Romeo and Juliet
**
NoV: Welcome back.
Phibby: By that she means stop reading this fic.
NoV: Oh, be quiet, you sloth.
Phibby: Sloth? Interesting wording.
NoV: I had to come up with it on short notice! It's why they call it a comeback!!
Valgaav: Who is 'they,' anyway? Does anybody know?
Zelgadis: Really. It's so freaky. We always talk about them, but do we actually know who they are?
Valgaav: It's a mystery.
NoV: (rolls eyes) Well, it's finally happened, you guys!!
Xelloss: (gasp) You've hit puberty??
NoV: Very funny. No, I got a great fanart for Romeo and Juliet!! Anybody who wants it need but ask and I'll send it, so long as I have access to your e-mail.
Amelia: It's a beautiful picture!!
NoV: My best buddy, Kimi-san drew it for me. ^_^
Lina: I don't particularly like it.
Amelia: Why not, Miss Lina?
Lina: It's got me there, which is good, but it's got Xelloss on it too, and I don't like that.
Xelloss: Oh, you KNOW you love me! ^.^
Lina: Bleck. Namagomi.
Filia: Is he bothering you, Lina? If he is-(pulls out mace)
Lina: I can fight my own fights, thank-you.
Xelloss: Hee. ^.^
Filia: I'll get you next time, namagomi.
Xelloss: I anticipate it, Fi-chan!
Filia: Don't you dare call me that, you blasted mazoku!!!
NoV: Let's get started. Zelgadis, Lina, I need the two of you out there now.
Zelgadis: Oh-kay.
Lina: Let's go.
(Lina and Zel go on-stage)
Zelgadis: Welcome, gentlemen! How long is't now since last yourself and I were in a mask?
(back-stage)
NoV: Yai!!! Why didn't I get enough people for this thing??
Xelloss: Because you're an idiot.
NoV: Thank-you. Bishounen, I-
Bishounen: FORget it.
NoV: But, Bishounen!
Bishounen: Why don't YOU go out there and be whatever you need?
NoV: Because, I-hey! That's not a bad idea! Glad I thought of it!! (tosses on some boyish clothing) See ya later! I'm a genius and a star!! (slides on- stage) By'r Lady, thirty years!
Zelgadis: (gapes) ..Nova-chan?
NoV: (Winks)
Zelgadis: (Shakes his head) What, man! 'tis not so much, 'tis not so much.
NoV: 'Tis more, 'tis more; his son is elder, sir. His son is thirty.
Zelgadis: Will you tell me that? His son was but a ward two years ago.
(back-stage)
Xelloss: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, but I have to go make myself known. (slips on-stage) What lady is that which doth enrich the hand of yonder knight?
NoV: I know not, sir.
Xelloss: O! she doth teach the torches to burn bright. It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night like a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear; beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear! So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows, as yonder lady o'er her fellow shows.
NoV: (hisses) Gaav! Get your butt out here!
(back-stage)
Gaav: I'm needed. How cute. (slowly strides on-stage) This, by his voice, should be a Montague. Fetch me my rapier, boy..is a rapier what I think it is?
NoV: (sigh) No.
Gaav: Oh-kay. What! dares the slave come hither, cover'd with an antick face, to fleer and scorn at our solemnity? Now, by the stock and honour of my kin, to strike him dead I hold it not a sin. As a matter of fact..
Xelloss: (nervous look)
NoV: Gaav, bad! Down boy. You do this right, (grabs his collar) or you'll get no Gaav-treats!
Gaav: (gulps) Oh-kay.
Zelgadis: Continuing, why, how now, kinsman! Wherefore storm you so?
Gaav: Uncle, this is a Montague, our foe; a villain that is hither to come in spite, to scorn at our solemnity this night.
Zelgadis: Young Romeo, is it?
Gaav: 'Tis he, that villain Romeo.
Xelloss: Me? A villain? What a dreadful assumption!
Zelgadis: Content thee, gentle coz, let him alone: he bears him like a portly gentleman; and, to say truth, Verona brags of him to be a virtuous and well-govern'd youth. I would not for the wealth of all this town here in my house do him disparagement; therefore be patient, take no note of him: it is my will; the which if thou respect, show a fair presence and put off these frowns, an ill-beseeming semblance for a feast. (sigh) That was a mouthful.
