Romeo and Juliet
**
(At the brownie party)
NoV: Boy, Zelgadis! You can make terrific brownies!
Zelgadis: Thank-you. Brownies are..my specialty. Besides coffee.
Gourry: (dives into a platter of brownies) Brownie bonsai!!!
Xelloss: (walks into the room mangled and ruffled up)
NoV: HI-ya, Xelloss! What's happenin?..where's your staff?
Xelloss: Um.. (thinks) An adorable little girl stole it from me.
Zelgadis: Did the 'adorable little girl' beat you up too?
Xelloss: Hmm? Oh, no. These wounds were self-inflicted.
Minna: -.-
Bishounen: Can we get back to the play now?
NoV: Oh, come on, Bishy! Join the party! Eat a brownie or two hundred!
Bishounen: Bleck. I detest chocolate.
NoV: Well, so do I, but I'm eating it anyway.
Bishounen: All right, I'm the director and I'm taking charge! Everybody back to the stage. NOW!!
Minna: (continue talking and eating)
Bishounen: Urgh. I don't get any respect.
NoV: It's because we know you love us. And the fact that you're really just a wimpy girl in the guise of a hot guy.
Bishounen: (whines) I am not!!!!
NoV: Oh-kay, let's start the play for real. Everybody, let's go.
Minna: (shrug and go to the stage)
Bishounen: I hate you.
NoV: You hate me?? (fake cries)
Bishounen: No, no!! I don't! Don't cry!! I'm sorry!!
NoV: Gotcha! (runs to the stage)
Bishounen: Why me? (slugs toward the stage)
(back-stage)
NoV: Okie-dokie, I need Lady Capulet, Amelia, and the nurse, Filia. Go on! Time to make yourselves stars!
Amelia: I'll be back, my love! (blows a kiss to Zelgadis, who looks queasy)
Filia: (petting Valgaav) Val, honey, if that mean old namagomi or anybody else bothers you, all you have to do is ring this bell. Oh-kay? (hands Valgaav a little golden bell)
Val: (buries head in hands)
(Filia and Amelia go to the stage)
Rezo: (regained strength) Perish, you copy!! (whacks Kopii with his staff)
Kopii: Die!! (slams Rezo over the head)
(on-stage)
Amelia: Nurse, where's my daughter? Call her forth to me.
Filia: Now, by my maidenhead, at twelve year old, I bade her come. What, lamb! What, lady-bird! God forbid! Where's the girl? What, Juliet?
(back-stage)
NoV: Oh-kay, Lina-chan! You're on!
Lina: Yeah. (smirk) Juliet, I am!!
Xelloss: Good-bye, my love.
Lina: (growls, then goes on-stage) How now! Who calls?
Filia: Your mother.
Lina: Madam, I am here. What is your will.
Amelia: This is the matter. Nurse, give leave awhile. We must talk in secret.
Filia: (begins to leave)
Amelia: Wait! Nurse, come back again; I have remember'd me, thou's hear our counsel. Thou know'st my daughter's of a pretty age.
(back-stage)
Gourry: (refereeing the fight between Kopii and Rezo) And, Rezo pulls Kopii into a head-lock. But, Kopii pokes Rezo in the belly. And Rezo trips Kopii. And Kopii smacks Rezo. And there's neck-at-neck!
Phibby: I've got fifty bucks on Rezo!
Martina: You're on, your filthy monster.
(on-stage)
Filia: Faith, I can tell her age unto an hour.
Amelia: She's not fourteen.
Filia: I'll lay fourteen of my teeth-and yet to my teen be it spoken I have but four-she is not fourteen. How long is it now to Lammas-tide?
Amelia: A fortnight and odd days.
Filia: Even or odd, of all days in the year, come Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen. Susan and she-God rest all Christian souls!-were of an age. Well, Susan is with God; she was too good for me. I warrant, an should I live a thousand years, I never shall forget it: "Wilt thou not, Jule?" quoth he; and pretty fool, it stinted and said "Ay."
