Diclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue. I've borrowed some lines from the show.
Where there's a Will
By Lyra
Alec stepped down from his bike outside of Crash. He checked the collar of his leather jacket to make sure his barcode was covered. He turned around to head inside when a shadow in the other side of the street caught his eye. He stood frozen, staring at a spot in the darkness where he supposed the figure casting the shadow was until he heard a faint chuckle. Alec's eyes widened and lit with joy. "Man, I thought you'd be somewhere around Australia by now." Alec said softly, amusement and anticipation colouring his voice. But still, he spoke only loud enough so that if it were a case of mistaken identity, the other wouldn't have heard him.
"Tsk, tsk, 494. Ye of little faith. I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye." Came a voice from the shadows and a young boy in his late teens stepped into the light.
"It's Alec now."
"Yes, Biggs told me. He's inside with your friends but I wanted to wait for you here." The boy said as he approached Alec in the middle of the street, a smile on his face mirroring Alec's and affection showing in his eyes.
Alec took the last step and opened his arms, hugging the boy tightly, as if trying to convince himself that he was really there.
"It's good to see you, man." Alec said.
"You too, Alec, you too."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"So what do you call yourself now?" Alec asked as they walked down the stairs at the entrance of Crash.
"Will." Came the answer from behind.
"Will? Like 'I hereby leave all my possessions to' Will? Or 'with the power of my will' Will?" Alec asked with an amused tone, barely concealing his laughter.
"No, more like 'I will kick your ass' Will." He said feigning a serious look.
"Oh, you mean 'keep dreaming' Will!" Alec openly laughed this time and Will joined him, shaking his head.
"Same old 494." He muttered.
"Hey, Maxie!" Alec called her coming from behind. "Come meet my friend."
Max let the pool cue on the table and walked toward Alec with a frown. "I've already met Biggs, Alec." She said tiredly. "Don't you have anyone else to bother?"
"Hey, hey! Retract the claws, Maxie, or I won't introduce you. Will here is young and naïve," he mocked, pointing to Will, who he saw was standing with Biggs a few feet back and rolling his eyes, having heard Alec.
"Your bitchiness might scare him. So behave, ok?" Alec said, a mixture of amusement and wariness in his voice.
Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea. He'd wanted Will to meet his friends and, god knows why, he considered Max a friend. But the girl had a rather different view of their relationship and enjoyed showing it with the sharpest and meanest tongue Alec had encountered in his life. And that was saying something. Seeing Max's scowl he sighed. "Nevermind. I don't know what I was thinking about." He said finally, already turning around.
"Wait, another one? What did you do, put out an ad or something?" Max asked, clearly not liking the idea.
"No, Maxie. Believe it or not, some people actually like me. Will has been looking for me for a while. Biggs told him where to find me." Alec was already regretting even mentioning anything to her. It was time he stopped trying to be civil towards her. Maybe it would be better if he just stayed away.
"Yeah? And how did Biggs do that?" Max insisted.
"They had a system to stay in contact." Alec's voice had lost all playfulness by now and he was ready to walk away but Max hadn't finished yet.
"So why didn't you?"
"Well, Max, in case you've forgotten, I had just gotten out of Psy Ops before you thrust us out, and, like you, I was still in a solitary cell. I hadn't seen Will in a long time." Alec finished, his body tense and his stance and movements giving off a warning vibe. He did not want to talk about this. Especially not with Max.
She finally seemed to catch this and was about to... 'apologize', when someone interrupted them from behind Alec.
"Hey, Alec. I know we just got here, but I'm beat and I was hoping we could call it a night." Will put a hand on Alec's shoulder and squeezed lightly.
"Yeah, sure, Will. You staying with us, right?" He asked, turning his back on Max, effectively dismissing her.
"Sure. Biggs said there was room for one more." Will looked up at Alec with an exaggerated hopeful smile mixed with a puppy-dog face.
"Oh, please, not the puppy thing. Hey, remind me to introduce you to Joshua." Alec added as an afterthought. Then smiled and shook his head. "Let's go." At Will's glance behind his shoulder Alec remembered Max and looked behind him. "See you tomorrow, Max."
Max stood there looking at their retreating backs. They were relaxed and happy, just the way Alec usually was around Biggs, and Max felt a pang of regret. Maybe she had been too harsh.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Alec had been looking for a way out since they'd gotten him in the cell. He'd used his only phone call to ask for help but nothing had happened yet. It was starting to worry him.