Gaav: In fits, when such a villain is a guest: I'll not endure him. (glares at Xelloss, and mouths 'I hate you')
Xelloss: (mouths 'I get to kill you')
Zelgadis: He shall be endur'd: what! goodman boy; I say, he shall, go to; am I the master here, or you? Go to. You'll not endure him! God shall mend my soul! You'll make a mutiny among my guests! You will set cock-a-hoop!
Minna: Cock-a-hoop??
Zelgadis: It's in the script, oh-kay.
Xelloss: SURE it is.
Zelgadis: You'll be the man!
Xelloss: You da man!
Gaav: Why, uncle, 'tis a shame.
Zelgadis: Go to, go to; you are a saucy boy-
Xelloss: Ooh, Gaav, I think Zel likes you.
Zelgadis: Would you shut up?? -is't so indeed?-this trick may chance to scathe you. -I know what: you must contrary me! marry, 'tis time. Well said, my hearts! You are a princox; go: be quiet, or-more light, more light!-for shame! I'll make you quiet.
Xelloss: OOH! Gaav's in trouble, Gaav's in trouble!
Gaav: I am very, very close to ripping your head out of its socket.
Xelloss: I've always wanted to do that.
Zelgadis: What! cheerly, my hearts!
Gaav: Patience perforce with wilful choler meeting makes my flesh tremble in their different greeting. I will withdraw; but this intrusion shall now seeming sweet convert to bitter gall.
Xelloss: (clapping) That was wonderful, Gaav-chan! Beautiful performance!
Gaav: Oh-kay, now I'm ready to figure out just how easy it is to rip off your head!!
NoV: Oh-kay, Zel, Gaav, let's go back-stage, time for the Pilgrim's Kiss scene. (pushes them behind the curtain) Lina, you're on.
Lina: Hang on. Let me hyperventilate. Oh-kay, I'm ready. (stomps on-stage)
Xelloss: (grabs Lina's hand) If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this; my lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.
Lina: Aaggg..good pilgrim, (snatches her hand back) you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this; for saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmer's kiss.
Xelloss: Then kiss me, Juliet! Kiss me passionately and rid me of my pain!! (jumps into Lina's arms)
Lina: (topples over) Itai..why you!! Fireball!!
Xelloss: (scorched) Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?
Lina: Better. Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.
Xelloss: O! then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do..that is a very dirty line.
NoV: Xelloss!!
Xelloss: They pray. (grumble) There goes my chance at 'screwing' the play. Get it?
Minna: Xelloss!!
Xelloss: Oh-kay, oh-kay, chill out. Grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.
Lina: Saints do not move, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.
Xelloss: Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purg'd. (moves closer)
Lina: (mouths 'fake it or die')
Xelloss: (gets close enough to kiss, then quickly pushes away from her) Ew! Girl cooties!
Minna: -.-0
Lina: (sighs in relief) Then have my lips that sin that they have tool.
Xelloss: Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urg'd! Give me my sin again! (kisses Lina)
Lina: ACCK!!! XELLOSS GERMS!! DISINFECT ME DISINFECT ME!!
Filia: I'm coming, Lina!! (pours a bucket of disinfectant on her)
Lina: (drenched) ..(flatly) Thank-you, Filia.
Filia: Anytime. (glares at Xelloss) Baka.
Xelloss: (fake crying) Nobody loves me!!
NoV: Can we get on with this??
Lina: You kiss by the book.
Filia: Madam, your mother craves a word with you.
Xelloss: What is her mother? (adds dryly) A penguin?
Filia: Marry, bachelor, her mother is the lady of the house, and a good lady, and a wise, and virtuous-
(back-stage)
Amelia: (Swells with pride) I TOLD YOU, ZELAS!! CAPULET QUEEN IS THE BEST!!
Zelas: But I'm the strongest.
Amelia: But I'm the smartest.
Zelas: But I'm the prettiest.
Amelia: But I'm the cutest.
Zelas: But I'm the oldest.
Amelia: But I have darker hair.
Zelas: But I have better legs.
Amelia: But I have better breasts.
Zelgadis (to Valgaav) Help me.
Zelas: Oh, I wouldn't say that, if I were you. What are you, a size A-? (laughs)
Amelia: Very funny. Just because mine aren't exposed doesn't mean they're smaller.
