Disclaimer-I don't own "Will & Grace." They are property of NBC, David Kohan, and Max Mutchnick. The only parts that I do own are the plot and the character Bruce Bickham.
A/N-Thanks to all who reviewed. Those who didn't--please review this chapter. And I apologize for the kind of slow start this chapter has, but I think that I needed to sort of "explain" Bruce. Anyway . . . oh, and I also started up a YahooGroup for Will and Jack. The website is on my profile. Please join!
Chapter Nine-Feeling This
Fate fell short this time
Smile fades in the summer
Place your hand in mine
I'll leave when I wanna.
-Blink 182 "Feeling This"
Jack spent the rest of the day with Bruce, simply--as Bruce put it--"chatting." Bruce was, as he called himself, a "single gay man looking for love, success, and money."
Bruce had grown up in Madison, Wisconsin as the last of three children. His father had run off the day after he had been born, so it was just him, his mother, and his two sisters living in a small house on the outskirts of Madison.
Bruce assumed that growing up with only female influences was what caused him to be first interested in men. His mother had only male friends, and his sisters would occasionally bring home a boyfriend.
Bruce had first come out of the closet in 1975, right after he had turned sixteen. Since his family did not have enough money to send him to school, he did not have a boyfriend until he moved out when he was eighteen.
"So, you never went to school?" Jack asked, amazed.
"Nope. My mom taught me everything she knew, which is probably another reason why I'm gay. And when I first told her I was gay, she didn't seem too suprised by it." Bruce shrugged. "Oh well, it made it a lot easier."
Bruce explained that he had gotten his first boyfriend in 1977--a man named Peter Anderson. They had stayed together for over two years when, one day, Peter simply left him because "I wasn't smart enough for him."
Jack shook his head. "Yeah, I know how you feel. Will, my boyfriend, is so much smarter than me, that I'm actually a little bit afraid that he's going to leave me for it." Jack thought about what he had just said. It had never actually dawned on him until that moment that Will might want to leave him because he was not smart enough.
Jack glanced at his watch. "Oh my God! It's getting really late; I've got to get home to--"
"--Will." Bruce nodded. "But you'll come back, right? You're the most interesting person in this hospital."
Jack smiled at him and stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow," he said before leaving Room 17 and the sweet, attractive man for the night . . .
Jack arrived home that night, feeling slightly guilty about spending the day with Bruce. Well, not the fact that he spent the day with Bruce--he was still insisting that it was his job to spend the day with a patient; keep his or her mind off of the injury--but rather the fact that he had been so flirtatious with Bruce.
And the worst part of it was that, although it was only for a few seconds, he had completely forgotten about Will. Especially considering the amazing night that they had had: the shower, the steam . . . it made his heart race just thinking about it.
But even in spite of that wonderful night, even in spite of how much he loved Will, Jack couldn't help feeling . . . he paused, searching for the right word . . . scared, maybe, that there was someone out there that could be better suited for him than Will. And since he was with Will, would he miss out on finding that person?
Jack glanced at his watch as soon as he arrived outside of the apartment. "Oh God, I'm over an hour late. What am I going to tell Will?"
He took a hold of the doorknob, took a deep breath, and entered the apartment. "Hey Jackie," Will greeted, looking up from the stove.
"Hey Will," Jack replied, coughing nervously.
"You're late; what happened?" Will asked, sounding slightly concerned.
Will's concern made Jack's guilt grow tenfold. "Oh . . ." Jack walked up into the kitchen. ". . . it was nothing. Just, you know, work."
"Oh, okay." Will set down the stirring spoon he had been holding and reached out his arm, silently asking for a hug. Jack stepped forward and let Will's arm wrap tightly around his shoulders. Will pulled Jack closer and into a romantic kiss.
"Will?" Jack asked, placing a hand on Will's chest after they had broken the kiss. "I have a question."
"What is it?" Will asked, placing his hand on top of Jack's and giving it a gentle squeeze.
Jack looked into Will's doe-colored eyes and that feeling of guilt immediately returned. "Umm . . . did you, I mean, when you were with Michael, did you ever feel that there was . . . a chance that there was someone else out there who was, I don't know . . . better suited for you that Michael? You know, a 'soul mate' out there that you were going to miss out on because you were in a relationship?"
Will gave Jack a confused look. "To be honest, yeah. Yeah, I felt that there was someone out there that I was missing out on. I think that most people feel that way when they're in a relationship. That fear that there is someone out there who is perfect for them, but they won't be able to find them. Why, are you having these feelings?" Will asked, obviously worried.
