I felt the book in my back pocket and felt a curious emotion, one I
hadn't before. I was afraid of what Johnny would say or do when I tell him
I set our hide out on fire. And where would we go now?
He came out of the store carrying a box of stuff and I noticed how strange his hair looked so short like that. Seeing his stupid looking hair made me self conscious about my hair again. I looked like a blasted pansy.
"Ponyboy! What are you doing here?" He sounded so worried. I could follow his line of thinking. He didn't want us to be together out in public, if you could call this little one horse store and a winding dirt road being in public. If someone read our descriptions and saw us together, well...but there was no one around.
"Johnny, uh..." I felt sure that he could see the smoke and flames from here, but I turned around and couldn't see it, the view of the church was blocked by the rise of a hill. That made it worse, somehow. Like a dark secret.
He was heading for the church. I looked in the box, he bought baloney again. Doesn't he know I hate baloney?
"Johnny, uh, we can't go to the church," He didn't respond but looked at me tiredly and kept walking toward the church. I couldn't tell him and why should I? He'd find out soon enough.
We walked toward the church together. It was awfully sunny out. I'd noticed that, when your life sucks sometimes it's awfully nice weather, like the world is saying it doesn't give a shit about your problems.
"Holy shit!" Johnny said and dropped the box. I watched the supplies tumble out. He was staring at the church. It had collapsed in on itself and black smoke billowed up and away. It made that noise, that fire noise like a roar or like crackles, the sound of the fire consuming the oxygen.
"No kids," I said softly and Johnny looked at me, shook his head like he had given up on me. We watched it for awhile, a nice pagen bon fire on a cool fall day. Then Johnny started getting nervous.
"Hey, man, we better go. Firetrucks and shit will be here soon, maybe cops, too," I nodded in agreement and started to put the supplies back in the box.
He just stood there looking at the fire, a look on his face like anger very carefully disguised as calmness.
"You did it, didn't you?" Johnny said but he wouldn't look at me. I felt cold and scared, friendless.
"Did what? Did this? No, I, I didn't..."
"You're lying," He said it so quietly, with such quiet anger that I couldn't breath. Johnny had never been mad at me. I just stared at him, at the way he clenched his teeth, the way he wouldn't look at me.
"Do you want us to get caught?" I could barely hear him, I don't know if it was because he was speaking softly or because of the blood rushing in my ears.
"No, I didn't..." Then he did something I never in a million years thought he would do. He put his hands on my shoulders and shoved me. Shoved hard. I was so startled I fell and sat on my butt and just stared up at him. He was still angry, staring back at me and breathing through his mouth.
"Damn it, Ponyboy! I can't believe you would do this! All because of a stupid dream..." I stood up and regarded him warily, afraid he'd punch me next.
"It isn't a stupid dream! If you'd just listened to me, if you'd just take half a second..."
"Why? Are you psychic? Lookit, I killed someone, and the fucking cops are after us and this was the only fucking place we had to go! And what do you do..."
I was mad and shaky and tired. He wouldn't see. I grabbed his sleeve and he jerked his arm away then swung at me. He got a glancing blow off my jaw and it hurt like hell. I felt the gut reaction of anger you get when someone punches you but it was kind of nice. A break from all the worrying. I rushed at him and knocked him down. We both fell to the ground and wrestled and punched until we both had blood trickling from our noses and dirt and sticks in our hair.
The fire raged and no firetrucks in sight. There was no one around to call them. The damn church would just burn to the ground. But I felt a real sense of relief and had ever since I set the damn thing on fire.
"Are you o.k.?" I turned my head toward him but didn't get up. Maybe I'd just lay here forever and watch the church burn. He closed his eyes and nodded.
"You?" He said, eyes still closed. "Yeah," I said, rubbing the spots he'd hit the hardest. We both just laid there for awhile, too tired to move.
We did though, finally. We picked ourselves up and picked up the supplies and headed off. Without discussing it we headed for the field near the train. We had to sneak back into Tulsa and find Dally. If Dally showed up at the church and found it burnt to the ground what would he think?
It was afternoon, that long part of the afternoon when the light changes and it seems to go on forever. I noticed how the sun made the tips of the long grass look yellow.
Johnny was lying down, his fingers laced behind his head, looking like any hood relaxing in a country field. It was so quiet here, not like the city where all you could hear were cars screeching by and people yelling and sirens and whistles from the factories. And inside phones ringing and people talking, talking, talking, and t.v.'s blaring away. It was almost like Johnny had to kill someone just so we could get a little peace and quiet.
"Johnny, in my dream Dally came and told us the cops were looking for us in Texas cause that's where he told them we were headed," he was looking at me with round eyes and my voice was strangely quiet, "he had a letter from Soda cause Soda found my shirt at Buck's and knew that Dal knew where we were. Then we left and went to a Dairy Queen. When we came back the church was on fire and there were all these little kids trapped in the church, they were on a school field trip or somethin' ,"
It was so quiet here, the railroad tracks were gleaming in the fading light. Johnny was propped up on his elbows and staring at me.
"The church was on fire and me and you rushed in cause we had to save those little kids, it was our cigarettes that started it. I was o.k. from the fire, pretty much o.k. but you weren't. They rushed us to a hospital and the next night there was a rumble cause you killed the soc and after it me an' Dally went to visit you and you died, right in the room with us, you died right then. And then Dally went and robbed some store with the empty gun he's been carrying around and the cops shot him. He died, too."