Phibby: I shouldn't be hearing this. I'm just a cute, lil kid.
Zelas: Well, yours appear bigger because YOU'RE wearing a push-up bra!!
Amelia: (gasps) I am not!!
Zelas: I can see straight through that disgusting little shirt of yours! Push-up.
Amelia: (cries) Mr. Zelgadis, it's not true!!
Zelgadis: (tries to bury himself in a closet)
(on-stage)
Filia: I nurs'd her daughter, that you talk'd withal; I tell you he that can lay hold of her shall have the chinks.
Xelloss: Hey, is chinks a disease? Because if it is, I don't know about us dating anymore.
Lina: Oh, be quiet, moron.
Xelloss: Is she a Capulet? O dear account! My life is in my foe's debt.
NoV: Go Gourry.
Gourry: Hi!
Xelloss: Ay, so I fear; the more is my unrest.
NoV: Zelgadis.
Zelgadis: (walks on-stage) Nay, gentlemen, prepare not to be gone.
(everyone except Lina and Filia leaves)
Lina: Come hither, nurse. What is yond gentleman?
Filia: The son and heir of old Tiberio.
Lina: What's he that now is going out of door?
Filia: Marry; that, I think, be young Pertruchio.
Lina: What's he, that follows there that would not dance?
Filia: I know not.
Lina: Go, ask his name. -If he be married, my grave is like to be my wedding-bed.
Filia: His name is Romeo, and a Montague; the only son of your great enemy.
Lina: My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late! Prodigious birth of love it is to me, that I must love a loathed enemy.
Filia: What's this, what's this?
Lina: A rime I learn'd even now of one I danc'd withal.
Filia: Anon, anon! Come, let's away; the strangers are all gone.
(both go back-stage)
NoV: (bursting with joy) Did you guys catch all of that? Such symbolism! Such foreshadowing! Such imagery! It's beautiful.
Xelloss: You have spent WAY too much time in English class.
NoV: Oh, whatever. Anyway, tell me if you want the fanart piccie, and join us for the next exiting installment of Romeo and Juliet!!
**
NoV: Welcome back.
Phibby: By that she means stop reading this fic.
NoV: Oh, be quiet, you sloth.
Phibby: Sloth? Interesting wording.
NoV: I had to come up with it on short notice! It's why they call it a comeback!!
Valgaav: Who is 'they,' anyway? Does anybody know?
Zelgadis: Really. It's so freaky. We always talk about them, but do we actually know who they are?
Valgaav: It's a mystery.
NoV: (rolls eyes) Well, it's finally happened, you guys!!
Xelloss: (gasp) You've hit puberty??
NoV: Very funny. No, I got a great fanart for Romeo and Juliet!! Anybody who wants it need but ask and I'll send it, so long as I have access to your e-mail.
Amelia: It's a beautiful picture!!
NoV: My best buddy, Kimi-san drew it for me. ^_^
Lina: I don't particularly like it.
Amelia: Why not, Miss Lina?
Lina: It's got me there, which is good, but it's got Xelloss on it too, and I don't like that.
Xelloss: Oh, you KNOW you love me! ^.^
Lina: Bleck. Namagomi.
Filia: Is he bothering you, Lina? If he is-(pulls out mace)
Lina: I can fight my own fights, thank-you.
Xelloss: Hee. ^.^
Filia: I'll get you next time, namagomi.
Xelloss: I anticipate it, Fi-chan!
Filia: Don't you dare call me that, you blasted mazoku!!!
NoV: Let's get started. Zelgadis, Lina, I need the two of you out there now.
Zelgadis: Oh-kay.
Lina: Let's go.
(Lina and Zel go on-stage)
Zelgadis: Welcome, gentlemen! How long is't now since last yourself and I were in a mask?
(back-stage)
NoV: Yai!!! Why didn't I get enough people for this thing??
Xelloss: Because you're an idiot.
NoV: Thank-you. Bishounen, I-
Bishounen: FORget it.
NoV: But, Bishounen!
Bishounen: Why don't YOU go out there and be whatever you need?
NoV: Because, I-hey! That's not a bad idea! Glad I thought of it!! (tosses on some boyish clothing) See ya later! I'm a genius and a star!! (slides on- stage) By'r Lady, thirty years!
