A/Ns: Eeep, another extended period of time with no update... I'm awful, and I know this fic must have absolutely no flow any longer. And again, I've learned so much between the beginning of this story and the present time, that my writing must appear completely altered. So, I'm sorry for absolutely butchering my own story, and will make it up to you with a fairly long chapter. Does that help any? ;;
Disclaimer: I own Nikki and Tristan. Beyond that, everything's property of CLAMP.
Chapter 19: Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow...
Sakura's eyelids lifted groggily, and she could immediately feel the tears forming behind them. For the moment she was unable to speak and barely able to look at her moon guardian, now seeing the sorrow she had mistaken for coldness in his eyes. After all these years, the girl realized, the pain was as fresh to Yue as if someone had just approached and stabbed him in the heart. Glancing at the clock, Sakura noticed only about half an hour had passed since they arrived in Yukito's house. When they had left, her father had been planning to start dinner. She gazed down at Kero, who was still in his celestial form, and he looked back up at her. His stare seemed to speak to her, asking her if she understood now, if she was still willing to help and stay with them.
Yue sat on the couch, his features, which usually seemed to be chiseled from ice, were painted with melancholy sadness. He locked eyes with her, waiting for a response. When Sakura wrapped her arms around Yue and shed a few tears for him, the guardian was surprised.
"Please don't cry," he said softly. Sakura looked up, a bit bewildered herself. Yue had never used that quiet, gentle tone before. He had never sounded so caring or made such a simple request of her. Sakura couldn't even remember Yue ever saying the word please before.
"What happened to Nia?" The question was answered immediately.
"We never heard from her again, but she was found dead nearly a century after the ordeal, a little before Clow's death, apparently a victim of a necromancer. She was...bled out, and Tristan's symbol was carved upon her." Sakura winced at the news of the kind woman's tragic and horrific end. Yue looked choked from recalling everything so suddenly. The memories had brought old emotions, ones he thought long dead and buried, back to the fore, and they in turn resurrected old mysteries and unanswered questions concerning the whole affair.
"You never found Nickoli after that fight?"
Yue shook his head. "Not a whisper. No trace of Tristan or he, at least after Nia's death. I... there is nothing to contradict the assumption that he kept his promise."
Kero interrupted gently, "While you two were traipsing around Yue's rather disturbing memories, I figured something out. All the memories of mine Sakura had proclaimed to have viewed, I had thought of recently. My question to you brother, were you too thinking of the things the Mistress saw?"
Yue's brow knitted for a minute as he recalled the images Sakura had seen from him previous to this day. "I was thinking of the times I used to paint the sunset and other views from my balcony, and when Clow took me from the library one night, how odd it had been that he went to the trouble of carrying me himself when he could have simply woken me up or used a card to relocate me. But the woman you saw me singing with was Liletou, wasn't it?" Sakura nodded, and Yue mumbled, "And you also saw Nickoli...more than once?" She nodded again. "That's strange...I wasn't thinking of any specific instance with him at all, recently. I try not to let too many memories of him hit me at once, or I think I'd go mad. I wasn't thinking of him."
"Are you sure?" Kero asked, now slightly alarmed and confused.
"Yes, I'm sure! I would notice my memories of him...! Maybe it was my subconscious," the moon angel sighed.
"Could anything else trigger me getting those memories?" Sakura whispered her question to only Kero.
"Perhaps, but only if the person you were thinking about... wanted someone to remember him." Kero seemed puzzled and a bit frightened by the possibility. Neither of them said anything to Yue.
The moon guardian looked thoughtful for a moment, and then said, "I think if you give me a chance to, I could find what's causing this memory transfer and stop it."
"Is it anything dangerous?" Keroberos asked immediately.
Yue gave his brother an exasperated glance. "Why do you think I'd try anything harmful on our Mistress? Sometimes you're too protective against the wrong people." Turning to his Mistress, the silver haired being asked, "Would you like me to try?"
"All right," she answered immediately. The girl had come to trust Yue's ability, especially after seeing all she did of just how much control he held over his magic. The moon angel instructed the young girl to stand in front of him, and then he began moving his hand down her form, leaving roughly a foot of space between his skin and hers. After making a few passes in this manner, Yue's hand settled above Sakura's heart. The guardian's eyes had been closed in concentration, but now he opened them and smiled.