'They wouldn't leave me here.' He reassured himself.
"Your lawyer is here."
Alec turned toward the door where a guard was standing, waiting for him to get up and follow him. His feet were chained and he was handcuffed. It wasn't much in the way of detention methods for a transgenic but the police hadn't discovered that yet and Alec wasn't keen on tipping them off. It was better to wait and see.
The guard took him to an interrogation room and he was surprised to see that it was Max waiting inside for him. She was about the last person he'd been expecting.
"Whitney Mann, public defender's office. I'll be handling your case." She said in an uptight voice.
"Pleasure." Alec said, still surprised and not too sure of what was going on.
The cop shoved Alec into a chair at the table and addressed Max. "You need anything, I'm right outside. You got five minutes." He added, making Alec think that it was an awfully short time to discuss a murder case.
"Thank you." Max said, staying in her role until the cop closed the door behind him.
"Max, I'm sorry, I was on my way to the hos-" Alec started but Max cut him off.
"Shut up." She snapped. "I came down here to bail your sorry ass out, 'cause I figured you got grabbed up off of one of your scams going sideways. But the officer just told me you killed somebody!"
"I didn't do it." Alec said, not believing his ears, did she really think that low of him?
"You got I.D.'d. There's a perfect DNA match." Max insisted.
"I'm telling you-" Alec tried again, but Max wasn't about to let him talk.
She raised to her feet and leaned over to deliver her speech. "Don't tell me anything, all right? I'm sorry I let you out of Manticore. I'm sorry I inflicted you on the world-"
SMACK!!
The impact of Alec's fist on her jaw shut her up, shock travelling through her whole body.
Alec had been trying to tell her he was innocent since the moment they'd been left alone. He'd always taken every insult and hurtful word she had to say to and about him, but hearing her say those last words... something snapped inside him and he hit her.
Max staggered backwards with the force of the blow. It had hurt like hell, but still, she was so stunned by his actions that the pain barely registered. One moment he was standing at the other side of the table, a murderous look in his eyes, the next he had pinned her to the wall behind her by the throat and was speaking in her face. He wasn't yelling but this was actually worse.
"I didn't kill that man and I don't give a fuck if you believe me or not. I'm fucking tired of your attitude. You didn't inflict me on this world, Max. Manticore did, just the same way they inflicted you. What the hell do you think you are? A fairytale princess? You're as much an animal as I am." He saw her eyes narrow and her mouth open to contradict him but he cut her off with a slight increase of the pressure of his hand around her throat and a warning look. "You ARE just like me. You have animal DNA like me, you hide like me, you lie like me, you fight, jump, blur, bend... all of it just like me. You can see in the dark and you can lift me off the floor with one arm. You steal like me and take advantage of all those things. Just. Like. Me. You use ordinary guys when you go into heat and you sure as hell take advantage of those hot looks Manticore gave you. You think you're so much better than me because you stopped behaving like a transgenic to fit into Logan's idealistic view of the world, and you hate that I haven't." He made a pause to catch his breath. "I am what I am and I make no apology for that. And it eats at you because you used to be like that, too. But that's got nothing to do with me and I'm not going to take your shit anymore. I've put up with you long enough, you hear me? I've never wanted to hurt you, but it stops now. Next time you treat me like shit you'll get another punch just like today."
His eyes roamed her face. She had her mask on, had been wearing it for a while now and he couldn't read her. He could only hope he'd gotten through to her.
"I didn't kill him," he repeated, "I was still at Manticore when it happened. And I've never taken pleasure in a kill. That guy's teeth were pulled from his head." Alec said, disgust clear in his eyes. He saw a flicker of recognition pass through her eyes before she went back to the blank mask and he dismissed it. "I didn't do it and I don't care if you believe me or not. And I don't want your help. I'd rather stay here than let you help me. So get the hell out, now." He finished, releasing his hold on her and turning his back on her, walking towards the centre of the room.
A light noise from above caught Alec's attention and he looked up on time to see Will's head appear through the ventilation shaft.
"Hey, Alec! Heard you needed some help." Will said smiling. He could feel the tension in the room below him, but he chose to ignore it.
Alec smiled back, a little forced, but a smile none the less. "Hey, you're right on time." He kneeled, opening the handcuffs on his way down, and was out of the chains a few seconds later. Will retreated into the conduct to make room for him and Alec jumped, grabbing the edge he hoisted himself up, disappearing from view.
