Chapter 16 – Haldir the Bold

Arlannis paced the wall slowly, exchanging a few words with those men of Rohan she knew from her travels as a Ranger. The cries and taunts of the Uruk Hai filled the air and their blaring trumpets hurt her ears. The charge had not yet been sounded but everyone knew it would be soon. The atmosphere was charged with tension.

In the midst of this, Arlannis found time to be grateful that Fromas was back in the caves with Eowyn and the rest of the women and children. She had volunteered Gram as his physician's assistant to help Fromas deal with the inevitable casualties. At least those two brave, but hopelessly inept, warriors would be safe for a time at least.

Lost in her reverie, Arlannis did not see Haldir until it was too late to avoid him with any semblance of courtesy.

'Well met, daughter of Elrond,' he said graciously, inclining his head towards her.

Arlannis kept her temper with great effort. Daughter of Elrond, eh? It wasn't so long ago he had only seen the daughter of Gilraen and rejected her for it.

'Indeed,' she answered coldly.

'I see,' said Haldir, noting her coolness, 'so we are not even to be friends?'

Arlannis could feel her blood rising.

'Of course we are friends, Haldir,' she answered tautly, 'we fight the same enemy, serve the same cause.'

'Ah, then we are friends to a great many people, you and I,' he answered, indicating the hordes of Rohan warriors on the wall and in the keep.

Despite herself, Arlannis could not help but smile. Haldir was rarely lost for a quick retort.

'I would speak with you, Arlannis,' he said, his tone serious.

'And what would you say?

'That I love you still,' was the answer.

'Then you know what my reply would be, Haldir,' said Arlannis quickly, 'for we have spoken of these matters before. Nothing has changed.' She made to leave but Haldir gripped her arm.

'That is true,' he said, 'nothing has changed, at least for my part. I meant every word I said to you, I still love you. I would still honour our engagement and make you my wife, Arlannis. What passed between us in Lorien must have come as a cruel shock but I hoped that time would soften your heart. I still have hope Arlannis. Please think on it, my love.'

Arlannis snatched her arm awkwardly from his grasp and stumbled away from him. 'Don't call me that! Those days are gone forever!' she cried. Her voice was drowned out by the call of an Orc horn.

Haldir steadied her with his arm and they waited for the din to die away before speaking. Arlannis gazed into his eyes, they were only inches from her own. As always, his physical proximity clouded her mind. The lonely years fell away and it was as if they had never been apart. But she knew the feeling was false. As false as his love for her had been.

'Please,' he said softly, 'please at least consider my words, my love.'

But his words cut her.

'Don't call me that,' she insisted, shaking her head.

Haldir smiled gently. 'What else am I to call you? You are my love, even if you will not let me be yours.'

Tears filled Arlannis' eyes and she bowed her head to hide them.

'Forgive me,' Haldir said softly, 'I do not mean to distress you. But this war could see one or both of us dead by the end and I must seize any chance of restoring what was once between us. I knew of your presence here and came gladly, both for your sake and the sake of the alliance against the Dark Lord.'

He cupped her face and raised her eyes to his. 'I do love you, Arlannis. I loved you though my pride pushed you away. When you returned to Lorien it was as though my deepest wishes had been granted. I love you now and will love you forever. My shortsighted pride deprived us of a life together and I curse it. But still I hope.'

Arlannis drew a shuddering breath, Haldir was a compelling advocate and the pull of their shared past was strong. But she had to be stronger.

'I love you, Haldir,' she started, 'you are always in my heart. You were my first and only love.'

She could see the flame of hope kindle in his eyes and shrank from what she had to do.

'But there can never be anything more for us. I am not she that loved you so desperately more than twenty years ago. We have had our time and now it is over. I no longer belong to the Elvenkind, I have chosen to live as a mortal woman.'

At this Haldir's head bowed and Arlannis knew he wept. But she had no comfort to offer him and certainly none for herself. She did the kindest thing she could and left.

Haldir let her arm slip from his grasp and did not try to stop her, as just for that moment he had lost all heart. Her parting words whirled through his mind. She was making Luthien's choice to forsake the eternal life of their kind. The thought of Arlannis dying one day cut him to the quick. Haldir knew now to the depths of his elven soul that Arlannis was the only woman, elf or mortal, that his heart would love. And he felt it would be worth the inevitable pain of parting to spend the years of her mortal life by her side. He also knew Arlannis had mistaken his tears for those of a rebuffed lover, but his tears fell for her choice and for the insurmountable parting that choice would mean. It had overwhelmed him with its finality. But it was not too late. That day, if the fates were kind, was yet far off. There was time to win her back and one day they would take ship together for the Grey Havens. One day.

'And still I hope,' murmured Haldir softly, watching Arlannis continue her walk on the Deeping Wall.