The expression dumbfounded Kero more than it did Sakura. After Nickoli's supposed death, smiles were rare and never spontaneous. Only he really understood this point, but there Yue was, smiling apparently without reason. The lion thought, [Maybe there's hope for him yet. Perhaps I can get my brother back to normal.] Frankly, Kero had surprised himself at how much he missed bickering with Yue, playing pranks on each other, being able to talk and laugh together for hours, or just being there when one has had a bad day. Nickoli had thrown open the doors to the moon angel's heart, tore through like a tornado, and was gone just as quickly. After the ordeal, Yue was left in a half-existence, spending most of his energy not in living, but in keeping himself hidden, close to a walking corpse emotionally.
Yue pulled his hand away from the auburn haired girl, and blew a soft current of air where his fingers had paused. To Sakura's amazement, there were two thin strands of glowing, light pink energy, one leading to Kero and the other to Yue himself, both straight from Sakura's heart. Yue looked up without moving his head, smile widening as he saw realization dawning on his Mistress' face.
Softly, the silver haired man explained, "I cast a small spell that allows us to see magical ties between beings. Do you see what's causing problems with ours?"
Sakura stared hard at the strings, then bust out, "They're tangled!"
"Exactly. So," Yue reached out a careful, steady hand, "We simply untangle them."
Sakura seemed nervous, glancing from the sun lion to the moon angel. "But what if they snap?"
Yue actually laughed softly, "Sakura, the only way they will ever break is through your will. Only if you no longer desired us as guardians, in your heart of hearts, would these separate."
"That's good to know! So now I'm sure we'll never be apart!" The girl was very happy with this information, knowing now and for sure that her guardians would stay with her for all time.
Yue's cautious hands deftly undid the subtle knots, the crossing strands in ways that were causing a transference of mental images to her, until they were straight again. Strangely enough, Sakura felt a pressure that she had not even noticed before lessen. She realized that this pressure had started around the same time as her memory-snatching, and though it was odd it was not painful. It had simply been the increased contact with the essences of her guardians. Now that it was undone, Sakura sighed in relief. Some of the memories had been fun to see and live vicariously through the guardians, but some had been frightening and painful. Honestly, she didn't know how the two could deal so well with the things they'd been through, especially Yue.
"We should take you home, Sakura, it's almost dinner time," the humanoid guardian interrupted.
"You're right. I want you to stay, Yue, even if it's in Yukito's form."
Yue actually smiled a bit. "Yuki would never forgive me if I made him miss some of Fujitaka-san's cooking."
Sakura was suddenly confused by Yue's casualness, calling her father by his name and saying something about Yuki, who he never even used to acknowledge. "H-hoe?!" The young girl's face conveyed her confusion easily, causing Keroberos to smile and simply look to his brother.
"I'll explain later. For now, we better get you home before Touya goes on the warpath." The sarcasm was almost lost on Sakura and Kero as they stared at Yue in shock.
Touya had invited Kaho over for dinner, and the moon priestess had been comfortably sharing the couch with the young man when Sakura and her guardians landed outside. Needless to say, both were more than a little surprised at the sudden entrance. Kaho immediately looked up. She could sense something different about Yue, and couldn't help but stare at the moon guardian, trying to unobtrusively figure out what had changed. Yue seemed to gradually get more and more annoyed by the woman's inquisitive eyes, and to everyone's surprise, the guardian preceded to stare back and placed his hands on his hips, even pouting a little. The entire stance relayed a message of youthful impatience and annoyance. Kaho blinked, wide-eyed at the unfamiliar childishness. Touya's reaction was slightly less noticeable, but he was shocked to see the moon angel so far out of his usual composure. Kero mumbled something about Yue when he was younger, and Sakura giggled in accord.
When Yue transformed into Yukito, Yuki simply smoothed down his clothing and did not bother to ask how he gotten there. He seemed completely in control, lacking his usual disorientation after a switch. He was thrilled at coming into consciousness right before dinner, especially since Sakura's father was chef that night.
"Yukito-san, are you sure you're okay?" Sakura's bright emerald eyes shone with concern, and slight confusion.
The teenager noticed the little girl's worried look. "Of course. Is something the matter?"
"No," she answered reluctantly, knowing that something was different but unable to put her finger on it. "Everything's fine!" She covered up her uncertainty with a sunny smile, which Yuki returned with one of his own.
