A/N: Must explain one thing: Sakura is seeing these memories. Maybe not as in detail as I write them, like the thing with the strawberries. All she sees is the two angels kissing; she doesn't even catch much of their whispered conversations. She doesn't realize just how far some of the kisses go, and she doesn't see every little thing. But Sakura does see enough to get an idea of Nickoli's personality and how much he loved Yue. Okay? Cool.
Aaaannndd, I know I said I might write a lemon into this somehow, but I'm finding that I just can't do it! You see, Yue's a virgin and I don't work well with virgins, plus as I just explained all these little flashbacks are to explain certain things to Sakura. Also because of FF.net's new no NC-17 rule, I don't want to do anything yet. Tell you what, if people want a sequel, I'll write a lemon into that. All right? Tell me what you think, because I really want to do a sequel to this!
DISCLAIMER: I own Nikki, and Nia, and their mansion, and all the cool little thingy-ma-bobs in the mansion. CLAMP gets the rest.
Chapter 8: Clow's Dinner & A Protracted Lack Of Privacy
Keroberos sat at the dining room table, staring at the plate of food set in front of him. "Um, Reed?" When Clow looked up, Kero asked, "What is it?"
Clow stood up and bellowed, "Eat it or I'll turn you into a slow fly!"
"Why a slow fly?" The sun guardian asked.
"Because then one of them," he gestured to the angels who were staring at him like he was crazy, "whom I am going to turn into toads, can eat you."
Kero slowly nodded and took a bite of the dish. Clow's face returned to his usual serene smile as he saw the guardian's eyes light up and watched as the lion began to eat rapidly.
"You're master is schizophrenic," Nickoli whispered. Clow glared at him and he immediately picked up a fork. Clow calmed himself, looking expectantly at Yue.
"Master I don't-" Clow's eyes darkened but before he could say anything, Nickoli shoved a forkful of pasta into the moon angel's mouth. Through a small grin he whispered, "Indulge the crazy person," as Clow smiled.
Clow's own thoughts were a bit muddle. Outside he seemed to enjoy the dinner, but inside him there was enough turmoil to burn down the house. He had seen, from the kitchen window, Nickoli carry Yue in his arms, though the moon guardian was perfectly capable of flying himself. The way he had held him longer afterwards, the kind words he could just barely hear from Yue, he even noticed when the darker angel imperceptibly brushed his fingers over the lips of *Clow's* creation. A familiar wave of possessiveness almost overcame him at the scene. For an instant the idea of sending Nickoli away and taking Yue for his own was the only option he could think of. But then he heard Yue teasing his love, smiling with more happiness than Clow had ever seen, over two decades, on the angel's face. //Would I actually do that? Would I have enough avarice to take that away from him, to let him fall back into the near depression he had entered? Isn't it better for me to view that smile, even if it was made for someone else? // The man had started over towards the door to call them in before Kero spotted them. //I've failed. What kind of good mage am I if I can barely wish happiness upon my own creations? // The sadness that had entered the man didn't show through at dinner.
Surprisingly enough, the food was edible. Though Clow's attempt at stew was, well, disastrous. They all had a good laugh about it when even the sorcerer admitted how bad it was, by spitting it out on Keroberos. After dinner, Yue practically dragged Nickoli into his favorite library, where they could see the sunset out of the large windows. It was peaceful and beautiful, until Clow came running in holding the last desert, Keroberos flying quickly after him.
The sun lion was crying, "Give me back my beloved food, you evil, EVIL madman! If you weren't holding that poor, delicious treat hostage, I'd throw so many fireballs at you that they'd need magic to identify your charred remains!"
Yue watched the scene calmly, while Nickoli stared at the two in confused shock. Then he laughed a little as Clow made the desert float above his and Kero's heads while they wrestled for supremacy on the library floor. Eventually, Kero ended up sitting on Clow, who promptly recognized defeat. Once beaten, the magician allowed the last of the desert cake to fall into Keroberos' possession. The four talked and laughed for a while, until Clow had to go clean the kitchen and Kero wandered onto the other side of the library.
"This is so nice," Nickoli sighed, "but it's something I'll never have. You, Clow and Keroberos are real family to each other. Nia and I simply live together, when a problem arises I protect her, but sometimes it feels like we're strangers."
"How could you feel that way about your Mistress? I don't mean it's wrong, it is simply that even the most base creation I've encountered feel some deeper connection with their creators." The distance between Ms. Sotalia and her protector puzzled Yue.
"You make me feel defective," the dark angel said quietly, and waved away Yue's apologies, mumbling, "I know you didn't mean to." Nickoli lowered his head, thinking deeply as he sat. "I don't feel any connection to her, not at all. It doesn't even feel like she gives me power, our relationship is empty. Although I listen to her, I don't feel that pull most guardians do to help their master. I don't know when she's in danger, unless it's obvious or she tells me, I can't anticipate her needs, I don't even understand her motives or thought process like you and Keroberos do for Clow. I can disobey her as easily as I can walk."
