Romeo and Juliet
**
NoV: ^.^ Hello peoples!
Xelloss: Greeting earthlings!
NoV: Welcome to another installment of Romeo an Juliet! We're just sitting around, basically doing nothing whatsoever, getting ready to do the balcony scene!
Lina: Which fully and completely disgusts me.
NoV: Well, I can't very well have Filia doing it, can I?
Xelloss: Yes, you can!
Filia: AAGG!! (runs into the wall)
Minna: -.-0
Xelloss: ..no, you can't.
NoV: Anyways, Bishounen, tell the audience what you're doing.
Bishounen: Do I hafta?
NoV: Yes.
Bishounen: (sigh) I'm doing the hula for their entertainment.
NoV: And it's lovely entertainment, too.
Bishounen: I don't like swinging my hips in public!
NoV: But we like to watch it. And isn't our satisfaction more important than yours?
Bishounen: (stops dancing abruptly) I am a prince! And I am indignant!
NoV: (huffs) Fine. It's time to start the scene, anyway. Romeo? Juliet? I need you out there. Lina, wait until Xelloss' first line, and then "appear" in the window.
Lina: (sighs) Oh-kay.
Xelloss: (struts on-stage) He jests at scars, that never felt a wound.
Lina: (walks up to the balcony; poses)
Xelloss: But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Lina Inverse is the sun!
(back-stage)
NoV: WHAT!! That's not in the script!! (pokes Bishounen) What is he doing??
Bishounen: Maybe it slipped?
NoV: You cannot 'slip' in Shakespeare!!!
(on-stage)
Lina: o.o
Xelloss: Arise, fair Lina, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief, that thou her maid art far more fair than she: be not her maid, since she is envious; her vestal livery is but sick and green, and none but fools do wear it; cast it off. It is my lady; o! it is my life: O! that she knew she were.
Lina: (slumps against the railing)
Xelloss: She speaks, yet she says nothing: what of that? Her eye discourses; I will answer it. I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks: two of the fairest stars in all the heaven having some business do entreat her eye to twinkle in their spheres till they return. What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
Lina: (the railing suddenly falls, as does she) AAAHH!!! (plop)
Xelloss: (sweatdrops as Lina staggers to her feet) Um..the lady falls.
Lina: (darkly mutters) Yes, and the idiotic man in the ridiculous outfit dies. (begins to climb back up to the balcony)
Xelloss: See! How she leans her cheek upon her hand: O! that I were a glove upon that hand..eww, sweaty Lina-palms.
Lina: (turns around to glare at him in mid-climb, mouths "you're dead")
Xelloss: (mouths "no I'm not") ..That I might touch that cheek. Oooh. How I would love to touch your cheeks.
Lina: Hentai.
Xelloss: Psst. 'Ay me.'
Lina: (yells really loud) I KNOW MY LINES, YOU BAKA!!!
Audience: (stares and gawks)
Lina: (light blush) Um..ay me!
Xelloss: She speaks..how is 'ay me' speaking? I'd like to know.
(back-stage)
NoV: My play..is very sad.
(on-stage)
Xelloss: O! speak again, bright angel; for thou art as glorious to this night, being o'er my head, as is a winged messenger of hell---
Lina: XELLOSS!! It's heaven!!!
Xelloss: Same difference.
Lina: (growls)
Xelloss: Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes of mortals, that fall back to gaze on him when he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds, and sails upon the bosom of the air..Air has a bosom?
Minna: Xelloss!!
Lina: O Romeo, Romeo! (mutters) How I wish to kill thee. Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny they father, and refuse thy name; or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet.
Xelloss: Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
Lina: 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; thou art thyself though, not a Montague. What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man.
Xelloss: Oh my badness! Juliet is a hentai!! Run away!!!!
Lina: (scowls) O! be some other name: what's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet; so Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd, retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title.
Xelloss: Lina-chan! You think I'm...perfect?? Oh, I could just burst with tears!!
Lina: (tries to keep going without paying Xelloss any attention) Romeo, doff thy name; and for that name, which is no part of thee, take all myself.
(back-stage)
Kopii: (cough, sputter)
Rezo: (sputter, cough)
Phibby: Do I have another part soon? Huh?
NoV: (angry look) Not if you do that say everything backwards thing again.
Phibby: Who me?