Zelgadis: (gapes) ..Nova-chan?
NoV: (Winks)
Zelgadis: (Shakes his head) What, man! 'tis not so much, 'tis not so much.
NoV: 'Tis more, 'tis more; his son is elder, sir. His son is thirty.
Zelgadis: Will you tell me that? His son was but a ward two years ago.
(back-stage)
Xelloss: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, but I have to go make myself known. (slips on-stage) What lady is that which doth enrich the hand of yonder knight?
NoV: I know not, sir.
Xelloss: O! she doth teach the torches to burn bright. It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night like a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear; beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear! So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows, as yonder lady o'er her fellow shows.
NoV: (hisses) Gaav! Get your butt out here!
(back-stage)
Gaav: I'm needed. How cute. (slowly strides on-stage) This, by his voice, should be a Montague. Fetch me my rapier, boy..is a rapier what I think it is?
NoV: (sigh) No.
Gaav: Oh-kay. What! dares the slave come hither, cover'd with an antick face, to fleer and scorn at our solemnity? Now, by the stock and honour of my kin, to strike him dead I hold it not a sin. As a matter of fact..
Xelloss: (nervous look)
NoV: Gaav, bad! Down boy. You do this right, (grabs his collar) or you'll get no Gaav-treats!
Gaav: (gulps) Oh-kay.
Zelgadis: Continuing, why, how now, kinsman! Wherefore storm you so?
Gaav: Uncle, this is a Montague, our foe; a villain that is hither to come in spite, to scorn at our solemnity this night.
Zelgadis: Young Romeo, is it?
Gaav: 'Tis he, that villain Romeo.
Xelloss: Me? A villain? What a dreadful assumption!
Zelgadis: Content thee, gentle coz, let him alone: he bears him like a portly gentleman; and, to say truth, Verona brags of him to be a virtuous and well-govern'd youth. I would not for the wealth of all this town here in my house do him disparagement; therefore be patient, take no note of him: it is my will; the which if thou respect, show a fair presence and put off these frowns, an ill-beseeming semblance for a feast. (sigh) That was a mouthful.
Gaav: In fits, when such a villain is a guest: I'll not endure him. (glares at Xelloss, and mouths 'I hate you')
Xelloss: (mouths 'I get to kill you')
Zelgadis: He shall be endur'd: what! goodman boy; I say, he shall, go to; am I the master here, or you? Go to. You'll not endure him! God shall mend my soul! You'll make a mutiny among my guests! You will set cock-a-hoop!
Minna: Cock-a-hoop??
Zelgadis: It's in the script, oh-kay.
Xelloss: SURE it is.
Zelgadis: You'll be the man!
Xelloss: You da man!
Gaav: Why, uncle, 'tis a shame.
Zelgadis: Go to, go to; you are a saucy boy-
Xelloss: Ooh, Gaav, I think Zel likes you.
Zelgadis: Would you shut up?? -is't so indeed?-this trick may chance to scathe you. -I know what: you must contrary me! marry, 'tis time. Well said, my hearts! You are a princox; go: be quiet, or-more light, more light!-for shame! I'll make you quiet.
Xelloss: OOH! Gaav's in trouble, Gaav's in trouble!
Gaav: I am very, very close to ripping your head out of its socket.
Xelloss: I've always wanted to do that.
Zelgadis: What! cheerly, my hearts!
Gaav: Patience perforce with wilful choler meeting makes my flesh tremble in their different greeting. I will withdraw; but this intrusion shall now seeming sweet convert to bitter gall.
Xelloss: (clapping) That was wonderful, Gaav-chan! Beautiful performance!
Gaav: Oh-kay, now I'm ready to figure out just how easy it is to rip off your head!!
NoV: Oh-kay, Zel, Gaav, let's go back-stage, time for the Pilgrim's Kiss scene. (pushes them behind the curtain) Lina, you're on.
Lina: Hang on. Let me hyperventilate. Oh-kay, I'm ready. (stomps on-stage)
Xelloss: (grabs Lina's hand) If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this; my lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.
Lina: Aaggg..good pilgrim, (snatches her hand back) you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this; for saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmer's kiss.
