Chapter Two – Memories Remain
Haldir's mind was in turmoil, though his face remained impassive as he led the Fellowship through the bright trees of Lorien.
Arlannis had been banished twenty years ago. It was the severest form of punishment the elves imposed on their own kind. But then, she was not indeed completely of their kind…
It spoke much of her importance that the Lady was willing to hold her banishment in abeyance while she was part of the Fellowship. Arlannis had made a brave name for herself in the ranks of the Dunedain. She and Aragorn had done much to hold the rising darkness in check. And she had done all this with no help from either Lorien or Imladris.
Haldir's memories rose unbidden. He remembered a golden laughing being that had captured his heart the first moment his eyes met hers.
Elrond himself had presented her as his second born daughter. Arwen, his first born, had been with them, but the difference was pronounced. Arwen, so dark, grave and serious with a voice as low as the breeze in the trees. Arlannis had bright long golden hair shot through with silver and she shone with light and merriment. Her laugh was an oft-heard chime in Lorien during those early days.
Haldir had set his heart upon making this shining beauty his bride and spared no effort in winning her love. Gifts of gold, silver and rare gems became hers. Her bower was planted with scented flowers and sweet herbs so that when she retired at night her thoughts would turn to him. Poetry was composed in her praise and sung for her ears alone.
Arlannis had no hope of resisting such a determined assault on her heart and Haldir was of noble blood and carried himself accordingly with great pride and presence. After only one short season of wooing he proposed marriage to Arlannis. And she accepted him with delight.
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Arlannis watched Haldir's back as he led the Fellowship through Lorien. She could not stop a heartfelt sigh as the memories came strongly to her. How she had loved this elf! He had been the first, the very first to capture her heart. Life at Imladris, after the death of her mother had been gruelling for her spirit. Her last link with her mortal side had died with Gilraen. Aragorn was leading the Dunedain and came seldom to Elrond's sanctuary and Arlannis was beginning to notice that she was not accepted, but merely tolerated in the house of her father. She realised that her elven kin did not see her as a true part of their family and instead looked upon her as a guest. A guest that would outstay her welcome and eventually become a burden. This realisation weighed upon her spirit and when her father suggested a journey to visit their kin in Lothlorien, Arlannis had embraced the idea willingly.
She bid goodbye to her friends, such as they were, in Imladris and saw with a pang that they hardly seemed to notice her leave taking. On the day they set out, she felt as though she was a spirit set free. Perhaps the elves in Lorien would see her differently. She was, after all, daughter to Elrond and he had been born of two half-human parents. Her mortal blood need not be a scourge with which to whip her.
And then she had met Haldir and forgot all her cares as she blissfully drowned in his bright eyes and sweet voice. The day he asked her to join her life to his was the sweetest memory she possessed even though the sharp pang she felt upon its recollection almost caused her to lose her breath at times. Such bittersweet remembrance! Arlannis wondered if Haldir ever let his thoughts roam to the past and to their all too brief happiness.
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Though he knew he appeared unchanged by the passage of the years, Haldir could not fully comprehend how different Arlannis seemed.
Gone was her long golden hair, shorn now to a curly cap that clung to her skull. Gone were her gowns and gems, replaced by tunic and leggings, a cloak and blade that both looked as if they had seen long service. Gone too was her easy laugh and ready smile. She had the air of one that had long lost any trust of happiness and no longer even sought a glimpse of such things.
Haldir sighed. He could still feel the leap his heart had made when she accepted his suit for her hand. They had rushed to his parents to share the joyous news and he had been puzzled by their reaction. His mother's stony countenance had chilled his heart. Haldir had not understood. It was when they came to Elrond that all became clear to him in a black moment that still had the power to fill him with despair.
'It is a great sorrow that your mother could not have lived to see this day, Arlannis,' Elrond had said after kissing her lightly on the cheek, 'I miss her, especially at moments like this. But we knew our span together would be short. Though the blood of Numenor ran strongly in her veins, she was but mortal.'
Mortal.
The word still echoed in Haldir's mind like a curse. His beloved bride-to-be was a half-breed. Not a true elf. Everything became clear, like silt settling in a pond into which a stone had been tossed. His mother's disapproval, the stares from the Lorien elves that he had taken for envy, were pity. Arlannis herself. She was quick to laugh and to seize the moment. And when he looked in her eyes, he could see a quality there that was unfamiliar to him. Now he realised what it was, or rather, what it was not. Arlannis lacked the certainty that blazed from every elf's face that life was never-ending. His beautiful Arlannis knew that she would not live forever. She knew that one day she would start to slow, to age and eventually, she would die.
Haldir's heart had cried out against this cruel fate. And then hardened into ice. If Arlannis could not be his forever, then he did not want her at all.
And so, upon taking their leave of Elrond, Haldir brought her to the very glade in which he had asked her to be his wife and declared to her that their marriage was now impossible.
Arlannis had simply stared at him in incomprehension and finally asked him why.
'Because you and I are not the same,' he had replied. 'You are half mortal and I never knew it. Save for a chance remark your father made, I might never have known until the truth became apparent in time. Tell me, Arlannis, would you ever have confessed your origins to me?'
'Confessed? My origins do not cause me shame, Haldir,' she had replied, 'My mother was a good and noble woman. And mortal, yes, she was a mortal woman. Everyone knows this, I thought you did too.'
'I did not know, Arlannis, you were presented to me as the daughter of Elrond. No mention was made of your mother.'
'My father does not name his dead,' she said coldly and then beseechingly, 'and if he had, Haldir, would you not have loved and courted me as you did?'
Haldir had not been able to bear the weight of that bright, pleading gaze. 'I would not, Arlannis, I want an elvish wife and elvish children. Our marriage would be a mistake and I will end it before it begins.'
'Before it begins?' she had answered bitterly, 'it has begun and yes it has gone much farther that that.' Arlannis had wept, 'You will abandon your word? And me? All of Lorien now knows of our match. How can I resume my place as Elrond's daughter when I was to be Haldir's wife?'
Haldir bowed his head as he walked and resisted the urge to look back at the Arlannis that followed him with the rest of the Fellowship.
At the time, he could not bear to look upon her suffering, his love for her could not be completely defeated by her birth. 'Great is my sorrow, Arlannis,' he spoke, still relishing the feel of her musical name on his lips, 'but you will love again. As will I.'
He had fled and left her in the sunny glade to come to terms with her desolate future without him.
But his final words to her had been mistaken. He had never loved again. But had she? Haldir's heart wondered treacherously if this quiet Ranger that now followed him had ever opened her heart to another. He bowed his head and tried to quell the memories of her laugh, her smile and the sound of her telling him that she loved him.
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