NoV: Grr..
Gourry: (eating grapes that Sylphiel is dangling above him) Keep 'em comin!
Sylphiel: (gleeful) Yes, of course, Gourry-dear!
Gaav: You know I really hate you?
Milgasia: (monotone) I thought you loved me.
Gaav: What??
Milgasia: Just kidding.
Gaav: I would SO love to kill you right now.
Martina: (wearing glasses, holding a clipboard) Now, tell me when these feelings began.
Zelgadis: (laying on a psychiatrist's couch, sniffles) Well, when I was a little child, he took me fishing, and bought me Sugary Sugared Sugar- frosted Sugar Lumps, but then, one day, he turned me into-into-a FREAK!!!! (cries)
Martina: (scribbles something down) And, you?
Valgaav: (laying on an identical couch) It all started when I was an egg..
(on-stage)
Xelloss: I take thee at thy word. Call me but love, and I'll be new baptiz'd; henceforth I never will be Romeo.
Lina: (finally makes it back up to the balcony, smoothens her hair) What man art thou, that, thus bescreen'd in night, so stumblest on my counsel?
Xelloss: By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: my name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, because it is an enemy to thee: had I written it, I would tear the word. If I had planted it, I would rip it up out of the ground. Had I ate it, I would have regurgitated it. Had I-
NoV: Xelloss! Quit ad-libbing!
Xelloss: So-RRY! Some people just don't know how to take anything!
Lina: My ears have not yet drunk-
Xelloss: Your ears are drunk?
Lina: (clears her throat) I say, my ears have not yet drunk-
Xelloss: Oh! Oh-kay!
Lina: --a hundred words of that tongue's uttering, yet I know the sound: art thou not Romeo, and a Montague.
Xelloss: Neither, fair maid, if either thee dislike. (thinks for a moment) You know, this Romeo guy? I think he might have the hots for Juliet?
Minna: -.-0
Lina: Did you just now figure that out?
Xelloss: Um..yes.
Lina: How cam'st thou hither, tell me, and wherefore? The orchard walls are high and hard to climb, and the place death, considering who thou art, if any of my kinsmen find thee here.
Xelloss: With hatred's light wings-
NoV: It's 'love's light wings,' you dummy!!
Xelloss: Yes, but that's too disgusting.
NoV: (sigh) Fine, fine.
Xelloss: --did I o'erperch these walls; for stony limits cannot hold love out, and what love can do that dares love attempt; therefore thy kinsmen are no stop to me.
(back-stage)
Bishounen: (walks in with a rather large bag)
NoV: Hi Bish. Where've you been?
Bishounen: (glomps the bag) No where.
NoV: What's in the bag?
Bishounen: (squishes the bag) Nothing! (the bag squeaks) Um.. (peeks in the bag) Phew.
NoV: Lemme see!!
Bishounen: (gets down on his knees) Can I keep him?? Please!!!
NoV: (opens the bag, pulls out a bunny) Kawaii!!! (squeezes bunny) What's his name??
Bishounen: Johannn Sebastian Bach.
NoV: o.0 Interesting name..
(on-stage)
Lina: If they do see thee they will murder thee. Which wouldn't be a bad thing by any means.
Xelloss: I hack! ..I mean, alack! There lies more peril in thine eye than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet, and I am proof against their enmity.
Lina: I would not for the world they saw thee here.
Xelloss: I have night's cloak to hide me from their eyes; and but thou love me, let them find me here; my life were better ended by their hate, than death prorogued, wanting of thy love.
Lina: But whose dire-
Gaav: (suddenly appears in front of Xelloss and Lina on the stage) Ladies and gentleman...
(back-stage)
NoV: (rubs already throbbing head) What now?
(on-stage)
Gaav: Tonight, not only do you have the opportunity to witness this disgusting soppy mess of a play, but I will grant to you the feat that no mere mortal has ever been granted! Yes, I, Mary-ou Gaav, am going to take off my trenchcoat!!
Minna: (look queasy)
Gaav: (begins to unbutton)
Xelloss: (cheers) Ooh! Take it off! Take it ALL off!!
Phibby: (looks sick) I'm just a kid! I shouldn't have to witness this horror!
Gaav: (is halfway done with the buttons) Too late. I've already made up my mind and no one can stop me.
