Author's Note: Thanks so much for the great feedback. I'm always open to constructive criticism and, I'm not ashamed to admit, praise too! Thanks to Yelak, Phoenix, and especially to boschette for understanding! Keep R&R-ing!
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Jack felt as if his heart would burst when he first saw Doug. He crept quietly up to the bed, which was surrounded by beeping machines, all attached to his Doug. Doug's eyes were closed and Jack watched him for a moment. His skin looked so pale and he looked so weak in that bed … Jack felt so helpless. Tentatively, Jack placed a hand on his arm. Doug eyes fluttered open and Jack was soon staring back at the one he loved.
"Baby …"
"Jack?" Doug's voice was distant and raspy.
Jack sat down quickly on the chair beside Doug's bed and tightened his grip on Doug's arm. "Yeah, baby, it's me …"
"I was … I was so worried about you …"
"About me? Why were you worried about me?" Jack spoke quietly, as if too much noise could physically injure Doug.
"I … didn't know where you were. I was so worried about my Jack …"
"I'm right here, hon. Don't worry. I'll- I'll always be here." Jack had been warned that Doug was out of it. He just needed to be reassuring.
Doug closed his eyes gently. "My Jack …"
Jack stared at Doug in silence for a moment. It was difficult for him to take in the fact that this was the strong, powerful man he had been with for the past eight years. This morning, he had been so wonderful and beautiful and passionate and full of life but now he was only hanging on by a thread.
"Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"What's wrong?"
It took all of Jack's will power to not break down. He wanted so badly to cry into this man's shoulder, begging him not to let go, not to leave him alone in this world but he needed to be strong- strong for Doug. "I just- I just want everything to work out."
"I'm so tired, Jack …"
"I know, babe. Just- just hold on ok?"
"I just want to sleep …"
"Are you in pain?" Jack choked out.
"I feel sort of … numb. It's so hard to breathe, though. It would be so … so nice to just … stop …"
"Don't stop, Doug," Jack whispered, unable to stop the tears springing to his eyes. "Please. You- you can't stop …"
Doug let out a slow, laboured breath. "I love you, Jack."
"I love you too, Doug … so much …"
"Can you lie down with me?" Doug stared at Jack with pleading eyes.
Jack stared back at the love of his life and wanted nothing else but to hold him close, as if to protect him from all harm. "Only for a bit, love … I can't stay for long."
Jack climbed gingerly onto the firm hospital bed, squeezing into the spot right next to Doug. He wrapped his arms carefully around Doug, holding his head to his chest, and gently stroking his back. They lay there in silence for a few minutes, feeling each other's closeness.
*~*~*
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
-Angel
By Sarah McLachlan
*~*~*
Jack wished he could stay there all night- forever, even. He knew, however, that Doctor Hillcoat would be walking in at any moment to let him know that his time was up. The last thing Jack wanted was for that doctor to catch him and Doug lying together on the hospital bed. Jack guessed he probably should not be on the bed at all.
"I'm going to have to go now," he whispered.
"No," Doug groaned weakly.
"I'm so sorry, babe. You need to rest and I need to get back to Amy. I'll be here first thing tomorrow morning, I promise."
"Amy …" Doug murmured. "Where's our baby?"
"She's with Jo." Jack started to rise slowly from the bed.
"I want to see her Jack …"
Jack was now standing next to the bed. He looked carefully into Doug's stormy eyes. "Hon … do you really want her to see you … see you like- like this? It might scare her a bit …"
Doug spoke firmly and coherently for the first time since Jack had entered the room: "No, Jack, I really think she should see me. We shouldn't shield her from the truth, right?"
Jack nodded. "You're absolutely right." He meant it, too. Hadn't he just been telling Pacey exactly the same thing? He leant in and kissed Doug's lips gently. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."
Doug was closing his eyes. "Yeah … love you …"
"Love you." Jack forced himself to let go of Doug's arm and to walk away from Doug's bed. He walked out of the hospital room, closing the door gently behind him.