Max hadn't moved from her spot against the wall. She was staring ahead, her haze unfocused, mulling over what Alec had said. An instant later she realized she was standing alone in the cell and looked around.
"Are you coming?" She heard coming from above and looked up to find Alec staring back at her. He wasn't smiling and his voice was still rough, but he'd come back to make sure she got out. Their five minutes must almost be up. 'God has it been only five minutes? It feels like forever.' But she was sure the guard wouldn't take it too nicely if he came back and found her alone in there. Silently she nodded at him and Alec disappeared again.
Alec was facing away from the entrance to the tunnel but a moment later he heard her get in and the rustling of her advance behind him.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Biggs had been standing in the shadows, leaning against the building keeping watch. He heard a hushed noise above him and, checking one last time to make sure the coast was still clear, he whistled softly. It was barely enough to be heard two feet away, if you were an ordinary, but more than enough for the two transgenics waiting for his signal two stories above.
Ten seconds later the first figure landed on the ground to his left, and cleared the spot immediately to make room for the second figure.
Biggs was surprised when a third person appeared after Alec and he was already moving to cover his friends when he recognized the figure of the newest arrival. Max.
"Looks like we needn't have bothered with the rescue, huh Will?" Biggs said smiling, but Will's curt shake of his head and Max and Alec's serious faces quickly changed that. He gave an enquiring look to Will who mouthed the word 'later' and walked towards him, giving the other two some space.
Alec was looking at Max but she wouldn't meet his eyes. After a tense few seconds Max just turned around and went to her bike that Alec could now see was parked in the other end of the street. He watched her get on the Ninja and rev the engine without a look back.
He was still staring at the spot she'd last been in when Will approached him and said they had to leave. With a last sigh Alec turned around and followed Will to their bikes.
"So you're walking?" Alec asked Will smirking, putting all his energy in pushing the last half hour to the back of his mind. "I don't see a third bike."
"Ungrateful bastard." Will said, going along with it, knowing it wasn't the time for Alec to deal with what had happened in there. "I go to the trouble of bringing your bike and rescuing your ass and now you want to leave me here. Figures!" He turned to Biggs. "You'll take me, won't you Biggs?"
"Sure." The black haired X5 said, totally aware that he had missed something important but trusting Will's lead. If anyone knew how to handle Alec, it was Will. "Let's go."
Will got on Biggs' bike with him and the three transgenics disappeared into the night.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"See you tomorrow." Alec said to Will, standing on his bedroom's door, Biggs already asleep. "Thanks again."
"Don't mention it." Will watched Alec's hunched figure and low head. "It had to be done, Alec. And you know it."
Alec froze midstep and then turned around and went back to sit down beside Will. "So you were listening then?"
"Yeah. I was already in the duct when she got there demanding an interview with you. I just followed them to the interrogation cell." Alec said nothing, just kept staring at his own hands resting on his lap. "I was about to get your attention when she started her diatribe. I would have dropped down and kicked her ass had you taken two seconds longer to react."
"I didn't mean to do that. I guess it was just too much." Alec said thoughtfully. And he meant it. He never retaliated when Max attacked him, verbally or physically, it didn't matter. He didn't want to hurt her... 'But I guess enough is enough.'
"Like I said. Had to be done." Will said again.
The words echoed in Alec's mind, bringing back memories...
"Thanks." He'd said to OC, meaning it wholeheartedly, it was nice to know he could count on her to cover his ass. He wasn't ready for what she said next.
"I did it for Max." Oc said, looking at him like she wanted to make sure he understood her. Not to allow him to think for a moment that she gave a damn about him. And it hurt. Then she added. "But you're welcome."
'What??' You're welcome? For what? He didn't thank her at all. Not when it was obvious she didn't care for him.
Alec didn't feel like dwelling on the topic so he changed the subject. "So, what's your next stop?"
Will decided he had pushed as far as he could that night and he allowed Alec to get away with it. "I was thinking Mexico, for starters. After that... we'll see."
Alec was silent for a moment then looked at Will. "I've been thinking about it lately, and maybe I should go with you."
Will laughed. "Why would you do that?" You've got everything set up here. A place, a job, friends... Max." He finished watching Alec's face intently, and he got the reaction he expected.