Lina: (hurls over the balcony) Oh..I didn't need this.
Gaav: (teasingly) Only one button left! (rips off the trenchcoat) Ta-da!!!
Minna: !!!o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o!!!
Gaav: (has another head under his trenchcoat) Finally, I came to terms with my other head.
Other Head of Gaav: Hi!
Xelloss: (is at a loss) I-I-
Filia: (faints)
Phibby: (begins to vomit)
OhoG: My name is Ernest!
Gaav: (begins to sniffle) Ernest and I..we haven't always gotten along..so I wore this big-abomination over him to try and keep him away from the sun...so he would grow very, very pale.
NoV: This..makes no sense, whatsoever.
Milgasia: Ew.
Ernest: And I did grow pale. And now I have to wear tanning powder that makes me look like I'm not very, very pale.
Gaav: My hatred of my other head nearly lead to him being ugly. But, now, we get along as well as a couple of heads can!
Xelloss: I-I-I-
Lina: Oh-kay, back to reality Gaav..and Ernest. Get off the stage!!
Gaav: Fine! (leave)
Ernest: Hmph!
(both leave)
Lina: (Clears her throat) By whose direction found'st thou this place?
Xelloss: I-I-
Lina: A-hem! By whose direction found'st thou this place??
Xelloss: I-I-
Lina: XELLOSS!! WAKE UP!!!
Xelloss: I-I-I WASN'T READY FOR THIS!!! (faints)
Lina: -.-0
(back-stage)
NoV: (bonks head on wall) Well, there goes my career as a playwright. I'll never get my big break now.
Bishounen: Never fear!! For I, hokori-jin Bishounen no ouji, can fill in for Xelloss!
NoV: I would rather eat kibbles 'n bits.
Xelloss: (has swirly eyes) Two..
Gaav: I knew someone would have a problem with this.
Ernest: He must be twoheadaphobic.
NoV: Xelloss!! (shakes him) Wake up!! I need you!!
Xelloss: (suddenly oh-kay) You need me? Then, I'm no longer expendable!!
NoV: ..right. Now, go perform.
Xelloss: Oh, I'd be happy to perform, Miss NoV-chan...
Amelia: MR. XELLOSS!!!!
Xelloss: Yes, Amelia. (goes on-stage) A-hem. By L-Looo...the L word, that first did prompt me to inquire; he lent me counsel, and I lent him eyes. I am no pilot; yet wert thou as far as the vast shore wash'd with the furthest sea, I would adventure for such merchandise.
Lina: Zzzzzzzzzzzz...
Xelloss: O!
Lina: What?? Where I am?? Oh..that's right. In hell. Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face. Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek. But thou over-heard'st, ere I was ware, my true love's passion: therefore pardon me, and not impute this yielding to light love, which the dark night hath so discovered.
Xelloss: Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear that tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops-
Lina: O! swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon. That monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable.
Xelloss: What shall I swear by? The cheese?
Lina: Do not swear at all; or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, which is the god of my idolatry, and I'll believe thee.
(back-stage)
Martina: So, Ernest, I..um...haven't seen you around here before..
Gaav: (Whispers) Watch out. I think she likes you.
Ernest: Uh oh. Listen, Marty, you're nice and all, but I like to stick to my own kind.
Martina: (looms over Gaav and Ernest) WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN????
Ernest: Um..I'm...kind of...a mazoku.
Martina: Wha-another one?? (faints)
Gourry: (covers her with a giant blanket) Poor Martina.
Sylphiel: Gourry-dear!! Come back and eat your yummy grapes!
Gourry: Coming!
(on-stage)
Xelloss: If my heart's dear love-
Lina: Well, do not swear. Although I joy in thee, I have no joy of this contract to-night: it is too rash, too unadvis'd, too sudden; too like the lightning, which doth cease to be ere one can say it lightens. Sweet, good- night! This but of love, by summer's ripening breath, may prove a beauteous flower when next we meet. Good-night. Good-night! As sweet repose and rest come to thy heart as that with my breast!
Xelloss: Which is very, very small.
Lina: (clonks him)
Xelloss: O! wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?
Lina: What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?
Xelloss: Oh, well, I can think of many, many things I could have satisfaction in tonight..
Lina: Say one more out-of-line word, and I'll kill you.
Xelloss: The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.