Touya watched the exchange silently, easily recognizing both grins as fakes. And while he knew that concern for his best friend was what his sister felt, he hadn't a clue as to why Yuki seemed so off. Correctly, he assumed it had something to do with Yue. Protective thoughts leapt to the fore of his consciousness, threatening that if Yue had harmed his alter-ego in any way, Touya was going to seriously make the guardian regret it. Notions such as these were not new to the young footballer; they had sprung up in his mind ever since he had first become acquainted with the ashen haired youth. Drawing protective, affectionate thoughts from Kinomoto Touya was one of the many endearing things that made Yuki who he was. Also, the fact that only Yukito could really, really tease him. Sure, Kaho got a good jab or two in, but Yuki was by now a master at pushing Touya's buttons.
Though he didn't spend as much time with Yukito, Touya felt as though his caring for the other had not diminished in the slightest. If anything was ever wrong with Yuki, he was always right there to help him work it out... even if it make breaking other arrangements to do so. He never let his friend know that though; that his well being really was... well, really was top priority to Touya, and always had been. Kaho and he argued about it from time to time, and the disagreements were becoming more frequent and fierce.
Though Kaho was a good person and understood wholly that her boyfriend and Yukito were best friends, and that the smaller of the two needed the other's care, she couldn't stand being shoved into the back ground so simply. It was becoming more of a problem as time went on, and Kaho knew she had to discuss it eventually with her significant other. She just didn't want to. Because, if they did talk about it, whether angry or calm, loving or indifferent, the truth would come out. And the truth was that she didn't want to know the truth. She wasn't ready for it; she wanted it to stay hidden away, where it was. She wanted to hold on to her dream for a little while longer, hopefully until the last possible moment without hurting anyone. It was apparent to her now though, that she was hurting people just by allowing things to remain as they were, including herself.
Dinner passed with casual chatter and an offer by Sakura to do the dishes so her exhausted father could get to bed early. As Sakura was cleaning the dishes, Yuki approached. At first he simply helped out, and a friendly quiet soon settled over the two. Suddenly, Yuki stopped his drying of a plate and turned to the young girl at his side. "Sakura-chan? You know I think of you as my own family, and will always love you..."
The girl look lost at this abrupt outburst. "Hai, Yukito-san, and I feel the same. You are part of my family, and I love you as much as I do Oniichan and Otousan."
Yukito beamed at her with a genuine smile. "Thank you. But I have something very important to ask you. How do you feel about Yue? Please, answer me honestly."
Brow furrowing in thought, she paused for a moment before looking back up at Yukito. "Before this afternoon," she began hesitantly, "I was still a bit afraid of him. I've always respected Yue-san, and I always will. I trust him with my life, and with taking care of my family and friends. He really is a good person, but I was still so intimidated by him. I felt like he didn't really care about too much other than the cards. But after everything that happened today, I feel much closer to him. I love Yue-san as much as I love you."
"Yukatta!" Yuki exclaimed, looking as though a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders. "Then I can tell you... Sakura... Yue and I are merging back."
Sakura was dumbfounded. "M-merging? Merging back?"
"Hai.. Remember? Yue-I was not always like this. I never used to have two identities that were so separate. That was a result of everything that happened through my life, to try and gain at least a little relief from the pain." Sakura was saddened by the slight flinch that passed Yukito's features. But the young man continued, "Today you helped me work through a lot of stuff. You didn't see all the memories that I did; I filtered most of them, and only I recall the more painful or personal ones. You got the outline of the story, but I got the whole picture. In technicolor."
"I'm glad I helped you Yu-Yukito-san," she stumbled over the name. "Ano, what do I call you now?"
Yukito let out a soft laugh. "You can continue to go by whatever form I am in, that will be a lot simpler." Sakura looked up at him, slightly confused and almost scared. "Don't worry," he reassured, "It might be hard for a little bit, while I try to sort through my memories. Nothing much will change, but soon our thoughts will be relatively the same, and aspects of our personalities will merge and blend." The snow bunny laughed, "Like me suddenly using words like 'aspects' and 'merge'. But I'll probably always be more intimidating in my other form, and in this one I'll still eat more than anyone else." He laughed again, "Though not quite as much as everyone's gotten used to."
Giggling, Sakura added, "That might help your bills at home!" Yukito smiled back, elated at the easy acceptance of this whole thing that the girl was showing.
