Chapter 3: Waterfalls

Luka and Abby said little to each other on the trip back to the hotel. Abby was at the point where she was completely bone-weary and sick of the whole situation. She'd been sitting in the back booth at Doc Magoo's, sipping coffee when Carter had paged her. She hadn't needed to respond to know that her mother had disappeared.

It was the same cycle she'd been repeating since childhood. She supposed she could have warned Legaspi that her mother was likely to bolt, but it would have been delaying the inevitable. Maggie would have found a way to leave eventually, whether the staff was keeping a close eye on her or not.

The way Abby figured it, Maggie had probably escaped the first chance she got. She'd most likely walked away as soon as she was left alone.

When they got to Luka's hotel room, she shrugged out of her coat and dropped her purse on the floor. She could feel Luka's eyes on her as she crossed the room and retrieved her pajamas, which the maid had left folded on the end of the bed. She rolled her eyes. The same thing happened every time she stayed here. She left her pajamas tossed over the back of a chair, and when she came back they were folded neatly at the foot of the bed.

"I'm going to order some dinner," Luka said. "Do you want anything?"

She shook her head. "I'm really tired. I just want to take a shower and go to bed."

She went into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She was exhausted, and her emotional defenses were starting to crumble. She didn't think she had the strength to stand up to another round of questions from Luka. She knew he meant well, and that he only wanted to make sure she was okay, but she was tired. Tired of her mother's problems, tired of the cycle, tired of it all. She didn't want to talk about it anymore, because she was afraid she would completely break down. She didn't want Luka to see that.

She stayed in the shower a long time, until the hot water began to cool on her skin. Maybe she was a coward, but she didn't want to face Luka, or anybody else, right now. She just wanted to forget.

She changed into her pajamas and towel-dried her hair. There were purple crescents under her eyes. Her skin was pale, and she had a killer headache. She found a bottle of aspirin next to the sink and swallowed three with a handful of water. She sighed, staring at herself in the mirror. She knew Luka was waiting for her on the other side of the door, but she was a little afraid to face him. She wasn't sure why.

Finally she cursed herself and left the bathroom. Luka was sitting on the end of the bed, working on a hamburger as he watched the news.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"I'm fine. I'm just really tired."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

She climbed onto the bed and pulled the sheet up to her waist. She lay on her side, her back to him. She couldn't have sent a stronger signal if she'd come right out and told him to leave her alone.

Hours later, Luka shifted on the bed and instinctively reached for Abby. His eyes blinked open when his mind registered the empty space beside him. Abby was gone.

That's when he heard water running in the bathroom. Not the sink, as if she were getting a drink of water or washing her hands, but the bathtub. He frowned. Why would she be taking a bath at two o'clock in the morning? She'd already taken a long shower earlier in the evening.

She'd begun withdrawing from him as they'd walked through the ambulance bay on their way home from the hospital. She'd opened up about her mother today, really opened up, for the first time since Maggie's surprise arrival weeks ago. But when all was said and done, she'd shut down. She'd predicted Maggie's disappearance, but when it had actually happened, she hadn't said a word.

He was worried about her. She'd just been through an emotional thunderstorm, and it wasn't healthy to keep everything inside. He should know. He'd kept secret for years his pain at the deaths of his family, and the pain still ate at him today.

He didn't want the same thing to happen to Abby. He didn't want the situation to make her more bitter and cynical than it already had. She deserved to be happy.

He slid out of bed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He rubbed the back of his neck as he stumbled around the bed. He'd just check on her. He knocked softly on the door. "Abby?" he called. "Is everything all right?"

The water kept running, and there was no answer from Abby. Luka frowned, knocking on the door again. "Abby?"

When she failed again to answer him, he tried the doorknob and found it unlocked. He eased the door open slowly, not wanting to spook her. He needn't have worried.

He found her sitting on the edge of the bathtub, fully clothed, her face buried in her hands as she sobbed. The sight stabbed at Luka's heart. He leaned back against the door frame and took a deep breath. Abby, who was usually so strong, so in control, had succumbed to all of the pressure and cracked. She just hadn't been able to hold on any longer.