Lina: I gave thee mine before thou didst request it; and yet I would it were to give again.
Xelloss: Wouldst thou withdraw it? for hat purpose, love?
Lina: But to be frank, and five it thee again.
(back-stage)
NoV: Ready, Filia?
Filia: (grumbles) As I'll ever be. (Turns to Valgaav) Be good, Val-honey! Filia-momma will be right back! (steps toward the curtain)
Lina: And yet I wish but for the thing I have: My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love is deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.
Filia: Juliet!
Lina: I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu! Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true. Say but a little, I will come again.
Xelloss: O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard, being in night, all this is but a dream, too flattering to be substantial.
Lina: Three words, dear Romeo, and good-night indeed. If that thy bent of love be honourable, thy purpose marriage, send me word to-morrow, by one that I'll procure to come to thee, where, and what time, thou wilt perform the rite; and all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay, and follow thee my lord throughout the world.
(back-stage)
Bishounen: NoV?
NoV: Yes?
Bishounen: I really like your play.
Nov: Aw! (huggles him) Thank-you, Bishy.
Rezo: (Gurgle)
Kopii: (sputter)
Zelgadis: So, have you tried coffee? It works wonders for fragile nerves.
Valgaav: Does it? I've always thought tea was the best. It never helps much. I'll have to try it.
(on-stage)
Filia: Madam!!
Lina: I come, anon. -But if thou mean'st not well, I do beseech thee,--
Filia: (getting impatient) MADAM!!
Lina: By and by; I come;--to cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief. To- morrow will I send.
Xelloss: So thrive my soul,--
Lina: A thousand times good-night!
Xelloss: A thousand times the worse, to want thy light. Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from their books; but love from love, toward school with heavy looks. (begins to float away)
NoV: Xelloss! Stop floating, baka!
Xelloss: :p
Lina: Hist! Romeo, hist! O! for a falconer's voice; to lure this tassel- gentle back again. Bondage is hoarse, and may not speak aloud, else would I tear the cave where Echo lies-
Xelloss: Echo, the dolphin!! I like the part where the squid-
Lina: (loudly clears her throat) -and make her airy tongue more hoarse than mine, with repetition of my Romeo's name.
Xelloss: It is my soul that calls upon my name: how silver-sweet sound lo- looo---the L word's tongues by night, like softest music to attending ear.
Lina: Romeo!
Xelloss: Filia!
Filia: Namagomi!!
Gourry: Zelgadis?
Zelgadis: Valgaav.
Valgaav: Mom!
Sylphiel: Gourry-dear!
NoV: You guys!!
Milgasia: It's a very funny joke.
Phibby: Gaav!!
Gaav: Ernest!
Ernest: Gaav!
Martina: Mazoku..
Zelas: (leers) Amelia!
Amelia: (frightened) Mr. Zelgadis!
Bishounen: Bishounen!
NoV: Stop!!!
(on-stage)
Lina: Umm..at what o'clock to-morrow shall I send to thee?
Xelloss: At the hour of nine.
Lina: I will not fail; 'tis twenty years till then.
Xelloss: It is?
Lina: Shut up!! I have forgot why I did call thee back.
Xelloss: 'Cuz you wuv me!
Lina: Grrr..
Xelloss: Let me stand here till thou remember it.
Lina: I shall forget, to have thee still stand there, remembering how I love thy company.
Xelloss: And I'll still stay, to have thee still forget, forgetting any other home but this.
Lina: 'Tis almost morning; I would have thee gone; and yet no further than a wanton's bird-
Xelloss: One time Gourry was trying to stuff this wanton in his mouth, and it fell off the chopsticks and-
Lina: WHO LETS IT HOP A LITTLE FROM HER HAND, like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves, and with a silk thread plucks it back again, so loving- jealous of his liberty.
Xelloss: I would I were thy bird. (funny look) What kind of a sappy phrase was that?
Lina: Sweet, so would I: yet I should kill thee with much cherishing. Good- night! Good-night! Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say good-night till it be morrow.
Xelloss: Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast! (adds) It would have to be a very tiny peace.
Lina: (tries to reach out and bap him, but he floats away)
Xelloss: Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest! Hence will I to my ghostly father's cell, his help to crave, and my dear hap to tell.
(both leave)
NoV: Well, that was a very painful installment. Join us next time, if you dare!