"Another plus is you won't have to explain to me where I was when I was Yue, because I'll have memory of it. We're both a bit tired of being one man divided." Yuki's voice sounded a bit apprehensive, but generally relieved.
"This is great!" Sakura exclaimed unexpectedly. "Now I can be talking to Yuki and Yue, and neither of you will be left out." Sakura hugged the young man standing next to her, causing him to laugh at her exuberance. She didn't notice that it wasn't Yukito's laugh.
"You know, this is the second time today you've hugged me?" Sakura looked up and saw she was in fact hugging Yue.
"Hoe!? How did you do that? I didn't notice at all...but you are taller, and your voice changed, and stuff..."
"In your presence, I do not require such warning. Also, the transformation doesn't mean I'm becoming a whole different person anymore. Of course, the more magical points of changing forms will be present at other times, but for now it can be..." he shrugged, "skipped."
Sakura pulled down on Yue, so he was down on one bent knee as the young girl wrapped her arms around his neck. "You know, when I say 'I love you', I always meant both you and Yuki. Now, there won't be as much confusion, and whatever I say to one of your forms is equal and the same to the other." She paused, smiled and said quietly, "I love you, Yue-san."
"Thank you Sakura," Yue replied quietly, and Sakura didn't notice the way he stared wistfully out the window at the descending nightfall. Only Touya, standing by the door, saw how melancholy the angel's expression still was. Through it all, Touya knew Yue wouldn't let the Yukito half of himself fully experience this sadness, until they really were only one being. The Card Mistress' brother was thankful for the fact that Yue wouldn't share his pain prematurely. Again, Touya became aware of the strange pull he felt to Yue and Yuki. I've always been drawn to them, both of them. Yuki and Yue are beautiful, and I wonder what might have been if I wasn't... What am I thinking?!
That night, after dinner as the stars rose high in the moonless blackness above them, the two guardians of the cards sat on their Mistress' roof together. At first there was silence, then softly Keroberos began to speak.
"Why did you not tell me?" The voice was not that of "Kero-chan", the playful, teasing guardian Sakura had come to know, but the Keroberos of legend who had assisted the great Clow Reed in his most troubling times.
"I thought you wouldn't care." The Yue that seemed to be changed at that time was also one from long ago, when love was still new and his heart was not shut off.
Kero gave his brother a glare to be proud of. "We're family; of course I care." The lion sighed. "As I analyzed it all later, when I was older, I realized what the truth probably was. I think I even knew it back then, I'd just refused to see it." The sun guardian gazed cautiously at the silver haired angel. "You still miss him, don't you?"
Yue bowed his head, and for the first time in centuries, the guardian beast saw unshed tears in the moon angel's eyes. The silvery being's voice was tremulous. "It's like a gaping wound that's never even closed over. It hurts constantly. There hasn't been a single waking day of mine, all this time, that I haven't remembered him, I just choose to push actual memories away. All this time, everyone supposed I've been pining over Clow, and they didn't even know he existed." He glanced at Keroberos. "I don't think you'll never really know what I mean, and I also hope not, but imagine your heart pumping nails through your veins instead of blood. And there's one thing that hurts more than all of it." Yue paused and took a deep breath before voicing the theory that had been imbedded in his mind for an indefinite amount of time- "He's not dead."
"What?! Yue, you know he must be! It'd be impossible for him to-"
Yue laughed derisively. "I know! Don't you think I know? I've gotten to the point where I hope he has moved on for his own sake, just so he doesn't suffer. But inside I feel this dread, warning me that there were past issues unresolved as of yet. I didn't realize what that might imply until today, hearing Sakura admit knowledge of my memories of Nickoli." The name sounded painful to say.
"I'll always be here for you, my brother. Never doubt that. Things will work out." Yue offered Keroberos a weak smile, but it was more than enough to prove he believed the lion.
Suddenly, as if on the wind, both guardians could have sworn to hearing Clow's voice, fading in and out. "...Nickoli too is a guardian, so he'll live as long as Yue. They may be separated for a while, but they do love one another truly and will always find their ways back together. I'm more sure of that than I am of the sun rising tomorrow morning."
The guardians gazed at each other for a long time after hearing the ghostly whispers, wide-eyed and without mentioning it to the other. They both stood as if on cue and entered the house, not speaking of it to anyone else.