"Oh, please! This place is a dump. I could have one just like it anywhere I go. And a job? I don't need one, you know that. I only took it because..." Alec trailed off, not knowing how to finish his sentence.
"Yeah, I know." Will said, letting Alec off the hook but wanting Alec to realize he knew what was what just the same. He made a rolling motion with his hand and raised an eyebrow, daring Alec to go on dismissing his life.
"And friends..." Alec started, his mind replaying some of the last days' events.
"I did it for Max" OC said.
"I'm gonna hunt down mutants in my spare time and immortalize their horrible, deformed faces for tabloid posterity," Sketchy told them excitedly.
"Smoke 'em out and string 'em up, that's how." Normal said to the TV, oblivious to the two transgenics standing so close to him.
"...yeah well, I don't really have any friends apart form you guys." Alec finished, sadness and bitterness lacing his voice. "Well, and Josh." He added a second later.
"See, there's one reason to stay. And?" Will prompted Alec, it was like pulling teeth with him.
"And what? I don't even know why you mentioned her in the first place. Didn't you just say you heard the whole thing?" Alec retorted, the unwanted feeling of dejection making him lash out at his friend.
"So?" Will said matter-of-factly. "She needed the wake up call to get her head outta her ass. You did that already. Now you can both move on from there." He said as though he was explaining how seasons followed each other.
"Move on to where?" Alec asked not following Will, or pretending not to.
"Come on, Alec! You can't be so dense that you don't know what I'm talking about. And since you're not that dense, then why the hell would you think you can fool ME?"
Alec glared at him. "I should have let you rot alone in that cell."
"Maybe." Will said complacently. "But you didn't. Now deal with the consequences. I know you."
"Yeah, yeah. You know me, I know you... pity we have too much animal DNA to go for the guy-guy thing, huh? We would be perfect for each other." Alec batted his eye-lashes at Will.
"You're so full of shit, buddy." Will sighed, he'd tried but it was clear Alec would do anything to steer him away from 'that' particular path. "Being a smart-ass with me won't change your situation, you know?" He said finally, watching Alec closely. "But we can drop it if you want." He leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes, leaving it up to Alec to keep talking or just go to sleep.
Alec stood and walked to his bedroom. He stopped in the doorway again and looked back. "I'll think about it. I'm not really sure what I want." And with that he stepped into the bedroom and closed the door behind him.
Still, he heard Will's sigh clearly.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
OC was getting ready for bed when she heard the door of the apartment open and then close.
"Max? That you?" OC asked, walking out of her room. Seeing the empty kitchen and living room she popped her head inside Max's room. "Boo? What happened? Is Alec ok?" OC watched Max laying face down on her bed and she caught the tensing of her body at the mention of Alec. Sitting down beside Max she caressed her hair softly, waiting for Max to even acknowledge her presence.
"Yeah..." Max said finally, startling OC who had almost convinced herself that Max had fallen asleep because she'd been silent for a long while.
"Yeah?" OC asked, finding Max's answer totally unsatisfactory.
"He's fine. Turns out saving his ass is not my full-time job anymore." Max said feeling dejected and out of control.
OC felt the tension she hadn't known she was feeling leave her body. She had been worried since the moment Max left to get Alec out. And not only for Max. Since last week when she had seen Alec's expression when she told him she'd only been helping Max when she'd help deal with Sketchy, OC had felt really guilty. He had tried to hide it but she knew he'd been hurt. She hadn't meant to imply she didn't care about Alec too. She hadn't really thought about anything at all. Trying to protect Max had been her first priority for so long... She shook her head to get rid of the unsettling thoughts.
"Biggs and Will got him out first?" OC asked, knowing just how close those three were and realising she needn't have worried about Alec.
"Yes... Well, no... I mean, I got there first but they got him out. And me too." She added after a small pause.
"Why didn't you get him out if you got there first?" OC asked frowning, not understanding.
Max turned around slightly so that she could she OC's face, but the look in her friend's eyes, so trusting, so sure that Max would do the right thing... it made her feel ashamed of herself and she went back to face the pillow.
"Boo?" OC couldn't understand what had happened that had made Max behave this oddly.
"Can I be alone for a while, OC? I'll tell you later... please?" Max pleaded, feeling the first tears wetting the pillow under her face.