**
NoV: ^.^ Hello peoples!
Xelloss: Greeting earthlings!
NoV: Welcome to another installment of Romeo an Juliet! We're just sitting around, basically doing nothing whatsoever, getting ready to do the balcony scene!
Lina: Which fully and completely disgusts me.
NoV: Well, I can't very well have Filia doing it, can I?
Xelloss: Yes, you can!
Filia: AAGG!! (runs into the wall)
Minna: -.-0
Xelloss: ..no, you can't.
NoV: Anyways, Bishounen, tell the audience what you're doing.
Bishounen: Do I hafta?
NoV: Yes.
Bishounen: (sigh) I'm doing the hula for their entertainment.
NoV: And it's lovely entertainment, too.
Bishounen: I don't like swinging my hips in public!
NoV: But we like to watch it. And isn't our satisfaction more important than yours?
Bishounen: (stops dancing abruptly) I am a prince! And I am indignant!
NoV: (huffs) Fine. It's time to start the scene, anyway. Romeo? Juliet? I need you out there. Lina, wait until Xelloss' first line, and then "appear" in the window.
Lina: (sighs) Oh-kay.
Xelloss: (struts on-stage) He jests at scars, that never felt a wound.
Lina: (walks up to the balcony; poses)
Xelloss: But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Lina Inverse is the sun!
(back-stage)
NoV: WHAT!! That's not in the script!! (pokes Bishounen) What is he doing??
Bishounen: Maybe it slipped?
NoV: You cannot 'slip' in Shakespeare!!!
(on-stage)
Lina: o.o
Xelloss: Arise, fair Lina, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief, that thou her maid art far more fair than she: be not her maid, since she is envious; her vestal livery is but sick and green, and none but fools do wear it; cast it off. It is my lady; o! it is my life: O! that she knew she were.
Lina: (slumps against the railing)
Xelloss: She speaks, yet she says nothing: what of that? Her eye discourses; I will answer it. I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks: two of the fairest stars in all the heaven having some business do entreat her eye to twinkle in their spheres till they return. What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
Lina: (the railing suddenly falls, as does she) AAAHH!!! (plop)
Xelloss: (sweatdrops as Lina staggers to her feet) Um..the lady falls.
Lina: (darkly mutters) Yes, and the idiotic man in the ridiculous outfit dies. (begins to climb back up to the balcony)
Xelloss: See! How she leans her cheek upon her hand: O! that I were a glove upon that hand..eww, sweaty Lina-palms.
Lina: (turns around to glare at him in mid-climb, mouths "you're dead")
Xelloss: (mouths "no I'm not") ..That I might touch that cheek. Oooh. How I would love to touch your cheeks.
Lina: Hentai.
Xelloss: Psst. 'Ay me.'
Lina: (yells really loud) I KNOW MY LINES, YOU BAKA!!!
Audience: (stares and gawks)
Lina: (light blush) Um..ay me!
Xelloss: She speaks..how is 'ay me' speaking? I'd like to know.
(back-stage)
NoV: My play..is very sad.
(on-stage)
Xelloss: O! speak again, bright angel; for thou art as glorious to this night, being o'er my head, as is a winged messenger of hell---
Lina: XELLOSS!! It's heaven!!!
Xelloss: Same difference.
Lina: (growls)
Xelloss: Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes of mortals, that fall back to gaze on him when he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds, and sails upon the bosom of the air..Air has a bosom?
Minna: Xelloss!!
Lina: O Romeo, Romeo! (mutters) How I wish to kill thee. Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny they father, and refuse thy name; or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet.
Xelloss: Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
Lina: 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; thou art thyself though, not a Montague. What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man.
Xelloss: Oh my badness! Juliet is a hentai!! Run away!!!!
Lina: (scowls) O! be some other name: what's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet; so Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd, retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title.
Xelloss: Lina-chan! You think I'm...perfect?? Oh, I could just burst with tears!!
Lina: (tries to keep going without paying Xelloss any attention) Romeo, doff thy name; and for that name, which is no part of thee, take all myself.
(back-stage)
Kopii: (cough, sputter)
Rezo: (sputter, cough)
Phibby: Do I have another part soon? Huh?
NoV: (angry look) Not if you do that say everything backwards thing again.
Phibby: Who me?
NoV: Grr..