"Oh, no . . . no, no. I was just . . . making sure that you weren't completely convinced that Michael was 'the one' for you." He leaned close and kissed Will on the cheek. "I love you," he insisted, planting kisses along Will's face until he reached Will's mouth.
"Mmm . . . you know, we'll probably never eat again if we keep this up," Will whispered, grinning.
"How much longer 'til dinner?" Jack asked, kissing Will's chin tenderly.
"Twenty minutes," Will replied, tracing concentric circles along Jack's neck seductively.
"Perfect," Jack murmured, taking Will's hands in his and leading Will towards the couch.
"Jack, we don't have enough time to--"
"--I know, but that doesn't mean that we can't . . . fool around a little bit," Jack said, in-between kisses.
"Hmm, sounds . . . nice." Will sat down on the couch, and Jack sat down with each leg on either side of Will, straddling him. Jack pressed his lips against Will's, running his hands up Will's shirt, stroking his bare skin gently.
Will shuddered, causing Jack to pull away slightly. When he pulled away, Jack found himself thinking--no, imagining--Bruce's handsome, boyish face. His amazing blue eyes, his creamy white skin, his movie star smile . . .
"Jackie?" Jack's eyes fluttered open and he saw Will's smiling face. "Whatcha thinking about?" he asked, stroking Jack's face with the back of his fingers.
"Oh . . ." Jack paused. Think, Jack, think! "Just . . . you."
Will smiled shyly, then leaned in, brushing Jack's lips softly. Jack moaned as Will gently pushed him onto the couch, in a lying-down position. Will crawled on top of Jack's body, kissing Jack's neck and upper chest tenderly.
"Mmm," Jack sighed as Will moved back up towards his mouth, licking his chin, jaw-line, and ear. "Oh, Bruce--" Jack's eyes flew open. "--Almighty!" he finished, desperately. "Isn't that on HBO tonight?"
He felt Will shrug and then continue kissing his neck passionately. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter," Jack mumbled, relieved that Will bought his desperate attempt to hide Bruce's name. What is wrong with me? he asked himself. I hope that this is just a phase.
"No, it doesn't," Will replied, placing a fiery kiss onto Jack's lips. The kiss was so intense that Jack thought that he had actually hear bells going off in his ears. He leaned into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Will's neck, pulling him closer, wriggling his tongue through Will's lips, exploring his mouth excitedly.
Will broke the kiss, breathing heavily. "I . . . love you," he said, in-between gasps. He leaned in for another kiss, this time pushing his own tongue into Jack's mouth, running it along Jack's teeth.
"I love you, too," Jack replied as Will shifted off of his body and collapsed next to him on the couch. Will smiled and slipped his arm underneath Jack's shoulders, embracing his lover tightly.
Jack sighed deeply. Will may have said that most people feel that they might miss out on meeting their soul mate when they're in a relationship, but he couldn't help but feel guilty.
He couldn't seem to get Bruce out of his mind, even during his and Will's little "make-out session." He had someone imagined that it was Bruce's tongue that had entered his mouth, that it was Bruce's hair he had been running his fingers through . . .
He couldn't stop thinking about how well he and Bruce had gotten along, their similar interests, and, of course, Bruce's obvious attraction towards him. What if the temptation becomes too much and I do something stupid? Jack asked himself, feeling Will place a butterfly kiss onto his neck.
Jack knew that he did not have a good past when it came to other single, attractive gay men. He knew that he had a . . . habit of going after pretty much anyone. But he loved Will . . . would that be enough to keep him from resisting Bruce and his charms, his flirtatious nature, and whatever else Bruce would, figuratively, of course, throw at him? I'd better. I never want to hurt Will.
"Jack, you're being really quiet; what's wrong?" Will asked, resting his chin on Jack's chest.
"Oh, nothing," Jack lied. "I just . . . want to rip off all of your clothes and make love to you right here on this couch"
Will chuckled. "I think we could arrange that . . ." Will jumped up and rushed into the kitchen, switching off the stove and running back to Jack.
"Wow, you're fast," Jack said, smiling, sitting upright.
Will smiled and began unbuttoning Jack's shirt, kissing the skin underneath tenderly. Jack smiled, pressing his lips against the top of Will's head. "You are fast." He began unbuttoning Will's shirt as well, then pulled off Will's pants. "Let's see just how fast . . ."