He knelt in front of her and rested a hand on her knee.

Her head jerked up and her eyes went wide. "What are you doing in here?" she cried, snatching at a towel to scrub her face dry.

"I woke up and you weren't in bed. I heard the water running and wanted to make sure you were okay." He turned the faucet off himself, and the sudden silence was deafening.

"Well, I'm fine," she said stiffly, her back to him. "Go back to bed."

"Abby..."

"No!" She tossed the towel on the floor. "Don't try to...fix me. There's nothing wrong with me."

Luka sighed and watched as she stormed out of the bathroom. He didn't want her to be angry or defensive. He only wanted her to realize she could lean on him.

"That's not what I was trying to do. I only want to help you get through this."

"Well, I don't need help. I've been doing this by myself all my life. I can do it again."

"Abby, the point is, you don't have to do it alone this time."

"Well, then where were you when Maggie first showed up? Because I tried to talk to you about it and you blew me off."

Luka ran his hands through his hair. "I don't want to fight with you."

"I don't want to fight either. So why don't we just drop the whole thing?"

"I think we should talk about what happened today."

"What's to talk about?" she asked, throwing her arms up in the air. "She disappeared. She embarrassed the hell out of me, then she ran away. What more is there to say?"

"Just talk to me, Abby. If you're angry about what happened, then say so. Just talk to me."

"Of course I'm angry. What do you expect? That I'm happy about everything that happened? That I'm glad my mother has all these problems?"

"Would you rather talk to Carter?" he asked suddenly.

"What?" She shook her head at him. "What does Carter have to do with this?"

"You don't want to talk to me. Maybe you want to talk to him."

Abby slumped down on the bed and closed her eyes. She was ashamed of herself. Why was she treating Luka this way? He'd done nothing but try to help her, and here she was attacking him, treating him like the enemy. He wasn't the enemy. He was the only person in the world who could help her. So why was she trying so hard to push him away?

"I don't want to talk to Carter," she whispered. "I just want it all to go away. I want to forget."

Luka approached her slowly and sat next to her on the bed. Their shoulders barely brushed. Luka remained quiet, not trying to move any closer, waiting for her to make the first move. Long moments passed in silence. Luka started to wonder if she was going to shut down again. Even her anger was better than silence. At least then she was expressing some emotion instead of going cold and distant.

"Did I do the right thing?" she asked finally, her voice faint with fatigue.

"How do you mean?"

"I knew she'd try to run. Should I have tried to stop her?"

He paused to consider. "Well, you said yourself that help only works if you want it, right?"

Abby tried for a smile but failed. "And she's made it pretty clear that she's not interested in my help."

"Someday she will be."

"Someday." She dropped her head toward the ground and squeezed her eyes shut. "How many more times is this going to happen before someday comes?"

Luka didn't have a response. They both knew there was no answer to her question. Maggie was the only person who could decide she wanted help. Until then, the cycle would be repeated.

Abby's shoulders shook. Her face crumbled. Finally, with a sob of defeat, she dropped her head on Luka's shoulder. His arm went around her and he pulled her close. She turned her face into his shoulder and clutched his T- shirt in her fists. He cradled the back of her head in his hand and looked off into the distance, his own eyes suspiciously wet. It killed him that there was nothing more he could do for her than hold her, but maybe for now just being held was what she needed most.

When she sat up close to twenty minutes later, Luka wordlessly handed her a tissue. She wiped her face dry and tossed the tissue in the waste basket, then turned back to face him. "Luka, I..."

"Shhh." He dropped a soft kiss onto her forehead. "You don't have to say anything."

Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment. She took a deep breath. Her head ached and her nose was stuffy, but she was amazed at how much better she felt. It was the last thing she would have expected. She'd lost total control of herself. She'd attacked Luka, some part of herself wanting to drive him away, the other part desperately wanting him to heal her. And maybe he had.

"Let's go back to bed," she said to him.

The slid back onto the bed. Abby curled up on her side, her hands drawn up close to her chin. Luka lay behind her, his chest resting against her back, his arm draped across her waist. His presence was comforting, his support reassuring. It wasn't long before Abby fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.