Gourry: (eating grapes that Sylphiel is dangling above him) Keep 'em comin!
Sylphiel: (gleeful) Yes, of course, Gourry-dear!
Gaav: You know I really hate you?
Milgasia: (monotone) I thought you loved me.
Gaav: What??
Milgasia: Just kidding.
Gaav: I would SO love to kill you right now.
Martina: (wearing glasses, holding a clipboard) Now, tell me when these feelings began.
Zelgadis: (laying on a psychiatrist's couch, sniffles) Well, when I was a little child, he took me fishing, and bought me Sugary Sugared Sugar- frosted Sugar Lumps, but then, one day, he turned me into-into-a FREAK!!!! (cries)
Martina: (scribbles something down) And, you?
Valgaav: (laying on an identical couch) It all started when I was an egg..
(on-stage)
Xelloss: I take thee at thy word. Call me but love, and I'll be new baptiz'd; henceforth I never will be Romeo.
Lina: (finally makes it back up to the balcony, smoothens her hair) What man art thou, that, thus bescreen'd in night, so stumblest on my counsel?
Xelloss: By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: my name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, because it is an enemy to thee: had I written it, I would tear the word. If I had planted it, I would rip it up out of the ground. Had I ate it, I would have regurgitated it. Had I-
NoV: Xelloss! Quit ad-libbing!
Xelloss: So-RRY! Some people just don't know how to take anything!
Lina: My ears have not yet drunk-
Xelloss: Your ears are drunk?
Lina: (clears her throat) I say, my ears have not yet drunk-
Xelloss: Oh! Oh-kay!
Lina: --a hundred words of that tongue's uttering, yet I know the sound: art thou not Romeo, and a Montague.
Xelloss: Neither, fair maid, if either thee dislike. (thinks for a moment) You know, this Romeo guy? I think he might have the hots for Juliet?
Minna: -.-0
Lina: Did you just now figure that out?
Xelloss: Um..yes.
Lina: How cam'st thou hither, tell me, and wherefore? The orchard walls are high and hard to climb, and the place death, considering who thou art, if any of my kinsmen find thee here.
Xelloss: With hatred's light wings-
NoV: It's 'love's light wings,' you dummy!!
Xelloss: Yes, but that's too disgusting.
NoV: (sigh) Fine, fine.
Xelloss: --did I o'erperch these walls; for stony limits cannot hold love out, and what love can do that dares love attempt; therefore thy kinsmen are no stop to me.
(back-stage)
Bishounen: (walks in with a rather large bag)
NoV: Hi Bish. Where've you been?
Bishounen: (glomps the bag) No where.
NoV: What's in the bag?
Bishounen: (squishes the bag) Nothing! (the bag squeaks) Um.. (peeks in the bag) Phew.
NoV: Lemme see!!
Bishounen: (gets down on his knees) Can I keep him?? Please!!!
NoV: (opens the bag, pulls out a bunny) Kawaii!!! (squeezes bunny) What's his name??
Bishounen: Johannn Sebastian Bach.
NoV: o.0 Interesting name..
(on-stage)
Lina: If they do see thee they will murder thee. Which wouldn't be a bad thing by any means.
Xelloss: I hack! ..I mean, alack! There lies more peril in thine eye than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet, and I am proof against their enmity.
Lina: I would not for the world they saw thee here.
Xelloss: I have night's cloak to hide me from their eyes; and but thou love me, let them find me here; my life were better ended by their hate, than death prorogued, wanting of thy love.
Lina: But whose dire-
Gaav: (suddenly appears in front of Xelloss and Lina on the stage) Ladies and gentleman...
(back-stage)
NoV: (rubs already throbbing head) What now?
(on-stage)
Gaav: Tonight, not only do you have the opportunity to witness this disgusting soppy mess of a play, but I will grant to you the feat that no mere mortal has ever been granted! Yes, I, Mary-ou Gaav, am going to take off my trenchcoat!!
Minna: (look queasy)
Gaav: (begins to unbutton)
Xelloss: (cheers) Ooh! Take it off! Take it ALL off!!
Phibby: (looks sick) I'm just a kid! I shouldn't have to witness this horror!
Gaav: (is halfway done with the buttons) Too late. I've already made up my mind and no one can stop me.
Lina: (hurls over the balcony) Oh..I didn't need this.
