Thanks for the reviews - i've never been to Chicago - it's a long way from New Zealand... so sorry for geographical errors. maybe i should have them move to NZ, then i'll have it covered. We'll see...
Elizabeth escaped to the lounge, desperate for coffee, and space, and silence. Robert was beside the coffee machine and lifted a cup in her direction – offering to make hers.
"Thanks." She plopped down on a chair exhausted.
He handed her a hot cup and sat opposite.
"Yup, that's what I needed." She sighed, "So, how have you been?"
"Oh you know."
"I wanted to apologise for that night – I didn't mean to ask so many questions."
"Is this Elizabeth Corday apologizing? I thought I'd taught you better. Plus you did nothing wrong." He ended seriously – finding he couldn't keep up the sarcasm.
"Well, I don't know. You clearly wanted to be alone, but I had to stick around and have my say."
"You may have picked that up from me."
"Robert, let's be honest. You're going through shit. I'd hate to make things worse but as a doctor I'm not used to being unsure of how to fix people."
"See, that's where you went wrong. I don't want to be fixed. We're not talking about my arm, or lack thereof. I don't want to be fixed." He was calm, cold even. He said his bit and walked out, leaving a stunned Elizabeth. He should have been furious. He wasn't but she felt terrible.
"I don't know what's good for me either. Don't let me push you away.
Robert"
He wrote on a plain piece of fax paper. Unsure of how comfortable he was being that sincere, he folded it, stuffed it in an envelope and took the envelope to her office. Just as he'd hoped, she wasn't there. He slipped it under the door and took off, for rear she'd arrive any moment.
He found his envelope on his desk the next morning. A piece of tape held the torn seal closed. He opened it, rejection simmering at the back of his throat. At the bottom of the page, in her writing, it said: "ditto. E."
Episode: out of Africa. Elizabeth discovers that Eddie is married.
She shouldn't feel hurt. She'd been fending off his advances since she'd ran out after Robert. Now she didn't have to think of excuses anymore. She should be relieved. And she was, really – just reserving her right to be pissed off.
Stepping our of the hospital she scanned the vista, walking automatically toward the El station. A familiar black coat and bald head made her stop. She watched him lift something to his mouth. Without considering what she was doing she crossed the road and walked up beside him.
"Nice view."
He turned to her, though he hardly needed to see who it was. That voice, those footsteps, even that faint scent was imprinted in his psyche. "It is."
The stood in silence, watching streetlights gleam off the water, listening to its rhythmic lapping.
"It's so still," he broke the silence as if to explain it, "that's why I stop here."
"Contrast to work." She agreed.
"Yah, but to much is not healthy."
"What, busyness?"
"Well, yah, but I meant the stillness."
"Silence is my pet hate." She admitted
"Silence isn't good."
"Well, not for a patient, or a sick babe, but for me – I think I need more."
"Doesn't stop it from being scary though."
"Exactly." She hoped he wouldn't leave. The silence was nice now – almost companionable.
"I don't know what to do." Robert looked out into the night as if he were studying it. Really he was avoiding her eyes but if he were going to have this conversation he'd have to take one step at a time and those eyes affected him more than he wanted her to know.
Elizabeth didn't know what to say. His hand was resting on the cold railing so she tucked hers into it. He looked at their hands. He wasn't alone. The ache in his throat and the pin pricks behind his eyes told him to run away but her touch felt like a lifeline. Maybe it was too much to risk – he might fall for her even more, or she might carelessly walk away just when he started to trust her, or… the list went on. Or maybe he didn't haven anything left to lose. He squeezed her hand, turned to face her and boldly looked at her, "thank you." He said. It was barely audible but she knew what he'd said, and how hard it had been for him to say it.
"Come with me." She let go of his hand and walked back to the road to hail a cab.
"Where are we going?" he caught up to her stunned, hopeful, absolutely terrified.
"You'll see." She gave the driver directions and opened the back door for Robert to get in.
Twenty minutes later he was following her along a dark path.
"I hope you don't do this alone often."
"It's okay, I know my self-defense. I'll save you."
"No need," he laughed, "At speed this thing is lethal." She couldn't see it but she heard the whirring of his arm.
"Well, maybe you're the scariest thing I'll see tonight."
"Na, I'm scarier by daylight."
"I disagree – your sarcasm, so every other word, is harder to gauge when I can't see your face."
"I'll remember that."
The stepped out into the open, a grass slope overlooking Chicago and the dark lake stretching to the East. They just looked at it, said nothing.
Elizabeth pulled her jacket around her tightly and sat down, remembering her tiredness. Robert stood still until she patted the grass beside her – as though he needed her permission. Tonight he had to be sure. The silence was too ambiguous, or intense, he couldn't decide.
"So what is this place?"
"It's a park. I don't even know its name and I've been coming for years."