These issues were a bit disconcerting to Nickoli, and they worried Yue in the fact that it made no sense. Yue bent down on one knee and put his arm around the other angel, who was becoming more and more of a mystery to him. Although Nickoli was usually cheerful, the moon guardian could sometimes detect something strange beneath the surface. There were times when Nikki's eyes held a fierce viciousness, or even a slight disorientation. Flashes of predatory instincts overtook Nickoli, like when he threw the Gretchumanian out the window. Most of these moments passed quickly with no effect on the outside, but Yue could feel the inner turbulence of his beloved. Like there were two halves of Nickoli, each one wanting to be dominant, but so far one side was staying in control, or they were balancing out. Yue had a feeling that it was the dark angel's other side that destroyed that room.
Yue began to understand the nearly split personality quality the being had. Though Nickoli controlled the elements, everything had to have it's opposite, in his case it would have to involve nature, feasibly light and darkness. Nikki had been created alone, discarding the property that the Chinese knew as yin and yang. An opposite was needed for Nickoli's kind, energetic personality, the light, so magic was creating an opposing personality inside the same mind, dark. When these thoughts entered Yue's mind, he immediately realized, //If Nia doesn't do something about this, he'll go insane. // The question was, why would Nia create only one protector, probably knowing he'd develop such violent impulses, and then make him so disconnected from her?
Yue pushed these thoughts aside. Whatever was troubling Nickoli, he would still love him. No matter what, even if he wanted to, Yue would always retain feelings of love for the being, no matter how he changed. For someone can only change so much, and deep down the basic elements of a person never shift. When Nikki knew enough about it himself, he would tell Yue. Yue ran his fingers over the jewel around the other angel's throat, and he then began kissing below the cloth, and since they were behind one of the stacks Keroberos couldn't see them. The sun guardian heard a small noise, and a soft thump as Nickoli's shoulder accidentally bumped a book off a shelf, but he ignored the sounds and walked briskly out of the room. Yue drew Nickoli up and claimed his lips. In the background, the sun was no more and night had begun.
Eventually it was time for everyone to get some sleep, gaining energy for the upcoming day. Goodnights were said, and Nickoli stopped at Yue's door with the moon guardian before going to his own room. Pulling Nikki down, Yue brushed his lips over the taller angel's and then Nikki tried to pull away. Tried being the key word, because the shorter angel didn't let him go.
"I've made a decision," the moon angel whispered.
Breathlessly, Nickoli replied, "And that would be?" Hoped tinged the guardians voice.
"You're not spending this night alone." Nickoli smiled as Yue pulled him in to the room and shut the door behind them.
~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~* ~*
The next morning, Clow and Keroberos were awake long before Nickoli or Yue. Kero wanted to go upstairs and see why both were still asleep. Clow himself wanted to know what happened and had to distract the sun guardian with breakfast. Meanwhile, he crept upstairs to sate his curiosity. He decided to go to Yue's room first.
When the magician opened the door quietly, he really, really wished he hadn't. There were the two angels, sleeping peacefully in each other's arms, sheet pulled up around both their waists. It was the most beautiful scene Clow had ever beheld, until Nickoli woke up. As he did so he spotted Clow and groaned. That awoke Yue, who had his back to his master.
Nickoli mumbled something to himself about no privacy, which caused the moon guardian to ask, "What do you mean?"
"It's nothing, beautiful angel," he kissed him on the cheek. "Go back to sleep." Yue wrapped his arms tighter around Nickoli and closed his eyes. The younger being made motions to Clow, obviously wanting him to leave. Luckily, the magician took a hint.
The dark angel held Yue closer, and the moon guardian laughed a little. "Mmm, you're warm," he said as he pushed himself against Nickoli and purred a bit. It was Nikki's turn laugh and he then kissed Yue's neck.
"It took you all night to notice that?" Yue looked at his lover and paused.
"What is it about you that makes me melt?" He asked quietly.
Nickoli kissed him in reply, "Maybe it's the fact I love you."
Smiling, Yue closed his eyes, "That must be it."
After a short time, both angels realized how late it had become. Rising, they dressed slowly, pausing every so often to tease or kiss the other. Yue wanted to check in with Clow and make sure everything was running smoothly, and Nickoli wanted to go outside. For the moment they parted, Yue traveling to his master's study and the taller angel wandering lazily out to the garden.
When Yue entered his master's study, Clow smirked and asked, "Well good morning, or should I say good afternoon. Did you both sleep well?" The moon guardian smiled almost shyly, trying not to reveal the blush that was threatening to stain his cheeks. He nodded mutely, relaxing as Clow smiled. "You know I'm happy for you. You seemed so lonely, I began to feel I was being unfair by not exposing you to more people."
"No, it wasn't you Clow. I didn't even realize I was lonely until I met him."