Gaav: (teasingly) Only one button left! (rips off the trenchcoat) Ta-da!!!
Minna: !!!o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o!!!
Gaav: (has another head under his trenchcoat) Finally, I came to terms with my other head.
Other Head of Gaav: Hi!
Xelloss: (is at a loss) I-I-
Filia: (faints)
Phibby: (begins to vomit)
OhoG: My name is Ernest!
Gaav: (begins to sniffle) Ernest and I..we haven't always gotten along..so I wore this big-abomination over him to try and keep him away from the sun...so he would grow very, very pale.
NoV: This..makes no sense, whatsoever.
Milgasia: Ew.
Ernest: And I did grow pale. And now I have to wear tanning powder that makes me look like I'm not very, very pale.
Gaav: My hatred of my other head nearly lead to him being ugly. But, now, we get along as well as a couple of heads can!
Xelloss: I-I-I-
Lina: Oh-kay, back to reality Gaav..and Ernest. Get off the stage!!
Gaav: Fine! (leave)
Ernest: Hmph!
(both leave)
Lina: (Clears her throat) By whose direction found'st thou this place?
Xelloss: I-I-
Lina: A-hem! By whose direction found'st thou this place??
Xelloss: I-I-
Lina: XELLOSS!! WAKE UP!!!
Xelloss: I-I-I WASN'T READY FOR THIS!!! (faints)
Lina: -.-0
(back-stage)
NoV: (bonks head on wall) Well, there goes my career as a playwright. I'll never get my big break now.
Bishounen: Never fear!! For I, hokori-jin Bishounen no ouji, can fill in for Xelloss!
NoV: I would rather eat kibbles 'n bits.
Xelloss: (has swirly eyes) Two..
Gaav: I knew someone would have a problem with this.
Ernest: He must be twoheadaphobic.
NoV: Xelloss!! (shakes him) Wake up!! I need you!!
Xelloss: (suddenly oh-kay) You need me? Then, I'm no longer expendable!!
NoV: ..right. Now, go perform.
Xelloss: Oh, I'd be happy to perform, Miss NoV-chan...
Amelia: MR. XELLOSS!!!!
Xelloss: Yes, Amelia. (goes on-stage) A-hem. By L-Looo...the L word, that first did prompt me to inquire; he lent me counsel, and I lent him eyes. I am no pilot; yet wert thou as far as the vast shore wash'd with the furthest sea, I would adventure for such merchandise.
Lina: Zzzzzzzzzzzz...
Xelloss: O!
Lina: What?? Where I am?? Oh..that's right. In hell. Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face. Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek. But thou over-heard'st, ere I was ware, my true love's passion: therefore pardon me, and not impute this yielding to light love, which the dark night hath so discovered.
Xelloss: Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear that tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops-
Lina: O! swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon. That monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable.
Xelloss: What shall I swear by? The cheese?
Lina: Do not swear at all; or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, which is the god of my idolatry, and I'll believe thee.
(back-stage)
Martina: So, Ernest, I..um...haven't seen you around here before..
Gaav: (Whispers) Watch out. I think she likes you.
Ernest: Uh oh. Listen, Marty, you're nice and all, but I like to stick to my own kind.
Martina: (looms over Gaav and Ernest) WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN????
Ernest: Um..I'm...kind of...a mazoku.
Martina: Wha-another one?? (faints)
Gourry: (covers her with a giant blanket) Poor Martina.
Sylphiel: Gourry-dear!! Come back and eat your yummy grapes!
Gourry: Coming!
(on-stage)
Xelloss: If my heart's dear love-
Lina: Well, do not swear. Although I joy in thee, I have no joy of this contract to-night: it is too rash, too unadvis'd, too sudden; too like the lightning, which doth cease to be ere one can say it lightens. Sweet, good- night! This but of love, by summer's ripening breath, may prove a beauteous flower when next we meet. Good-night. Good-night! As sweet repose and rest come to thy heart as that with my breast!
Xelloss: Which is very, very small.
Lina: (clonks him)
Xelloss: O! wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?
Lina: What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?
Xelloss: Oh, well, I can think of many, many things I could have satisfaction in tonight..
Lina: Say one more out-of-line word, and I'll kill you.
Xelloss: The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.