Xelloss: Then kiss me, Juliet! Kiss me passionately and rid me of my pain!! (jumps into Lina's arms)
Lina: (topples over) Itai..why you!! Fireball!!
Xelloss: (scorched) Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?
Lina: Better. Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.
Xelloss: O! then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do..that is a very dirty line.
NoV: Xelloss!!
Xelloss: They pray. (grumble) There goes my chance at 'screwing' the play. Get it?
Minna: Xelloss!!
Xelloss: Oh-kay, oh-kay, chill out. Grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.
Lina: Saints do not move, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.
Xelloss: Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purg'd. (moves closer)
Lina: (mouths 'fake it or die')
Xelloss: (gets close enough to kiss, then quickly pushes away from her) Ew! Girl cooties!
Minna: -.-0
Lina: (sighs in relief) Then have my lips that sin that they have tool.
Xelloss: Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urg'd! Give me my sin again! (kisses Lina)
Lina: ACCK!!! XELLOSS GERMS!! DISINFECT ME DISINFECT ME!!
Filia: I'm coming, Lina!! (pours a bucket of disinfectant on her)
Lina: (drenched) ..(flatly) Thank-you, Filia.
Filia: Anytime. (glares at Xelloss) Baka.
Xelloss: (fake crying) Nobody loves me!!
NoV: Can we get on with this??
Lina: You kiss by the book.
Filia: Madam, your mother craves a word with you.
Xelloss: What is her mother? (adds dryly) A penguin?
Filia: Marry, bachelor, her mother is the lady of the house, and a good lady, and a wise, and virtuous-
(back-stage)
Amelia: (Swells with pride) I TOLD YOU, ZELAS!! CAPULET QUEEN IS THE BEST!!
Zelas: But I'm the strongest.
Amelia: But I'm the smartest.
Zelas: But I'm the prettiest.
Amelia: But I'm the cutest.
Zelas: But I'm the oldest.
Amelia: But I have darker hair.
Zelas: But I have better legs.
Amelia: But I have better breasts.
Zelgadis (to Valgaav) Help me.
Zelas: Oh, I wouldn't say that, if I were you. What are you, a size A-? (laughs)
Amelia: Very funny. Just because mine aren't exposed doesn't mean they're smaller.
Phibby: I shouldn't be hearing this. I'm just a cute, lil kid.
Zelas: Well, yours appear bigger because YOU'RE wearing a push-up bra!!
Amelia: (gasps) I am not!!
Zelas: I can see straight through that disgusting little shirt of yours! Push-up.
Amelia: (cries) Mr. Zelgadis, it's not true!!
Zelgadis: (tries to bury himself in a closet)
(on-stage)
Filia: I nurs'd her daughter, that you talk'd withal; I tell you he that can lay hold of her shall have the chinks.
Xelloss: Hey, is chinks a disease? Because if it is, I don't know about us dating anymore.
Lina: Oh, be quiet, moron.
Xelloss: Is she a Capulet? O dear account! My life is in my foe's debt.
NoV: Go Gourry.
Gourry: Hi!
Xelloss: Ay, so I fear; the more is my unrest.
NoV: Zelgadis.
Zelgadis: (walks on-stage) Nay, gentlemen, prepare not to be gone.
(everyone except Lina and Filia leaves)
Lina: Come hither, nurse. What is yond gentleman?
Filia: The son and heir of old Tiberio.
Lina: What's he that now is going out of door?
Filia: Marry; that, I think, be young Pertruchio.
Lina: What's he, that follows there that would not dance?
Filia: I know not.
Lina: Go, ask his name. -If he be married, my grave is like to be my wedding-bed.
Filia: His name is Romeo, and a Montague; the only son of your great enemy.
Lina: My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late! Prodigious birth of love it is to me, that I must love a loathed enemy.
Filia: What's this, what's this?
Lina: A rime I learn'd even now of one I danc'd withal.
Filia: Anon, anon! Come, let's away; the strangers are all gone.
(both go back-stage)
NoV: (bursting with joy) Did you guys catch all of that? Such symbolism! Such foreshadowing! Such imagery! It's beautiful.
Xelloss: You have spent WAY too much time in English class.
NoV: Oh, whatever. Anyway, tell me if you want the fanart piccie, and join us for the next exiting installment of Romeo and Juliet!!