(back-stage)
Gourry: (Still refereeing) Round one is over! Kopii is the winner in this first match of the most intense wrestling I've seen in all my years!! (dings the end round bell)
(on-stage)
Filia: (ears perk at the bell sound) Why that slime. XELLOSS!!!! (bounds back-stage) Xelloss, where are you??
Xelloss: Right here, my dear, Fi-chan!
Filia: NAMAGOMI!!! (whacks him with her mace) What have you done to my poor, sweet Valterria???
Xelloss: Hehehehehehhh... (falls down)
Filia: That's what you get when you mess with my Val-Val.
Val: Filia-momma, you're starting to scare me.
Filia: Val-Val!! (glomp) You've been traumatized!!
Val: (chokes)
Phibby: I've got fifty on Filia.
Martina: You're on.
(on-stage)
Amelia: (nervously) Um..gee..where hath thou gonest to nurse?
Lina: Oy..
NoV: (hiss) Filia! You're ruining the play!!
Filia: (obliviously) What play?
NoV: -.-0 GO get on the stage.
Filia: (shrugs) I'll be back very, very soon, Val-Val.
Valgaav: (crushed) See ya soon..
(on-stage)
Filia: I'm back, my beautiful audience!!
Amelia: Um..enough of this; I pray thee, hold thy peace.
Filia: Yes, madam. Yet I cannot choose but laugh, to think it should leave crying, and say "Ay." And yet, I warrant, it had upon its brow a bump as big as a young cockerel's stone; a parlous knock; and it cried bitterly: "Yea," quoth my husband, "fall'st upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou com'st to age; wilt thou not, Jule?" it stinted and said "Ay."
Lina: And stint thou too, I pray thee, nurse, say I.
(back-stage)
Gaav: Psst! Zelgadis?
Zelgadis: (hears the whispering) Hmm?
Gaav: Come'ere. I got something to say.
Zelgadis: (steps into the shadows) What?
Gaav: (digs in one of his pockets) You wanna..mint?
Zelgadis: -.-0 You hide in the shadows, whisper, and act mysterious, and all you want is to give me a mint?
Gaav: You never know: it could be a TAINTED mint. ^_^
Zelgadis: Don't.
Gaav: Don't what? ^_^
Zelgadis: Don't make that face. It's-it's too sickening.
Zelas: Xelloss, fetch my lighter.
NoV: No smoking!!
Zelas: Did I say I was going to smoke? No. I said 'Xelloss, fetch my-'
Xelloss: Here's your lighter, my dear, sweet Zelas-mommy!
Zelas: Thank-you, dear. (lights her cigarette)
NoV: Hey! Bad Zelas! Bishounen! Get her!
Bishounen: No way!
NoV: Aw, are you scared?
Bishounen: Scared? Of what?
NoV: The fact that she could atomically whoop your tail?
Bishounen: (rubs his tail) No. It's wrong and against the law to harm a lady.
Zelas: (laughs) A lady, he says! Ever considering becoming a monster, my boy?
Xelloss: No! He can't be a monster! You can't have two children! I'll be starved for affection!!
Zelas: Oh, don't be ridiculous. I would make him an underling. He could iron your shirts.
Xelloss: Good idea. (wraps an arm around Bishounen) Bish, buddy, pal, bro! What-say we have a little talk?
Bishounen: Oh-kay?
NoV: No, Xelloss. Bishounen's mine. You can't have him.
Bishounen: I'm not anyone's!! I'm Ah Kum's.
NoV: -.- Ah Kum isn't anyone?
Bishounen: Nope. She's special.
(on-stage)
Filia: Peace, I have done. God mark thee to his grace! Thou were't the prettiest babe I e'er nursed:
Xelloss: (listening to Filia) Do they know something we don't?
NoV: Xelloss.
Filia: An I might live to see thee married once, I have my wish.
Amelia: Marry, that "marry" is the very theme I came to talk of. Tell me, daughter Juliet, how stands your disposition to be married?
Lina: It is an honour that I dream not of.
Filia: An honour! Were not I thine only nurse, I would say thou hadst suck'd wisdom from thy teat.
