privilege of hearing Fluffy greet his new friends.

"They can still apparate out!" one of the Aurors snapped.

"Oh, shut your hole, Scatcherd," Vector retorted. "You're as dim as you were when we were classmates. We're not so stupid; Dumbledore has anti-apparation wards over it to keep idiots like you from dropping in accidentally. They're trapped in there."

The Auror glared at her. "I hope you understand that we'll be sorting out all of this shortly," she said acidly.

Vector looked sidewise at her, as unimpressed as if Scatcherd had just announced that bunnies had long ears. "We had it all sorted out," she informed the Auror. "What disorganized it was your ungraceful appearance on the scene."

"Now look here!" Scatcherd fumed, but Vector cut her off with a smirk.

"Actually, I'd prefer to look on my handiwork, if it's all the same to you," she replied, then turned her back on Scatcherd to stroll back to ground-zero.

Utterly flummoxed, the Auror looked to Meli, who smiled and shrugged helplessly. "Ravenclaws," she said, rolling her eyes. "Thoroughly incomprehensible." She, too, turned to leave.

"I'm a Ravenclaw!" Scatcherd shouted in her wake.

"That's all right!" she called back over her shoulder. "No need to apologize!"

There were no apologies made on either side, but Meli's prediction did come true. She and the other teachers in her group were separated and questioned by the Aurors who had apparated into a poorly chosen site at a poorly chosen time, and by the end of it she, Flitwick, and Vector were feeling more than a little surly; Hagrid felt like a criminal, which made only further worsened his colleagues' mood. By the time the Aurors finally turned the teachers loose for a quick dinner and some well-earned sleep, Flitwick was muttering viciously that, in place of the bombs, "we ought to have strapped the Aurors to Sparky's arse!"

Meli wholeheartedly agreed, but that did nothing to prevent her from falling into bed and sinking into the sleep of the dead. Only one thing could wake her, and unfortunately, wake her it did.