And if you type like that, I may have to find out where you live and personally throttle you.
Summary: Remus thinks about his feelings for Sirius as they prepare to leave Hogwarts forever.
Disclaimer: © J.K. Rowling, not me, dammit! I wish! snuggles Siri/Remi plushies
Summer Heaven
I stared out of the open castle windows for what I knew was the last time. The end of seventh year, it was all over. This summer break would be a permanent one, unless by some strange chance I managed to get a job. It wasn't likely, the wolf part of my mind told me, but I didn't care. It was summer.
It was the first time since coming to Hogwarts that the crisp summer air dampened my spirits rather than lifting them. Usually I was grateful to go back home (as much as I missed my studies) to stay with my parents, or perhaps James and Sirius, doing nothing but running around, playing Quidditch, and reading under the shade of a giant oak tree. My summers had been like that for the past six years, and I must admit that they were the best six years of my life. If only I could relive them again.
Now it had to end, the hours upon hours of time we spent together. Seventeen was too old to be staying at a friend's house when you should be off in the real world taking care of yourself. I would be better finding someplace small, someplace I could afford, and living on my own while searching endlessly for an employer that really didn't mind me taking off to turn into a werewolf once a month. That's what I told myself, but the sun muddled my brain and made it nearly impossible for the words to sink in.
I often wondered to myself whether or not you realized all the grief you put me through. The torment you brought followed me even when I wasn't by your side. To see you laughing below, running around on the grass in a crazed expression of your new freedom, was almost more than I could endure. You looked up and caught my eye, grinning and waving wildly. "Moony!" you said, putting your hands to your mouth so that there was no question of whether or not I could hear you. "Come down here, you look much too glum for the end of the year! We're done with school, we're free! Celebrate!"
I looked down at you with a small smile, paying more attention to the way your dark hair gleamed under the sun and framed your face than the words you spoke. You stared at me eagerly for an answer; I couldn't keep you waiting.
"I'm fine, Siri. I have a few more things to pack up."
My lie went straight through you. "Let the house elves do it! It's wonderful out here!"
I briefly considered conceding to your demands, but the sight of a group of beautiful, chatting sixth year girls walking towards you made me change my mind instantly. You couldn't possibly prefer to be with me. "Nah, it's okay. I think I'll curl up and read a good book."
You opened your mouth again, but I closed the window and hurried away before you could see the tears in my eyes. I wiped them away hastily, managing to glance at my watch and noting that we only had fifteen minutes before we left for the train. I couldn't let you see how upset I was at the prospect of not seeing you every day. You would never admit it, but it would make you feel guilty, and I knew that would ruin your summer. I couldn't live knowing I had caused you such discomfort.
Walking down to the common room, I took a last look at the fine details in the wood and curtains. This had been my home for a good part of the past seven years, seven years of memories gone by and lost forever. The fire still blazed in the middle of summer; it suddenly struck me how cold and alone I felt at that moment. I curled up in one of the armchairs and stared into the flames, imagining your face in it until I fell asleep.
When I awoke, I first saw your eyes peering down at me. Light from the fire danced on them as they looked at me almost sympathetically. Stretching, I sat up and rubbed my eyes, surprised to find that they were still wet. Oh God, I had continued crying and you had seen me. You stared at me from beneath thick strands of hair, quizzical, astonished.
You knew.
I had tried so hard to keep it from you, especially in these final moments, and you knew. I looked away, feeling all thoughts seeping from my eyes into the open- the sweet, the caring, and even the X-rated ones that I just recently mentally acknowledged. This was it; I had caused a disaster. You probably had planned to go home with your girlfriend (I didn't know who, but knowing you there was one waiting for you like always) and spend the rest of your summer with her until you found someone else to have a fling with. Now this and all following relationships would be ruined, all because I had been careless and let out my secret.
"Siri..." My mouth moved, trying to explain everything. Eyes still closed and unable to look into yours, I was taken aback when I felt your hot breath on my lips. I opened my mouth in surprise, to ask what you were doing, but your lips met mine and all questions died away.
I found myself opening my mouth eagerly as your tongue brushed my bottom lip. I held you close to me; you held me even closer. This was the moment I had been waiting for, the moment I had dreamt of. Now that it happened, I realized my dreams had never showed me the surge of emotion I could feel towards you in one moment, you returning everything I felt. I was in heaven.
You broke away slowly, pulse racing. I felt your heart beating in your chest as you lifted yourself from me, chest heaving. As I dared to open my eyes, I felt a small drop of water touch my cheek, mixing in with the drying tears running down my face. I took a chance and looked up at you, seeing the teardrops dotting you features. It was the first time I had seen you cry, but they weren't tears of sorrow. Nor were mine.
With a compassionate smile unlike any other I had seen from you, you made your way out of the room. During the entire train ride home, you never said a word to me about the moment we shared.
You didn't need to.