Yue easily and without fanfare slipped back into his human form. The usual dulling of the senses and sudden feel of helplessness that he was accustomed to did not arrive. He couldn't help but smile, feeling the presence of both halves of himself, working in harmony for the first night in years. It was the strangest sensation, but he felt almost whole. True, his celestial self was still in restraint a bit, but Yuki was no longer a total stranger he just happened to share a body- and a mind- and emotions- with. Walking through the house and towards the door, he stumbled upon Touya bidding Kaho good night. He turned away respectfully as the two embraced, and waited until the door was closed gently to reenter.
Touya turned and his eyes were grabbed by Yukito immediately. He could see it now; the faint traces of Yue already surfacing. Not in a bad way, either. Though there was no real physical difference in him, Yuki's eyes looked wiser, but slightly more at ease with himself and the world around him than he had been lately. A slight ethereal aura was building up around him, probably enhanced by the moon outside in the sky. "Yuki?" Touya asked quietly.
Yuki's eyes raised to meet those of his best friend. In a voice that was only slightly not his own, the young man asked, "Would you like to know what happened?" Touya only nodded, and gestured in the direction of the stairs. Yuki nodded in return, smiling a little wistfully, and followed his best friend to the second floor bedroom, where they talked. It was mostly Yue's voice that spoke of his harried past to Touya, telling all and giving far more details to the older Kinomoto.
Sakura was doing much the same with Tomoyo, only over the phone. The young girl was extremely sympathetic, but couldn't get over how romantic she thought it was. On the other hand, the news hit Touya especially hard. Yuki didn't really understand why the other young man was so stricken over hearing about Yue being hurt, and wrote it off easily to friendship. Touya decided that after reliving all of that, Yuki needed some company, so therefore he would spend the night at the other young man's house. Yukito's house was empty, and after thinking about such a sad period could be extremely depressing.
Yue took a thorough look around, confused by what he saw. He remembered this place, the waterfall leading into the large pond, the smooth rocks to sit by the water on, the large trees offering shade and the way the sun shined in the clear azure sky. The rocky cliff from which the fall dropped was familiar, known almost to the last detail, and the very breeze smelled the same as before. This was the same dream setting he'd had centuries ago, while lying asleep with Nickoli. All in all, the familiarity, and the fact that it had been a wonderful dream before, should have comforted him.
It didn't.
The changes were far too pronounced, leading to Yue's unease, as well as his questions about why this setting was in his dream once more, and what was to happen. The basics of the area were the same, but everything was frozen. Literally. The water of the pond was frozen solid, smooth but for the ripples near the waterfall. The fall itself was frozen through and through as well, holding the shape gravity had given it so briefly. The trees were barren of leaves, snow had amounted on the ground, and a coating of ice covered them all, making the sunlight shine off them. It was like being in a world where everything was made of diamonds, even the rocks overlaid with frozen water. Yue looked about the whole place, stunned into silence and paralysis. His immobility wore off as he heard something move. Turning as fast as he could, nearly stumbling in the ice crystals that reached a few inches above his ankles, Yue saw Nickoli.
The dark angel wasn't wearing the clothing that he usually did, and he didn't sink into the snow like Yue. Rather, he walked on its top, bare feet skimming the flakes without any outward sign that the cold temperature effected him, or that any moisture touched him. The moon guardian realized his past love looked a few years more mature than he had when they first met. His eyes weren't as wide with innocence, his manner much more restrained and graceful than that of the casual teenager he'd been. Yue wanted to ask him something, or merely say anything, but his voice stubbornly refused to leave the residence of his throat. Instead he stared, wide-eyed with wonder, drinking in and memorizing every detail of every thing about his supposedly dead love.
Nickoli's clothing was a glittering gray-silver color, loose pants and a long, loose shirt with a low neck line and sleeves that covered to the tips of his fingers. His hair was down and longer than Yue remembered it, the colors more pronounced than they had been. The gray clothing made his skin seem all the more white, and the moon guardian could see now that the other was cold, and his low temperature was causing his extreme pallor. Beneath his fingernails was darkened by the cold, and Nickoli's lips were touched with blue as well. His midnight blue eyes turned to Yue swiftly, the silver haired one astounded by their intensity and their jaded look, along with the melancholy living there. Yue took steps forward as the other walked out onto the ice, humming softly.
Finally the moon angel found his voice. "What are you doing here?" He whispered.