Phibby: (queasy look) I don't wanna be in this play anymore. It's too gross.
NoV: Grow up. That goes for all the mazoku in this room.
Xel&Gaav: (lose their queasy look) Kay.
Amelia: Well, think of marriage now; younger than you, here in Verona, ladies of esteem, are made already mothers: by my count, I was your mother much upon these years that you are now a maid. Thus then in brief, the valiant Paris seeks you for his love.
Filia: A man, young lady! A man who adorable and sweet and PERFECT and handsome and well-raised and charming and graceful and-
(back-stage)
Bishounen: Um, I haven't exactly read the play or anything, but I don't think this is in it.
NoV: And, the man's a genius.
Xelloss: (shakes Bishounen's hand) Congratulations.
Valgaav: My life is horribly rank trash.
(on-stage)
Filia: --strong and fierce bold and courageous man!!
Lina: (sweatdrop)
Amelia: Verona's summer hath not such a flower.
Filia: Nay, he's a flower; in faith, a very flower.
Amelia: What say you? Can you love the gentleman? By having him making yourself no less.
Filia: No less! Na, bigger; women grow by men.
Amelia: Speak briefly, can you like of Paris' love?
Lina: I'll look to like, if looking liking move; but to more deep will I endart mine eye than your consent gives strength to make it fly.
(back-stage)
NoV: We need another servant. Bishounen.
Bishounen: Oh, fine. Ruin my career and my life. Dress me in rags while you're at it, why don't you??
NoV: Actually, that would be a very good-
Bishounen: The stage, she calls me!! (runs on-stage) Madam, the vests are some, supper served pup, you called, my young baby asked poor, the nurse cursed in the panties, and everything in affinity. I must hen to bait; I beseech you, bottle plate.
Amelia: (speechless)
Filia: Um..go, girl-
Xelloss: You go girl!
Filia: (shoots an evil look at the curtain) Seek happy nights to happy days.
Xelloss: Sunday, Monday, happy days, Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days-
NoV: Hopefully we'll be more together for the next scene. Join us.
**
(At the brownie party)
NoV: Boy, Zelgadis! You can make terrific brownies!
Zelgadis: Thank-you. Brownies are..my specialty. Besides coffee.
Gourry: (dives into a platter of brownies) Brownie bonsai!!!
Xelloss: (walks into the room mangled and ruffled up)
NoV: HI-ya, Xelloss! What's happenin?..where's your staff?
Xelloss: Um.. (thinks) An adorable little girl stole it from me.
Zelgadis: Did the 'adorable little girl' beat you up too?
Xelloss: Hmm? Oh, no. These wounds were self-inflicted.
Minna: -.-
Bishounen: Can we get back to the play now?
NoV: Oh, come on, Bishy! Join the party! Eat a brownie or two hundred!
Bishounen: Bleck. I detest chocolate.
NoV: Well, so do I, but I'm eating it anyway.
Bishounen: All right, I'm the director and I'm taking charge! Everybody back to the stage. NOW!!
Minna: (continue talking and eating)
Bishounen: Urgh. I don't get any respect.
NoV: It's because we know you love us. And the fact that you're really just a wimpy girl in the guise of a hot guy.
Bishounen: (whines) I am not!!!!
NoV: Oh-kay, let's start the play for real. Everybody, let's go.
Minna: (shrug and go to the stage)
Bishounen: I hate you.
NoV: You hate me?? (fake cries)
Bishounen: No, no!! I don't! Don't cry!! I'm sorry!!
NoV: Gotcha! (runs to the stage)
Bishounen: Why me? (slugs toward the stage)
(back-stage)
NoV: Okie-dokie, I need Lady Capulet, Amelia, and the nurse, Filia. Go on! Time to make yourselves stars!
Amelia: I'll be back, my love! (blows a kiss to Zelgadis, who looks queasy)
Filia: (petting Valgaav) Val, honey, if that mean old namagomi or anybody else bothers you, all you have to do is ring this bell. Oh-kay? (hands Valgaav a little golden bell)
Val: (buries head in hands)
(Filia and Amelia go to the stage)
Rezo: (regained strength) Perish, you copy!! (whacks Kopii with his staff)
Kopii: Die!! (slams Rezo over the head)
(on-stage)
Amelia: Nurse, where's my daughter? Call her forth to me.