"Ok, boo. I'll leave you now." OC got to her feet, a frown marring her features, and headed out, feeling like she was totally in the dark about something. When she heard Max's muffled sobs she stopped and turned again, worried. Max looked like a child, curled up in the bed, clutching the pillow to her face. OC was tempted to go back to the bed to try and comfort Max, but in the end she did what Max had asked and left.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Max had never felt so lost. She felt like she was in a dark room and the bottom was falling from under her. Everything that had given her roots was being torn apart and she didn't know which way to turn to.
Was she really like that? The portrait Alec had painted of herself had been like a slap in the face. And it had hurt even more than the punch he'd given her.
The immediate rage that flared when she remembered that particular event of the night died out even faster when she recalled just how wrong she'd been to judge him. She hadn't even let him talk. Oh no, she knew better. And again Alec had been blamed for Ben's sins.
But this time he didn't take it. She was no Manticore with dozens of guards armed with tazers and guns to keep its soldiers under control. She was just a stupid girl with a bigger mouth than brain apparently.
And after everything, if it hadn't been for Will and Biggs he would still be there, and that was the part that really tore into her. She'd realized then that he'd broken all ties with her. He'd rather stay in prison, where no doubt White would've caught him, than accept her help.
Of course that wasn't entirely true. He must have known the guys were coming. And it's not like he couldn't have gotten himself out if things got really bad. He was only making a statement. Her head saw the truth in that, but her heart didn't see past the hurt she felt.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Alec had gone to sleep, after hours of turning and tossing around the bed. But shortly after finally falling asleep something woke him. He lay in bed trying to pinpoint what exactly had roused him from his troubled sleep.
When he didn't hear anything else for several minutes he started to relax again, thinking he must have woken on his own. The moment he closed his eyes he heard a small sound coming from outside the room. The apartment had two bedrooms and that meant Will slept on the sofa bed. It must have been Will that woke him.
Alec got out of bed and threw on some sweatpants and a T-shirt, it got really cold in the middle of the night. Soundlessly he walked out of the room and approached Biggs' door. Hearing his friend's even breathing inside, he turned around and headed for the couch.
Will was asleep, and dreaming obviously. And nothing pleasant if the way he kept mumbling and whimpering and moving his arms trying to reach something was any indication.
Alec was about to shake him lightly to wake him when Will jerked upright with a gasp. After looking around trying to get his bearings he saw Alec standing by his bed with a sympathetic look. Will closed his eyes and took deep breaths. Without saying a word he backed up and made room for Alec to sit down with him.
"Jade?" Alec asked softly, already knowing the answer but giving Will the chance to talk if he wanted.
Will just nodded. His eyes still closed, but his body more relaxed. He didn't say anything, he knew Alec didn't really expect him to. They'd been here lots of times before. He'd lost count of how many times it had been him that had woken Alec from a nightmare. And Alec had been there for him when he woke up feeling like he wanted to burst out crying over Jade too many times to keep track of. They had already shared the details of their somewhat similar stories before. They didn't need to rehash the whole thing now.
Will's nightmares always reminded Alec of Rachel. When they were still at Manticore, down in the basement in solitary, they were in adjoining cells, and they used to wake each other up with their nightmares. The psychological torture over, they were left down there for weeks. Once they recovered enough to blink on their own the nightmares came. And the bastards left them there alone to dwell on their misery before hauling them to re-indoctrination. After that it was back to the basement. Next to each other again.
They still got the nightmares, and they still woke each other up. They just didn't know what had caused them anymore.
Alec hadn't been surprised when on his second night in the apartment Will had woken him up with a cry of despair. Alec wasn't sure if Will remembered. After all, he wouldn't remember if he hadn't gone back to the Berrisford estate by chance. But one look at Will's desolate eyes, so full of horror, anxiety and guilt, so much guilt, had told Alec all he needed to know. Will remembered all right. And something in his own eyes must have told Will that he himself knew what happened.
Will had mumbled something and Alec had sat down next to him, asking him to repeat.
"Jade." Will had said and seeing the look of confusion in Alec's eyes he'd explained. "637? That never suited her. I call her Jade. She had the greenest eyes I've ever seen."
Alec kept thinking over the times they'd shared their burdens until Will's voice brought him back to the present.
"You still think about her?"
Rachel. The name filled Alec's mind. He'd told Will about their last encounter that second night. "Yes." He said simply.
"I don't want to ever forget about her, Alec. Not even if I found someone else. I want all the memories. Even the most painful ones. It's all I have left of her." Will's eyes were shining with the tears he didn't want to shed. "I can't lose that, too."