Lina: I gave thee mine before thou didst request it; and yet I would it were to give again.
Xelloss: Wouldst thou withdraw it? for hat purpose, love?
Lina: But to be frank, and five it thee again.
(back-stage)
NoV: Ready, Filia?
Filia: (grumbles) As I'll ever be. (Turns to Valgaav) Be good, Val-honey! Filia-momma will be right back! (steps toward the curtain)
Lina: And yet I wish but for the thing I have: My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love is deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.
Filia: Juliet!
Lina: I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu! Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true. Say but a little, I will come again.
Xelloss: O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard, being in night, all this is but a dream, too flattering to be substantial.
Lina: Three words, dear Romeo, and good-night indeed. If that thy bent of love be honourable, thy purpose marriage, send me word to-morrow, by one that I'll procure to come to thee, where, and what time, thou wilt perform the rite; and all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay, and follow thee my lord throughout the world.
(back-stage)
Bishounen: NoV?
NoV: Yes?
Bishounen: I really like your play.
Nov: Aw! (huggles him) Thank-you, Bishy.
Rezo: (Gurgle)
Kopii: (sputter)
Zelgadis: So, have you tried coffee? It works wonders for fragile nerves.
Valgaav: Does it? I've always thought tea was the best. It never helps much. I'll have to try it.
(on-stage)
Filia: Madam!!
Lina: I come, anon. -But if thou mean'st not well, I do beseech thee,--
Filia: (getting impatient) MADAM!!
Lina: By and by; I come;--to cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief. To- morrow will I send.
Xelloss: So thrive my soul,--
Lina: A thousand times good-night!
Xelloss: A thousand times the worse, to want thy light. Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from their books; but love from love, toward school with heavy looks. (begins to float away)
NoV: Xelloss! Stop floating, baka!
Xelloss: :p
Lina: Hist! Romeo, hist! O! for a falconer's voice; to lure this tassel- gentle back again. Bondage is hoarse, and may not speak aloud, else would I tear the cave where Echo lies-
Xelloss: Echo, the dolphin!! I like the part where the squid-
Lina: (loudly clears her throat) -and make her airy tongue more hoarse than mine, with repetition of my Romeo's name.
Xelloss: It is my soul that calls upon my name: how silver-sweet sound lo- looo---the L word's tongues by night, like softest music to attending ear.
Lina: Romeo!
Xelloss: Filia!
Filia: Namagomi!!
Gourry: Zelgadis?
Zelgadis: Valgaav.
Valgaav: Mom!
Sylphiel: Gourry-dear!
NoV: You guys!!
Milgasia: It's a very funny joke.
Phibby: Gaav!!
Gaav: Ernest!
Ernest: Gaav!
Martina: Mazoku..
Zelas: (leers) Amelia!
Amelia: (frightened) Mr. Zelgadis!
Bishounen: Bishounen!
NoV: Stop!!!
(on-stage)
Lina: Umm..at what o'clock to-morrow shall I send to thee?
Xelloss: At the hour of nine.
Lina: I will not fail; 'tis twenty years till then.
Xelloss: It is?
Lina: Shut up!! I have forgot why I did call thee back.
Xelloss: 'Cuz you wuv me!
Lina: Grrr..
Xelloss: Let me stand here till thou remember it.
Lina: I shall forget, to have thee still stand there, remembering how I love thy company.
Xelloss: And I'll still stay, to have thee still forget, forgetting any other home but this.
Lina: 'Tis almost morning; I would have thee gone; and yet no further than a wanton's bird-
Xelloss: One time Gourry was trying to stuff this wanton in his mouth, and it fell off the chopsticks and-
Lina: WHO LETS IT HOP A LITTLE FROM HER HAND, like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves, and with a silk thread plucks it back again, so loving- jealous of his liberty.
Xelloss: I would I were thy bird. (funny look) What kind of a sappy phrase was that?
Lina: Sweet, so would I: yet I should kill thee with much cherishing. Good- night! Good-night! Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say good-night till it be morrow.
Xelloss: Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast! (adds) It would have to be a very tiny peace.
Lina: (tries to reach out and bap him, but he floats away)
Xelloss: Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest! Hence will I to my ghostly father's cell, his help to crave, and my dear hap to tell.
(both leave)
NoV: Well, that was a very painful installment. Join us next time, if you dare!