Nickoli's voice softly filtered through a slight wind that had picked up. It wasn't as carefree as it had been; it was softer, lower, darker, and more effortlessly seductive, but his accent seemed even more pronounced, as though he'd gone a long while speaking only French. "No one can survive for centuries without warmth, love. If we try, we will surely freeze, and our deaths will be no fault but our own. But if warmth finds us again, we thaw to it, no matter who it is. Others become angry; why do we receive warmth when they get only the north winds for company? I did not want to freeze," he said as he looked at Yue, "I wanted to live, only if to see you once more."
Yue shuddered involuntarily at the intense gaze. He noticed that Nickoli's fingers were lit with a fire created by his magic. With sure motions, the dark haired angel bent over and burned a symbol into the ice by his feet, while facing away from Yue. As he turned back to face the dreamer, a dark shadow began to condense over the symbol. It churned and swirled, growing and rising.
"No one can live without warmth," Nickoli repeated as the shadow took a human shape. "If we try to do without it, we die. If not die physically, than our hearts will rot from disuse, our minds from disrepair. I did not want to die in any way, so somehow a cold creature such as I found warmth." The shadow stepped up behind Nickoli, wrapping its arms around him and hugging him close, like a protector or a lover. He could almost see its face, almost make out the countenance... Yue watched on in shock as a huge gust of wind tore through the area, causing the shadow to fall apart. But, most of the darkness converged around Nickoli, for an instant blocking him from view.
The moment passed quickly, scaring Yue half to death, but revealing Nickoli, changed. He was shirtless; the cold still seemed not to effect him. His pants were the ones he usually wore again, tight black leather ones. He looked even better in them now than he had centuries ago, and his muscles had built up in strength. He stalked up to Yue with the grace of a panther, standing in front of him and staring with eyes strangely cleared of all emotions, but lit with an almost unnatural fire.
Yue could do nothing but stare as Nickoli stood before him. He could do nothing. The dark angel clasped one of Yue's hands gently, and raised it to his frigid cheek. Yue could do nothing as he felt the cold that had permeated the other's body, but that odd dark warmth that now radiated in his eyes. Nickoli kissed Yue's hand gently, closing his eyes and muttering, "The day you began to hate me..."
The moon guardian's eyes went wide. "I'll never hate you! Never! No matter what you do, I will always love you!"
"How can you say that now," Nickoli asked, "Without knowing what I've done? Hmph, well, you'll see. All too soon, you'll understand exactly what I'm talking about, and you'll wish you didn't." He closed his eyes again, and without opening them said, "Please, just please remember, that a cold heart will kill its owner, and a soft one will do the same, but even more painfully."
Yue stood completely motionless, trying to understand what was being said to him. Suddenly, the only thing he could see were eyes. It was as if the world had a black velvet blanket thrown over it, and the only light came from the inhuman eyes that hovered at level with his own in front of him. He tried to pull back, knowing the person must be very close, and tried to gasp from their inhuman appearance. He succeeded in doing neither. The eyes were yellow, glowing, ones that seemed to belong on a serpent. But Yue knew a snake could never be large enough to be on eye-level with him, so he was left terrified and puzzled.
Yue sat bolt upright in bed, panting and clutching the sheets that pooled around his waist. He felt cold sweat slid down his chest and back, and he swallowed hard. The emotions in his dream had been so extreme and real, and every image of Nickoli so flawless, that it left him shocked and actually trembling. He ran a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face.
"Yue?" Touya voice cut the darkness like an all-too comforting knife.
"Touya!" Yue was surprised by the suddenly saying of his name, and had momentarily forgotten that the other was spending the night. For Yuki's sake, as he put it. Didn't Touya realize that whatever he did for Yukito, he did for Yue as well? The guardian tried to compose himself, and said as calmly as he could manage, "I'm sorry if I woke you."
"I woke up when I felt the magic in the air shift as you transformed in your sleep." The young man's voice took on such deep caring as to melt even Yue's hard heart. "Are you all right? I can sense your feelings, and I don't even have all my magic returned yet."
"I'm okay," Yue whispered, "It's just that I had a dream about- I had a nightmare." Yue had been about to tell the dark haired human down by his bedside everything that had happened in his unconscious state, but something stopped him.
"Are you sure? You can tell me about it, if you like. You don't have to though, don't get me wrong." Touya added very softly, "I just want to make sure you're all right, Yue." Touya sat up and gazed at Yue, whose form he could see easily by the light of the moon through the window. Yue couldn't help but notice that the youth was shirtless, and immediately cast his eyes down so as not to stare. Little did he realize that Touya was staring at the moon guardian, and for the same reason. The human's attraction to Yue was almost painful, but his care for the other was even stronger.
