I followed him. I was so lost. I saw only his back, the flat blue denim of his jean jacket, the short black hair. But I was following.
Whatever happened to that jean jacket? I wracked my brain trying to remember. He wore it so much, all the time, it was his only jacket.
Oh yeah. It had burned up in the fire.
It didn't even look like Tulsa anymore, cracked fun house mirror.
"Johnny!" I called to him, so sure he wouldn't answer, so lost in this nothing place. It wasn't Tulsa.
"What Ponyboy? C'mon," It was him, his deep voice, and I felt comforted momentarily.
"Johnny, I can't. I can't go. Just leave me alone," I sat down right in the street, the houses dark around me, the leaves rustling, secret sounds with hidden meanings. But time must have started up again because the stars had moved.
I didn't think he'd stop. He'd just keep going, leaving me alone. I almost didn't care, or tried not to. But he came back. He kneeled down beside me.
"Ponyboy," he said, "you can. You have to. Get up,"
Then I knew what was different about him. When I had seen him in the hospital and we showed him the articles about us saving those kids his eyes had glowed. But right now they still had that defeated, suspicious look like a puppy kicked too much.
Saving those kids, now who would save them?
"O.K. C'mon, I'll help you, I'm right here," he was saying. I wanted more than anything to not go, to lay here forever, to rot here. I could not go.
"No, Johnny, O.K.? No, I can't..."
"C'mon," he said, and stood up. He pulled me up and I let him. He started off and I followed him again.
"I think I know where Dally is," he said. One foot in front of the other, and did the sky look a bit brighter? The stars fading.
We went along the streets. Sometimes they looked more or less familiar, other times it was a kaleidoscope, and at times I couldn't even see Johnny in front of me. I'd call to him and he would answer, stop to wait for me. The sky lightened by degrees, and we were reaching the edge of town.
"Why are we here?" I said, and I heard the sharp fear in my voice like an edge of steel, bright and deadly.
Dawn had come. The tiny gold cracks in the gray sky, the mist just ready to burn away.
Johnny had brought me to the cemetary. The gravestones almost glowed in the strange gold light.
I felt my back pocket for 'Gone with the Wind'. It was gone. I must have lost it along the way. But there was something in my pocket. A piece of paper.
Johnny looked at me, his eyes glowing. It was gone, that beaten, scared look. I thought of southern gentlemen from the civil war and I thought about that time Johnny saved those kids.
I pulled the paper from my back pocket. It was folded up and covered with ashes and soot from the fire.
"You saved those kids, didn't ya?" I said, and there was something so sad in my voice.
He nodded and headed into the cemetary. I followed him. I had to. I had no choice.
I could touch him and call to him and make him talk to me all I wanted. It wouldn't change a thing.
He leaned against a gravestone and I looked at him, unable to believe how real he seemed. Everything was how it was. The scar, his big dark eyes and short clean black hair. The faded jean jacket.
My face was wet. I was crying. I hadn't noticed.
"Johnny," I said, wiping the tears away. The sky blazed pink and gold around us, the gravestones picked up the light. I could smell the tang morning autumn air.
"I can't go with you like this anymore," Johnny said, and he sounded sad, too.
"Why not? I thought I saved you, I thought..." I turned away from him. It was too hard to look at him, to remember. Instead I looked at the gravestone he was leaning on. It was old, one of those old ones where you can barely read the inscription.
"Look at the sky," he said, "it's all gold," I didn't want to look but I did. He was right.
"You'll be o.k., Ponyboy," he said in that soft, patient voice, "even though you don't think so. I'm gonna go now. I gotta go,"
He walked away and I watched him go until I couldn't see him anymore.
I blinked, looking around at the dawn. The folded note was still in my hand. I shook the ashes from it and opened it, started reading.
"Ponyboy, I asked the nurse to give you this..."
Then I woke up.
A/N: That's it. It's done. The whole thing up until the last line was a dream. The reason it was confusing was because Ponyboy was confused...
Thank you everyone for all your reviews. Please tell me what you think now that it's done.
Thanks,
gloryblastit