It was another late night, but Alexandria couldn't sleep.

As her son was asleep in the attached private room, this

was one of the few moments she knew she could spend with him.

But, for some reason, she couldn't bring herself to walk

into the room.

She looked at the table in the sitting room, covered with

the papers she was trying to grade. She sighed. Somehow

student analysis of the 2000 election, even when the comments

were ridiculously wrong with heinous grammar, just weren't

grabbing her interest. It probably didn't help that when

Andrew was well, he used to enjoy her reading him the worst

of the worst from her student's paper. A few times she

had to stop herself from thinking, "Andrew would laugh out

loud at this."

For all intents and purposes, while she still had four children,

she didn't have her Andrew anymore.

Hearing a light knock at her door, she turned. "Oh, hey

Samantha."

"Hey, Alex. How are you holding up?" the young woman asked

as she entered the room, pushing her brown hair back over

her shoulder.

Alexandria smiled at the woman. She had liked Samantha since

Samuel had first brought her home to 'meet the family'. She

and Samantha had actually become good friends, not something

that she had expected from someone twenty-eight years her

junior. In fact, they became such good friends that they

stayed in contact even after Samuel dumped her.

It was one of the few times Alexandria really wanted to

beat some sense into one of her children. Literally.

"I have all the medical bill information here," Samantha

said. "It looks like you could have a nasty fight with

your insurance company. Especially due to the nature of

the accident."

Alexandria sighed as she looked at her friend and family

CPA. "I know. Part of me thinks that I should just make

Samuel pay for everything."

Samantha snorted, "He ought too! Drew's his brother, and

it's not like he has a family of his own."

"And on that, amazingly, the two of you agree," Alexandria

conceded. "But, it's the principle of the thing, you know?

I mean, it's for unplanned crap like this that I pay for

insurance in the first place."

"Yeah," Samantha said as she sat on the floor next to

Alexandria. Noticing the quiet music in the room for the

first time, the younger woman asked, "What are you listening

to?"

"Tori Amos. Her Under the Pink CD."

"And the indie queen strikes again," Samantha laughed

quietly. "I guess this means that you are handling this

better than I thought. No Emm Gryner."

Alexandria looked at her friend with a wry look on her

face. "Actually, I'm handling it worse than you think.

I overplayed 'Acid' about a week ago. I've moved from

sad and depressed to angry and depressed. The next

stage is just depressed."

Samantha smiled sadly, "And I take it that would be

Andrew Spice?"

"'Christopher' on constant repeat," Alexandria agreed.

After a few minutes of silence, Samantha looked her

friend in the eyes. "Alex, it's just a stage, you

know. You read the stuff of racial identity development.

It's just those crazy teenage years." She squeezed

her friend's hand, "It will be okay."

"Do you know why I picked Tori to listen to?" Alexandria

asked.

"No."

The older woman smiled, although it didn't reach her

eyes. "It's this song, called 'Pretty Good Year.' To

borrow a line from Roberta Flack, it's like she 'found

my letters and read each one out loud.' Or, at least,

she read my mind."

"What to do mean?" Samantha

"I mean listen to the lyrics. 'They say you are

something in your formative year. So hold onto

nothing, as fast as you can. Well, still, pretty

good year.' Can you honestly say that people haven't

uttered that to me so many times in the past two

weeks? Can you honestly say that I haven't said

similar stuff to myself?" A few tears ran down

Alexandria's face as her voice faded away at the

end.

After wiping the tears away, she said. "But I

can't complain. Sure, my son doesn't acknowledge

me as a part of his life, doesn't remember the

name I gave him and doesn't remember me. And sure,

his head doctor has decreed that I can only visit

with him when he's asleep. But I still have all

four of my children. After three months and two

amazingly awful accidents, I still have all four

of my children."

Samantha slowly nodded, getting her point. "Huh.

Pretty good year," she said quietly, realizing

the irony.

Alexandria nodded in return. "Pretty good."

This Side of Living

Living in a Private Room - chapter six

When he came back to awareness, it was after nightfall.

He wondered what time it was. With his mental flashes,

physical therapy from hell, and lots of visits from

strangers he remembered, he couldn't keep track of

the days or the hours. Because it was so quiet,

his guess was that it was sometime after visiting hours.