At first Yue said nothing, but then the young man by his bed saw the tears running down his cheeks. "It was Nickoli."
"Oh, Yue... You mean you had a dream about him?" Touya asked reluctantly.
Yue shook his head and fiercely wiped the tears from his eyes. "So it seemed. But I almost think it wasn't just an illusion... I'd almost say that it was him!" Yue sighed heavily, and continued before Touya, in his surprise, could reply. "But that makes no sense, especially since Nikki's dead..."
"Yue, I think digging up all those memories for Sakura is making you think about him more. That's probably why you had the dream." The dark haired teenager was trying to rationalize what was going on.
"I know, you're probably right, but part of me believes so much that it was him. Touya, he was different in my dream than how he looked when I knew him!" The other looked confused, and the moon guardian strove to explain. "He appeared more mature, a bit older. There were so many new details about him, little things that I don't even know about him, like what he would look like now. Even his voice was slightly different, and I honestly don't think I could imagine all that! But then again, what else could it have been but a dream? I would have been able to tell if it was a purposefully sent message. Nickoli is dead... and I should leave him that way, and move on."
"Yue," Touya whispered softly. He rose and walked over to the bed, seating himself on the edge next to Yue. He put a hand on the angel's bare shoulder, trying desperately to keep the gesture within the bounds of friendship but feeling the urge to make it something more. "I don't think anyone has the right to say they know how you feel, because there's no possible way anyone does. But I can say I know what it feels to be separated from someone you love, and it hurts like hell. It gets to the point where you wish it would end in any way, or that you would end. But you're right; you need to put it behind you. What's past is past, no matter how painful, and you can't change it."
"I know," the angel whispered, "But I can't forget him."
"I didn't say you had to."
Yue stared into Touya's eyes for such a long period of time as to make the teen fidget and almost blush. "Thank you, Touya." The two ended up hugging, Yue nearly crying again. But somehow, just being this close to Touya, who was so warm, was extremely comforting, especially after his dream of ice. After that previous day, everything that had happened seemed so recent that he just didn't have his usual iron control over his emotions.
For Touya, he felt the same pull to the ethereal being he always had. This attraction made him feel guilty, especially at times when he was with Kaho, and all he could think of was Yue, or Yuki, whichever face he happened to have had the last time they were together. He was slowly pulling away from Kaho, and felt bad about that too. This time, he knew he would be the one to break her heart, and there would be no reconciliation. He supposed that if he was lucky, they could at least be friends again eventually, once everything was past. Still, even that would be a difficult venture. Touya mused that it must have been doomed from the start, and he and Kaho they were never meant to be anything but comrades. The words she had left him with a few years previous still rang true in his mind, if not hers. While he'd been pining for Kaho, or trying to convince himself that he was, he never noticed how infatuated he'd become with both aspects of his best friend. But now it would never be; it was far too late, and Touya knew that Yue still had to work through his lingering affections for a long dead first love.
Yue, as he sat in Touya's arms, felt a strange sense of security he hadn't felt for centuries. It was the type of calm he'd never experienced when with Clow. Even though his master had been so powerful, there was nothing the mage could ever do to instill such tranquility in him. The only person who could back then was Nickoli... There I go again! Everything all of a sudden ties into Nickoli... maybe that's why I feel this way? It couldn't be because of Touya... Or maybe it could. Yuki's- that part of myself- has been harboring feelings for him since I came to Tomoeda. But I'm not sure what these feelings are. I'll just deal with them as they come, I suppose.Neither of the two admitted the thoughts that were racing through their minds, and eventually both let go. Touya silently returned to his place on the floor, and both lie awake for a long portion of the night after that.
Beyond that episode, life continued normally, at least on the surface. But especially after that day, tensions began to run high between Kaho, Touya and Yue/Yuki. Sakura and everyone else with magic occasionally received strange feelings, vibrations on the air and strange amounts of magic use from distant places. Everyone tried to pretend they weren't there, and eventually their awareness of them ceased. Little did any of them suspect though, that Nickoli's story was far from over. Painful events for the night-winged guardian did not cease the night he was abducted, or some night following it. His pain continued.
This is not The End....