Filia: Now, by my maidenhead, at twelve year old, I bade her come. What, lamb! What, lady-bird! God forbid! Where's the girl? What, Juliet?
(back-stage)
NoV: Oh-kay, Lina-chan! You're on!
Lina: Yeah. (smirk) Juliet, I am!!
Xelloss: Good-bye, my love.
Lina: (growls, then goes on-stage) How now! Who calls?
Filia: Your mother.
Lina: Madam, I am here. What is your will.
Amelia: This is the matter. Nurse, give leave awhile. We must talk in secret.
Filia: (begins to leave)
Amelia: Wait! Nurse, come back again; I have remember'd me, thou's hear our counsel. Thou know'st my daughter's of a pretty age.
(back-stage)
Gourry: (refereeing the fight between Kopii and Rezo) And, Rezo pulls Kopii into a head-lock. But, Kopii pokes Rezo in the belly. And Rezo trips Kopii. And Kopii smacks Rezo. And there's neck-at-neck!
Phibby: I've got fifty bucks on Rezo!
Martina: You're on, your filthy monster.
(on-stage)
Filia: Faith, I can tell her age unto an hour.
Amelia: She's not fourteen.
Filia: I'll lay fourteen of my teeth-and yet to my teen be it spoken I have but four-she is not fourteen. How long is it now to Lammas-tide?
Amelia: A fortnight and odd days.
Filia: Even or odd, of all days in the year, come Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen. Susan and she-God rest all Christian souls!-were of an age. Well, Susan is with God; she was too good for me. I warrant, an should I live a thousand years, I never shall forget it: "Wilt thou not, Jule?" quoth he; and pretty fool, it stinted and said "Ay."
(back-stage)
Gourry: (Still refereeing) Round one is over! Kopii is the winner in this first match of the most intense wrestling I've seen in all my years!! (dings the end round bell)
(on-stage)
Filia: (ears perk at the bell sound) Why that slime. XELLOSS!!!! (bounds back-stage) Xelloss, where are you??
Xelloss: Right here, my dear, Fi-chan!
Filia: NAMAGOMI!!! (whacks him with her mace) What have you done to my poor, sweet Valterria???
Xelloss: Hehehehehehhh... (falls down)
Filia: That's what you get when you mess with my Val-Val.
Val: Filia-momma, you're starting to scare me.
Filia: Val-Val!! (glomp) You've been traumatized!!
Val: (chokes)
Phibby: I've got fifty on Filia.
Martina: You're on.
(on-stage)
Amelia: (nervously) Um..gee..where hath thou gonest to nurse?
Lina: Oy..
NoV: (hiss) Filia! You're ruining the play!!
Filia: (obliviously) What play?
NoV: -.-0 GO get on the stage.
Filia: (shrugs) I'll be back very, very soon, Val-Val.
Valgaav: (crushed) See ya soon..
(on-stage)
Filia: I'm back, my beautiful audience!!
Amelia: Um..enough of this; I pray thee, hold thy peace.
Filia: Yes, madam. Yet I cannot choose but laugh, to think it should leave crying, and say "Ay." And yet, I warrant, it had upon its brow a bump as big as a young cockerel's stone; a parlous knock; and it cried bitterly: "Yea," quoth my husband, "fall'st upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou com'st to age; wilt thou not, Jule?" it stinted and said "Ay."
Lina: And stint thou too, I pray thee, nurse, say I.
(back-stage)
Gaav: Psst! Zelgadis?
Zelgadis: (hears the whispering) Hmm?
Gaav: Come'ere. I got something to say.
Zelgadis: (steps into the shadows) What?
Gaav: (digs in one of his pockets) You wanna..mint?
Zelgadis: -.-0 You hide in the shadows, whisper, and act mysterious, and all you want is to give me a mint?