"What, with guys?"
"No, I never brought anyone. It's my thinking place – my stillness and silence and all that stuff. Gives me a bit of objectivity, some distance."
"Sounds like the stuff genius is made of."
"Try survival tactics."
"Was I really that hard on you?"
"Ha! Yah – well, this may surprise you, but I occasionally think about other things – not just you."
He laughed. He actually laughed. And not bitterly, despite the nature of their joke. The silence was more comfortable, for a while.
"What time are you on tomorrow?"
"Two. You?"
"I'm not – just catching up on some admin – oh the joys."
"Sounds riveting."
"Yah, I should sell tickets."
"Keep your day job." She laughed
"I'm trying," he deadpanned. "Sorry." He didn't mean to.
"Have you ever considered teaching?" she offered.
"Have you ever seen me with med students?"
"Okay, good call. How about research?"
"Yah, I know. I've had offers, but…"
"Well what's stopping you – you clearly aren't where you want to be, you should give it a try."
"Leaving would be so final. Like giving up. It'd give too many people to much pleasure. Plus I've never fancied Virginia."
She laughed, "where else."
"Boston, maybe New York."
"That's not so far away." She wasn't sure why she was relieved.
"Yah, but still." He sighed.
"What's keeping you here?" she probed.
"What do you think Elizabeth?" he snapped. "And everytime I think I'm past it you go and do this."
"No. This is a first Robert."
"It's no different." He stood up and began walking away – slowly like he had not place to go.
"Yes it is bloody different!" she followed him and grabbed his arm and didn't let go until he looked at her.
"Then what is? What's different? Other than the setting it's nothing."
"I DON'T pity you. You're a big boy Robert. You can handle whatever you get thrown. I've seen you do it. You don't need me. I choose to be here. Stop thinking I'm doing you some kind of a favour. You owe me nothing."
"That's not true, I owe you a helluva lot of respect to start with."
"Okay." She couldn't be bothered fighting anymore.
"You really aren't going to let me push you away, are you?"
"I'm trying." She met his eyes.
"I don't deserve that."
She shrugged. "It doesn't matter."
They stood in silence, looking out into darkness.
"Do you want to go home?" Robert asked
"Not particularly."
"Good." He pulled out his phone and called for a cab.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"You'll see." He grinned mischievously.
"Oh, good luck beating this."
"True, I'm going to have to bribe you. I saw you yawn before, how about coffee?"
"Sounds perfect. But nothing's open."
"You'll see."
Elizabeth escaped to the lounge, desperate for coffee, and space, and silence. Robert was beside the coffee machine and lifted a cup in her direction – offering to make hers.
"Thanks." She plopped down on a chair exhausted.
He handed her a hot cup and sat opposite.
"Yup, that's what I needed." She sighed, "So, how have you been?"
"Oh you know."
"I wanted to apologise for that night – I didn't mean to ask so many questions."
"Is this Elizabeth Corday apologizing? I thought I'd taught you better. Plus you did nothing wrong." He ended seriously – finding he couldn't keep up the sarcasm.
"Well, I don't know. You clearly wanted to be alone, but I had to stick around and have my say."
"You may have picked that up from me."
"Robert, let's be honest. You're going through shit. I'd hate to make things worse but as a doctor I'm not used to being unsure of how to fix people."
"See, that's where you went wrong. I don't want to be fixed. We're not talking about my arm, or lack thereof. I don't want to be fixed." He was calm, cold even. He said his bit and walked out, leaving a stunned Elizabeth. He should have been furious. He wasn't but she felt terrible.
"I don't know what's good for me either. Don't let me push you away.
Robert"
He wrote on a plain piece of fax paper. Unsure of how comfortable he was being that sincere, he folded it, stuffed it in an envelope and took the envelope to her office. Just as he'd hoped, she wasn't there. He slipped it under the door and took off, for rear she'd arrive any moment.
He found his envelope on his desk the next morning. A piece of tape held the torn seal closed. He opened it, rejection simmering at the back of his throat. At the bottom of the page, in her writing, it said: "ditto. E."
Episode: out of Africa. Elizabeth discovers that Eddie is married.
She shouldn't feel hurt. She'd been fending off his advances since she'd ran out after Robert. Now she didn't have to think of excuses anymore. She should be relieved. And she was, really – just reserving her right to be pissed off.
Stepping our of the hospital she scanned the vista, walking automatically toward the El station. A familiar black coat and bald head made her stop. She watched him lift something to his mouth. Without considering what she was doing she crossed the road and walked up beside him.
"Nice view."
He turned to her, though he hardly needed to see who it was. That voice, those footsteps, even that faint scent was imprinted in his psyche. "It is."
The stood in silence, watching streetlights gleam off the water, listening to its rhythmic lapping.