Alec said nothing for a long while. He couldn't bear the emotional pain his friend was in. Especially when he'd been there himself so often. Finally, he sighed, realising that his next words might close tonight's topic but it would open a whole new can of worms come morning. Still, he owed it to Will. Alec looked at his friend, their eyes locking and surrendered.
"I haven't forgotten. Not a single thing."
Will kept his eyes on Alec's for a long moment and then nodded, silently thanking him for putting his need for reassurance over Alec's own need to keep denying his feelings; acknowledging Alec's words and their meaning.
Alec stayed with Will until morning. Their night of mourning past chances and lost loves over, he headed back to his room intent on sleeping for a few hours.
His back to Will, Alec didn't see the smile that lit his friend's face.
'Today is another day.' Will thought. Alec had finally voiced his feelings. He had given Will all the ammunition he needed to go to war now. And win. And Alec knew it as well as he did. Will lay back down, following Alec's example. Sleep seemed like a really good idea.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It had been three days since the jail incident and everyone had kept their distance. As much as working in the same place allowed them to, of course. Cindy had tried to make amends with Alec, and he'd let her. It was a start. But he hadn't talked to Max at all.
Will had left Alec deal with things on his own. But Alec's way of dealing was very similar to not doing anything and that just didn't work for Will. So the morning of the fourth day found Will waiting outside Max and OC's building. When he saw OC leave for work alone Will had to thank Max's habit of being always late.
He knocked on the door and waited. When he didn't hear anything inside for a long while, he decided to take the easiest way and just picked the lock. Once inside he strained his ears to find Max. She was in her bedroom but her breathing wasn't even enough for her to be sleeping so he just called out to her. "Max! I know you're in there and I know you're awake. Can you come out here, please?"
Max must have been lost in thought and that was why she hadn't heard him come in, he hadn't made much noise because that just wasn't in his nature but he hadn't tried to be soundless. The moment he started talking he heard movement inside. Rustling of clothes and her feet padding across the room. A few moments later she came out.
"Will?" Max asked perplexed. "What are you doing here?"
"I thought we should talk. I knocked but you didn't answer. And I really needed to see you so... I hope you don't mind." Will said.
Max seemed to think about it for a second before she started walking for the kitchen, talking over her shoulder. "No, that's ok. I didn't hear you. Coffee?"
"No, thanks. I already had breakfast." He said, following her to the kitchen and standing at the counter in the other side. "Are you interested in him?" Max froze in the middle of setting the coffee maker and Will added. "I don't mean specifically in a romantic way, Max. As a friend, are you even remotely interested in being his friend?"
Max didn't have to think about that one. "Yes." She said, absolutely sure of that fact. She had no idea what her feelings were beyond that, but she wanted to be Alec's friend.
Will nodded, accepting her word, before adding, "Don't ever talk to him like that. Ever."
'Alec's told him!' Max turned around, her eyes wide at the thought, and shame washed over her again. She didn't know what to say, but Will didn't give her a chance to talk.
"He didn't tell me." He said, reading her like an open book. "I was there."
It was Max's turn to nod. She should have known. Even if Will had just arrived when he spoke up in that cell he should've been able to hear them a while before, especially inside that duct where the sound travelled easily. "He made it pretty clear that he wouldn't stand for it." She said in a neutral voice. This conversation was taking a turn towards hurting and she didn't want to show her emotions to Will.
"You don't understand, Max." Will said, shaking his head. "Alec might punch you, like he said he would, he might snap or lash out at you again and then turn his back on you and leave, walking with his head held high... but inside, it would break him. He won't be able to get over that. Not now that he's tried to open your eyes. He did it before, when you hadn't bothered to look at him, but he's showed himself to you now. And if you treat him like you've been doing until now, you'll lose him completely." Will paused before adding, "That's the reason he hasn't let himself go near you."
The coffee forgotten, Max was taking in every word Will said. She knew she had been doing it wrong for a long time and she'd feared she wouldn't get another chance. But Will seemed to think she did, and she had to be careful.
No one said anything for a while, both lost in thought. Finally, Will broke the silence again.
