Morbid Identity Crisis
By Shizuru of the Darkness Flame
Hey, it's me! And I'm back with yet another chapter! Well, actually, not yet another chapter, because this is only the first chapter of my fanfic (the part before this was the prologue)... Thanks for all those who reviewed! ::gives the reviewers a cookie::
By the way, this chapter of the story has some very slight HieiKurama hints, so if you don't like that pairing, you can either skip the parts with the hints or leave. Don't flame though... It won't do you any good, since I'll just use the flames to make some chicken burgers... ::is hungry::
Well, on with the story!
You're living a lie...
You're not even supposed to be here...
This isn't who you are...
How long do you think you can fool everyone?
How long before this deception breaks down right before your eyes?
...How long?
"Hey Kurama, wait up!"
Kurama whirled around to find Yusuke and Kuwabara running to catch up with him.
"Oh... Hello Yusuke, Kuwabara." he said, his eyes staring at the concrete underneath him.
"...What happened to you?" asked Yusuke, a slight smirk tugging at the sides of his mouth. "You look like you just saw a ghost. Hah, thought you'd be used to seeing that type of stuff by now..." he joked.
Kurama forced out a smile. "Your classes started about fifteen minutes ago... Didn't you two say you weren't going to skip school anymore?"
Kuwabara put his hand behind his head and laughed nervously. "Well... About that..."
"URAMESHI!! KUWABARA!! GET BACK HERE!!" yelled the voice of an adult, probably a teacher. His fast paced footsteps could be heard nearing the three teens.
Yusuke and Kuwabara's eyes widened. "Oh crap, they found out we're missing!" Yusuke exclaimed. "Gotta go, see ya!" and the two dashed off, in a hurried (and rather clumsy) manner.
Kurama sighed, slightly amused. Will they ever learn? Momentarily forgetting about his earlier sub-conscious thoughts, he jogged to school. I hope I won't be late...
Late for what? For that school of yours? Face it; you don't even need to be there. It's a sham, a façade, a fraud!
A façade? This isn't a façade at all... I have a new life now, I'm not Youko anymore...
Hah! Quit fooling yourself. You know you can't ever be a real human. You are Youko! You can't erase your past!
Youko may remain a small part of me, but -
But what? You know I'm right... You know you're pretending... You know you're living one big lie...
This is no lie, this is the truth! I've started a new existence...
A new existence? In your dreams... It never was, and it never will be.
Yes it is! I'm no longer the thief I used to be... I'm human now!
Trying to overlook your history, are you? I wonder what your old pal Kuronue would say to that... Traitor.
...NO!
Kurama started running at an even faster pace than before, running away from the involuntary thoughts that were penetrating his mind. Of course it's not true... Why am I even listening? It's nothing... It's really nothing...
But what if it isn't nothing?
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For once, Kurama was finding it hard to concentrate in literature class. It was his favorite class, besides biology, and he usually listened attentively to every word the teacher said, and even participated in discussions. But today, as much as he tried, he couldn't stop his mind from wandering about, and for some reason, it kept wandering to the very same place it did when he was jogging to school earlier that day...
But what if it isn't nothing?
Kurama slapped himself mentally. I shouldn't be thinking about this! This is school! I should be listening to the teacher, not to some foolish thoughts, which are probably just the result of nervousness before the finals...
The bell rang, and students throughout the school packed up their things and rushed outside for lunchtime. Kurama, slightly distracted by his musings, left the class rather slowly. As he stepped out of the school building, the usual group of squealing girls tried to catch his attention. Not at all in the mood to deal with them, he flashed an award winning smile at the group and walked away as quickly as it was possible to do without seeming rude. Sitting under his usual secluded tree and pulling a sandwich out of his bag, he tried to focus on his food and ignore any subliminal thoughts that might have the nerve to creep into his mind.
Above him, perched on the tree Kurama was sitting under, sat a short, rather well-built, spiky haired demon dressed in clothes as black as midnight. Keeping as silent as a mortuary, the demon watched him eat. He seems troubled... He thought. Hmph. Must be those stupid exams he was going on about. With that thought in mind, the little demon jumped off the tree's sturdy branch and landed right in front of Kurama.
"Mmmm!"
"Wow, what a welcoming greeting." Hiei remarked sarcastically.
Kurama swallowed the last bits of his sandwich. "Hello Hiei..." he said, sounding a little surprised."What brings you here?"
"Hn." he said, clearly not wanting to admit the fact that he wanted to see Kurama. We've been together for over a year now, and still, he remains shy... Kurama thought, inwardly chuckling. Being abandoned as an infant still makes it difficult for him to show emotion, I suppose...Deciding to play around a little with Hiei's refusal to be even a tad sentimental, Kurama grabbed him and pulled him into a tight kiss.
At first, Hiei seemed to be enjoying himself, but when he realized what position he was in, his eyes widened and he pulled away from Kurama, looking very flustered.