Gaav: You never know: it could be a TAINTED mint. ^_^
Zelgadis: Don't.
Gaav: Don't what? ^_^
Zelgadis: Don't make that face. It's-it's too sickening.
Zelas: Xelloss, fetch my lighter.
NoV: No smoking!!
Zelas: Did I say I was going to smoke? No. I said 'Xelloss, fetch my-'
Xelloss: Here's your lighter, my dear, sweet Zelas-mommy!
Zelas: Thank-you, dear. (lights her cigarette)
NoV: Hey! Bad Zelas! Bishounen! Get her!
Bishounen: No way!
NoV: Aw, are you scared?
Bishounen: Scared? Of what?
NoV: The fact that she could atomically whoop your tail?
Bishounen: (rubs his tail) No. It's wrong and against the law to harm a lady.
Zelas: (laughs) A lady, he says! Ever considering becoming a monster, my boy?
Xelloss: No! He can't be a monster! You can't have two children! I'll be starved for affection!!
Zelas: Oh, don't be ridiculous. I would make him an underling. He could iron your shirts.
Xelloss: Good idea. (wraps an arm around Bishounen) Bish, buddy, pal, bro! What-say we have a little talk?
Bishounen: Oh-kay?
NoV: No, Xelloss. Bishounen's mine. You can't have him.
Bishounen: I'm not anyone's!! I'm Ah Kum's.
NoV: -.- Ah Kum isn't anyone?
Bishounen: Nope. She's special.
(on-stage)
Filia: Peace, I have done. God mark thee to his grace! Thou were't the prettiest babe I e'er nursed:
Xelloss: (listening to Filia) Do they know something we don't?
NoV: Xelloss.
Filia: An I might live to see thee married once, I have my wish.
Amelia: Marry, that "marry" is the very theme I came to talk of. Tell me, daughter Juliet, how stands your disposition to be married?
Lina: It is an honour that I dream not of.
Filia: An honour! Were not I thine only nurse, I would say thou hadst suck'd wisdom from thy teat.
Phibby: (queasy look) I don't wanna be in this play anymore. It's too gross.
NoV: Grow up. That goes for all the mazoku in this room.
Xel&Gaav: (lose their queasy look) Kay.
Amelia: Well, think of marriage now; younger than you, here in Verona, ladies of esteem, are made already mothers: by my count, I was your mother much upon these years that you are now a maid. Thus then in brief, the valiant Paris seeks you for his love.
Filia: A man, young lady! A man who adorable and sweet and PERFECT and handsome and well-raised and charming and graceful and-
(back-stage)
Bishounen: Um, I haven't exactly read the play or anything, but I don't think this is in it.
NoV: And, the man's a genius.
Xelloss: (shakes Bishounen's hand) Congratulations.
Valgaav: My life is horribly rank trash.
(on-stage)
Filia: --strong and fierce bold and courageous man!!
Lina: (sweatdrop)
Amelia: Verona's summer hath not such a flower.
Filia: Nay, he's a flower; in faith, a very flower.
Amelia: What say you? Can you love the gentleman? By having him making yourself no less.
Filia: No less! Na, bigger; women grow by men.
Amelia: Speak briefly, can you like of Paris' love?
Lina: I'll look to like, if looking liking move; but to more deep will I endart mine eye than your consent gives strength to make it fly.
(back-stage)
NoV: We need another servant. Bishounen.
Bishounen: Oh, fine. Ruin my career and my life. Dress me in rags while you're at it, why don't you??
NoV: Actually, that would be a very good-
Bishounen: The stage, she calls me!! (runs on-stage) Madam, the vests are some, supper served pup, you called, my young baby asked poor, the nurse cursed in the panties, and everything in affinity. I must hen to bait; I beseech you, bottle plate.
Amelia: (speechless)
Filia: Um..go, girl-
Xelloss: You go girl!
Filia: (shoots an evil look at the curtain) Seek happy nights to happy days.
Xelloss: Sunday, Monday, happy days, Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days-
NoV: Hopefully we'll be more together for the next scene. Join us.