"It's so still," he broke the silence as if to explain it, "that's why I stop here."
"Contrast to work." She agreed.
"Yah, but to much is not healthy."
"What, busyness?"
"Well, yah, but I meant the stillness."
"Silence is my pet hate." She admitted
"Silence isn't good."
"Well, not for a patient, or a sick babe, but for me – I think I need more."
"Doesn't stop it from being scary though."
"Exactly." She hoped he wouldn't leave. The silence was nice now – almost companionable.
"I don't know what to do." Robert looked out into the night as if he were studying it. Really he was avoiding her eyes but if he were going to have this conversation he'd have to take one step at a time and those eyes affected him more than he wanted her to know.
Elizabeth didn't know what to say. His hand was resting on the cold railing so she tucked hers into it. He looked at their hands. He wasn't alone. The ache in his throat and the pin pricks behind his eyes told him to run away but her touch felt like a lifeline. Maybe it was too much to risk – he might fall for her even more, or she might carelessly walk away just when he started to trust her, or… the list went on. Or maybe he didn't haven anything left to lose. He squeezed her hand, turned to face her and boldly looked at her, "thank you." He said. It was barely audible but she knew what he'd said, and how hard it had been for him to say it.
"Come with me." She let go of his hand and walked back to the road to hail a cab.
"Where are we going?" he caught up to her stunned, hopeful, absolutely terrified.
"You'll see." She gave the driver directions and opened the back door for Robert to get in.
Twenty minutes later he was following her along a dark path.
"I hope you don't do this alone often."
"It's okay, I know my self-defense. I'll save you."
"No need," he laughed, "At speed this thing is lethal." She couldn't see it but she heard the whirring of his arm.
"Well, maybe you're the scariest thing I'll see tonight."
"Na, I'm scarier by daylight."
"I disagree – your sarcasm, so every other word, is harder to gauge when I can't see your face."
"I'll remember that."
The stepped out into the open, a grass slope overlooking Chicago and the dark lake stretching to the East. They just looked at it, said nothing.
Elizabeth pulled her jacket around her tightly and sat down, remembering her tiredness. Robert stood still until she patted the grass beside her – as though he needed her permission. Tonight he had to be sure. The silence was too ambiguous, or intense, he couldn't decide.
"So what is this place?"
"It's a park. I don't even know its name and I've been coming for years."
"What, with guys?"
"No, I never brought anyone. It's my thinking place – my stillness and silence and all that stuff. Gives me a bit of objectivity, some distance."
"Sounds like the stuff genius is made of."
"Try survival tactics."
"Was I really that hard on you?"
"Ha! Yah – well, this may surprise you, but I occasionally think about other things – not just you."
He laughed. He actually laughed. And not bitterly, despite the nature of their joke. The silence was more comfortable, for a while.
"What time are you on tomorrow?"
"Two. You?"
"I'm not – just catching up on some admin – oh the joys."
"Sounds riveting."
"Yah, I should sell tickets."
"Keep your day job." She laughed
"I'm trying," he deadpanned. "Sorry." He didn't mean to.
"Have you ever considered teaching?" she offered.
"Have you ever seen me with med students?"
"Okay, good call. How about research?"
"Yah, I know. I've had offers, but…"
"Well what's stopping you – you clearly aren't where you want to be, you should give it a try."
"Leaving would be so final. Like giving up. It'd give too many people to much pleasure. Plus I've never fancied Virginia."
She laughed, "where else."
"Boston, maybe New York."
"That's not so far away." She wasn't sure why she was relieved.
"Yah, but still." He sighed.
"What's keeping you here?" she probed.
"What do you think Elizabeth?" he snapped. "And everytime I think I'm past it you go and do this."
"No. This is a first Robert."
"It's no different." He stood up and began walking away – slowly like he had not place to go.
"Yes it is bloody different!" she followed him and grabbed his arm and didn't let go until he looked at her.
"Then what is? What's different? Other than the setting it's nothing."
"I DON'T pity you. You're a big boy Robert. You can handle whatever you get thrown. I've seen you do it. You don't need me. I choose to be here. Stop thinking I'm doing you some kind of a favour. You owe me nothing."
"That's not true, I owe you a helluva lot of respect to start with."
"Okay." She couldn't be bothered fighting anymore.
"You really aren't going to let me push you away, are you?"
"I'm trying." She met his eyes.
"I don't deserve that."
She shrugged. "It doesn't matter."
They stood in silence, looking out into darkness.
"Do you want to go home?" Robert asked
"Not particularly."
"Good." He pulled out his phone and called for a cab.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"You'll see." He grinned mischievously.
"Oh, good luck beating this."
"True, I'm going to have to bribe you. I saw you yawn before, how about coffee?"
"Sounds perfect. But nothing's open."
"You'll see."