He could vaguely hear music coming out of the

sitting room. It sounded like a piano was playing.

As at least one member of the family was in the sitting

room at any given time, the music didn't alarm him.

He was, however, curious as to who was in there.

As he slowly shifted in his bed, he heard a familiar

voice come from the chair next to him, "You're awake.

Good. I thought you might sleep through everything,

dimwit."

"Grandma?" Yusuke asked as he turned to face an

older woman who looked and sounded exactly like

Genkai.

The woman smiled gently. "How are you feeling?"

she asked quietly.

"Better," he responded, just as quietly. "Those

torture sessions everyday are making me a little

stronger at least. I can make it from one

side of the room to the other on my own two

feet before passing out. I found that out

the hard way," he felt the need to add.

"Good," the old woman said in rather pleasant

voice. The voice was so pleasant that Yusuke

was totally shocked when she stood up and hit

him upside the head, saying, "Now get your

head together so this family can move on

with its life."

"Ow!" Yusuke objected. "Genkai, you crazy

old hag, what the hell was that for?"

The older woman's eyes narrowed, but she

answered, "It was for you and your stupid

self-indulgence!"

"Self-indulgence! What-"

"You've been hiding from everything in that stupid

little dream world of yours, making everyone jump

through hoops and go through hell, while you don't

have to be engaged in anything. Everything that

isn't pleasant can happen to 'Andrew' and not

you. Well, it's time this stopped. It's stressing

out your family and destroying your mother!"

At that moment, Yusuke was completely confused.

"Look, it seems to me that everyone is handling

everything pretty well-"

"Because they don't want to fall apart in front

of you, dimwit!" the old lady exclaimed. "Look,

your mother has been through hell over the last

year, most of it being your fault! She's about

to fall apart at the seems, and that's killing

your father. The least you can do is get

off your sorry ass, stop hiding in your

dream world, and deal with your issues head-on!

Damnit, you're an Ikeda! Start acting like one!"

Yusuke had rarely seen the old woman in such

a snit about anything. That alone made him

uneasy. What added to his unease was the

confusion he still felt, deep down. Confusion

in an area of his spirit that he had begun

to refer as 'the Andrew translator' in his

head. The part of him that understood Andrew's

world was confused as well, but for a different

reason.

It was that confusion that prompted the young

man to ask, "When did you start caring about

Andrew's mother, anyway?"

There was an awful silence after that question.

Then, Genkai began to quietly answer, "I

could probably tell you that I'm worried

about Alexandria's state of mind because it

affects my son's state of mind, and you'd believe

that. But I told you a long time ago, I

wouldn't lie to you, so I won't start now.

"The reason I'm worried about your mother

is because I realize the ways that I'd added

to her burden over the years. When she began

to see Mitsuru I wasn't...happy about it.

Middle-aged people can make some stupid

mistakes as well, and me not seeing the

good in Alexandria behind her skin color

well that was mind. Fourteen years and

four grandchildren later, I had begun to

see that I was wrong. No one saw more

clearly or better understood the struggles

and joys in front of this family than

Alexandria.

"Unfortunately," Genkai sighed as she

continued, "Alexandria understood the least

the emotional pull all of this would have on

the family. Especially when one of her own

children picked up some of my prejudice and

began to deny her."

The older woman seemed to look older for

a moment as she continued. "I wouldn't

have wished this last year on my worst

enemy; I am especially saddened that it

happened to a daughter-in-law that I

treated badly because of my own prejudice."

"So," the old woman finished, "it is because

of all of that, that I want you to get

over it and begin to be there for your mother

for a change. Just to let her back into

your life for a little while." After a

few minutes, she added, "It would mean

that I could stop worry about both of

you for awhile...dimwit."

Yusuke looked at the old lady that was

one of the best teachers he'd ever had,

surprised. In all that he had learned from

her, he never expected to learn from her

mistakes. In any reality. "I'll try.

I can't promise. I really don't understand

everything that is happening in my head.

But I'll put everything into that I have."

'I'll try to bring my walls down without

someone almost dying this time,' he added

in his head.

- to be continued -