"Exactly what do you think you're doing, Kurama?!" he exclaimed, his face turning as red as his ruby-colored eyes.
"I thought you loved me, Hiei!" Kurama teased.
"Stupid horny fox..." Hiei grumbled, looking away from Kurama, who laughed lightly at his reaction, and returned to the rest of his lunch.
After a few minutes of silence, in which Kurama ate and Hiei watched him, the little demon decided to speak up. "You seemed... Troubled, earlier." he quietly remarked.
"Hmm?" Kurama looked up. "Oh... That... It's nothing, really... Nothing at all..."
Hiei looked at Kurama, an eyebrow raised, clearly disbelieving him. Out of all the people Kurama knew, Hiei was probably the only one who could tell when Kurama wasn't speaking the whole truth.
"No, really, I'm fine..." Kurama said, trying to mask his insecurity. "I'm probably just nervous about the end of the school year..."
Hiei looked at Kurama straight in the eye, his expression showing that a part of him still didn't fully believe Kurama, but said nothing more. For the rest of Kurama's lunchtime, the two remained silent, the redheaded one trying not to think about anything but his food and his studies, and the raven-haired one wondering what the redhead was avoiding to tell him...
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Liar.
Fraud.
Faker.
Pretender.
The words echoed in Kurama's mind as he struggled to complete his algebra homework, refusing to let him concentrate for even a mere moment.
You should be ashamed!
You don't deserve to be believed!
You even lied to Hiei, your partner, your companion, your mate!
You're still that rotten thief Youko, and don't deny it!
"I'm... Not... Youko!" Kurama exclaimed aloud, burying his head in his hands.
"Is everything OK, Suuichi?" Shiori asked, poking her head into Kurama's room from behind the door.
"Yes mother, I'm fine... Just a little trouble with algebra..."
"Maybe you should get some rest?" she suggested. "It's already ten o' clock, and you have a three day weekend coming up..."
"I suppose it could help..."
Shiori smiled at her son, proud of him for being so responsible about his studies. "Well then, goodnight, Suuichi!" she said.
"Goodnight..." 'Suuichi' replied.
Shiori blew a kiss at him, and closed the door.
Sighing, Kurama cleared his desk of his algebra problems and put them in his backpack. Taking off his shirt and tossing it into his basket for dirty clothes, he took a plain white T-shirt and a pair of boxers out of his drawer and put them on. Maybe some sleep will get my mind off those irritating musings... He thought to himself, climbing into his bed. Yes... Sleep should do the trick...
==================================
It was dark. Dark, and eerie. Not a single object could be seen in miles. Kurama could barely see his own hands. What... What am I doing here? He thought, slowly walking around, his feet leading him nowhere in particular. As he looked around him, trying to figure out what was going on, he heard voices, whispering to him and taunting.
"Liar"
"Traitor..."
"Deceiver..."
"Pretender..."
"You're existence is a sham!"
"NO!!" Kurama screamed, his voice echoing all around him. "It's not true! I'm not a fake!"
"Not a fake?" said a nearing shadow, its voice acidic. "How dare you say that to my face? Don't you remember me, Suuichi?"
Kurama's eyes widened in sudden recognition. "Kur... Kur..."
The shadow, now surrounded by a dark purple aura that revealed its features, smirked at Kurama's stuttering. "That's right. It's me, Kuronue. Your old buddy."
"But... But... You're dead!" Kurama cried out, utterly shocked.
"What? Aren't you happy to see me, Kurama-kun?" Kuronue teased. "Oh... How foolish of me, I forgot that you don't care about me anymore... You're denying your past..."
"Tha-that's not true!" Kurama stuttered. "I haven't forgotten... I still regret the day I left you behind! I'm sorry! I truly am!"
"Regret it, eh?" Kuronue sneered. "I thought you moved on... I thought you weren't Youko anymore..."
"I... I am!" Kurama yelled. "I'm still Youko, I'm just different now..."
"Still Youko? If you were still Youko, you wouldn't even be in that pathetic human body! Liar!"
"Liar..."
"Traitor..."
"Deceiver..."
"Pretender..."
The voices echoed all around Kurama, making him nauseous and dizzy. He closed his eyes tight, but instead of the action blocking the voices out, the voices just got louder and louder, and images of Kuronue dying started entering his mind. Deep in panic, Kurama felt like he was falling, falling endlessly into a dark black hole with no end, being engulfed in shadows and darkness... No!! He thought, I'm not a liar, I'm not a traitor, I'm not a deceiver, I'm not a pretender!!, but despite those thoughts, Kurama kept falling, faster and faster and faster and faster until...
He woke up.
Mwahahaha! I decided to end the chapter here. XP there's a cliffy for ya! Well, not really, but oh well. Hoped you liked the first chapter! Please review!