"Do you have any idea the kind of leap of faith he's taken for you? He didn't want to. He fought it tooth and nails. But in the end there was nothing for him to do but accept it. He's overcome hell and a pain so deep and intense that you could never know. He thought he would never be able to do it. Not again. Not after the last time." Will's voice deepened with his own raw pain. "He's taken a huge chance. Do you realize how truly special you are to him, how highly he has to think of you... or at least a part of you, for him to allow himself to open up again to the possibility of feeling, of caring for someone again? I don't know if I could do it..." He trailed off.
Max's face had been reflecting a myriad of emotions, against her will, but the last sentence picked her curiosity. Will seemed to be speaking from first-hand experience about Alec's personal tragedy.
Will saw the question in her eyes. He wasn't about to spill his own story, but he could use his experience to try and open Max's eyes to the suffering Alec had gone through. Max had been witness to some of it, it shouldn't be that hard.
"You were there when he remembered Rachel. You saw how bad he took it, how much it was tearing him up inside. You can't even begin to imagine what it feels like to suddenly realize they made you forget the most important thing in your life. The guilt for betraying the memory of the person you love. The only thing you had left of her and you let them take it away..." Will took a deep breath to calm himself, trying to get a hold of his emotions, his pain. "You don't know what is like to be dragged into that room, knowing what's about to happen, vowing to her with everything you have left that you will never forget her... And then one day, years later... years, Max... the smallest and most insignificant thing like a stupid figurine made of jade, or a buzzer, hits you like a sledgehammer with the realization that you did forget... that you broke your vow... that you let her down... That you caused her death... that you're to blame..."
Max felt the tears rising in her eyes. It was obvious to her Will had experienced all that too. He wasn't speaking of Alec now, but of himself. And still, he knew Alec felt the same way. She didn't know what to say. What can you say when faced with such pain? Sorry for your loss? She closed her eyes, not being able to see his pain anymore, his eyes...
Will swallowed hard, the lump in his throat making it difficult. "I think I've said enough. I can't make you change your mind just because I want you to. Or because Alec needs you to. You have to find it in yourself." He walked to the door. "I hope you can." He added before leaving.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Max didn't make it to work that day. She spent hours just thinking. Remembering every time she'd been in Alec's presence, since the beginning. Especially the time around the Berrisford incident. She had really been blind. She had wanted to be blind.
Maybe it was time to open her eyes, the way everyone around her wanted her to.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"You did it, didn't you?"
Will was startled to hear Alec. He was supposed to be at work for another hour. "Huh?"
"Max didn't come to work today. Normal's been threatening to fire her all day. And OC had no idea what was wrong. Neither did I until Biggs said something about you having an errand to run this morning... I put two and two together and I came up with Will the meddler." Alec's voice was stern.
He'd thought Will was going to forget his words from the other night. After all it had been three days. He should have known better.
"Would it help if I told you I don't know what you're talking about?" Will tried.
"It soooooo wouldn't." Alec glared at him. "Couldn't you just leave it alone, Will?"
"No." Will said sadly. "I'm sorry, Alec, but I couldn't."
"What happened?" Alec couldn't help but ask.
Will smiled faintly. "We talked... well, I talked, mostly. But she was listening." He assured Alec, he had seen it in her eyes. "I don't know what will happen now. It is still up to her. But I had to tell her."
"Tell her what?" Alec asked alarmed.
"To open her eyes. Just that."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Maybe it all came down to taking a first step. The rest, whatever that would be, would come later.
After weeks of doing much thinking and reconsidering, Max's mind kept going back to that thought. There hadn't been much improvement in their interaction. Alec still didn't seek her out, but thankfully, at least on her part, they saw each other every day. Her first attempt at conversation had been awkward and strained. But it got better with time. It had been as simple, and at the same time as hard, as respecting him. No more 'shut up' every time he opened his mouth, no more physical abuse because she needed the release, no more using him whenever she needed him without acknowledging his merit. She even started asking him for help instead of demanding it.
It all sounded so easy, but it had taken a lot of conscious effort on her part. Which only reminded her of how unjustly she had been treating him.
She thought she had finally convinced him that it wasn't a fluke caused by one particular incident. That she was trying to change. And so she wanted to take the natural first step. Knowing him.
Maybe it all came down to taking a first step. The rest, whatever that would be, would come later.
The thought flashed in her mind again while she stood outside Alec's door. She knew he was there, and she knew he was alone.
'This is it.' She thought. 'My first step.' With a small smile, she knocked on the door and waited for Alec to let her in.
The End
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A/N: I am writing a sequel for this but I don't know when it'll be ready.
Please review.