Will pushed Jack back down into a lying-down position on the couch, where they made passionate love until the early, early morning.
"Hello!" Jack greeted, entering Room 17 happily. For the past four days, he and Bruce had continued to get along very well. Jack knew that each day, he was getting more and more flirtatious, but he told himself that he would not do anything more than that.
"Umm, hello?"
Jack stopped abruptly, looking in awe at the elderly woman lying in Bruce's bed. "You're-you're not Bruce. Okay . . ." Jack turned and rushed out of the room. "Excuse me?" he said to the woman at the receptionist counter. "Could you tell me where a Bruce Bickham is?"
"Oh, yes . . ." The woman typed in Bruce's name. "He was moved to Room 33."
"Okay, thank you," Jack replied, smiling. He turned and walked swiftly down the hall towards Room 33. Oh, thank God! he thought, relieved. I thought that he had left or something. And I didn't even get his phone number . . . so that I could talk to him over the phone, he added to himself, trying to convince himself that he thought of Bruce simply as a friend.
The thought that he was perhaps too happy about Bruce's still being at the hospital never even crossed his mind. Jack stopped outside of Room 33 and took a deep breath before entering.
"Jack, you're here!" Bruce exclaimed. "I didn't know if you'd find me after they switched my room."
"Yeah, well, I'm here!" Jack said, happily, throwing his hands in the air.
"So, come on, sit down and let's chat!" Bruce said, gesturing towards the chair that had been placed next to his bed. Jack did not need to ask to know that the chair had probably been placed there just for him.
"Okay!" Jack ran over and sat down in the chair.
"So, what did you do last night?" Bruce asked, sitting up in his bed.
"Well, my boyfriend, Will, and I . . . kind of . . ." Jack trailed off, feeling--for some odd reason--guilty about telling Bruce about his "sexcapades" with Will.
"You had sex?!" Bruce scoffed, crossing his arms in a pouting nature. "You're so lucky . . . I'm going to be trapped here for a few more days . . . or weeks." He shook his head in forbearance.
"Oh, that's awful! I'm so sorry," Jack said, patting Bruce affectionately on the arm.
"It's okay," Bruce replied, placing his hand on top of Jack's, looking fiercely into Jack's eyes. "I don't mind staying here. It's been so great so far." He gave Jack's hand a quick squeeze.
Jack pulled his hand away, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, Bruce. I have a boyfriend. I'm in love. I can't . . ."
Bruce sighed, nodding. "No, I'm sorry. It's just . . . for the past few days, I've felt that you and I have had some kind of a, I don't know, connection or something. Like, a spark. I thought that you felt it, too, but I don't want to do anything to hurt your relationship with Will."
Jack smiled sadly at him. "Bruce, to be perfectly honest, I did feel a connection. I did. But I think what I'm feeling is just something that, apparently, a lot of people feel when they're in a relationship at one time or another."
Bruce raised his eyebrows. "What are you feeling?"
"I . . . I don't know how to describe it, you know? I'll admit it, I've been thinking about you. A lot, in fact. Even when I'm kissing or making love to my boyfriend, but . . . it's a phase, right?"
Bruce's cheeks turned a light shade of pink. "Jack," he began, calmly, "do you really think that thinking about me when you're, you know, doing your boyfriend is normal? I don't think that it is. You should be thinking about him, not me. I'm honored, though," he added, with a small, forced laugh.
"So, you don't think that this is a phase? You don't think that I'm just having a fear of missing out on something?" Jack asked, becoming worried.
Bruce shrugged. "I don't know. It could be. I guess we'll never really know if I'm just some 'phase' or the real thing." A small smile began to appear over his lips. "Unless . . ."
"Unless what?"
"Well, if you were to, I don't know . . . kiss me, or something, you'd know if these feelings are just some phase or . . . if they're something else." His smile grew, his blue eyes twinkling.
"But . . . what if I do feel something?" Jack asked, biting his lip. Why am I even considering this? he asked himself.
"I won't tell if you won't," he replied, grinning irresistibly at Jack. "So, do you want to try it?"
Jack looked at him for a moment. Is just "making sure" cheating? he asked himself. It's just . . . one kiss. Right? Just one kiss. But isn't that still cheating?
"Jack, do you want to try it?" Bruce asked again. "Do you?"
TBC
A/N-Dun, dun, dun! Suspense! Anyway, please review and tell me what you think so far. And again, please join my YahooGroup! Thanks!