"Do you love him?" Clow asked the question quietly, to mask the jealousy he felt and the small amount of regretful bitterness he tried to withhold. //If I hadn't introduced him to Nia and Nickoli, he might have been mine...but what kind of repercussions might that have had on him when he's forced to give me up? Things are better this way, he's genuinely in love and happy. Plus, Nickoli too is a guardian, so he'll live as long as Yue. They may be separated for a while, but they do love one another and will always find their ways back together. I'm surer of that than I am of the sun rising tomorrow morning. //
"Yes, I love him. I never even thought I was capable of this emotion before... it's slightly bewildering, but pleasant in a dizzying way. The best part is, he loves me too." Yue was now definitely blushing, and his smile was sweeter than any Clow had ever seen him express before.
//This was most certainly the right thing. // "Good. Why don't you go to him then? He has to go home in a few days."
"Um, I have to ask you something though first, Master."
Clow paused, not liking the serious tone in Yue's voice and the worried expression on the angel's face as he stood in front of the mage's desk. "What's wrong?"
"It's... It's about Nikki. Nia created him, just him alone." Clow nodded, now knowing what the guardian was concerned about, but letting him continue his explanation, "Everything must have its opposing force in magic, and Nickoli has nothing. I've heard of some guardians that have amazing close bonds with their Masters that counteracts their magic, or some sort of substitute opposing factor, but Nickoli has no such bond with his mistress... I fear..."
Clow put his hand on Yue's, "It's all right, you can say it."
"I'm afraid he might loose sanity if Nia doesn't do something about it. The magic inside him senses the lack of an inverse, and eventually it will create a split personality to form the parallels of light and dark. His current mindset being light, and the other dark. He won't be... sane anymore, and none of it would be his fault! It would be Nia's foolishness and disregard, and he'd have to suffer!" The silver haired man's voice dropped, "In fact I believe he's already suffering for it..."
Clow bowed his head. He had deeply hoped that there were no noticeable signs of Nia's mistake yet, but apparently the darkness inside Nickoli was spreading faster than either of them expected. "That's what Nia has been doing lately." Yue looked up in shock at his master. "She realized what would happen to her guardian, so she's been locking herself away for days, simply working on a solution to save him. She's very close, and within the next six months should have something that will postpone it greatly, if not stop it all together. Yes, I knew, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But you cannot tell him. If his subconscious knows this information, he's doomed. It is within his subconscious that the problems are arising, so the new personality that he's suppressing back there would do all it could to reach complete fruitation. It would be unconscious folly. As it is, he should last many months, maybe almost a year. I've begun trying to help Nia as well, but there is only so much either of us can do. I've found some new texts, but I have to translate them, and that will take time. Please Yue, don't loose faith in him. He needs your support, in fact it would help him resist the insanity that's spreading through his psyche."
Yue gazed at nothing for a long while. Doubts passed through his mind like clouds over the sun, and he forced them away. "Thank you for finally telling me. I'll make sure he doesn't find out. I have one more question: would anything speed up this transformation?"
"What do you mean? Help it along? Well, besides the knowledge of it's limited amount of time, like I said earlier, a powerful force of dark magic or an overly traumatic event would push its progression along much." Clow asked quietly, "Why do you question me on such? Is something causing him extended difficulties?"
"No, I was just wondering... I best be going... Thank you, Master." Yue mumbled his response and turned around, swiftly exiting.
"You're lying to me, my Moon Angel," Clow whispered to himself, "But he must have told you something private, and you would never break his trust if it was not necessary. I envy him, how he can confide in you and you in him, and I envy your love for him. But it is out of my control now, I see. Even if I was to be selfish, I could no longer control your emotions. You are no longer closed in and kept exclusively to me. I believe your beginning to receive your first bit of real life, and you will also get many surprises, pleasant and not."
As Yue strolled out the door into the garden, he found a rather disturbing sight. Nickoli was standing with a small, yellow and red bird perched on his hand. He pet its head gently with one finger, smiling at it. Suddenly the smile faded, and a strange look overcame his features. He began regarding the bird coldly, raised an eyebrow and for a moment Yue thought he was going to crush the bird in his palm. Nickoli's eyes went wide as he quickly released the small creature. It flew swiftly away, making repressed noises of terror and fear that had come instinctually at Nickoli's sudden change. The tall, dark haired angel sat at the edge of a fountain, letting his long black and red streaked locks hide his face. The moon guardian silently approached and sat down, wrapping his arms around his lover.
Nickoli looked as if he were about to explain, but Yue stopped him, "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."
Nickoli stared at Yue, and brushed the hair out of his own eyes. "Yue, I have no idea what's going on with me lately. But I want you to know, and always remember this, that as long as I exist, I'll be in love with you. No matter what, you own my heart."
Yue smiled and rested his head on the other's shoulder. "That is the most precious gift anyone has ever given me, or ever will. I would return the gesture, but you stole my heart the moment you walked into Nia's library."