Sunset. The grass looked red now. Johnny stared at me. I could tell he believed me now.
He came out of the store carrying a box of stuff and I noticed how strange his hair looked so short like that. Seeing his stupid looking hair made me self conscious about my hair again. I looked like a blasted pansy.
"Ponyboy! What are you doing here?" He sounded so worried. I could follow his line of thinking. He didn't want us to be together out in public, if you could call this little one horse store and a winding dirt road being in public. If someone read our descriptions and saw us together, well...but there was no one around.
"Johnny, uh..." I felt sure that he could see the smoke and flames from here, but I turned around and couldn't see it, the view of the church was blocked by the rise of a hill. That made it worse, somehow. Like a dark secret.
He was heading for the church. I looked in the box, he bought baloney again. Doesn't he know I hate baloney?
"Johnny, uh, we can't go to the church," He didn't respond but looked at me tiredly and kept walking toward the church. I couldn't tell him and why should I? He'd find out soon enough.
We walked toward the church together. It was awfully sunny out. I'd noticed that, when your life sucks sometimes it's awfully nice weather, like the world is saying it doesn't give a shit about your problems.
"Holy shit!" Johnny said and dropped the box. I watched the supplies tumble out. He was staring at the church. It had collapsed in on itself and black smoke billowed up and away. It made that noise, that fire noise like a roar or like crackles, the sound of the fire consuming the oxygen.
"No kids," I said softly and Johnny looked at me, shook his head like he had given up on me. We watched it for awhile, a nice pagen bon fire on a cool fall day. Then Johnny started getting nervous.
"Hey, man, we better go. Firetrucks and shit will be here soon, maybe cops, too," I nodded in agreement and started to put the supplies back in the box.
He just stood there looking at the fire, a look on his face like anger very carefully disguised as calmness.
"You did it, didn't you?" Johnny said but he wouldn't look at me. I felt cold and scared, friendless.
"Did what? Did this? No, I, I didn't..."
"You're lying," He said it so quietly, with such quiet anger that I couldn't breath. Johnny had never been mad at me. I just stared at him, at the way he clenched his teeth, the way he wouldn't look at me.
"Do you want us to get caught?" I could barely hear him, I don't know if it was because he was speaking softly or because of the blood rushing in my ears.
"No, I didn't..." Then he did something I never in a million years thought he would do. He put his hands on my shoulders and shoved me. Shoved hard. I was so startled I fell and sat on my butt and just stared up at him. He was still angry, staring back at me and breathing through his mouth.
"Damn it, Ponyboy! I can't believe you would do this! All because of a stupid dream..." I stood up and regarded him warily, afraid he'd punch me next.
"It isn't a stupid dream! If you'd just listened to me, if you'd just take half a second..."
"Why? Are you psychic? Lookit, I killed someone, and the fucking cops are after us and this was the only fucking place we had to go! And what do you do..."
I was mad and shaky and tired. He wouldn't see. I grabbed his sleeve and he jerked his arm away then swung at me. He got a glancing blow off my jaw and it hurt like hell. I felt the gut reaction of anger you get when someone punches you but it was kind of nice. A break from all the worrying. I rushed at him and knocked him down. We both fell to the ground and wrestled and punched until we both had blood trickling from our noses and dirt and sticks in our hair.
The fire raged and no firetrucks in sight. There was no one around to call them. The damn church would just burn to the ground. But I felt a real sense of relief and had ever since I set the damn thing on fire.
"Are you o.k.?" I turned my head toward him but didn't get up. Maybe I'd just lay here forever and watch the church burn. He closed his eyes and nodded.
"You?" He said, eyes still closed. "Yeah," I said, rubbing the spots he'd hit the hardest. We both just laid there for awhile, too tired to move.
We did though, finally. We picked ourselves up and picked up the supplies and headed off. Without discussing it we headed for the field near the train. We had to sneak back into Tulsa and find Dally. If Dally showed up at the church and found it burnt to the ground what would he think?
It was afternoon, that long part of the afternoon when the light changes and it seems to go on forever. I noticed how the sun made the tips of the long grass look yellow.
Johnny was lying down, his fingers laced behind his head, looking like any hood relaxing in a country field. It was so quiet here, not like the city where all you could hear were cars screeching by and people yelling and sirens and whistles from the factories. And inside phones ringing and people talking, talking, talking, and t.v.'s blaring away. It was almost like Johnny had to kill someone just so we could get a little peace and quiet.
"Johnny, in my dream Dally came and told us the cops were looking for us in Texas cause that's where he told them we were headed," he was looking at me with round eyes and my voice was strangely quiet, "he had a letter from Soda cause Soda found my shirt at Buck's and knew that Dal knew where we were. Then we left and went to a Dairy Queen. When we came back the church was on fire and there were all these little kids trapped in the church, they were on a school field trip or somethin' ,"
It was so quiet here, the railroad tracks were gleaming in the fading light. Johnny was propped up on his elbows and staring at me.
"The church was on fire and me and you rushed in cause we had to save those little kids, it was our cigarettes that started it. I was o.k. from the fire, pretty much o.k. but you weren't. They rushed us to a hospital and the next night there was a rumble cause you killed the soc and after it me an' Dally went to visit you and you died, right in the room with us, you died right then. And then Dally went and robbed some store with the empty gun he's been carrying around and the cops shot him. He died, too."
Sunset. The grass looked red now. Johnny stared at me. I could tell he believed me now.